"That's not it," I a.s.sured her. "It's more a question of att.i.tude."

"You know," she said, "I have this tremendously sensitive back. The soft touch of fingers all over ... mmmmm."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Hey, why don't we go now and see a dirty movie?" Midori suggested. "A real, filthy S and M one."

We went from the bar to an eel shop, and from there to one of Shinjuku's most run-down theaters for an adult triple feature. It was the only place we could find in the paper that was showing S&M stuff. Inside, the theater had some kind of undefinable smell. Our timing was good: the S&M feature was just starting as we took our seats. It was the story of a secretary and her high-school-age sister being kidnapped by a bunch of men and subjected to s.a.d.i.s.tic torture. The men get the older one to do all kinds of awful things by threatening to rape the younger sister, but soon the older sister is transformed into a raging m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t, and the younger one goes crazy from having to watch all the contortions they put her through. It was such a gloomy, repet.i.tive film, I got a little bored after a while.

"If I were the younger sister, I wouldn't go crazy so easily," said Midori. "I'd keep watching."

"I'm sure you would," I said.

"And anyway, don't you think her nipples are too dark for a high school girl-a virgin?"

"Absolutely."

Midori's eyes were glued to the screen. I was impressed: anyone watching a movie with such fierce intensity was getting more than her money's worth. She kept reporting her thoughts to me: "OmiG.o.d, will you look at that," or "Three guys at once! They're going to tear her open!" or "I'd like to try that on somebody, Watanabe." I was enjoying Midori a lot more than the movie.

When the lights went up during intermission, I realized there were no other women in the theater. One young guy sitting near us-probably a student-took a look at Midori and changed his seat to the far side.

"Tell me, Watanabe, do you get hard watching this kind of stuff?"

"Well, sure, sometimes," I said. "That's why they make make these movies." these movies."

"So what you're saying is, every time one of those scenes starts, every guy in the theater has his thing standing at attention? Thirty or forty of them standing up all at once? It's so weird if you stop and think about it, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I guess so, now that you mention it."

The second feature was a fairly normal s.e.x flick, which meant it was even more boring than the first. It had lots of oral s.e.x scenes, and every time they started doing f.e.l.l.a.t.i.o or c.u.n.n.i.l.i.n.g.u.s or sixty-nine the soundtrack would fill the theater with loud sucking or slurping sound effects. Listening to them, I felt strangely moved to think that I was living out my life on this odd planet of ours.

"Who comes up with these sounds, I wonder," I said to Midori.

"I think they're great!" great!" she said. she said.

There was also a sound for a p.e.n.i.s moving back and forth in a v.a.g.i.n.a. I had never realized that such sounds even existed. The man was into a lot of heavy breathing, and the woman came up with the usual sort of expressions-"good" or "more"-as she writhed under him. You could also hear the bed creaking. These scenes just went on and on. Midori seemed to be enjoying them at first, but even she got bored after a while and suggested we leave. We went outside and took a few deep breaths. This was the first time in my life the outside air of Shinjuku felt healthy to me.

"That was fun," said Midori. "Let's try it again sometime."

"They just keep doing the same things," I said.

"Well, what else can they do? We all just keep doing the same things."

She had a point there.

We found another bar and ordered drinks. I had more whiskey, and Midori drank three or four c.o.c.ktails of some indefinable sort. Outside again, Midori said she wanted to climb a tree.

"There aren't any trees around here," I said. "And even if there were, you're too wobbly to do any climbing."

"You're always so d.a.m.n sensible, you ruin everything. I'm drunk 'cause I wanna be drunk. What's wrong with that? And even if I am am drunk, I can drunk, I can still climb a tree. h.e.l.l, I'm gonna climb all the way to the top of a great, big, tall tree and I'm gonna pee all over everybody!" still climb a tree. h.e.l.l, I'm gonna climb all the way to the top of a great, big, tall tree and I'm gonna pee all over everybody!"

"You wouldn't happen to be needing to go to the bathroom by any chance?"

"Yup."

I took Midori to a pay toilet in Shinjuku Station, put a coin in the slot and got her inside, then bought an evening paper at a nearby stand and read it while I waited for her to come out. But she didn't come out. I started getting worried after fifteen minutes and was ready to go check on her when she finally emerged looking kind of pale.

"Sorry," she said. "I fell asleep on the toilet."

"Are you O.K.?" I asked, putting my coat over her shoulders.

"Not really," she said.

"I'll take you home. You just have to get home, take a nice, long bath and go to bed. You're exhausted."

"I am not not going home. What's the point? n.o.body's there. I don't want to sleep all by myself in a place like that." going home. What's the point? n.o.body's there. I don't want to sleep all by myself in a place like that."

"Terrific," I said. "So what are you going to do?"

"Go to some love hotel around here and sleep with your arms around me all night. Like a log. Tomorrow morning we'll have breakfast somewhere and go to school together."

"You were planning this all along, weren't you? That's why you called me up."

"Of course."

"You should have called your boyfriend, not me. That's the only thing that makes sense. That's what boyfriends are for."

"But I want to be with you."

"You can't be with me," I said. "First of all, I have to be back in the dorm by midnight. Otherwise, I'll break curfew. The one time I did that I had h.e.l.l to pay. And second, if I go to bed with a girl, I'm going to want to do it with her, and I sure as h.e.l.l don't want to lie there struggling to restrain myself. I'm not kidding, I might end up forcing you."

"You mean you'd hit me and tie me up and rape me from behind?"

"Hey, look, I'm serious."

"But I'm so lonely! I want to be be with someone! I know I'm doing terrible things to you, making demands and not giving you anything in return, saying whatever pops into my head, dragging you out of your room and forcing you to take me everywhere, but you're the only one I can with someone! I know I'm doing terrible things to you, making demands and not giving you anything in return, saying whatever pops into my head, dragging you out of your room and forcing you to take me everywhere, but you're the only one I can do do stuff stuff like that to! I have never been able to have my own way with anybody, not once in the twenty years I've been alive. My father, my mother, they never paid the slightest attention to me, and my boyfriend, well, he's just not that kind of guy. He gets mad if I try to have my own way. So we end up fighting. You're the only one I can say these things to. And now I'm really really really tired and I want to fall asleep listening to someone tell me how much they like me and how pretty I am and stuff. That's all I want. And when I wake up, I'll be full of energy and I'll never bother you with these kinds of selfish demands again. I swear. I'll be a good girl." like that to! I have never been able to have my own way with anybody, not once in the twenty years I've been alive. My father, my mother, they never paid the slightest attention to me, and my boyfriend, well, he's just not that kind of guy. He gets mad if I try to have my own way. So we end up fighting. You're the only one I can say these things to. And now I'm really really really tired and I want to fall asleep listening to someone tell me how much they like me and how pretty I am and stuff. That's all I want. And when I wake up, I'll be full of energy and I'll never bother you with these kinds of selfish demands again. I swear. I'll be a good girl."

"I hear you, believe me, but there's nothing I can do."

"Oh, please! Otherwise, I'm going to sit right down here on the ground and cry my head off all night long. And I'll sleep with the first guy that talks to me."

That did it. I called the dorm and asked for Nagasawa. When he got on the phone I asked him if he would make it look as if I had come back for the evening. I was with a girl, I explained.

"Fine," he said. "It's a worthy cause, I'll be glad to help you out. I'll just turn over your name tag to the 'in' side. Don't worry. Take all the time you need. You can come in through my window in the morning."

"Thanks. I owe you one," I said, and hung up.

"All set?" Midori asked.

"Pretty much," I said with a sigh.

"Great, let's go to a disco, it's so early."

"Wait a minute, I thought you were tired."

"For something like this, I'm just fine."

"Oh, brother," I said.

AND SHE WAS RIGHT. We went to a disco, and her energy started coming back little by little as we danced. She drank two whiskey and c.o.kes, stayed on the dance floor until her forehead was drenched in sweat.

"This is so so much much fun!" fun!" she exclaimed when we took a break at a table. "I haven't danced like this in ages. I don't know, when you move your body, it's kind of like your spirit gets liberated." she exclaimed when we took a break at a table. "I haven't danced like this in ages. I don't know, when you move your body, it's kind of like your spirit gets liberated."

"Your spirit is spirit is always always liberated, I'd say." liberated, I'd say."

"No way," she said, shaking her head and smiling. "Anyhow, now that I'm feeling better, I'm starved! Let's go for pizza."

I took her to a pizza house I knew and ordered draught beer and an anchovy pizza. I wasn't very hungry and ate only four of the twelve slices. Midori finished the rest.

"You sure made a fast recovery," I said. "Not too long ago you were pale and wobbly."

"It's 'cause my selfish demands got through to somebody," she answered. "It unclogged me. Wow, this pizza is great!"

"Tell me, though. Is there really n.o.body at home?"

"It's true. My sister's staying at her friend's place. Now, that girl's got a real real case of the creeps. She can't sleep alone in the house if I'm not there." case of the creeps. She can't sleep alone in the house if I'm not there."

"Let's forget this love-hotel c.r.a.p, then. Going to a place like that just makes you feel cheap. Let's go to your house. You must have enough bedding for me?"

Midori thought about it for a minute, then nodded. "O.K., we'll spend the night at my place."

We took the Yamanote Line to Otsuka, and soon we were raising the metal shutter that sealed off the front of the Kobayashi Bookstore. A paper sign on the shutter read "Temporarily Closed." The smell of old paper filled the dark shop, as if the shutter had not been opened for a long time. Half the shelves were empty, and most of the magazines had been tied in bundles for returns. That hollow, chilly feeling I had experienced on my first visit had only deepened. The place looked like a hulk abandoned on the sh.o.r.e.

"You're not planning to open the shop again?" I asked.

"Nah, we're gonna sell it," Midori said. "We'll divide the money and live on our own for a while without anybody's 'protection.' My sister's getting married next year, and I've got three more years of school. We ought to make enough to see us through that much at least. I'll keep my parttime job, too. Once the place is sold, I'll live with my sister in an apartment for a while."

"You think somebody'll want to buy it?"

"Probably. I know somebody who wants to open a yarn shop. She's been asking me recently if I want to sell. Poor Papa, though. He worked so so hard to get this place, and he was paying off the loan he took out little by little, and in the end he hardly had anything left. It all melted away, like foam on a river." hard to get this place, and he was paying off the loan he took out little by little, and in the end he hardly had anything left. It all melted away, like foam on a river."

"He had you you, though," I said.

"Me?!" Midori said with a laugh. She took a deep breath and let it out. "Let's go upstairs. It's cold down here."

Upstairs, she sat me at the kitchen table and went to warm the bathwater. While she busied herself with that, I put a kettle on to boil and made tea. Waiting for the bath to heat up, we sat across from each other at the kitchen table and drank the tea. Chin in hand, she took a long, hard look at me. There were no sounds other than the ticking of the clock and the hum of the refrigerator motor, turning on and off as the thermostat kicked in and out. The clock showed that midnight was fast approaching.

"Y'know, Watanabe, study it hard enough, and you've got a pretty interesting face."

"Think so?" I asked, somewhat hurt.

"A nice face goes a long way with me," she said. "And yours ... well, the more I look at it, the more I get to thinking, 'He'll do.'"

"Me, too," I said. "Every once in a while, I think about myself, 'What the h.e.l.l, I'll do.'"

"Hey, I don't mean that in a bad way. I'm not very good at putting my feelings into words. That's why people misunderstand me. All I'm trying to say is I like you. Have I told you that before?"

"You have," I said.

"I mean, I'm not the only one who has trouble figuring out what men are all about. But I'm working at it, a little at a time."

Midori brought over a box of Marlboros and lit one up. "When you start at zero, you've got a lot to learn."

"I wouldn't be surprised."

"Oh, I almost forgot! You want to burn a stick of incense for my father?"

I followed Midori to the room with the Buddhist altar, lit a stick of incense in front of her father's photo, and brought my hands together.

"Know what I did the other day?" Midori asked. "I got all naked in front of my father's picture. Took off every st.i.tch of clothing and let him have a good, long look. Kind of in a yoga position. Like, 'Here, Daddy, these are my t.i.ts, and this is my c.u.n.t.'"

"Why in the h.e.l.l would you do something like that?" I asked.

"I don't know, I just wanted to show him. I mean, half of me comes from his sperm, right? Why shouldn't I show him? 'Here's the daughter you made.' I was was a little drunk at the time. I suppose that had something to do with it." a little drunk at the time. I suppose that had something to do with it."

"I suppose."

"My sister walked in and fell over. There I was in front of my father's memorial portrait all naked with my legs spread. I guess anybody'd be kinda surprised."

"I guess so."

"I explained why I was doing it and said, 'So take off your clothes and sit down next to me and show him, too, Momo' (her name's Momo), but she wouldn't do it. She went away shocked. She's got this really conservative streak."

"In other words, she's relatively normal, you mean," I said.

"Tell me, Watanabe, what did you think of my father?"

"I'm not good with people I've just met, but it didn't bother me being alone with him. I felt pretty comfortable with him. We talked about all kinds of stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Euripides," I said.

Midori laughed out loud. "You're so weird! n.o.body weird! n.o.body talks about Euripides with a dying person they've just met!" talks about Euripides with a dying person they've just met!"

"Well, n.o.body n.o.body sits in front of her father's memorial portrait with her legs spread, either!" sits in front of her father's memorial portrait with her legs spread, either!"

Midori chuckled and gave the altar bell a ring. "G'night, Daddy. We're going to have some fun now, so don't worry and get some sleep. You're not suffering anymore, right? You're dead, right? I'm sure you're not suffering. If you are, you'd better complain to the G.o.ds. Tell 'em it's just too cruel. I hope you meet Mommy and the two of you really do it. I saw your wee-wee when I helped you pee. It was pretty impressive! So give it everything you've got. G'night."