EDWARD LEAR

Author of the _Book of Nonsense_, _More Nonsense_, _Nonsense Songs, Stories_, etc., etc.

With All the Original Ill.u.s.trations.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

CONTENTS

LAUGHABLE LYRICS.

THE DONG WITH A LUMINOUS NOSE THE TWO OLD BACHELORS THE PELICAN CHORUS THE YONGHY-BONGHY-B THE POBBLE WHO HAS NO TOES THE NEW VESTMENTS MR. AND MRS. DIs...o...b..LOS THE QUANGLE w.a.n.gLE'S HAT THE c.u.mMERBUND THE AKOND OF SWAT

NONSENSE BOTANY

" ALPHABET, No. 5 " " No. 6

LAUGHABLE LYRICS.

THE DONG WITH A LUMINOUS NOSE.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

When awful darkness and silence reign Over the great Gromboolian plain, Through the long, long wintry nights; When the angry breakers roar As they beat on the rocky sh.o.r.e; When Storm-clouds brood on the towering heights Of the Hills of the Chankly Bore,--

Then, through the vast and gloomy dark There moves what seems a fiery spark,-- A lonely spark with silvery rays Piercing the coal-black night,-- A Meteor strange and bright: Hither and thither the vision strays, A single lurid light.

Slowly it wanders, pauses, creeps,-- Anon it sparkles, flashes, and leaps; And ever as onward it gleaming goes A light on the Bong-tree stems it throws.

And those who watch at that midnight hour From Hall or Terrace or lofty Tower, Cry, as the wild light pa.s.ses along,-- "The Dong! the Dong!

The wandering Dong through the forest goes!

The Dong! the Dong!

The Dong with a luminous Nose!"

Long years ago The Dong was happy and gay, Till he fell in love with a Jumbly Girl Who came to those sh.o.r.es one day.

For the Jumblies came in a sieve, they did,-- Landing at eve near the Zemmery Fidd Where the Oblong Oysters grow, And the rocks are smooth and gray.

And all the woods and the valleys rang With the Chorus they daily and nightly sang,-- "_Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a sieve._"

Happily, happily pa.s.sed those days!

While the cheerful Jumblies staid; They danced in circlets all night long, To the plaintive pipe of the lively Dong, In moonlight, shine, or shade.

For day and night he was always there By the side of the Jumbly Girl so fair, With her sky-blue hands and her sea-green hair; Till the morning came of that hateful day When the Jumblies sailed in their sieve away, And the Dong was left on the cruel sh.o.r.e Gazing, gazing for evermore,-- Ever keeping his weary eyes on That pea-green sail on the far horizon,-- Singing the Jumbly Chorus still As he sate all day on the gra.s.sy hill,-- "_Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a sieve_."

But when the sun was low in the West, The Dong arose and said,-- "What little sense I once possessed Has quite gone out of my head!"

And since that day he wanders still By lake and forest, marsh and hill, Singing, "O somewhere, in valley or plain, Might I find my Jumbly Girl again!

For ever I'll seek by lake and sh.o.r.e Till I find my Jumbly Girl once more!"

Playing a pipe with silvery squeaks, Since then his Jumbly Girl he seeks; And because by night he could not see, He gathered the bark of the Tw.a.n.gum Tree On the flowery plain that grows.

And he wove him a wondrous Nose,-- A Nose as strange as a Nose could be!

Of vast proportions and painted red, And tied with cords to the back of his head.

In a hollow rounded s.p.a.ce it ended With a luminous Lamp within suspended, All fenced about With a bandage stout To prevent the wind from blowing it out; And with holes all round to send the light In gleaming rays on the dismal night

And now each night, and all night long, Over those plains still roams the Dong; And above the wail of the Chimp and Snipe You may hear the squeak of his plaintive pipe, While ever he seeks, but seeks in vain, To meet with his Jumbly Girl again; Lonely and wild, all night he goes,-- The Dong with a luminous Nose!

And all who watch at the midnight hour, From Hall or Terrace or lofty Tower, Cry, as they trace the Meteor bright, Moving along through the dreary night,-- "This is the hour when forth he goes, The Dong with a luminous Nose!

Yonder, over the plain he goes,-- He goes!

He goes,-- The Dong with a luminous Nose!"

THE TWO OLD BACHELORS.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

Two old Bachelors were living in one house; One caught a m.u.f.fin, the other caught a Mouse.

Said he who caught the m.u.f.fin to him who caught the Mouse,-- "This happens just in time! For we've nothing in the house, Save a tiny slice of lemon and a teaspoonful of honey, And what to do for dinner--since we haven't any money?

And what can we expect if we haven't any dinner, But to lose our teeth and eyelashes and keep on growing thinner?"

Said he who caught the Mouse to him who caught the m.u.f.fin,-- "We might cook this little Mouse, if we only had some Stuffin'!

If we had but Sage and Onion we could do extremely well; But how to get that Stuffin' it is difficult to tell!"

Those two old Bachelors ran quickly to the town And asked for Sage and Onion as they wandered up and down; They borrowed two large Onions, but no Sage was to be found In the Shops, or in the Market, or in all the Gardens round.

But some one said, "A hill there is, a little to the north, And to its purpledicular top a narrow way leads forth; And there among the rugged rocks abides an ancient Sage,-- An earnest Man, who reads all day a most perplexing page.

Climb up, and seize him by the toes,--all studious as he sits,-- And pull him down, and chop him into endless little bits!

Then mix him with your Onion (cut up likewise into Sc.r.a.ps),-- When your Stuffin' will be ready, and very good--perhaps."

Those two old Bachelors without loss of time The nearly purpledicular crags at once began to climb; And at the top, among the rocks, all seated in a nook, They saw that Sage a-reading of a most enormous book.

"You earnest Sage!" aloud they cried, "your book you've read enough in!

We wish to chop you into bits to mix you into Stuffin'!"

But that old Sage looked calmly up, and with his awful book, At those two Bachelors' bald heads a certain aim he took; And over Crag and precipice they rolled promiscuous down,-- At once they rolled, and never stopped in lane or field or town; And when they reached their house, they found (besides their want of Stuffin'), The Mouse had fled--and, previously, had eaten up the m.u.f.fin.

They left their home in silence by the once convivial door; And from that hour those Bachelors were never heard of more.