It only took Jack a few seconds to decide on his first wish .

"I want to be an incredibly powerful magic user who can bend the world to my will!" He said with a grand flourish .

Frumpkin looked at him with a bored expression . "Sorcerer, Wizard, Warlock, Priest, or Shaman?"

Jack stopped mid-pose and looked at the man, and dropped his arms . "Uhm, what's the difference?"

Frumpkin started rubbing his temples and muttered something to himself . He threw his hands up . "You know what? Doesn't matter . I'll surprise you," He said, snapping his fingers .

Jack felt a sudden glow of energy course through his body . He dramatically raised his hands, and imagined a jet of fire shooting out of them as he shouted the first word that came to his head .

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"RACHMANINOFF!"

To his surprise and horror a ma.s.sive jet of flames engulfed the air around him, completely consuming the area in front of him, including Frumpkin, in a ma.s.sive fireball . Jack s.n.a.t.c.hed his hands shut, and the fire instantly dissipated, leaving a soot-blackened and very displeased looking Frumpkin floating in front of him .

"Sorry! I had no idea that would actually do anything!" Jack said, feeling sheepish .

Frumpkin glowered at him, and coughed once . He then snapped his fingers, and the soot on him dissolved .

"Yeah well, now you know," He said, and followed up with ,"so what's your second wish?"

Jack thought for a second .

"I want to be an incredibly powerful warrior with an enchanted magic weapon I am a master of!" He said, striking another pose .

"What is it with you and striking poses when you make wishes?" Frumpkin asked, pinching the bridge of his nose .

Jack dropped the pose, embara.s.sed . "I dunno . . . just felt right, I guess . It's what I've always seen characters in stories do when they're in situations like this . "

"Well stop it . You're giving me a headache . Now, hold still . . . " Frumpkin said, rubbing his hands together rapidly . He laid them on Jack's shoulders .

Jack felt another sudden course of energy, and then the sudden sensation of every muscle in his body growing and swelling . He couldn't explain it, but he suddenly felt a whole lot stronger . However, when he looked down, he saw that he was still his same chubby, flabby self, complete with grease-stained s.p.a.ce Invaders s.h.i.+rt and cargo shorts .

"Wait, I though you were gonna make me into a great warrior!" Jack said .

"I did," Frumpkin said, before adding, "now hold out your hand . "

"No you didn't! I'm still super fat and out of shape!" Jack said, pointing to his stomach .

"Yes, I did . Being a great warrior doesn't mean getting rid of being fat . There are plenty of great warriors where you're going who are fat," Frumpkin said . "Now, if you want to use your last wish on being muscular looking, we can do that in a moment . In the meantime, hold out your hand!"

Jack sighed and held out his hand . With a sudden rush of light and energy, a long handled axe with a wide, sweeping blade appeared in his hand . The blade was covered in ornate scrollwork carvings, and the handle was wrapped in some kind of leather-like material that Jack didn't recognize immediately .

"Whoa, cool!" Jack said, moving the axe around and inspecting it .

"I figured you'd appreciate that," Frumpkin said . He looked at Jack and asked, "What's your last wish, kid?"

It only took Jack a moment to decide on his last wish .

"I want a harem of 'hot' girls who want me!", he said .

"A harem of . . . hot girls?" Frumpkin asked, looking very confused .

"Yeah! Super ridiculously hot! With big t.i.ts!" Jack added, trying desperately not to strike another pose .

"Uhm, okay . . . ? One harem of blazing hot women coming up . . . " Frumpkin said with a befuddled expression . He muttered something under his breath to himself, snapped his fingers, and added "You'll find your harem waiting for you just outside where you sp.a.w.n . And try not to get burned . I suggest forge gloves if you plan on touching them . "

"Alrighty! Hey . . . wait, what do you mean, burned?" Jack asked, but Frumpkin was already gone .