1 a) Never throw s.h.i.t at an armed man.

1 b) Never stand next to someone who is throwing s.h.i.t at an armed man.

You wouldn't think anyone would need to be told this. Does anyone remember the Democratic National Convention of 1968?

2)Never fire a laser at a mirror.

3)Mother Nature doesn't care if you're having fun.

You will not be stopped! There are things you can't do because you burn sugar with oxygen, or your bones aren't strong enough, or you're a mammal, or human. Funny chemicals may kill you slow or quick, or ruin your brain . . . or prolong your life. You can't fly like an eagle, nor yet like Daedalus, but you can fly. You're the only earthly life form that can even begin to deal with jet lag.

You can cheat. Nature doesn't care, but don't get caught.

4)F X S = k. The product of Freedom and Security is a constant. To gain more freedom of thought and/or action, you must give up some security, and vice versa.

These remarks apply to individuals, nations, and civilizations. Notice that the constant k is different for every civilization and different for every individual.

5)Psi and/or magical powers, if real, are nearly useless. Over the lifetime of the human species we would otherwise have done something with them. Psi and/or magical powers, if real, are nearly useless. Over the lifetime of the human species we would otherwise have done something with them.

6)It is easier to destroy than to create. If human beings didn't have a strong preference for creation, nothing would get built.

7)Any d.a.m.n fool can predict the past. Military men are notorious for this, and certain writers too.

8)History never repeats itself.

9)Ethics changes with technology.

10) Anarchy is the least stable of social structures. It falls apart at a touch.

11) There is a time and a place for tact. (And there are times when tact is entirely misplaced.) 12) The ways of being human are bounded but infinite.

13) The world's dullest subjects, in order: A)Somebody else's diet.

B)How to make money for a worthy cause.

C)Special Interest Liberation.

14) The only universal message in science fiction: There exist minds that think as well as you do, but differently.

Niven's corollary: The gene-tampered turkey you're talking to isn't necessarily one of them.

15) Fuzzy Pink Niven's Law: Never waste calories. Fuzzy Pink Niven's Law: Never waste calories.

Potato chips, candy, whipped cream, or hot fudge sundae consumption may involve you, your dietician, your wardrobe, and other factors. But Fuzzy Pink's Law implies: Don't eat soggy potato chips, or cheap candy, or fake whipped cream, or an inferior hot fudge sundae.

16) There is no cause so right that one cannot find a fool following it.

This one's worth noticing.

At the first High Frontier Convention the minds a.s.sembled were among the best in the world, and I couldn't find a conversation that didn't teach me something. But the only newspersons I ran across were interviewing the only handicapped person among us.

To prove a point one may seek out a foolish Communist, 13th century Liberal, Scientologist, High Frontier advocate, Mensa member, science fiction fan, Jim Bakker acolyte, Christian, or fanatical devotee of Special Interest Lib; but that doesn't really reflect on the cause itself. Ad hominem Ad hominem argument saves time, but it's still a fallacy. argument saves time, but it's still a fallacy.

17) No technique works if it isn't used. If that sounds simplistic, look at some specifics: Telling friends about your diet won't make you thin. Buying a diet cookbook won't either. Even reading the recipes doesn't help.

Knowing about Alcoholics Anonymous, looking up the phone number, even jotting it on real paper, won't make you sober.

Buying weights doesn't give you muscles. Signing a piece of paper won't make Soviet missiles disappear, even if you make lots of copies and tell every anchorperson on Earth. Endlessly studying designs for s.p.a.cecraft won't put anything into orbit.

18) Not responsible for advice not taken.

19) Think before you make the coward's choice. Old age is not for sissies.

NIVEN'S LAWS FOR WRITERS 1)Writers who write for other writers should write letters.

2)Never be embarra.s.sed or ashamed by anything you choose to write. (Think of this before before you send it to a market.) you send it to a market.) 3)Stories to end all stories on a given topic, don't.

4)It is a sin to waste the reader's time.

5)If you've nothing to say, say it any way you like. Stylistic innovations, contorted story lines or none, exotic or genderless p.r.o.nouns, internal inconsistencies, the recipe for preparing your lover as a cannibal banquet: feel free. If what you have to say is important and/or difficult to follow, use the simplest language possible. If the reader doesn't get it then, let it not be your fault.

6)Everybody talks first draft.

STAYING RICH RICH.

The average citizen of planet Earth is wealthier today than he has been throughout human history. From time to time we need to remember how much we've got to lose.

After all, you don't feel feel rich. rich.

Do you understand how it can be that more people feel feel poor today than ever before? I give you a hint. It isn't smog, and it isn't too few negative ions in the air. It's the same effect that robbed the Vietnam War of any shadow of glory. It's one aspect of the rising crime rate. It's the reason everyone seems to be shouting in your ear. It's the reason most of us wouldn't consider powering our cars with liquid hydrogen. poor today than ever before? I give you a hint. It isn't smog, and it isn't too few negative ions in the air. It's the same effect that robbed the Vietnam War of any shadow of glory. It's one aspect of the rising crime rate. It's the reason everyone seems to be shouting in your ear. It's the reason most of us wouldn't consider powering our cars with liquid hydrogen.

It's communications. Faster and better and more realistic every decade. Remember the Hindenburg disaster? Giant dirigible that burst into flame as it pulled up to a mooring tower. Two-thirds of the pa.s.sengers survived, did you know that? That doesn't happen when a DC-b crashes! But the Hindenburg disaster was the first such to be reported live on radio. The radio audience of the time had no defense against that vision of pa.s.sengers writhing in a storm of flaming hydrogen. Later generations have learned not to respond so emotionally, not even when there are pictures and gory special effects to increase the impact.

We have learned, yes. Cast your memory back to Kitty Genovese, who was knifed to death in New York over a period of several hours. Witnesses watched from scores of windows in surrounding apartment buildings. None of them so much as phoned the police.

And everyone wondered why, but the answer is simple. They had been trained not to help . . . even as you and I have learned not to interfere with the horrors we we see happening. . . on our television sets. From adult Westerns to see happening. . . on our television sets. From adult Westerns to Alien Alien to to The Exorcist The Exorcist to live coverage of the Vietnam War, we watch people bleeding and we remain seated. to live coverage of the Vietnam War, we watch people bleeding and we remain seated.

Jon Sheen is an aspiring writer stationed in Germany. In 1984 he wrote to me as follows: "I just witnessed a murder. Don't worry about me; I'm in no danger: the killer was caught immediately. In fact, you probably witnessed the same murder, and in the same way: on television. I'm sure you know the case I'm talking about: Gary Plauche murdered the man who kidnapped his son Jody: one Jeffrey Doucet. You've seen the same tape, I'm sure, and my G.o.d, it is astounding! If you were directing a suspense film, you couldn't ask for a more dramatic scene, right down to the way the victim's head eclipses the gun just as the shot is fired. This is the third such piece of astounding newsfilm I've seen since the beginning of February. .

"It's affected me strongly. How, How, precisely, I don't know, but watching that and, earlier, watching two grown men in Rhode Island walking to a car in a comical embrace (rendered entirely unamusing by the fact that one of the men was a cop, and the other a hunted criminal holding a gun to his head) and seeing the car shot to pieces by half-a-dozen cops, wounding the captive officer and killing the fugitive; and watching a Lebanese man in a light blue shirt writhing in pain, denying that his factory held armaments, his right arm broken and mangled and twisted within the sleeve-and then, watching the films taken moments later, of his corpse being carried away. . . . All these will stay with me for a long time, and I don't know how I'm going to judge this new capacity to eyewitness mayhem, but when I finally do decide how to react, it will be strongly. precisely, I don't know, but watching that and, earlier, watching two grown men in Rhode Island walking to a car in a comical embrace (rendered entirely unamusing by the fact that one of the men was a cop, and the other a hunted criminal holding a gun to his head) and seeing the car shot to pieces by half-a-dozen cops, wounding the captive officer and killing the fugitive; and watching a Lebanese man in a light blue shirt writhing in pain, denying that his factory held armaments, his right arm broken and mangled and twisted within the sleeve-and then, watching the films taken moments later, of his corpse being carried away. . . . All these will stay with me for a long time, and I don't know how I'm going to judge this new capacity to eyewitness mayhem, but when I finally do decide how to react, it will be strongly.

"I know what I'll have to weigh against it, though: I've seen the Shuttle launch, and land, live. I've seen astronauts floating along through the void, untethered-live. I've seen the Earth, so huge and blue and beautiful-even on a 25" 25" RCA-that it made my throat close up. And I was one of the first human beings to gaze across the sands of Mars; at the same time as Sagan, Hibbs, and the whole gang at JPL, I looked at the RCA-that it made my throat close up. And I was one of the first human beings to gaze across the sands of Mars; at the same time as Sagan, Hibbs, and the whole gang at JPL, I looked at the place place that is Mars, watched sliver after sliver of Viking's-eye-view of another planet-live. that is Mars, watched sliver after sliver of Viking's-eye-view of another planet-live.

"Electronic Global Village, the man said. "Yeah."

You don't feel rich. Right? But you're very aware of the taxes you pay. In California some years ago, it reached the point of a taxpayer revolt. We set a legal limit on our property taxes.

But a taxpayers' revolt used to mean tax collectors hanging from trees! partly because society could not yet afford lampposts. Taxes are enormously higher now than they were during the Whiskey Rebellion in Vermont. Why aren't there tax collectors hanging from lampposts?

Because even after the tax collector gets through with you, you've still got too much to protect. Because you're rich.

And if you you don't feel rich, the little old lady on a fixed income must feel still worse as she watches her dollar dwindle to its intrinsic value- high-quality paper. What is it that's doing this to you? don't feel rich, the little old lady on a fixed income must feel still worse as she watches her dollar dwindle to its intrinsic value- high-quality paper. What is it that's doing this to you?

It's communications. Advertis.e.m.e.nts! An endlessstream of advertis.e.m.e.nts interspersed with every kind of inducement to keep you watching. And while you learn of the wonders you can't afford, you're also learning not to believe what you hear; because after all, these products can't all all be best. What were you thinking while you watched the Presidential candidates on your television sets? be best. What were you thinking while you watched the Presidential candidates on your television sets?

The world is rich, and the easy resources that won the wealth are nearby gone. Outcroppings of copper and iron ore. Surface seepages of crude oil. A place to dump the pollution. Don't think that wasn't a form of wealth! Even coal can't be mined without technology; the first steam engines were built to pump water out of British coal mines. Once mined, the coal has to be moved to where it's needed, somehow.

If civilization collapsed today, it may be that no future civilization could be built on our bones.

We have a great deal to lose.

We expect starvation to be rare.

We expect paved streets. Sidewalks. Sidewalks with ramps for wheelchairs. Freeways. Lighted streets at night, all night. Universal schooling.

We used to expect cheap gasoline. Remember?

We expect that the streets will be empty of dead bodies in the morning. Every morning. All of this is fairly recent. Consider Welfare: for the failure, total failure has a bottom limit. Some can crawl back up from there. In The Way the Future Was, The Way the Future Was, Frederik Pohi tells of being a boy in the Depression. It was ugly, before Welfare. Frederik Pohi tells of being a boy in the Depression. It was ugly, before Welfare.

We expect help in time of disaster. Communications and easy trans portation will mitigate the effects of famine and flood. Somebody will know it's happening; somebody will come with what we need.

We expect the freedom to go our own way, without the compulsion to be like our neighbors. But being unlike your neighbors has always always been a crime. Your present freedom of lifestyle depends utterly on your freedom to move away from your neighbors, to find a place where you needn't conform, or even to find people who think like you do. been a crime. Your present freedom of lifestyle depends utterly on your freedom to move away from your neighbors, to find a place where you needn't conform, or even to find people who think like you do.

You are not not a representative sampling of the population. Your freedom to a.s.semble here, now, together, depends utterly on easy communications and easy transportation. a representative sampling of the population. Your freedom to a.s.semble here, now, together, depends utterly on easy communications and easy transportation.

We can lose all of that. We can lose more. We can lose the vote.

Collecting and tabulating votes is terribly expensive. Many nations can't afford it. We could be one of them, if we continue shipping our money to the Arabs while we shut down power plants. Tyranny is cheaper than democracy. Only one nation in all of Africa offers its citizens the vote. Can you name it? It's the rich one. It's South Africa.

We are richer than other nations. If starvation among our neighbors didn't bother us, we wouldn't be human---and all all nations are our neighbors on this single planet. But the wealthy nations are vulnerable to more than guilt. The have-not nations outnumber us. Modern communications, including advertis.e.m.e.nts, have told them what they're missing, and who's got it. nations are our neighbors on this single planet. But the wealthy nations are vulnerable to more than guilt. The have-not nations outnumber us. Modern communications, including advertis.e.m.e.nts, have told them what they're missing, and who's got it.

We could share the wealth equally-and make the whole world poor. You've heard that before, but you may not have grasped what it means.

As long as there have been cities, corpses in city streets have posed a continual health problem.

The police force paid by taxes is a recent invention.

Murder is a recent invention-as distinctly opposed to killing a man who has armed relatives. That has always been dangerous. But killing a tramp used to be quite safe. is a recent invention-as distinctly opposed to killing a man who has armed relatives. That has always been dangerous. But killing a tramp used to be quite safe.

Throughout human history, women have been property. In general women are less muscular than men, more vulnerable to enslavement.

Slavery in general was the result of better farming techniques. It allowed civilized peoples to take prisoners instead of killing them, because now they couldfeed prisoners. The horse collar was a first step in freeing slaves; it meant that the horse could do about three times as much work as a man, without strangling. But if civilization collapsed now, now, could we afford horses? And gra.s.slands to feed them, instead of farms to feed us? I think we'd go back to slavery. could we afford horses? And gra.s.slands to feed them, instead of farms to feed us? I think we'd go back to slavery.

In the name of "protecting the environment"-surely a laudable aim in itself-there are those who would oppose all all forms of industrial power. I believe that they have forgotten what the environment is like before men shape it. They have forgotten tigers and tsetse flies and rabies. It would cost us dearly to lose our present level of civilization. forms of industrial power. I believe that they have forgotten what the environment is like before men shape it. They have forgotten tigers and tsetse flies and rabies. It would cost us dearly to lose our present level of civilization.

We also can't stay where we are.

The easy resources are running out, yes, but there's more to it than that. No No civilization has civilization has ever ever been able to stay in one place. been able to stay in one place.

We have to deal, somehow, with the information explosion. The proliferation of laws and rules and regulations is part of that. Perhaps we can be educated to tolerate the flow, a.s.similate it. Perhaps we need information-free vacations-' 'anarchy parks," places with no news-flow and no rules at all, as in "Cloak of Anarchy"-for our sanity's sake.

Cars and freeways and airlines give us the freedom to be ourselves, but easy transportation carries its own penalties. Almost every state in the Union has too few state hospitals for the criminally insane. Every time a judge sends a patient to a California mental inst.i.tution, some doctor has to decide not whether whether to put a patient back on the street, but to put a patient back on the street, but whom. whom. Now the patient is out here with me. Now the patient is out here with me.

Why can't we build more psychiatric hospitals, and schools, and prisons? Because voting citizens are not trapped where they are. Some won't vote their money to improve their neighborhood because it's easier to move.

We can't stay the way we are. We have to go up-or down.

Today we have the power to make the whole world as wealthy as we are right now. It would take thirty to fifty years, if we start now. . . and we have have to start now. If we wait, we may wait too long. to start now. If we wait, we may wait too long.

I'm pushing s.p.a.ce travel. The resources are all up there, and the first resource we need is solar power.

We have several choices as to how to use it. Most people favor picking up the sunlight with collectors several miles across-which doesn't mean they're particularly heavy; the Echo satellite was both huge and flimsy. The collectors would convert the power into microwaves, or laser beams, and beam it down to collectors on Earth.

Or try this. Big, flimsy solar mirrors. Beam the sunlight down directly, all to one tiny patch of desert. n.o.body would live there, of course. The collectors would run at around 350 degrees F.

Again we face choices. We can carefully intercept only the sunlight that would have reached Earth anyway. No heat pollution. Or we can pick up light that was on its way to interstellar s.p.a.ce.

Do we want heat pollution? Ocean thermal difference plants (OTEC, using the temperature difference between the top and bottom of an ocean) produce none. Nuclear plants produce just as much heat pollution per kilowatt as coal plants do. But maybe heat pollution is what we want! We've got fair evidence that the next Ice Age is starting now. Right now.

We may have been holding off the next Ice Age for the last couple of hundred years, just by burning so much of our fossil fuels, polluting the troposphere, producing a greenhouse effect. The fuels are running out. If we build nuclear plants and put them on line as fast as we can, it may be enough; though we'd have to be producing more more power, because there's no particulate pollution. But these mirrors would do the job for us too. power, because there's no particulate pollution. But these mirrors would do the job for us too.

There's a second choice, and if you like protecting the environment, you'll love this. Besides beaming power down to the factories from orbit, we can move the factories into orbit, and beyond.

The resources of the Moon include metals and oxygen-bearing rock. An astronaut who has worked on Earth, in free-fall, and on the Moon prefers the Moon for working conditions. Something has been leached from Earthly soil over billions of years; mix lunar dust into it and the plants fall in love.

A nickel-iron asteroid a mile across would hold five years' worth of the Earth's total production of metals, in metal deposits richer than any now to be found on Earth. If you like iridium, you'll love the asteroids; it was that which gave Alvarez his clue to the extermination of the dinosaurs. We'll probably find water ice; certainly we'll find water loosely bound in compounds.

Behind the problem you just solved you will find another problem, always. There are social implications to making the whole world rich. "The poor are always with us"-up to now. Somebody's going to face a h.e.l.l of a servant problem.

Well, we'll burn that bridge when we come to it.

His eyes shifted ... ... and the sky had opened a mouth. The shock only lasted a moment. A great empty mouth closed and opened again. It was rotating slowly. An eye bulged above one jaw; something like a skeletal hand was folded below the other. It was a klomter away and and the sky had opened a mouth. The shock only lasted a moment. A great empty mouth closed and opened again. It was rotating slowly. An eye bulged above one jaw; something like a skeletal hand was folded below the other. It was a klomter away and still still big. big.

THE INTEGRAL TREES, 1983.

THE KITE MAN.

BLOWING SMOKE.

We had come to Jet Propulsion Laboratory, northwest of Pasadena, to watch the pictures Voyager I would send back as it pa.s.sed Saturn.