[Ill.u.s.tration: _Hairdresser._ "Hair begins to get very thin, sir."

_Customer._ "Yes."

_Hairdresser._ "Have you tried our tonic lotion?"

_Customer._ "Yes. That didn't do it though."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "I 'ear that Tholomon Arons 'as 'ad 'is shop burnt out!"

"Well, 'e 'th a very good feller, Aronth ith. 'E detherves it!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: HOW THE POOR LIVE

The Rev. Mr. Smirk has brought an American millionaire friend to see for himself the distressed state of the poor of his parish.

[_He'll give them a little notice next time._

[Ill.u.s.tration: _First Workman._ "Wot's it say, Bill, on that old sun-dial?" _Second Workman_ (_reading deliberately_). "It says, 'Do--to--day's-work--to--day.'" _First W._ "'_Do TWO days' work to-day!_' Wot O! Not me!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: SOCIAL EVOLUTION.--_Tramp_ (_to benevolent but inquisitive lady_).--"Well, you see, mum, it were like this. I were a 'add.i.c.k smoker by profession; then I got ill, and 'ad to go to the 'orspital; then I sold cats meat; but some'ow or other I got into _low water_!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Miss Smith._ "We've just come from Tannhauser, doctor."

_The Doctor_ (_very deaf_). "Indeed! I hope you had better weather than we've been having!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: FAMILIAR PHRASE EXPLAINED.

_Robinson._ "Well, old chap, how did you sleep last night?"

_Smith_ (_who had dined out_). "'Like a top.' As soon as my head touched the pillow, it went round and round!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Cab Tout._ "I say, Bill, lend me sixpence."

_Cabby._ "I can't; but I can lend you fourpence."

_Cab Tout._ "All right. Then you'l owe me twopence."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Barber._ "Your 'air's getting very thin on the top, sir.

I should recommend our wash."

_Customer._ "May I ask if that invigorating liquid is what _you_ have been in the habit of using?"

[_Dead silence._

[Ill.u.s.tration: FOGGY WEATHER.--"Has Mr. Smith been here?"

"Yes; he was here about an hour ago."

"Was I with him?"]

HIGHLY PROBABLE.--We understand that in consequence of the high price of meat, the Beef-eaters at the Tower have all turned vegetarians.

WHAT MILLIONAIRES SMOKE.--Golden returns.

THE UNIVERSAL WATCHWORD.--Tick!

[Ill.u.s.tration]

BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO. LD., PRINTERS LONDON AND TONBRIDGE.