[Ill.u.s.tration: THE RETURN INVITATION.--"Please, Mrs. Subbubs, mamma says she'll be glad if you'll come to tea on Monday." "With pleasure, Bessie.

Tell your mother it's really too kind----" "Oh, no! mamma says she'll be glad when it's over."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Did our hat-rack walk about and have only two pegs, once, auntie?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: STABLE TALK.--_The General._ "That's a funny sort of horse you've got there, Cuthbert." _Cuthbert._ "Yes, gran'pa. You see he's been 'eating his head off' all the winter!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Severe Mother._ "You naughty boy! How dare you tell such stories? Aren't you ashamed of yourself for being a little liar?"

_Injured Son._ "Well, mother, 't ain't my fault. Father gave me a awful thrashing the other day for having spoken the truth." _Mother._ "What _do_ you mean?" _Son._ "Why, when I told you that father had come home quite drunk the night before!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "IN STRANGE ATTIRE"

"Nurse! Nurse! Bobby's out of bed, and running about in his _bananas_!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: PROOF

"You won't go in that dark room alone by yourself, Tommy."

"Oh! won't I? You just _come with me_, and see me do it!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: INCONTROVERTIBLE

"And how _old_ are you, my little man?" "I'm not old at all. I'm nearly _new_!"]

THE FORCE OF CLa.s.sIC TEACHING.--_Master._ Now, boys, what is Hexham famous for?

_Binks Minor._ Making the hexameter, sir.

[_Waits afterwards._

PROVERBS REVISED.--"_One is better than two._" _Mother._ You are a very naughty little girl!

_Little Girl_ (_after some thought_). Aren't you glad I wasn't twins, mummy?

[Ill.u.s.tration: MISUNDERSTOOD

_Mild Old Gentleman rescues a bun which child has dropped in the mud._

_Child_ (_all aglow with righteous indignation_). "That's _my_ bun!"]

TRUE SENTIMENT.--"I'm writing to Mrs. Montague, Georgie--that pretty lady you used to take to see your pigs. Haven't you some nice message to send her?"

"Yes, mummie; give her my love, and say I never look at a little black pig now without thinking of _her_!"

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Chemist._ "Pills, eh?" (_Emphasising question_) "Anti-bilious?"

_Child_ (_readily_). "No, sir; uncle is!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Mother._ "Now, dear, why don't you run away and give grandpa a kiss?" _Child_ (_somewhat nonplussed by grandpapa's moustache and beard_). "I don't see any place for it, mamma!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE," &c.--_Ethel._ "Mummy dear, why did you tell Richard you 'weren't at home' just now?" (_Pause._) "Mummy, I mean----" _Mamma._ "When Sir Fusby Dodderidge called? Why, Ethel dear, because he bores me." _Ethel._ "Oh!" (_After thoughtfully considering the matter with regard to her governess_). "Then may I say I'm not at home when Miss Krux calls to-morrow? for _she_ bores _me_ awfully?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: AT THE RINK.--_Little Girl._ "Oh, Captain Sprawler, _do_ put on your skates, and show me the funny figures you can make."

_Captain S._ "My dear child, I'm only a beginner. I can't make any figures." _Little Girl._ "But Mabel said you were skating yesterday, and cut a _ridiculous_ figure!"]

A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE.--_Daisy_ (_who has been studying Chrysanthemums_).--Maisy, do you know what's a _Double Begonia_?

_Maisy_ (_who has been studying the Cla.s.sics_).--"Double Big-onia"? Yes!

Of course, it's the plural of one big onion.

MAIDENLY ETIQUETTE.--_Little Chris_ (_aetat eight_). I've a birthday party on Thursday, Evie. I should like you to come.

_Little Evie_ (_aetat nine_). I should love to, dear.

_Little Chris._ But I couldn't, you know, unless you asked me to tea first.