I hold him, and stroke his back.

'But he's not, is he?'

'No, love. If I could fix it, I would. You know that. But some things can't get fixed.'

'I know. It's a bloody bugger.'

'Jack!'

'That's very rude, isn't it?'

'Yes. But you can say it one more time if you like. Just once though, and then never again.'

'Bloody bugger.' He giggles. 'If Archie knew it, he'd probably say it at school. But I never say it at school because I'm your best boy, aren't I, Mum?'

'My best big boy.'

'And I always will be. For ever and ever?'

'Yes.'

'Will you stay here, until I'm asleep, and do my arm, in circles? Please. Very please.' He snuggles into his pillow and drapes his arm over his blanket so I can stroke the back of his arm, in circles.

'OK, but not for hours or my knees will go numb.'

'I'll be as quick as I can, but promise to stay until I'm proper asleep.'

'I promise.'

I tidy up the bathroom and go downstairs, but I can't settle; I keep thinking about Daniel, and how it feels wrong that I've got a scan picture and he doesn't know anything about it. Maybe I should call him, but then again perhaps I should wait, I don't really need him to know, not for me. And I could definitely do without any more stress right now. I'm going through my Filofax writing in all my hospital appointments, but I keep looking at his number. Right. I'll have a cup of tea and make a decision. Perhaps biscuits might help. I'll write myself a script, and see how it feels; that always helps when you've got a tricky call to make. And then I'll decide.

Christ.

The biscuits haven't really helped, but if I want to call him I'll have to get on with it, before it gets much later. I dial the number, feeling sick. But that might be the biscuits.

'Hello, Daniel, it's Jo.'

There's a pause.

'Jo? Oh, Jo, great. How's it going, angel?'

'Fine, thanks.'

'Boys all right?'

'They're great.'

'I was thinking about you the other day. Liv was knitting and it reminded me of your shop. How's business?'

'Pretty good, thanks.'

Oh God, this is much harder than I thought it would be. And we've already gone off my script. I glance down at my piece of paper.

'Daniel, is this a good time to talk?'

'Sure.'

'There's something I need to tell you.'

There's a silence.

'It's, well, it's ... I'm going to have a baby.'

'Are you? Well, congratulations, angel that's great, if you're pleased. Which I guess you are or you wouldn't be telling ... oh fuck.'

'Yes, but I really don't want you to feel '

'You mean?'

'Yes.'

'Fucking hell.'

'I know, and I'm sorry, well, not sorry exactly, I'm really pleased, of course, but ' Now I'm sounding like a nutter. I look down at my paper again. 'Even though this wasn't planned and I'm perfectly happy to go it alone. I want you to understand that, perfectly happy. But I thought you should know, so you can be as involved as you want to be, or not at all. Either way, the baby has to be the important one in all this, but I wanted you to know.'

'When's it due?'

'October.'

'So is it too late not to go through with it?'

Christ.

'Yes. And anyway, I'm sure I've made the right choice.'

'For you, maybe.'

'Look, I know this is a shock, Daniel, but once you've had a chance to think about it, I'm sure we can sort something out that works for everyone.'

'There's no we.'

'Sorry?'

He's sounding much more hostile now.

'The only we in this is me and Liv. We're talking about getting married. So the last thing I need is something like this fucking dumped on me. You're a hundred per cent sure, right, that it's mine?'

'Of course I'm sure.'

'Well, I don't want Liv to know, OK? Not until I've had a chance to think about this.'

'That's up to you, Daniel.'

'What do you mean by that? Is that some sort of threat?'

Damn, I don't think I'm handling this very well.

'No, of course not, for heaven's sake. I only meant that it's your business. I'm only telling you because I thought you had a right to know. I don't want anything from you, Daniel we'll be fine, all of us. The boys are quite excited. I just wanted you to know, that's all. I thought you should have a choice.'

'Well, it doesn't feel like much of a fucking choice.'

'I meant a choice about how you want to handle it.'

'I don't. Christ, if Liv finds out she'll throw me out, for sure. Jesus fucking Christ. Look, I'll have to call you back.'

'Of course.'

The line goes dead, and I feel strangely calm.

Christ, what a relief. I'm not keeping anything secret any more. And talking to him again has reassured me that somewhere deep down I'm not secretly hoping for a hearts and flowers moment. I was worried that when I spoke to him I'd mind if he wasn't pleased. But I don't, not really. Hopefully he'll call back and want to visit when the baby's here or something, but if he doesn't then that'll be fine too. Actually, I feel a bit sorry for him; I think I've got a good idea of how his relationship with Liv is working out, and it's just like it used to be with me and Nick, where everything is filtered through them and what they'll think. But I've told Daniel now, so I can get on with it, and not feel like I'm somehow cheating not telling him.

Great. I call Ellen.

'How did it go?'

'You were right Gran's thrilled, and the boys are fine about it.'

'Told you.'

'I'm not sure Daniel's going to be rushing to Mothercare, though.'

'Christ. You called him.'

'Yes.'

'And?'

'He wasn't pleased. Pretty hostile, actually. I think it's all about Liv, and what she'll think. Which I can understand.'

'Tough. He'll just have to get over it. It's not like you planned this.'

'I know, I said that.'

'You never know, he might discover some hidden paternal instinct, give him time.'

'I doubt it. But that's fine. I can do this on my own. I always knew I would really. I'm sure I can make it work, if I'm careful.'

'You're not still worrying about money, are you?'

'Ellen, I'm pregnant with two chocoholics to support. It's a tad worrying, yes.'

'I know, but Daniel can cover some of it and at least you haven't got a mortgage to support as well.'

'They'd probably have repossessed the house by now if I did. I barely make enough to keep us going as it is, without adding a baby into the mix. And I don't want Daniel's money.'

'But '

'We've had this conversation, Ellen. Either he's around, or he's not, but it can't be about money. I'll manage.'

'Use Nick's life insurance.'

'That's my rainy-day money.'

'Surely this counts as a spot or two of rain, darling?'

'Not yet it doesn't, and I've still got a bit left over from selling up in London, so if I'm careful I must be able to manage. The shop's starting to do quite well, you know I just need to make it do better.'

'Darling, you can't double your business and do the mum thing and be pregnant with number three all at the same time.'

'Why not?'

'Because you'll be completely knackered.'

'Well, that'll make a nice change then.'

I'm in the shop the next morning, trying to pluck up the courage to ring Mum. I couldn't face it last night, although I did call Vin, after I spoke to Ellen, and he was lovely, and Lulu came on the phone and got very excited, which was nice. But I'm pretty sure Mum's going to be less enthusiastic. She was distinctly underwhelmed when I told her I was pregnant with Jack, and with Archie she gave me a lecture about wasting my life changing nappies. So I'm not holding out much hope for this time.

I'm changing the till roll as a diversionary tactic when Tina comes in, looking very excited.

'Maggie's just been in to tell us we've won the library's staying open. They had a meeting last night, and it's official.'

'That's brilliant.'

'I bet our Knit-In helped, and the petition.'

'I'm sure it did.'

Actually, I think Grace arriving and giving a megastar interview to Ellen about how local libraries are vital, with us all sitting knitting in the background, is probably what swung it, but never mind.

'We'll have to celebrate at Stitch and Bitch tonight.'

'Good idea.'

She smiles.

'And we'll have something else to celebrate, by all accounts?'