But the Hinsdale water barrel, that has just been completed and now is in operation, is no mere castoff sauerkraut hogshead. It cost $30,000, and it gives forth rainwater at a rate of a million gallons a day. And the dingiest brunette will soon blossom out in the full glory of the spun-gold blonde. The chemist person who installed the $30,000 rain barrel says so, and he claims to know.

It was cited to the women of Hinsdale that the women of the British Isles are fair, very fair, indeed. What makes them so fair? The fog. And what is fog? It is rainwater in the vapor.

Hence rainwater will make women fair. Let us, therefore, have rainwater.

The water in Hinsdale heretofore has been hard. It crinkled the hair and put the complexion on the b.u.m. It cost more money for cosmetics to set these complexions right than a couple of $30,000 rain barrels. But now the seediest lady in the land has only to make a pilgrimage to Hinsdale and return ready to make faces at the inventor of peroxide.

3. Last week Tuesday night the henhouse of Mr. Rosenblot, on the Standard farm, was broken open and 14 hens taken. Also at the same time five bags of grain and two bags of cattle salt were stolen. Thursday night his chicken coops were visited and about 40 little chicks taken. Mr. Rosenblot expects his wife and her mother from Russia next week.

4. The feature of the evening was the dance. Miss Semple's grace and ease in executing the many intricate steps of the Argentine tango, hesitation waltz, and other modern dances elicited great applause from the onlookers. Miss Sheppard of the District Nurses' a.s.sociation gave a lecture on first aid to the injured.

5. "Lemme see something nifty in shirts--something with a cla.s.sy green stripe," said Dan McKee of Soho Street, as he cruised into the men's furnishing store of Emil de Santis, in Webster Avenue.

The lone clerk evidently did not notice all the specifications of McKee's order, and listlessly drew out at random the first box of shirts his hand touched. Picking the top shirt out, he laid it before McKee.

"There's something nice," he began.

"Oh, is it?" yelled McKee.

"McKee," said Magistrate Sweeney at the hearing, "what on earth made you try to wreck that store?"

"I asked for a green striped shirt, judge."

"Well?"

"And that fellow handed me a bright orange one."

"I see," said Sweeney. "But I'll have to make it thirty days."

_E._ The following stories, along with other faults, are lacking in tone. Correct them in any way necessary. (Paragraphs =136-137=.)

1. The wedding bells peeled joyfully at the home of Mr. H. R.

Drake last Tuesday, when their highly accomplished and beautiful daughter, Melva, became the blushing bride of that sterling young farmer, Henry Eastman. The bride's brother, Charlie, played Mendelssohn's wedding march on his cornet, and considering the fact he has only had it about 9 months it sounded good. Rev. Osgood, who has been working through harvest and picking up a little on the side, performed the nuptials. The bride's costume was a sort of light gauzy affair and white slippers and stockings to match. Of course she wore heavier clothes when they went on their wedding trip. Quite a merry crowd a.s.sembled to see them off, and as they didn't have any rice some of them got to throwing roasting ears. Henry was struck under the eye by a large ear and blacked it pretty bad.

They drove right to Larned and stayed all night at the hotel, and then took their wedding trip to Kinsley and Dodge City. They have rented the old home place and will be at home next Tuesday.

Melva expects to take charge of Cooper & Jones' cook shack the rest of the season.

2. The old must die, the young sometimes do. When a young child, sweet and gentle in temperament, lovable and full of promise, is cut down in the very hey time of youth, it is unutterably sad.

There is said to be a time for all things and this would seem to be a time for mourning.

Sunday morning at 4:30 o'clock the Death Angel summoned John O.

Beck, Jr., and bade him leave his playthings and many friends and come away. It must have been with a sigh of relief that his spirit took flight from the frail body which had been tortured for twenty-two long days with the torture of spinal meningitis.

John O. Beck, Jr., youngest son of Mr. and Mrs. John O. Beck, was born on the twenty-fifth day of July, 1903, in Boswell. He was the youngest of four children--William, Leona, and La Baron survive him. His was a most beautiful nature, he loved company, and the childish circles in which he moved were always brighter and happier for his presence. As a member of the Christian Sunday School he was always in his place. The little boy will be missed, not only in the home, but among his playmates and also amongst the older people of the city.

The funeral will be held to-morrow afternoon at 3 o'clock from the family home. Dr. Frank Talmage, pastor of the Christian Church, will officiate. Interment will be made in South Park.

3. After the ceremony the guests repaired to the dining-room, where a wedding dinner was served, replete with the most luscious viands conceivable by the human imagination. The turkey, which had been roasted under the personal supervision of the bride, possessed delectability of flavor impossible of description. It was the unanimous verdict of the numerous a.s.semblage of appreciative guests that never before in the annals of human history had a turkey more delicious, more savory, more ambrosial, been the object of human consumption.

Both the business office and the editorial rooms of the _Standard_ were largely and brilliantly represented, and the collation was interspersed with highly intelligent affabilities.

Constant streams of sparkling repartee rippled across the table, jocund anecdotes and refined civilities of every variety abounded, the festivities in every way being characterized by vivacity, suavity, chivalry, and irreproachable respectability.

4. R. S. George had a narrow escape from sudden death yesterday morning. George was working on top of an electric pole on Water St. and Ninth Ave. He was strapped to the pole. He was removing the bolts that held the cross-bars. The pole was rotten and George's weight at the top caused it to break. In falling the pole hit the supply wagon that was standing below, breaking the fall. Other men working on the job rushed to his aid. Dr.

Mitch.e.l.l was called. George was taken to the Sacred Heart Hospital. Mr. George was badly shaken up but not seriously injured. He is employed by the Wisconsin-Minnesota Light & Power Co.

5. Bud Lanham, the Corner's miser, who has buried his money for the last six years near the big ash tree back of Cary's gin, lost half of it last week. The guilty person has not been apprehended. Tim Snyder went to Jonesville yesterday and bought himself a fine suit of clothes and a Ford.

6. Mrs. A. I. Epstein, the soprano soloist from St. Louis, will sing a symphony known as the "Surprise Symphony" at the concert by the University Orchestra in the auditorium to-morrow night.

The piece was written by Haydn. The symphony was so named by the composer on account of the startling effects produced. The solo part is very unusual, the long pauses and unusual loud chords make it unlike other music. It has a pleasing effect on the audience, probably due to its individuality. Mrs. Epstein has the reputation of being able to sing this kind of a solo. The foremost critics of the largest musical world p.r.o.nounce Mrs.

Epstein as an ideal in oratorical singing.

7. Some jealous rascal threw a stone at a buggy in which a certain young man of Florala and a young lady of Lockhart were riding last Sat.u.r.day night. The stone struck the young lady squarely in the back, and at the same time bruised the left arm of the young man very badly.

8. Mrs. O. N. Daw is confined to her bed on account of the recent injury she sustained when she fell from a chair to the floor. Mrs. Daw was attempting to swat a fly at hand and stood upon the chair to reach the intended victim. He was further away than at first antic.i.p.ated and in an endeavor to reach him she fell as a result of becoming overbalanced. We trust her injury will soon give her no further trouble and will soon become well.

She certainly is to be commended for her efforts to swat the fly, for if more of us did this we would find less disease in the world and conditions more healthful in general. Besides the flies are a bothersome pest anyway.

9. One of the most superb affairs that the citizens of Lexington have witnessed for quite a long while, was brought to bear by the uniting in holy wedlock of Mrs. Mary Elizabeth Stewart and Mr. Louis Monroe Ford. At the beginning, the day was one of gloom, but late in the morning the clouds became scattered, and at the noon hour the sun peeped out and streamed through the windows of the old historic church, adding cheer and enthusiasm to the superb occasion. Each individual of the bridal party performed his or her part as perfectly as if guided by a guardian angel, and the entire performance was one of rare beauty, portraying all of the accuracy of a piece of well-oiled machinery.

_F._ The following stories are good and bad. Rewrite any that need correction. Show why the others are good.

_ACCIDENT NARROWLY AVERTED_

Last Thursday evening the people of the beautiful little village of Hartford were astounded when they heard the moan and groan of one of their neighbors, Dr. William Waters, who had the misfortune of being capsized beneath a small building in the mad waters of Pigeon River.

While Dr. Waters was out for an evening walk enjoying the cool breezes on the banks of this beautiful stream he had occasion to enter a small building which had been erected years ago. Owing to his enormous heavy weight, and without a moment's warning, the building toppled over in the river, leaving the doctor in quite an embarra.s.sing position. The moans and groans from beneath the little building could be heard from most every home in Hartford. Had it not been for the never-tiring efforts of Lewis Johnson and Andy Valentine in moving the building off the Doctor, rescuing him from the grasp of death, which had clutched him beneath the building in the mad waters of the river, crepe would now be dangling from the door-k.n.o.b of a Doctor's office in Hartford.

_TIGHT SHOES BALK PAY-DAY LARK_

Mrs. Mary Bogden, 50 West 119th Street, is nearly five feet tall and weighs 200 pounds. Yesterday she refused to go out with her husband, Joe, to celebrate his pay day, because her shoes were too tight. Joe went out alone. When he came home he found his wife had been arrested for drinking too much. To-day her hat is too tight.

_KILLS GIRL WHO SPURNED HIM_

Miss Evelyn Helm got her position as cloak model because of the trimness of her waist, because of her lithe young figure, and because of her loveliness and vivacity. When she wore a gown for a buyer, he generally said, "Some skirt!" Therefore she received a fair salary and was independent. The same qualities that earned her money, however, attracted the attentions of a man she did not like--and invoked a tragedy.

The man was gray-haired and big and fat and unromantic, but he loved the cloak model desperately. He told her so every time he saw her, but she laughed at him. She knew him as Lem Willhide "of Kentucky," and she tried to avoid him. He followed her one day to her room in the home of Mrs. Louise Wendt, 1319 Eddy Street, and invited himself to call. He wanted to marry her, to take her home to the "blue gra.s.s" country with him, but she could not be annoyed.

"I ought to be calling you 'daddy,'" she said. "Why, you're more than twice as old as I. You've admitted you are 52. Go get a nurse and let me alone."

He seemed to like her spirit. She could not break his determination, he told her. He might be old, but this was his first love affair. Again and again she put him off. Always he followed her, spied on her, called her by phone. She could not escape him, but he couldn't persuade her to wed him.

Yesterday morning as usual he sent his love message over the telephone wires--and the girl hung up the receiver and she sneered in an explanation to the landlady. Later she was dressing to go out, when the back door of the rooming-house opened and the man from Kentucky bulged in the doorway.

"You've got your nerve coming into a lady's house without asking," said the girl.

"I've come to get you," said the man.

"Then you better go back again," and the girl turned away.

The man from Kentucky drew a revolver and shot her in the neck.

She looked up at him from the floor, and he fired four more bullets into her body.

"If we can't be wed in life, we'll marry in death," the landlady heard him say, and he shot himself in the head.