Why is a fishmonger never generous? Because his business makes him sell fish (selfish).

What is that which works when it plays and plays when it works? A fountain.

What is that from which you may take away the whole and yet there will be some remaining? The word wholesome.

Why are fowls the most economical things a farmer can keep? Because for every grain they give a peck.

Why is it dangerous to walk in the meadows in springtime? Because the trees are shooting and the bulrush is out (bull rushes out).

Why is a vine like a soldier? Because it is listed and has ten drills (tendrils) and shoots.

If a man who is carrying a dozen gla.s.s lamps drops one, what does he become? A lamp lighter.

What belongs to yourself, but is used more by your friends than by yourself? Your name.

A man had twenty sick (six) sheep and one died; how many were left?

Nineteen.

Which is the best day for making a pancake? Friday.

What is that which everybody has seen but will never see again?

Yesterday.

What four letters would frighten a thief? O I C U.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

Why is a spider a good correspondent? Because he drops a line at every post.

When is the clock on the stairs dangerous? When it runs down.

Why is the letter "k" like a pig's tail? Because it comes at the end of pork.

What is the keynote to good manners? B natural.

Why is a five dollar bill much more profitable than five silver dollars? Because when you put it in your pocket you double it, and when you take it out you will find it in-creases.

Why is a watch like a river? Because it doesn't run long without winding.

What is that which flies high, flies low, has no feet, and yet wears shoes? Dust.

Which is the smallest bridge in the world? The bridge of your nose.

When has a man four hands? When he doubles his fists.

What trees has fire no effect upon? Ash trees; because when they are burned they are ashes still.

What is the difference between a schoolmaster and an engine-driver?

One minds the train and the other trains the mind.

What is that which goes from Chicago to Philadelphia without moving?

The road.

Which is easier to spell--fiddle-de-dee or fiddle-de-dum?

Fiddle-de-dee, because it is spelled with more "e's."

When may a chair be said to dislike you? When it can't bear you.

What animal took most luggage into the Ark, and which two took the least? The elephant, who took his trunk, while the fox and the c.o.c.k had only a brush and a comb between them.

If a bear were to go into a dry goods store, what would he want? He would want muzzlin'.

Why was the first day of Adam's life the longest? Because it had no Eve.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

Why is a washerwoman like a navigator? Because she spreads her sheets, crosses the line and goes from pole to pole.

Why is it that a tailor won't attend to business? Because he is always cutting out.

When can a horse be sea-green in color? When it's a bay.

Why were gloves never meant to sell? Because they were made to be kept on hand.

When are we all artists? When we draw a long face.

Why are watch-dogs bigger by night than by day? Because they are let out at night and taken in in the morning.

Why is B like a hot fire? Because it makes oil Boil.

Why is a schoolmaster like a bootblack? Because he polishes the understandings of the people.

When is a store-keeper always above his business? When he lives over his store.

Which is the liveliest city in the world? Berlin; because it's always on the Spree.

Why is a water-lily like a whale? Because they both come to the surface to blow.

Why is a shoemaker the most industrious of men? Because he works to the last.

What is book-keeping? Forgetting to return borrowed volumes.

Why is scooping out a turnip a noisy process? Because it makes it hollow.

Why are teeth like verbs? Because they are regular, irregular, and defective.

What ships hardly ever sail out of sight? Hardships.

When is an artist a dangerous person? When his designs are bad.