THE NEGRO AND THE AUTOMOBILE

A white man wished to sell an old-time negro an automobile. To this end he took him a spin around the town. Soon something was in the way, and that "honk-honk!" warning was sounded.

"Boss," said the negro, "I don' see no wil' geese 'roun' heah."

As the automobile increased its speed the negro braced himself with his feet and gripped the seat with both hands.

"Is the machine running too fast?" asked the white man.

"I don' keer how fast you runs, but I does objects ter flying," said the negro.

The automobile was stopped and the white man got out. The "works"

continued with that "chook-er-chook" sound. The negro, seeing that the wheels were not moving, sprang out excitedly.

"Will you buy the automobile?" asked the white man.

"No, suh," said the negro. "I don' buy no thing lack dat whut flies when hit's running, an' whut runs when hit's standing still. No, suh!

Good-by! I'se gone!"

FAITH IN THE WHITE FOLKS

It was night, and Elm Street was dimly lighted. From a negro eating-house that opened into the street came sounds of harsh voices and the rattling of pans. Rachel, the mulatto, who believed everything a white person did or said, and who tested all information with: "Did de white folks say so?" was tugging at her little grandson, who was selling papers.

"I can't sell papers here, grandma."

"Why, son?"

"The folks in the eating-house won't let me."

"Did de white folks say so?"

"No, ma'am. This route was given to another boy."

"Did de white folks do it?"

Just then some one threw a loaf of bread in the eating-house. It pa.s.sed through the door and struck Rachel. Her little grandson pulled her ap.r.o.n and asked: "Did the white folks do that too?"

"No, child. Dis is de way of it. Dis bread will fatten de chickens. De chickens will sharpen de white folks' wits. De white folks, dey'll boss de n.i.g.g.e.rs; and de n.i.g.g.e.rs, dey'll be n.i.g.g.e.rs still. Come on now, honey child, an' bring de bread erlong wid you."

THE CANE AND THE UMBRELLA

A man who had never seen a cane or an umbrella chanced to be at a sale and bought one of each. He held the umbrella over him and tapped upon the ground with the cane as he walked. The wind rose suddenly. He boarded a car quickly without lowering the umbrella. Away went the car, and away went the umbrella.

He alighted from the car after riding several squares. He was tapping the ground with his cane as he walked.

"How are you?" said a man he had not seen for years, and extended his hand.

"How are you, old friend?" he replied and offered the hand that held the cane, giving his friend a severe whack.

"You rascal!" cried his friend, and knocked him down.

In falling he broke his cane and alighted near the fragments of his umbrella.

"Cane and umbrella," said he, "you are the cause of all my trouble."