But it was growing late, and many people had already taken leave. It was one o'clock in the morning! a big slice taken off the night. Madame de Pontchartrain made a sign to my sister, and they led my wife away. I divined the meaning of that, and I waited until I might be allowed to join Pelagie.

The ceremony seemed to me very long! Not until three-quarters of an hour had pa.s.sed did Amelie return and motion to me that at last I was at liberty to go to my wife.

All the guests departed; I did the same; fleeing from the jests that bored me to death, I left the ballroom and bent my steps toward the wing which I was to occupy thenceforth.

I was directed to my bedroom; I had been careful to take a light, otherwise I should have broken my neck in some of the innumerable rooms of that old house, and the time would have been very ill chosen for an accident. I saw a light--that must be the place. I opened a door and entered a very handsome bedroom, furnished somewhat _a l'antique,_ but provided with everything. Two wax candles were burning on the mantel; I recognized several articles of mine on a table, for my sister had taken pains to have all my wardrobe transported to my new abode. I was at home; so far, so good. To make sure of not being disturbed, I bolted the door, then walked toward the bed, the curtains of which were drawn--from bashfulness, of course.

I heard no sound. Could she be asleep already? or was she pretending to be? I drew the curtains aside, and I saw no one in the bed, which had not been disturbed.

What did that mean? I was certainly in my apartment--everything that I found there proved it. In that case, where could my wife be? Did it mean that we were to have a bedroom each? Why, of course; and that was why they hoped that I would leave my wife in peace. "The devil take them with their nonsensical customs!" thought I.--If I had only known it sooner! However, I wanted my wife; I was determined to have her, I must have her. I had not married a pretty doll who never opened her mouth and kept her eyes on the ground all day to be alone at night and occupy a separate bed; the least I could expect was some little compensation for the ennui I had suffered.--I would sleep with my wife--that was my resolution--even though I must turn the whole house upside down to attain that end.

I reflected first of all that my wife's room could not be far from mine.

I concluded to try to find it, and to avoid making a noise if possible; for that would cause scandal in the household of Madame de Pontchartrain, who thought perhaps that I had married her niece to obtain the right to make love to her at those innocent parlor games.

I looked about and discovered a door which I had not noticed at first. I took a candle, opened the door, and found myself in a fine salon. That was very well; I continued my inspection of my suite. There was a door facing me; where did that lead? Into a dining room. Another door opened into a pa.s.sageway; I went on and found a toilet room freshly painted; all very pleasant, but not what I was looking for at that moment.

I returned to the salon. Whither did that other door lead? To my wife's room, no doubt; since I had been prowling about the salon as if I were playing hide-and-seek, I must have pa.s.sed it many times. I tried to open it by turning the k.n.o.b, but it resisted; it was locked on the inside. No more doubt: my wife was there, and had been advised to lock herself in.

Ah! what sly creatures they were in that country!

I knocked--no answer. I knocked again, louder.

"Who is there?" someone asked at last; and I recognized Pelagie's voice.

"It's I, my dear love."

"Oh! is it you, monsieur my husband?"

"Yes, my dear; come, let me in quickly."

"What for?"

"Parbleu! I'll tell you in a minute. Open the door."

"Oh! I can't!"

"You can't! what does that mean? that's decidedly new!"

"My aunt told me not to."

"Your aunt doesn't know what she says. As she has been a widow thirty-three years, perhaps she has forgotten that husbands and wives sleep together."

"Oh, yes! I know that you will sleep with me finally; but she told me that modesty requires me to postpone the time as long as possible."

"And I tell you that we must sleep together at once; modesty has nothing more to do with our love; hymen has its rights, and you must listen to it now; the pleasures it permits should not alarm your modesty."

"I don't understand all that."

"I will make you understand it when I am with you. Open the door, I beg you. I can't begin to instruct you with this door between us."

"I'm afraid that my aunt----"

"Look you, madame, I am your husband, after all; you swore this morning to be obedient and submissive to me, and you are violating your oaths already! Come, Pelagie, I beg you, let's not begin with a quarrel; open the door at once; if you don't, I'll set the house on fire."

"Oh! mon Dieu!"

She opened the door instantly; she was in her chemise and hurried back to hide herself in her bed; but it was easy for me to find her now. I still had a few obstacles to overcome; but they were not at all disagreeable; indeed, I should have been very much distressed if I had not encountered them! On this occasion the rose was not without thorns.

Let us draw the curtain over the mysteries of hymen, although they are one of Polichinelle's secrets.

x.x.xII

RETURN TO PARIS

The first days of married life are called the honeymoon. But the only honey I enjoyed was a grand row with Madame de Pontchartrain on the day after my wedding, because she perceived by her heavy eyes, her gait, in fact, by a thousand symptoms which never escape a dowager's glance, that I had already plucked the rose of hymen. She went so far as to reproach me, to accuse me of immodesty, brutality, a purely animal pa.s.sion, and declared that I wanted to kill her niece. It would have required the patience of a cherub to listen unmoved to such nonsense; and as I am no angel, I sent our aunt about her business; I forbade her to meddle in my affairs thereafter, and especially enjoined upon her to refrain from offering advice to my wife. Madame de Pontchartrain shrieked and stormed and raved; I withdrew to my apartment; and there we were at swords'

point!

Old women are great talkers, and the dear aunt was spiteful and vindictive in addition. Instead of trying to forget that scene, she thought only of revenging herself for what she called my base conduct.

On the next day, the whole town knew that I was a hot-tempered, ungentlemanly libertine, and that I had begun already to make my wife very unhappy.

However, my sister, who knew me and loved me, made haste to contradict all the rumors that the old aunt put in circulation to my discredit; she fell out with Madame de Pontchartrain, because she did not share her way of looking at things. In the town, some believed the aunt, others my sister; opinions were divided; it would almost have split the community into two hostile camps, except that they were generally agreed as to the main point, that is, the pleasure of making unkind remarks and the love of scandal.

I was very little disturbed by what the people of Melun thought and said of me, but I was deeply interested in my wife, and I was desirous that she should not agree with her aunt.

Pelagie found herself in an embarra.s.sing position: her aunt told her not to listen to me, and I told her not to listen to her aunt, who did all that she could to induce her to come often to her apartments, while I did my best to prevent her going there. Madame de Pontchartrain told Pelagie that she ought to command, to force me to obey her--in a word, to be the mistress; while I tried to make her understand that when a woman can do nothing but play parlor games, dance, embroider, and sing ballads, she ought to call in her husband to a.s.sist her in managing her household.

All this frequently threw my wife into a state of painful uncertainty. I had been her husband only a few days, and her aunt had been her mentor from infancy. She was afraid of her, and I should have been very sorry to arouse such a feeling with respect to myself. The result was that she obeyed her aunt rather than me; and that had already brought about several of those little _discussions_ which I desired to avoid. If Pelagie had had any wit or judgment, she would have felt that her aunt was wrong. But, alas! she had nothing of the sort; and dullards are much harder to lead than bright people. I hoped that she would acquire those qualities, and that, having her eyes opened in regard to a certain matter, she would become less stupid with regard to others; but I was beginning to lose that hope.

There was one point, however, upon which we were in accord: that was our right to sleep together. As to that, Pelagie was entirely of my opinion; she no longer dreamed of having a separate bed, and was never tempted to lock her door. I would have bet that it would be so; these little innocents!--when they are once started, nothing will stop them!

I had no desire to remain at Melun; but before taking my wife to Paris, it was necessary that I should have lodgings prepared for her reception.

I could not take her to my little bachelor apartment; it was not suitable for us, nor did I wish her to know anything about it.

To find suitable lodgings, have them furnished and put in order, and engage servants, would detain me in Paris at least a week; and if I should leave my wife in her aunt's power for a week, G.o.d only knew in what frame of mind I should find her when I returned! An hour pa.s.sed with Madame de Pontchartrain always caused a quarrel between Pelagie and me. When she left her aunt, who had persuaded her that she ought not to listen to me, she made it her business to do just the opposite of what I told her, to tease me and make me angry; it was extremely difficult for me to bring her back to other ideas and to make her realize her errors.

If she should pa.s.s a week without seeing me, it would be impossible for us to live together.

What was to be done? I did not propose to live in the province any longer; I was beginning to have my fill of it, and I felt that if I were obliged to live there I should die.

My sister saw my plight; and despite her desire to have me settle down in her vicinity, as she saw that I did not enjoy the pleasures of wedlock as I ought at Melun, she offered to send Deneterre to Paris, to prepare an apartment for me. I accepted her offer gratefully; and my brother-in-law set off, with full instructions from me.

I prayed that he might return very soon. The time seemed terribly long to me. I was obliged to remain constantly with my wife; and to be always in the company of a person who has nothing to say, who often does not understand what you say to her--what torture!

At first I had hopes; the nights were some slight recompense; but hope soon vanished, and even the nights sometimes seemed wearisome to me. Ah!

then I realized what a trivial thing mere beauty is! We become accustomed to everything, to an ugly face as well as a lovely one; but when, with the lovely face, we find no sustenance for the mind or heart; when a little mouth is mute or says only foolish things; when two great eyes have no expression; when the smile is always the same; when the voice expresses no feeling--then there is nothing to do but yawn and fall asleep beside that little chef-d'oeuvre of nature.