"I'm sorry," he told me. "It has to be done."

Chapter Sixteen.

Everything in my body ached. Everywhere.

Daylight streamed through the blinds, and I turned my head away. Josh slept against my side, one arm thrown possessively over my waist, one leg over mine, his body half-covering my own. A low purr rumbled in his chest.

He looked exhausted, I noted tenderly. He'd worked on my body for hours, licking and biting my skin over and over again, to the point that I felt raw all over. Some people took on only one bite, he'd explained, but he'd wanted to be sure that mine took. I didn't have time to waste, after all, and he wanted me safe. So he'd meticulously bitten and licked and bitten and licked every inch of my skin.

When the afterglow of endorphins had worn off and his bites had made me whimper in a bad way, he'd made love to me again, teasing me past the brink of madness and back into that dreamy, blissed-out zone where his bites had barely hurt and every lick had been an affirmation of how much he loved me.

Sometime before dawn we'd both collapsed, exhausted. I must have been extra tired, because for once I'd been able to sleep for a while.

I shifted underneath him, wincing at the pain that rushed through my body from my sore, stiff muscles. Another shiver ripped through me, and I winced. That one had felt harder than the last. Why was my body cramping like this? I winced and tried to stretch.

The skin on my arm suddenly burned hot, like someone had laid a curling iron against it. I gasped, twisting to see what was causing it. To my surprise, dun hair was pricking through my skin. I stared, and another shudder ripped through my body, this one harder. Bones cracked.

I began to panic.

"Josh," I yelped, wriggling under him. As I jerked at one foot, I noticed my toenails elongating into claws. I was turning! It worked!

Then a flash of mind-numbing pain ripped through me, and I screamed as my bones and muscles gave a horrific twist. It shouldn't have felt like that, should it?

Josh jerked up and looked at me with bleary eyes. As he saw my arm bristling with fur and my fingers curving with claws, delight filled his face. "We did it, baby!"

Another ripple tore through me, this one even more intense than the last. My body locked, and I heard bones snap and creak. "Help me!" I cried.

"It's okay," he said, stroking a hand down my arm to soothe me. "I'm here with you. Everything will be all right."

I curled into a ball on the center of the bed. It smelled of my blood and sex and sweat, and when Josh leaned over to kiss me, I smelled his skin, wonderful and earthy and magnified a dozen times.

The barrage of scents made my stomach churn.

I hugged my knees close, waiting for the next intense round of pain, staring at my half-animal arm and trying not to freak out. "Does it always hurt like this?"

"Every change hurts, I'm afraid."

I nodded, biting my lip. "How . . . how long will it take for me to shift?"

He gave me a helpless look. "I'm sorry; I don't know. I've been able to change ever since I was born, so I don't think about it." Josh continued to stroke me, soothing me with soft touches. "I imagine the first time will be the hardest, but after that you'll get used to it."

That didn't sound too bad. But . . . my body wasn't changing anymore. I stared at my arm and my half-formed feet, and shuddered. No more ripples through me. Just the scents of the bed, and the room, and Josh nearby, watching me with concerned eyes.

The scents were too strong, too much. "I . . . I think I need to shower."

He helped me get up, my body feeling weak and fragile. This was supposed to help, but if anything, I felt worse. I had a brief, horrible thought: what if this didn't fix it? What if Josh had ruined his life for nothing?

I barely made it to the bathroom before vomiting.

Josh stroked my hair back from my face as I was sick. "What can I do to help?"

"Just help me shower," I told him, leaning heavily on him. "I'll feel better after I shower."

Except I didn't.

If anything, I felt worse. The strange tremors continued through my body over and over again, locking me with pain. Each time, I braced myself against the pain, to hold steady until it passed. And each time, it seemed to hurt more. My claws elongated, my feet and hands warping until they were half-paws, my lower arms and legs coated with a soft layer of fur.

And then, nothing. Nothing for long, awful hours.

When night came and I was no closer to changing fully, Josh tugged the sheets over my sweating, sick body and stroked my cheek. "I'm going to leave you for a few minutes, but I'll be right back."

"Promise?" I wanted to cling to his hand, but I knew that was silly.

He nodded, then kissed my sweaty forehead. "I love you. Everything is going to be fine. Trust me."

I did. I'd trusted him this far. He'd see me through this. I closed my eyes and bit down on my lip as another ripple of pain jolted through me, centered in my hands and feet, and I felt the bones creak a little more, give a little more. They were like white-hot balls of agony at the end of each limb.

I hoped it wouldn't be like this every time I changed. I didn't think I could take much more.

I heard Josh pad down the stairs, the wood creaking with every step. Heard a muffled conversation, and then a beep that sounded like a phone hanging up. The creak of the stairs as he returned, and then the delicious scent of Josh that told me he was back moments before he walked through the door.

He held my ugly, misshapen hand as I panted through another ripple of shifting. My body felt so weak that I was starting to think this was the end. Maybe I was too weak to change fully. Maybe my overtaxed body couldn't handle it. Josh was worried, too. His handsome face had deep lines around his mouth and eyes, even though he kept a cheerful expression for my sake. He told me a story of him and Beau as kids, and the biggest catfish they'd ever caught. He told me about the first girl he'd ever kissed, when he was seven, and being decked by another were-cougar for doing it. He told me all kinds of funny stories while his hands stroked my aching, rippling flesh, not showing the worry he had to be feeling.

After another round of pain stabbed through me, I heard the door slam below. Josh's senses immediately went on alert, and he covered me with the sheet, tucking it close around me. I heard the low murmur of a woman's voice, and then two sets of feet coming up the stairs, one much heavier than the other.

I marveled at my newly sharp hearing; shifters could hear everything around them.

There was a quick knock at the bedroom door, and I gave Josh a horrified look. Here I was in bed, naked, with mutant, misshapen hands and feet. "Send them away. Please."

He shook his head and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "This is the cavalry, baby."

Josh opened the door, and I saw Sara, dwarfed by the enormous Ramsey.

Sara's gaze rested on me, and her eyes flashed with anger as she looked back to Josh. "What did you do? Did you collar her?"

"No!" we both said in unison. I was appalled at the thought.

"Of course not," Josh added, scowling at them.

Sara stepped forward, stared at my twisted hands, then looked at Josh again. "What did you do?" she demanded.

"What had to be done," Josh said, his big shoulders tensing.

A low, rumbling growl emanated from Ramsey, then the big blond man charged across the room and grabbed Josh by his collar, hauling him bodily up against the wall. Josh was tall and muscular, but Ramsey was a brick house.

Josh bared his teeth, glaring at Ramsey. "Let go of me."

"You turned her?" Ramsey snarled. "Fucking idiot." He slammed a fist into Josh's jaw.

I screamed, but for some reason, Josh wasn't fighting back. He simply glared at Ramsey, even as the other man shoved him against the wall again and shook him so hard that the pictures clattered to the floor.

"That's not going to solve anything, Huggy Bear," Sara said in a tired voice, and she moved to the side of my bed, crouching low. "You can knock his teeth out later. Are you okay, Marie?"

I gave her a wan smile. "I'd give you a thumbs-up, except I don't think I have a thumb anymore."

She took my hand-paw in hers as the two men continued to snarl at each other.

"You had no right to turn her," Ramsey growled.

Josh ignored him, his gaze on Sara. "Is she going to be okay?"

Sara's gaze moved over me, her eyes lingering on the collar at my throat for a long moment. Then she nodded firmly. "I've had worse. It just takes soothing the nerves and letting things happen naturally. She needs to relax." She put her hands on her hips and glared at the two men. "Which is not going to happen if you two continue to growl and beat each other up."

The big bear shifter let go of Josh, and he dropped to the floor, landing easily. He rubbed his neck, scowled at Ramsey, and moved back toward me again.

The bear shifter grabbed him by the back of his collar once more. "We're going to go talk. Outside."

"Thanks, Huggy Bear. Love you." Sara blew him a kiss with a smile and turned back to me.

Josh wrestled away from the bigger man's grasp. "I want to stay by her side. She's my mate."

Sara's voice was cold as she told him, "You're the problem right now, Josh. You need to leave so I can help her. Or do you want her to die?"

He flinched, his gaze returning to me, panting in the bed.

"I'm okay," I told him softly. "Go with Ramsey."

He gave a short, jerky nod and turned to go out the door. He and Ramsey had a shoving match on the way out, and I suspected it'd turn into a full-out brawl when they got outside.

Sara calmly shut the door behind them and turned back to me. I noticed her smell, light and sweet, with a hint of some kind of animal that I didn't recognize.

"Now," she said firmly as she sat on the bed next to me. "I want you to tell me if you're really okay. Did he hurt you?"

I stared at her, wide-eyed. "Hurt me?"

"I've never thought Josh would be the kind to turn a girl against her will, but you never know. What happened?" Sara's mouth thinned with displeasure.

I shook my head. "You're misunderstanding. I asked him to turn me, Sara. I . . . I have a disease. It's killing me."

Her face softened with understanding-and chagrin. "Oh, Marie. I'm sorry. I just . . . " She looked a bit embarrassed. "I guess I jump to conclusions when I see a girl in a bad situation. My hackles get raised and I get defensive. I'm sorry to accuse Josh."

"It's okay. He's been great through this. Really."

Sara snapped her fingers, eyes lighting up as something occurred to her. "Wait. Is this why you were looking for a vampire?"

I gave her a bitter smile. "Ironic, huh?" I told her about Andre and about Lily, who was still sequestered here. "At first I wouldn't let Josh turn me. Not after what happened with the tiger clan and the girl. I couldn't do that to him. I love him." My voice cracked on the confession. "But when we realized the vampire wasn't going to turn me . . . "

"He stepped in because he's got a massive case of white knight syndrome." Sara patted my shoulder. "It's okay, Marie. Just relax. Now listen: when I was turned, I didn't have anyone to teach me, either. These born shifters aren't the greatest teachers, because they're so used to it. Well, except Ramsey. He's good at that, but he's good at everything that requires patience and skill." As I watched her, a blush colored her cheeks. "Anyhow. I'm going to be here with you, and I'm going to walk you through it, okay? Just don't fight the change. Fighting it is the worst thing you can do."

"Don't fight it. Got it," I said, just as another set of jaw-cracking muscle spasms ripped through me again.

Sara waited until those were done, and when I was panting for breath once more, she leaned in and patted my shoulder. "So, let's talk about Kegels."

"Kegels?" I repeated, not sure I'd heard her correctly.

"Yup. I swear, they're useful."

A few hours later, I was a cougar. The change hadn't been swift, but Sara had gently talked and soothed me through the process, telling me all about her own trouble points with shifting, and how focusing my inner muscles would speed things along. Kegels, she'd said cheerfully, just like another wolf had told her.

So when my inner muscles had been all flexed and ready to go, I'd begun to sink into the next wave of muscle cramps, mentally encouraging and centralizing.

After that, it hadn't been nearly as bad. My body had sleeked into that of a dun-colored cat, with a small, rounded head and long tail. The hated metal collar had fallen off with my transformation, and I studied my paws and my tail with surprise. My senses were wildly different as a cat, too, the scents almost distracting in their strength. Sara's scent no longer smelled clean, either. It smelled like wolf. I hissed and was immediately embarrassed.

"There, there, kitty," she said with a grin. "You'll get used to the big bad wolf here eventually. We'll shift together for the next few weeks until you get the hang of it."

I paced around the bedroom, trying out walking on all fours. I'd expected my body to feel weirdly out of balance, but everything made sense, oddly enough. Even my tail seemed to have a life of its own, lashing and smacking the wall as I lowered my head and scented the floorboards. So many people's scents were here. Everything was just . . . overwhelming.

I thumped to the ground, suddenly exhausted.

"It's okay," Sara said, coming to my side. Her fingers moved along my head, and she scratched behind my cat ear. To my surprise, the sensation was wonderful-I hadn't realized how itchy it had been until then, and I leaned into her fingers. "After you've had a little time to get adjusted, we'll go outside and you can run for a bit."

I tried to reply, but it came out as a weird coughing noise.

She grinned. "Just nudge me with your nose if you understand."

I did.

Sara gave me one more pat, then got to her feet, stretching. "I'm going to run down and get a drink of water. You stay here and relax for a few, and when I come back, we'll take a walk around the house."

We did a walk around the house, and up and down the stairs. I caught all the different scents as we walked, Sara chatting up a storm next to me. The older scents of Everett, Ellis, and Austin. Lily's unwashed scent from her room.

But Josh was nowhere to be found, and neither was Ramsey.

I wanted to ask where they were, but I couldn't. My cat form was many things, but it wasn't vocal.

When we'd finished pacing the house, I allowed Sara to lead me upstairs. "You're probably getting tired," she told me. "It's been a long day. Lie down and take a nap; being a shifter can take a lot out of you."

I couldn't say that I wasn't able to nap, so I figured I'd just lie down for a bit and rest.