'Might I offer you a cup of tea, Lady Denby?'

Bloody hell; sometimes I think I should just open a tea shop.

It's starting to rain as I drive towards Graceland, but at least I'm away from the wedding fest. I've got some balls of cashmere and silk mix in raspberry, with a few balls of dark chocolate too. Maxine, Grace's PA, rang yesterday to tell me Grace wants to make another blanket for Lily, although how she gets the time or the energy to knit with a three-week-old baby is anybody's guess. But having a nanny, a cook, and a driver, as well as a full-time PA and security in the shape of Bruno probably helps, and I suppose I count as staff too, since I'm officially on the payroll as knitting coach to Ms Harrison. Which is a good thing too really because the 400 a month they pay me has been a lifesaver. Sometimes it's more than I make in a whole week in the shop if it's quiet. Although the new stock is starting to pay off, and we do get days when we get a couple of people in like we did at the weekend, who bought bags full of the more expensive yarns and bamboo needles.

The house looks damp and chilly in the drizzle, and much less like a gorgeous stately home than usual. God knows how they managed in muslin frocks and silk slippers when they built the place they must have been half frozen for most of the time. No wonder they kept fainting: it was probably hypothermia.

I'm waiting by the gates for Bruno to recognise me on the security monitors and buzz me in when PC Mike comes over for a chat; he's our neighbourhood policeman, wearing his fluorescent jacket today and looking very pleased with himself.

'Pretty quiet this morning. It was bedlam here yesterday. I had to call for back-up.'

Grace hasn't released any photographs of baby Lily yet, so the press have been down here in force, climbing up ladders, trying to get over the walls, and generally annoying everyone within a five-mile radius.

'Oh dear, what happened?'

'There were stacks of them, obstructing the public highway, but I soon put paid to that. They might get away with it in London, but not down here, they won't. Not while I'm on duty.'

The gates are starting to open, very slowly.

'I'll see you in, shall I? Make sure none of them follow you?'

'Thanks.'

He's having a lovely time being on patrol at the gates. There are two jeeps and a green VW Golf parked further up the lane, with various men inside with cameras slung round their necks, talking on mobiles and looking very bored, who've shown a brief flicker of interest in my arrival, but since my name doesn't appear on any kind of A list, except for Annabel Morgan's A for Annoying one, they just take a few half-hearted snaps and then go back to talking on their phones.

PC Mike stands slightly to one side as I drive forwards, with his arms outstretched to hold back the invisible hordes.

'Thanks, Mike.'

He salutes.

Bless.

I park at the side of the house, as far away as possible from the enormous new silver jeep that makes my car look even more sordid than the gleaming black one does, and I'm just about to get out when two huge dogs come racing over. Jesus, they must be Great Danes or something. I close my door, and lock it: they probably can't open car doors, but I'm not taking any chances. It's like I'm suddenly appearing in The Hound of the Baskervilles, only there's two of the sods. One of them leaps up on the bonnet and starts slavering all over my windscreen. Bloody hell.

Bruno comes jogging round the corner blowing a whistle, but it doesn't seem to be having much of an effect on the Baskerville boys.

He grabs collars and starts pulling, laughing, as I open my window.

'Sorry about that, Jo. They're only playing.'

'You could have fooled me.'

'I'm training them, but they haven't really got the hang of it yet.'

'Right.'

We both look at my windscreen, which is now opaque.

'I'll sort that out for you, love, I don't think he's scratched the paintwork, but we'll pay for any damage, of course. Do you want to have a look?'

'Bruno, it's covered in dents and scratches don't worry about it. It was just a bit of a shock.'

I get out of the car and have my hands licked while Bruno tries to get them both to sit.

'They're only babies.'

'Jesus.'

'That's the whole idea, put those bastards off coming through the woods.'

'What are they called?'

I'm expecting Titan and Trojan.

'Tom and Jerry.'

'Good names.'

'Grace wanted names she could remember. Look, I'll sort your car out for you, give it a wash, don't you worry. And if you wouldn't mention it to Her Highness I'd be grateful, only it took me ages to persuade her we needed them.'

'OK.'

'They're as soft as butter, when you get to know them.'

'Like I can't believe it's not butter, only with dogs?'

He's chuckling and yanking on collars when Maxine comes out of a side door and walks towards us across the gravel.

'Hi Jo, I see you've met Bruno's babies then?'

'Yes.'

'I meant to warn you sorry.'

Bruno stiffens.

'They're an important part of our security.'

'And what about last night then? What were they barking at? An intruder?'

Bruno looks at his feet.

'A member of the press hoping for an unscheduled interview?'

Bruno mumbles something and Maxine winks at me.

'Sorry, Bruno, I didn't quite catch that.'

'They're still learning.'

'It was a squirrel. Right?'

'Yes. But it shows they're alert.'

'We were all pretty alert, Bruno. It was just a shame it was half-past two in the bloody morning.'

'Has she said anything?'

'Grace? Oh yes. She said quite a lot, but I don't want to repeat it in front of Jo.'

Bruno's looking a bit worried now.

'You're all right, you can keep them for now, but you'd better fit them with silencers if they're going to be chasing squirrels again. The floodlights came on and everything.'

He nods.

'I'm going to give Jo's car a quick clean for her. Do you want yours done too?'

She softens slightly.

'Yes, please, and Ed's due soon, so chain Tom and Jerry to something solid, will you, because he'll have a fit if they jump on his precious Porsche. You know what he's like.'

Bruno grins.

'They could say hello, though, couldn't they, if I had them on their leads?'

Maxine laughs.

'Yes, they could, but make sure I get to watch. Grace is upstairs, in the grey room, Jo, if you want to go on up. Tea?'

'Lovely.'

Grace is lying on a grey velvet chaise longue, in skinny jeans and a pale-blue T-shirt, with Lily asleep in a basket at her feet.

'Sorry I look such a state I've just got her off.'

She looks amazing, and even though she's a mega film star it still surprises me how stunning she is, whatever she's wearing. It's like she's made out of something different to the rest of us: something more ethereal and photogenic. She's got her hair pulled back and she's wearing huge drop earrings, which clink slightly as she reaches for the phone.

Seconds later the nanny appears, in a smart striped uniform, and picks up the Moses basket.

'I'll just pop her into her room, shall I, Miss Harrison?'

'Thanks, Meg, but call me if she wakes up. OK?'

'Of course.'

Meg closes the door behind her, and Grace sits up.

'I can't get her to call me Grace, and it's driving me crazy. She keeps forgetting. It's like I'm suddenly in Upstairs bloody Downstairs, and I'm so not into all of that. Is Max bringing tea up?'

'Yes.'

'Great. I'm getting so dehydrated with all this breastfeeding, but I think I've finally got Meg to get with the programme.'

'She seems very efficient.'

'Oh yes, apart from calling me Miss Harrison all the bloody time, but they're all obsessed with this four-hourly thing. Put baby down to sleep, all that rubbish.'

'What happens if the baby wakes up?'

'You leave it to sob, I think. Christ. As if. Not with my gorgeous girl they bloody don't. What did you do with your boys?'

'Fed them all the time. I tried to get a schedule going, but neither of them were very keen. I think it depends on the baby. Some of them are just hungrier than others.'

She smiles.

'Lily's like me, always starving. Although I've had years of practice, so I'm used to it.'

'Really?'

She gives me a look, like I might be about to cross into the danger zone of personal questions there's a sort of unspoken rule to all our conversations, where she can tell you things, but you never ask. But given how many people sell the tiniest scraps of information, or misinformation, about her, I don't really blame her.

'Sorry, I didn't mean '

'I've been dieting for years it's part of the job. Did you think this was all just luck? It takes hours of fucking work to look like this.'

'No, sorry, of course ... it's just you look so healthy and everything.'

'That's because I'm not obsessive about it. Well, I am, but in a healthy way. I don't do pills. Or surgery. Yet. But I can still tell you the fat content of every substance on earth. I've done GI, combining, and colours. You name it, I've done it.'

'Colours?'

'Only eat green. A bit of purple, very little white. None, actually.'

'That sounds good. So would damson crumble count as purple?'

She smiles.

'Sadly, no.'

Maxine comes in with tea.

'Thanks, Max. Is Bruno still playing with those fucking dogs?'

'Yes, and washing Jo's car. They got a bit carried away saying hello to Jo.' Grace grins.

'I'm hoping they'll slow Jimmy down if he decides to put in an appearance.'