"But I think we'd have problems with our daughters," Josie said. "Heather comes first with you. Amelia comes first with me. The girls don't get along, and we have two different ways of raising them. Mike, we can't get married now. It wouldn't work." She handed the ring back.

He shuffled his feet and said, "I'm sorry, Josie, but . . ."

"I'm sorry, too, Mike," Josie said, and she was.

"Is there someone else?" Mike asked.

His question angered her. "Right," Josie said. "I have so much time for men. I have them stashed in every room."

The door to Josie's bedroom opened and Stan came out. This was the new Stan, wearing a tight, s.e.xy shirt that showed his improved physique. "Hi, Mike," Stan said. Mike practically bared his teeth.

"What do you think, Josie?" Stan asked.

"You look hot," Amelia said. "But you need to lose the pants."

"Amelia!" Josie said.

"I didn't mean right this moment," Amelia said.

"Good-bye, Josie," Mike said. Josie didn't hear him leave.

Shopping Tips Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, is the busiest shopping day of the year.

Or is it?

The mall may be crowded as a mosh pit the day after Thanksgiving. But surveys show the real retail buying may take place closer to Christmas. The International Council of Shopping Centers (ICSC) reports that between 1993 and 2002, Black Friday was a sluggardly seventh or eighth place, occasionally rising to fifth. In 2003 and 2005, Black Friday jumped to first place, but that's only twice in nine years.

So what's really the nation's busiest shopping day? The one you can count on?

The Sat.u.r.day before Christmas. Or, if Christmas is on a weekend, December 23 is the big day.

Shopping protest: When you stay home from the mall on Black Friday, you could be choosing to avoid the crowds-or engaging in a protest. Adbusters magazine declared Black Friday "Buy Nothing Day" back in 1997.

But if you do go to the mall: Josie feels Christmas decorations have been up since Labor Day, but the ICSC says most retailers begin decorating November 1.

The song Josie is most likely to hear in the malls during the holiday season?

"Jingle Bells" is the mall favorite, followed by "White Christmas."

Have your eye on special holiday decorations? January is the best time to buy them on sale, especially expensive ornaments or china. They can cost fifty to seventy-five percent less after the holidays. If you can't wait a whole year, check out the Christmas decoration sale all year round at www.christmaspeople.com.

Worried about unsafe toys? Be a label reader. "Look for toys that give age and safety recommendations and use that information as a guide," the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission says. The CPSC suggests buyers avoid "building sets with small magnets" for children under six years old. Ditto for toys with small parts for children under three. Those can be a choking hazard. Air rockets, darts, and slingshots can cause serious eye injuries and are best enjoyed by older children. Some stores have online safety and recall information. One is Toys R Us at www.Toysrus.com/safety. It's tough when you have to take away a Christmas gift because it's unsafe for your child, grandchild, or G.o.dchild.

Bargain hunting is not for the timid. Some brave souls get up at four a.m. the day after Thanksgiving and shiver in the cold for those special holiday prices. Just make sure you're waiting for something that's there. Call the store before the sale and find out how many units are in stock of the items you want. If the store only has four or five flat-panel televisions at that incredibly low price, you may decide you want to sleep late that day.

Better yet, sit tight until the last two weeks before Christmas, when you'll see real deals on TVs, computers, electronics, and other gifts. The lines are shorter, too, except maybe on December 23.

So you want to be a mystery shopper: As in all professions, you need to look out for potential problems. Be careful before you sign on with a company as a mystery shopper. Go to David Grisman's www.2006topscams. com/mystery-shopping.He says some of those"get paid for shopping" Web sites want you to buy a mystery-shopping directory that may contain outdated information.

What should a wise mystery shopper do?

Grisman suggests you ask this key question: Does the site offer a money-back guarantee? Some promise that you will "get paid to shop" if you give them money but never give you anything in return. Look for Web sites that include a way to get your money refunded.

Not sure if a mystery-shopping company is legitimate? Check with your state attorney general's office or the Better Business Bureau. Check out the Mystery Shopping Providers a.s.sociation at www.mysteryshop.org and make sure your potential company is a member of MSPA. Check the same site for mystery-shopping scams.

Now, let's go holiday shopping. Out of fresh holiday gift ideas? Consider these: Hot flash: When a friend sent my husband, Don, an LED penlight, I expected it to wind up in a junk drawer. Don isn't crazy about gadgets, and I'd never find him wandering the aisles at the hardware store. So I was surprised when he liked the penlight. Don keeps it in a place of honor by the TV. He uses his new flashlight to tease the cat, find the object that rolled under the bookcase, and help operate the remote.

I started asking around and learned an important lesson: Most men love flashlights, from skinny penlights to macho t.i.tanium tactical lights. Check out a Web site called Cool Flashlights, www.coolflashlights.com.

Extra scratch: There's a nifty telescoping back-scratcher from C. Crane and Co., www.ccrane.com, for around ten dollars.

Gifts for women that are easy on the wallet but send the right message: There's something about that Tiffany & Co. blue box that makes a woman's heart flutter. If a five-figure necklace is out of your price range, Tiffany has gifts for less than one hundred dollars, from earrings to Elsa Peretti charms. They all come in that distinctive Tiffany blue box. Check them out at www.tiffany.com.

Put some sparkle in her life: You don't have to give her diamonds. If your favorite female plans to hit the beach this holiday season, consider sparkling crystal-trimmed flip-flops from Deborah Evans. They're less than $100 at www.funfeet.com. Hey, if they're s.e.xy enough for Eva Longoria, chances are the woman you know will be pleased, too.

Take her career seriously: An engraved card holder will keep a businesswoman from presenting a dog-eared card pulled from the bottom of her purse. Tiffany has those, too, but if you're on a budget, consider JCPenney's engraved business card holders for about thirty dollars or less. Check out www.jcpenney.com.

s.e.x and chocolate: Red Envelope has offbeat gifts, including Truth, Dare or Chocolate. This game has racy questions: "Where is the kinkiest place you've made love?" and gives you chances to tattoo your partner with Chocoholics Body Frosting. The game includes paint-brushes, cards, p.a.w.ns, and two tiny jars of body frosting. www.redenvelope.com.

Cook your heart out: This romantic staple from novels works in real life, too. If you're a man who knows his way around the kitchen, fix her a meal. If you can't cook, stop at your favorite deli or supermarket, pick up a roast chicken, a salad, veggies, and flowers. Hardworking moms and working women all appreciate having someone else cook for a change.

Like Josie, I'm not a good cook. Fortunately, many of my friends are. Every year I wait for my Christmas present from Janet Smith. Janet mails a big box of homemade Christmas cookies. Liz Aton sends the ingredients for delicious holiday dips. All I have to do is add fresh sour cream, and I can bring something homemade to a holiday party. It wasn't completely made in my home, but they don't have to know that.

Give your time and talent: Short on cash but want to do the right thing? Offer your services as a babysitter, an errand runner, or car washer. If you're handy, a couple of hours of fix-it service are a welcome surprise. Volunteer to hang pictures and repair that dripping faucet.

For one-of-a-kind dogs: Pure Mutt is a company that celebrates one-of-a-kind dogs. After all, there's no pet quite like the collie-Lab mix you adopted at the shelter. Pure Mutt has matching shirts for dogs and their human companions, as well as leashes, key chains, collars, and other apparel. A portion of the proceeds benefits a no-kill animal shelter. For information, orders, or to find a Pure Mutt supplier near you, go to www.puremuttinc.com Gifts that give back: If a family member says, "Please don't buy me another useless holiday present, I have too much stuff," give a gift that gives back. Buy a better future with groups like Kiva. Where else can a pig farmer in Bali get help from a socialite in Boca Raton?

Kiva is a global organization that lets you sponsor little loans that make a big difference to people in developing nations. The amounts may seem small by our standards. Many are twenty-five to seventy-five dollars. Most loans are less than fifteen hundred dollars.

At the Kiva Web site, you can pick your beneficiary, lending one hundred dollars to help a man sell fish, or twenty-five dollars to a seamstress who wants to expand her business. You can also buy Kiva gift certificates, so your family can choose the person they want to help. For information, go to www.kiva.org.

Make sure you get the right kind of red for the holidays: Red is a good Christmas color, unless it's in your bank account. Here are three easy ways financial experts say you can avoid the wrong shade of holiday red: 1. Know how much you're spending: Sure, you want to get Mom a nice gift for a hundred bucks. But write down the total cost. Add up all your holiday gift expenses, including wrapping paper, ribbon, cards, gift bags, and shipping costs.

2. Leave your credit cards at home: Shopping with cash means you can't overspend-when you run out of money, that's it.

3. Cash in twice: Carrying cash may put you at risk for theft, but it has another advantage: It may keep you off new mailing lists. To remove your name from mail or e-mail lists, visit the Direct Marketing a.s.sociation at www.dmaconsumers.org/EMPS.

Shop in your pajamas: Shopping online is a good way to save gas and avoid the crowds. "E-tailers" must follow the same rules as retailers. Online companies must ship the item during the time they advertise on their Web site. If their site promises, "We'll have it to you by December 24!" then they'd better do it.

If the company can't deliver on time, it has to give the shopper notice, with the revised shipping date. If there's no promise of a special shipping date, the company must ship the item within thirty days of receiving the order. Protect yourself by making a copy of your confirmation order.

If calling the company for help gets you nowhere, you can file a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission at www.ftc.gov. You can also protect yourself by checking the Web site with BBBOnLine, www.bbbonline.orgbefore you order.

One more tip: Some consumers prefer to use major credit cards for online purchases rather than store cards. The major credit cards are often more responsive to consumer needs.

Two- and four-legged bandits: One year I sent gift baskets for the holidays. Two friends did not call or write that they'd received their gifts. It turned out one gift basket was delivered to the porch of a friend's suburban home. He was at work, and returned to find that squirrels, racc.o.o.ns, and other critters had gnawed through the box and eaten the fruit, cheese, smoked salmon, nuts, and cookies. All he had waiting for him was a jar of preserves and some apple cores.

Another friend lived in a large apartment complex with no doorman or security guard. A "good neighbor" signed for her gift basket and helped himself to the feast.

To its credit, the company re-sent the baskets at its expense.

Happy holidays.

Don't miss the nationally bestselling books in Agatha and Anthony Award-winning author Elaine Viets's Dead-End Job series: Shop Till You Drop Murder Between the Covers Dying to Call You Just Murdered Murder Unleashed Murder with Reservations Clubbed to Death And read on for a sneak peek of the eighth book in the series, Killer Cuts, on sale in May 2009.

Two tiny women in their sixties stood outside the door to Miguel Angel's salon on Las Olas. They were both about five feet tall and wore pantsuits, one pink, the other blue. Their hair was short and gray. They looked like little round twins.

Helen Hawthorne towered over them as she opened the salon door. "May I help you?" she asked.

"Is this where Miguel Angel works?" Ms. Pink asked. She p.r.o.nounced his name Mig-well and said "Angel" with a flat Midwestern accent.

"The Miguel Angel," said Ms. Blue.

"Yes, he's the owner," Helen said.

"Wow, you're tall," Ms. Pink said, looking up at Helen.

"Six feet," Helen said.

"Are you a model?" Ms. Blue asked.

"I'm only a gofer," Helen said. "I go for drinks and magazines for the clients, fetch lunches and run errands for Miguel Angel. I'm too old to model."

"You don't look old," said Ms. Pink. "Your dark hair is pretty."

"Thanks," Helen said. "Getting my hair done by Miguel Angel is the best perk of this job."

"We saw the People magazine article about how he changed LaDonna and gave her a new look. It saved her acting career," Ms. Pink said.

"From 'street' to 'elite,' " Ms. Blue said. "We'd love to meet him. He's a real artist."

"He's here," Helen said. "Come on in."

"Can we actually come inside?" Ms. Pink asked.

"Sure, why not?"

"Because we're fat," Ms. Blue said. She said the F word as if being slightly chubby were shameful.

"We like fat," Helen said. She didn't add that the salon really liked fat wallets.

The two women entered cautiously, as if they expected a supermodel with a flaming sword to banish them. They surveyed the sculpted black and chrome client chairs, the chic black dryers, the outrageous bouquets of flowers. Billie Holiday was crooning "Stormy Weather."

The salon's softly lit mirrors were designed to flatter. The floor sparkled as if sprinkled with diamond dust.

"Oh, my," Ms. Pink said.

"It's beautiful," Ms. Blue said.

"Everyone here is beautiful," Ms. Pink said.

Black-clad stylists were working on two models in the sculpted chairs. Paolo worked on the blonde. The woman's head was crowned with tinfoil for highlights. Richard was adding extensions to the glossy hair of a brunette. You could have built condos on the models' jutting cheekbones.

Ms. Blue ran her hands over the leather sc.r.a.pbooks on the salon's rosewood center table.

"Those are Miguel Angel's credits," Helen said.

Ms. Pink opened one book. "Look at that. Miguel Angel has been in Vogue, W, Glamour, Vanity Fair, and People. He did the MTV awards show. He's worked with so many celebrities."

"May we have his autograph to take back to Pittsburgh?" Ms. Pink asked. "Our friends won't believe we actually had the nerve to walk in here."

"Let me see if he's busy," Helen said. "Would you like some water or tea?"

"Oh, no, we can't afford to stay," Ms. Blue said. "We just wanted to say h.e.l.lo. Everyone talks about his work. He's famous."

"And handsome," Ms. Pink said. "Even if he won't be interested in us."

They giggled. Helen wondered if they knew Miguel was gay, or if they were talking about their cute, frumpy figures.

"What would it cost us to get our hair done here?" Ms. Blue asked.

"Three hundred for a color and cut," Helen said. The price tripped off her tongue as if everyone paid that much for hair care.

"Oh, dear," Ms. Blue said. "I don't think I can manage that. I'm still paying off my Saturn."

"Besides, we don't have much hair to work with," Ms. Pink said.

"Never underestimate Miguel Angel," Helen said. "Let me ask if he's seeing visitors."

Miguel Angel worked in his own alcove at the back of the salon. He was blow-drying the tawny-haired Kim Hammond, this season's top model. Miguel looked dangerous in his trademark black leather pants and black shirt with the collar turned up.

He wore his two enormous blow-dryers in black leather holsters, like six-guns. Why not? The man produced killer hair.

"Two nice women from Pittsburgh want to meet you," Helen said. "They admire your work. They want your autograph."

"That's sweet," Miguel Angel said. He was an international celebrity stylist, in a cla.s.s with Frederic Fekkai and that hunky Brazilian Oribe. Cuban-born Miguel Angel specialized in making aging beauties look glamorous. Actresses swore his touch could revive their lagging careers, and flew into his Fort Lauderdale salon from around the country. Ordinary women paid big bucks for his remakes.

Miguel asked Kim, "Do you mind if the ladies come back to meet me?"

"Really, Miguel. Are you giving tours now?" the model said in a bored voice.

"It's good for business," Miguel Angel said.

"But Pittsburgh?" Kim said with a sneer.

"There's money everywhere in America," he said.

"Then bring them back," Kim said. "Give the little people a thrill."