"Playing with girls all the time," muttered Naoko as if to herself.

I wanted to answer her, but I was too winded to speak. Every now and then, red birds with tufts on their heads would flit across our path, brilliant against the blue of the sky. The fields around us were filled with white and blue and yellow flowers, and bees buzzed everywhere. Moving ahead one step at a time, I thought of nothing but the scene pa.s.sing before my eyes. against the blue of the sky. The fields around us were filled with white and blue and yellow flowers, and bees buzzed everywhere. Moving ahead one step at a time, I thought of nothing but the scene pa.s.sing before my eyes.

The slope gave out after another ten minutes, and we entered a level plateau. We rested there, wiping the sweat off, catching our breath, and drinking from our water bottles. Reiko found a leaf and used it to make a whistle.

The trail entered a gentle downward grade amid tall, waving thickets of plume gra.s.s. We continued on for some fifteen minutes before pa.s.sing through a village. There were no signs of humanity here, and the dozen or so houses were all in varying states of decay. Waist-high gra.s.s grew among the houses, and dry, white gobs of pigeon droppings clung to holes in the walls. Only the pillars survived in the case of one collapsed building, while others looked ready to be lived in as soon as you opened the storm shutters. These dead, silent houses pressed against either side of the road as we slipped through.

"People lived in this village until seven or eight years ago," Reiko informed me. "This was farmland around here. But they all cleared out. Life was just too hard. They'd be trapped when the snow piled up in the winter. And the soil is not particularly fertile. They could make a better living in the city."

"What a waste," I said. "Some of the houses look perfectly usable."

"Some hippies tried living here at one point, but they gave up. Couldn't take the winters."

A little beyond the village we came to a big fenced area that seemed to be a pasture. Way over on the other side, I caught sight of a few horses grazing. We followed the fence line, and a big dog came running over to us, tail wagging. It stood up, leaning on Reiko, sniffing her face, then jumped playfully on Naoko. I whistled and it came over to me, licking my hand with its long tongue.

Naoko patted the dog's head and explained that the animal belonged to the pasture. "I'll bet he's close to twenty," she said. "His teeth are so bad, he can't eat much of anything hard. He sleeps in front of the shop all day, and he comes running when he hears footsteps."

Reiko took a sc.r.a.p of cheese from her knapsack. Catching its scent, the dog bounded over to her and chomped down on it.

"We won't be able to see this fellow much longer," said Reiko, patting the dog's head. "In the middle of October they put the horses and cows in trucks and take 'em down to the barn. The only time they let 'em graze is the summer, when they open a little coffeehouse kind of thing for the tourists. The 'tourists'! Maybe twenty hikers in a day. Say, how about something to drink?"

"Good idea," I said.

The dog led the way to the coffeehouse, a small, white house with a front porch and a faded sign in the shape of a coffee cup hanging from the eaves. He led us up the steps and stretched out on the porch, narrowing his eyes. When we took our places around a table on the porch, a girl with a ponytail and wearing a sweatshirt and white jeans came out and greeted Reiko and Naoko like old friends.

"This is a friend of Naoko's," said Reiko, introducing me.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," I answered.

While the three women traded small talk, I stroked the neck of the dog under the table. This was the hard, stringy neck of an old dog. When I scratched the lumpy spots, the dog closed his eyes and sighed with pleasure.

"What's his name?" I asked the girl.

"Pepe," she said.

"Hey, Pepe," I said to the dog, but he didn't budge.

"He's hard of hearing," said the girl. "You have to talk loud or he can't hear."

"Pepe!" I shouted. The dog opened his eyes and snapped to attention with a bark.

"Never mind, Pepe," said the girl. "Sleep more and live longer." Pepe flopped down again at my feet.

Naoko and Reiko ordered cold gla.s.ses of milk and I asked for a beer.

"Let's hear the radio," said Reiko. The girl switched on an amplifier and tuned in an FM station. Blood, Sweat and Tears came on with "Spinning Wheel."

Reiko looked pleased. "Now this this is what we're here for! We don't have radios in our rooms, so if I don't come here once in awhile, I don't have any idea what's playing out there." is what we're here for! We don't have radios in our rooms, so if I don't come here once in awhile, I don't have any idea what's playing out there."

"Do you sleep in this place?" I asked the girl.

"No way!" she laughed. "I'd die of loneliness if I spent the night here.

The pasture guy drives me into town and I come out again in the morning." She pointed toward a four-wheel-drive truck parked in front of the nearby pasture office.

"You've got a vacation coming up soon, too, right?" asked Reiko.

"Yeah, we'll be shutting up this place before too long," said the girl. Reiko offered her a cigarette, and the two had a smoke.

"I'll miss you," said Reiko.

"I'll be back in May, though," said the girl with a laugh.

Cream came on the radio with "White Room." After a commercial, it was Simon and Garfunkel's "Scarborough Fair."

"I like like that," said Reiko when it was over. that," said Reiko when it was over.

"I saw the movie," I said.

"Who's in it?"

"Dustin Hoffman."

"I don't know him," she said with a sad little shake of the head. "The world changes like mad, and I don't know what's happening."

She asked the girl for a guitar. "Sure," said the girl, switching off the radio and bringing out an old guitar. The dog raised its head and sniffed the instrument.

"You can't eat this," Reiko said with mock sternness. A gra.s.s-scented breeze swept over the porch. The mountains lay spread out before us, ridgeline sharp against the sky.

"It's like a scene from The Sound of Music," The Sound of Music," I said to Reiko as she tuned up. I said to Reiko as she tuned up.

"What's that?" she asked.

She strummed the guitar in search of the opening chord of "Scarborough Fair." This was apparently her first attempt at the song, but after a few false starts she got to where she could play it through without hesitating. She had it down pat the third time and even started adding a few flourishes. "Good ear," she said to me with a wink. "I can usually play just about anything if I hear it three times."

Softly humming the melody, she did a full rendition of "Scarborough Fair." The three of us applauded, and Reiko responded with a decorous bow of the head.

"I used to get more applause for a Mozart concerto," she said.

Her milk was on the house if she would play the Beatles' "Here Comes the Sun," said the girl. Reiko gave her a thumbs-up and launched into the song. Hers was not a full voice, and too much smoking had given it a husky edge, but it was lovely, with real presence. I almost felt as if the sun really were coming up again as I sat there listening and drinking beer and looking at the mountains. It was a soft, warm feeling. song. Hers was not a full voice, and too much smoking had given it a husky edge, but it was lovely, with real presence. I almost felt as if the sun really were coming up again as I sat there listening and drinking beer and looking at the mountains. It was a soft, warm feeling.

Reiko gave the guitar back and asked for more radio. Then she suggested to Naoko and me that we take an hour and hike around the area.

"I want to listen to the radio some more and hang out with her. If you come back by three, that should be O.K."

"Is it all right for us to be alone together so long?"

"Well, actually, it's against the rules, but what the h.e.l.l. I'm not a chaperone, after all. I could use a break. And you came all the way from Tokyo, I'm sure you've got a pile of stuff you want to talk about."

Reiko lit another cigarette as she spoke.

"Let's go," said Naoko, standing up.

I stood and started after her. The dog woke up and followed us a ways, but it soon lost interest and went back to its place on the porch. We strolled down a level road that followed the pasture fence. Naoko would take my hand every now and then or slip her arm under mine.

"This is kind of like the old days, isn't it?" she said.

"That wasn't 'the old days,'" I laughed. "It was spring of this year! If that was 'the old days,' ten years ago was ancient history."

"It feels like ancient history," said Naoko. "But anyhow, sorry about last night. I don't know, I was a bundle of nerves. I really shouldn't have done that after you came here all the way from Tokyo."

"Never mind," I said. "Both of us have a lot of feelings we need to get out in the open. So if you want to take those feelings and smash somebody with them, smash me. Then we can understand each other better."

"So if you understand me better, what then?"

"You don't get it, do you?" I said. "It's not a question of 'what then.' Some people get a kick out of reading railroad timetables and that's all they do all day. Some people make huge model boats out of matchsticks. So what's wrong if there happens to be one guy in the world who enjoys trying to understand you?"

"Kind of like a hobby?" she said, amused.

"Sure, I guess you could call it a hobby. Most normal people would call it friendship or love or something, but if you want to call it a hobby, that's O.K., too."

"Tell me," said Naoko, "you liked Kizuki, too, didn't you?"

"Of course," I said.

"How about Reiko?"

"I like her a lot," I said. "She's really nice."

"How come you always like people like that-people like us us, I mean? We're all kinda weird and twisted and drowning-me and Kizuki and Reiko. Why can't you like more normal people?"

"Because I don't see you like that," I said after giving it some thought. "I don't see you or Kizuki or Reiko as 'twisted' in any way. The guys I I think of as twisted are out there running around." think of as twisted are out there running around."

"But we are are twisted," said Naoko. "I can see that." twisted," said Naoko. "I can see that."

We walked for a while in silence. The road left the fence and came out to a circular gra.s.sy field, ringed with trees as if it were a pond.

"Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night so so scared," said Naoko, pressing up against my arm. "I'm scared I'll never get better again. I'll always stay twisted like this and grow old and waste away here. I get so chilled it's like I'm all frozen inside. It's horrible ... so cold ..." scared," said Naoko, pressing up against my arm. "I'm scared I'll never get better again. I'll always stay twisted like this and grow old and waste away here. I get so chilled it's like I'm all frozen inside. It's horrible ... so cold ..."

I put my arm around her and drew her close.

"I feel like Kizuki is reaching out for me from the darkness, calling to me, 'Hey, Naoko, we can't stay apart.' When I hear him saying that, I don't know what to do."

"What do do you do?" you do?"

"Well ... don't take this the wrong way, now."

"O.K., I won't."

"I ask Reiko to hold me. I wake her up and crawl into her bed and let her hold me tight. And I cry. And she strokes me until the ice melts and I'm warm again. Do you think it's sick?"

"No, it's not sick. I wish I I could be the one to hold you, though," I said. could be the one to hold you, though," I said.

"So hold me. Now. Right here."

We sat down on the dry gra.s.s of the meadow and put our arms around each other. The tall gra.s.s surrounded us, and we could see nothing but the sky and clouds above. I gently lay Naoko down and took her in my arms. She was soft and warm and her hands reached out for me. We kissed with real feeling.

"Tell me something, Toru," Naoko whispered in my ear.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Do you want to sleep with me?"

"Of course I do," I said.

"Can you wait?"

"Of course I can wait."

"Before we do it again, I want to get myself a little righter. I want to make myself into a person righter for that hobby of yours. Will you wait for me to do that?"

"Of course I'll wait."

"Are you hard now?"

"You mean the soles of my feet?"

"Silly," Naoko t.i.ttered.

"If you're asking whether I have an erection, of course I do."

"Will you do me a favor and stop saying 'Of course'?"

"O.K., I'll stop."

"Is it difficult?"

"What?"

"To be all hard like that."

"Difficult?"

"I mean, are you suffering?"

"Well, it's all in how you look at it."