"None for me either." Eleanor sat next to Josh, her body immediately leaning against his, her hand massaging his. "Tomorrow is a big day. And I'm so excited to see my parents." She dropped a tender kiss on Josh's cheek. I had to bury my hands in the pocket of my apron so that I didn't grab the girl by the collar and throw her out the window.

"What's happening tomorrow?" I asked instead.

Josh lowered his head and faked checking the menu. No answer.

Eleanor's eyes ping-ponged between her... fiance and me, then filled in the blanks. "Josh has been asked to take part in a debate at the Oxford Union. He's excelled in comparative politics this year." There was clear pride in her voice and she beamed.

Josh gave a half-smile, but he kept staring at the menu, making the point of ignoring me.

Freddie was the only one paying attention to me now. "Okay, then, a pint of Guinness, please. In the meantime, I'll use the gents."

I nodded and was about to turn on my heels when Eleanor called to me. "What about you joining us tomorrow?"

I stared back at her and couldn't help the frown between my eyes.

"There are drinks and canapes afterwards. We can celebrate as much as we want, my parents will be hosting."

Ta-dah! Life was so much easier for the other half. Josh had gone a few shades paler and he glowered at Eleanor.

"Well, I th--, I thought," she stuttered. "It would be a great opportunity for me to know more about your life before me." Her hand dropped on his thigh, squeezing it.

Now, some people have said that I have an attitude problem. That's not exactly true. Life's slapped me in the face so many times that I've always kept my head held high, so I didn't fall too low once the blows came. But this was too much.

Josh despised me so much that his fiancee had to come to my rescue. I tried to swallow, but a lump had formed in my throat. A mini-choke burst from my mouth. The two of them stared at me.

"I'm sorry." My lips trembled and I fought the dampness back from my eyes. "I'll get the Guinness. You guys can order the other drinks and food at the bar. I'll meet you there."

Only I wouldn't. I couldn't. I flashed through the crowd and headed towards the side entrance. It opened into a narrow courtyard and I hunted for its darkest corner.

seven.

My hands smelled of grease.

I'd buried my face in them. My tear-stricken, snotty-nosed, sorry excuse for a face.

I ran my fingers over my flushed skin to wipe the humiliation away. Coming to England, I'd expected the worst. What just happened was worse than the worst. Josh hated me. It shouldn't matter anymore. I had come to tell him the truth not to have him fall for me all over again.

The sound of a toilet flush pulled me out of my self-pity. The restrooms were on the other side of the tiny courtyard where I'd found refuge. How I wished I could flush this whole disaster away. Ciao, bye bye, adios!

"I'm sorry."

Eeck.

I peeped out through my fingers. Yes, Josh stood in front of me and his closeness kicked my heartbeat into a sprint.

"You hate me, don't you?" That was the only question I could manage, the only one whose answer mattered. At least, right then.

Josh stared down to the tips of his shoes and shuffled his feet. The silence he left between us shredded my heart into a thousand pieces.

"I thought I would. But I don't."

My shoulders shuddered when I let out a breath of relief.

"I want to turn the page," he continued. "I want to look at the future and forget about all the hurt you caused me."

The hurt I caused him.

The memories of that dreadful day flashed back in front of my eyes. The day I broke his heart by lying to him. Only Josh didn't know it was a lie. It had always been a lie. But would telling the truth now make it right?

"You can't turn the page and pretend I never existed." I took one step, two steps, in his direction. He didn't move. "We've been in each other's lives since we were six, and we always will be."

He kept his gaze glued to his shoes, but his head gave a tiny shake.

"All I wanted," I moved on, "All I wanted was for you to have a chance to build the future you deserved, away from Steep Hill."

Truth number one.

"You'd have given up on Georgetown to stay with me. I didn't want you to look back at that decision later on and hate me for it."

Truth number two.

While I spoke, my fingertips had reached for his left cheek, where a faint stubble had risen. Josh shuddered under my touch. His eyes buried into mine.

"You could have come with me. I'd have made it work. Instead you got rid of our baby and vanished into thin air with the first asshole available."

A sense of injustice blew on me, super storm like. "That's not what really happened. I was chained to that freakin' town, with Gran sick as she was. I didn't want to drag you down with me. But I came here to tell you the truth." I hammered every word, while I took the extra step that put my body in line with his.

Josh recoiled. His hand pushed mine away.

"You're making things up. Remember? When you had the abortion, you didn't even know about Georgetown and your gran was still healthy. You want to know the ugly truth, Cass?"

He had the timing all wrong, but I nodded anyway.

"You always find the easy way out. You aborted our baby to go and live the rock 'n' roll life. And when things didn't turn out the way you wanted, you came back home, tail between your legs, and used your gran as an excuse for being a walking failure."

"I had no choice, I-"

"-You had the choice, and you didn't choose me."

"No. It wasn't like that."

Pain was etched all over Josh's face. His eyes glistened, but there was fire in them.

"Today, I don't choose you." His sentence hung between us like a life sentence.

"Cassie!"

Josh turned toward the voice. I didn't need to look up. I knew it was Sam. Not now. I wiped away the tears that were still running down my face, stepping aside so that I could show myself.

"I'm here."

Sam leaned against the door frame and frowned at me. Was it because I'd taken my break without checking with him first? Or because I looked teary and crap?

"I know you were due for a break, but it's getting crowded again."

"I'm coming." I gave Sam a fake smile, but he kept staring at me. "One minute and I'll be in. I'll stay until closing time to make up for it."

"Is there a problem here? Is that guy annoying you?" Sam had taken a step forward.

"No, no. I'm sorry. I'll be back in a sec."

He reluctantly stepped back inside and I reluctantly tore myself from Josh.

My fingers tingled because I wanted to touch him again.

"I have to go back to work. But we need to talk. Somewhere quiet. Just the two of us." I got a notepad and a pen out of the pocket of my apron and scribbled Sam's address. "That's where I'm staying. Please come and see me tomorrow. I don't have a shift. It'll be easier to talk there, away from..." His fiancee.

Josh took the note, then extended his arms across the void that gaped between us and his hands cradled my face. I leaned against it like a cuddle-deprived Kitten. I wanted him. I needed him.

"For both our sakes, Cassandra, you have to move on."

His words were like an upper-cut and a jab combined. They made my ears buzz.

I jumped away from him and my back hit the door of the pub. My head was shaking like a pendulum.

Josh made his point crystal clear. "Give me a divorce. Nothing you can say now will change how I feel about us. We're done."

My hand slid between my back and the door and I grabbed the handle. I opened the door with the little strength I had left and went back inside. The smell of cheap food almost made me retch. My appetite was gone.

I couldn't give Josh a divorce. Not yet.

eight.

Steep Hill ~ September, six years earlier.

Josh "Let's move on." I'm desperate to leave behind Steep Hill High School, Homecoming, and anyone who isn't us. My stomach is twisted into tight knots. I clench and unclench my fingers over the steering wheel of my truck.

"I'm ready." Cassie snuggles against my side and lays her hand over my thigh. I stare back at her sideways and her smile warms me inside. "But where are you taking me?"

"Surprise, surprise."

Well, I hope it will be. I've been planning this for a week. I start the engine and Cassie turns on the radio. Country music explodes around the truck. She lowers the volume, drops a kiss on my temple and starts humming along. Her fingers tip-tap the rhythm on the dashboard, and I struggle to concentrate on the road ahead. That's always the effect her voice has on me.

"I could listen to you all night."

"I hope you're going to do more than just listening to me tonight."

"Cassandra O'Malley, you're a naughty girl with the voice of an angel."

"Amazing what childhood colic can do," she giggles and goes back to the music.

Cass has a low-pitched, husky voice. Apparently she's got calluses on her vocal cords. Doctor Mitchell says it's due to her having colic when she was a newborn. She kept screaming and screaming but because her mom didn't give a shit about her, Cassie was left in pain. The nodules-and indirectly her amazing voice-are a direct result of her mother's total lack of care.

That's the only good thing that woman gave Cass.

The truck finally reaches a bumpy road and vibrations ripple throughout my body. Two minutes later and we've made it to our destination.

Cassie stares through her window at the cotton tree outside. "Okay, so your surprise is Sweet Angel Point?" Her eyebrows rise because the place itself isn't much of a surprise. Sweet Angel Point was our secret hiding place when we were kids.

I nod, but fight her disappointment. "Wait a sec."

I step out and run around the car to open her door for her. At her feet, there's the bag I've prepared. I grab the thermos and mug.

"First, you're going to relax with a warm cup of cocoa." I fill the mug. "And while you do, I want you to put this over your eyes." From the same bag, I extract the only tie I own.

Her mouth gapes. "Are you nuts?" She slaps the vest of my tuxedo. "I am not doing anything kinky."

She wraps her arms around her shoulders and her lips tremble.

That was so not what I had in mind. "Don't freak out." I wave my free hand in a peace gesture. "I need a few minutes to set it up, and I don't want you to watch."

Her body deflates against the car seat and she lets out an "Okay," and then "Kinky isn't what I had in mind for our first time together."

Our first time period. Hers. Mine.

She lets me set the tie over her eyes and adjusts it with her fingers. I kiss their tips, then take hold of her hands to place the mug between them. I slowly pour out the cocoa.

"Give me five minutes."

She brings the cup to her mouth. "I'll drink my cocoa quietly."

I rush to the back of my truck, open it and start unpacking. I can hear my heart bumping against my chest.

Now, standing next to the side of the truck, I open the door and gently take the mug away from Cassie. With her hand in mine, I guide her outside until we reach the midpoint between the truck and the cotton tree. I undo the tie, holding my breath.

Cassie's eyes squint.