And I believed he could do just that. Josh MacBride: Quarterback, Ivy Leaguer... magician.

I chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

I opened my eyes, turned my head. His face was a few inches from mine, sharing the same pillow.

"A six-year dry-spell and I catch up in one single shot."

Heat tickled my cheeks. TMI. TMI. Did I need to look like a total loser who couldn't get laid?

He moved sideways so that his body-every naked part of it-brushed against mine. He flexed his arm and slid it underneath his head. His free hand danced over my belly, the top of my thighs, the space between my breasts. He made a point of just missing the place he'd been so focused on minutes earlier.

"You never met anyone?"

Here we go. The territory I didn't want to step foot into with him.

"I wasn't looking for anyone." I hoped it made me look less pathetic, and it was the truth.

"Not even for a night? Not even for a touch, a moment?"

"I was lonely." I could admit that much. "But the few times I came close, my body couldn't go through it, as if I was still carrying Lucas's memory inside me." Your memory. "Sex couldn't fill in for what I'd lost."

His fingers froze and fell flat over my tummy, like they'd been before. Only it wasn't the same intensity burning from his palm. I risked a glance at him. When I did, my throat tightened. His face had frozen, his lips were pressed together. His hand grew heavier.

His voice had cracks in it when he said, "The last time I saw you, before you left Steep Hill, you weren't showing." He hid his sad smile in the crook of his elbow. "I wish I could have seen you with my baby growing inside. You must have been so beautiful."

I ignored the sob I'd trapped in my throat because I saw a single tear tracking down his cheek. My shaking hand reached for it and my thumb swept it away. He would have made me feel beautiful, sexy even. He would have given sense to my belly stretching endlessly. Back then, the only meaning I had for it was loss. Remorse and regret. Shame and guilt.

I turned sideways and my hand cupped his face, my thumb now at the crease of his eye.

"Don't cry. I've hurt you enough. Back then and now."

I gave him a light kiss. He breathed heavily and went after my mouth. Feverish. Kissing Josh was like a therapy. His finger traced the length of the scar left by the C-section. His touch was like one of those expensive body creams I couldn't afford, nurturing, appeasing. Indulgent.

I wanted to give back some of the comfort he brought to me. I shifted my body to lie on top of him. Taking support on his chest, I straddled him. He was still hard and I rocked my hips over the length of him, sending electricity along my spine, down to the space between my legs.

But he was the one who groaned. His hands moved up my ribcage to cradle the side of my breasts. Then he took hold of my face and pulled me toward him and kissed me. It was a different kiss from the ones we had before. Filled with what he couldn't say.

My fingers wrapped around him.

"Wait."

His arm reached for his jeans lying near the mattress on the carpet. He grabbed his wallet, then with a jerky hand removed a condom. I bit my lip. How could I even forget about that? I might never get pregnant again, but if anyone should know about the risks of unprotected sex, it was me.

And Josh.

I watched him unfold the small square, swiftly putting it in place.

When his hands clutched my hips, I forgot all about it. He lifted me up, freeing himself, balanced me over his tip. I was on top, but he was in charge. Again. I was naked like a newborn, deep in action, but it was his eyes on me that tipped me over the edge.

He lowered me. I gasped as I slid along him, and he filled me until I couldn't take any more of him. He swallowed hard and his hold on me tightened. He devoured me with his eyes and my cheeks burned.

"Make love to me, Cass. With every part of you. I want everything."

My hips started moving, dancing, back and forth, up and down.

"Don't hold back," he begged.

We shared each other. If there was ever in my life anything holy, sacred, whatever, it was that connection between us. I wanted to hold on to it.

I couldn't because as holy as it was, it was also damn amazing. My hips betrayed the need inside me, they rocked faster and faster, Josh's hands helping with the new tempo, until I let myself go. My eyes rolled upwards, my head tilted backwards. There were so many wonderful things to feel, all at the same time. But I focused on the tips of my hair tingling my lower back, the bottom of my spine. I felt him shuddering underneath me, his hands tightening around my waist. His grip on me was almost painful but I enjoyed it.

When I crawled back to reality, I was resting on top of Josh, his arms tight around me, my breasts pressed against his chest, my face nestled in the hollow of his neck where his pulse was beating. A sheen of sweat covered our skins. Outside I heard birds singing. Dawn was closing in. I didn't want that night to end. My eyelids grew heavier and I fell asleep in the musky, lemony scent of Josh.

I slept deeply.

Sunlight woke me. I squinted. The bed linen against my bared skin felt unfamiliar. So did the empty space next to me.

thirty.

Josh.

Why on earth had I taken Cassie to the gala dinner at Rhodes House?

Guilt.

For leaving her this morning without a goodbye. For fucking her senseless last night.

I stole a glance at her profile, the soft line of her neck, the golden hue of her skin. I shut my eyes. Who was I kidding? I hadn't fucked her. I'd made love to her with everything I had, everything I was.

This never should have happened. I'd broken up with Lenor, stamped all over her heart just three days earlier. And there I was fooling around with the very girl who caused our lives to spiral out of control.

"Can I have some water?" Cassie cut into my thoughts.

I nodded and poured some mineral water into her glass. She wore the same dress that she had at last week's debate dinner. Except tonight's dress code was black tie. Her skirt was knee-length, making her massively underdressed. I should have thought about that and helped her buy something, or simply skipped the invitation.

"And when I think I hadn't even heard about the Rhodes scholarship until last week..."

She leaned toward me and took a sip of her water. She'd been trying to make conversation for the whole evening. Small talk wasn't Cassie's style. She was clearly making an effort to break the ice.

"Why did you choose to come here? I'm sure you could have joined other graduate programs back in the U.S. I never heard you talking about England before."

"I guess I'd watched Harry Potter too many times."

She burst into laughter, causing the people at our table to frown at us. "I'd forgotten how much you like the wizard."

"That was one of the very few things we didn't agree on. You kept saying you didn't believe in magic."

I saw she was pleased I remembered the past, what she liked, what she disliked. The light in her eyes pulled me closer to her. My hand reached for hers and I let our fingers entwine. Her gaze ping-ponged between our joined hands and my face, her expression unsure.

Cursing myself for falling again, I took my hand back and cleared my throat. Her smile vanished. My attention was piqued by the sight of Eleanor storming out of the reception room with Freddie glued to her heels. Of course, the latest developments, like me breaking our engagement, had impacted tonight's seating plan. The Carrington clan-minus Louise and including that asshole Freddie-was holding court on one side of the room. I'd been exiled to the other.

I bit the inside of my cheek. Hell, I wasn't going to let that douchebag Freddie cuddle Lenor into oblivion and lure her to his bed with the pretense of healing her wounds. I jumped to my feet, startling Cassie.

"I have to take care of something," I informed her.

She nodded slowly, looked toward the exit through which Eleanor had disappeared, then down to the hand I'd just been holding.

"I'll be back soon."

Without looking at her again, I marched toward the exit. The corridor was empty. I chose to go left and hurried, hoping I would find them before Freddie had time to get his paws all over her. Eleanor deserved better than me. But she deserved much more than that two-faced tool.

I rushed past a door and heard muffled voices, someone crying. I stopped and tracked back to stand just behind the cracked door. As expected, I recognized Freddie without having to hear what he was saying.

I pushed the door wide open and, as expected, interrupted Freddie holding Lenor tight in his arms, her face buried on his shoulder.

"I warned you against making a move on her."

They both jumped. Lenor's cheeks were blotchy. She swept the tears away with the tip of her fingers and sniffed. I was the moron who'd caused that sweet girl to break down.

"Have you forgotten about our deal?"

Freddie blushed and seemed flustered. I enjoyed the effect I had on him.

"Well, Eleanor knows now so the deal is off," he said.

"Then I should have made myself clearer. You don't get close to her. You don't take advantage of her and lie to her to get the pin code to her trust fund."

Eleanor frowned. "Freddie, what deal is he talking about?"

I didn't give him time to come up with some bullshit. "I threatened that I would blow his secret out into the open if he told you about my marriage with Cassie."

"Which secret?"

"Freddie likes girls and... boys."

I'd just sounded like a major-league, narrow-minded hypocrite. I didn't care which team Freddie-or anyone else-played. He could love or lust after whomever he damn well wanted. Still, I also had made a deal for him to help me hide something from my fiancee, the very girl I was trying to keep safe from his clutches.

"So everyone knew you were married except me." Eleanor shook her head in disbelief, and then her gaze swung to me. "How long would you have carried on with this lie?"

"I was about to tell you, but there was no way in hell I would let that ass take advantage of you. I was the one who had to tell you."

"That's so kind of you to worry about my well-being. Such a pity you didn't do that for the four years we dated." I could feel the anger boiling up under Lenor's cool exterior.

"I've done you wrong, Lenor, I know that. But please keep clear of Freddie."

The guy took a step towards me. "I think you've said enough, I won't-"

"-Would you please leave us, Frederick? I want to be alone with Josh." Eleanor had ice in her voice. Right then, she reminded me of her father. Without giving Freddie another look, she added, "Now."

Freddie's skinny shoulders drooped. The guy was a snake, not a fighter. He walked past me without daring to stare at me. Better that way.

He left us in silence. I played with my bow tie and loosened it. The tuxedo stifled my movements.

"Why did you do that to me?" Eleanor asked. She wasn't pulling off her Ice Queen act anymore.

"I don't know." I shook my head, while my eyes sought an explanation around the tiny room. "I shut off that part of my life... her. I wanted to start from scratch with you."

"Then why didn't you ask for a divorce? You didn't need to tell me right away. But at least, you could have severed your bond with her."

I stared back at her. Lenor deserved the truth. This was a truth even I was figuring out only then. "Cassie kept asking for one. I ignored her. That was my stupid way to punish her, to take her freedom away." My voice trailed off. Of course, I knew now that Cassie had never even tried to move on, but she wanted me to.

But I never really had.

Eleanor did something unexpected. She closed the gap between us and cradled my face.

"She hurt you that much?"

I nodded because I didn't trust myself to talk. The pain was still raw. I heard voices in the corridor, but could care less if a stranger overheard my confession.

"She was everything to me. She was my life." Lenor's face broke out in pain. I continued because I owed her honesty. "It was more than just first love. We'd been best friends since we were six. I wasn't close to my parents and she only had her grandmother. It was us against the world."

Lenor's hands shifted from my face to my chest. They rested on my heart. "You'd have given up on Georgetown to be with her?"

"Yes, without a doubt. My dad was furious, so he went behind my back and put pressure on Cassie after we got married. He's the one who came up with the whole abortion lie. I didn't suspect anything." I bit the inside of my cheek. "I was a fool."

"You were seventeen, Josh. Seventeen. And so was she. Whatever I said about her, she loved you and she loves Lucas."

Lenor's eyes were so full of love, love for me. I felt humbled. I leaned forward and leaned my forehead against hers. She'd been so good to me.

"I need to ask you a question."

I straightened up to look at her.

"Anything." I owed her that.

"Did you ever really love me?"

"I did. I still do." It was the truth. I'd wanted to love Eleanor so much. I'd known right from the first time we met that she was the one who could help me forget about Cassie.

But I had never forgotten about Cassie.