_Dismounted Huntsman_ (_to his mount_). "Whoa, you old brute! To think I went and spared yer from the biler only last week! You hungrateful old 'idebound 'umbug!"]

'INTS ON 'UNTING, BY 'ARRY

[Ill.u.s.tration: (1) ON CLOTHES.--"Why not employ local talent? Saves half the money, and no one can tell the difference."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: (2) If the thong of your whip gets under your horse's tail, just try to pull it out!]

[Ill.u.s.tration: (3) Don't buy a horse because he is described as being "Well known with the ---- Hounds." It might be true.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: (4) If at a meet your horse should get a bit out of hand, just run him up against some one.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: (5) If opening a gate for the huntsman, don't fall into the middle of the pack!]

[Ill.u.s.tration: (6) Sit well back at your fences!]

[Ill.u.s.tration: (7) Look before you leap.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: (8) If you lose your horse, just tell the huntsman to catch it for you.]

EXCUSABLE

_M.F.H._ (_justly irate, having himself come carefully round edge of seed-field_). "Blank it all, Rogerson, what's the good o' me trying to keep the field off seeds, and a fellow like you coming slap across 'em?"

_Hard-Riding Farmer._ "It's all right. They're my own! Ar've just come ower my neighbour's wheat, and ar couldn't for vary sham(e) miss my own seeads!"

ANXIOUS TO SELL

_Dealer_ (_to Hunting Man, whose mount has NOT answered expectations_).

"How much do you want for that nag o' yours, sir?"

_Hunting Man._ "Well, I'll take a hundred guineas."

_Dealer._ "Make it _shillings_."

_H. M._ (_delighted_). "He's yours!"

[Ill.u.s.tration: NOT A LADIES' DAY

_Miss Scramble._ "Now, Charles, give me one more long hair-pin, and I shall do."]

CASUAL

_Owner of let-out hunters_ (_to customer just returned from day's sport_).

"Are you aware, sir, that ain't my 'orse?"

_Sportsman._ "Not yours! Then, by Jove, I _did_ collar the wrong gee during that scrimmage at the brook!"

AT OUR OPENING MEET

_Stranger from over the water._ "I guess you've a mighty smart bunch of dogs there, m'lord!"

_n.o.ble but crusty M.F.H._ "Then you guess wrong, sir. _This is a pack of hounds!_"

MUST BE HUNGRY

"Wish you'd feed your horse before he comes out."

"Eh--why--hang it!--what do you mean?"

"He's always trying to eat my boots. He evidently thinks there's some chance of getting at a little corn!"

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE RETORT COURTEOUS

(_A Reminiscence of the past Harrier Season_)

_Major Topknot, M.H._ (_to butcher's boy_). "Hi! Hulloah! Have you seen my hare?"

_Butcher's Boy._ "Ga-a-rn! 'Ave you seen my whiskers?"]

DISINTERESTED KINDNESS

_Sportsman_ (_just come to grief, to Kindhearted Stranger who has captured horse_). "I say, I'm awfully obliged to you! I can get on all right, so please don't wait!"

_Kindhearted Stranger._ "Oh, I'd rather, thanks! I want you to flatten the next fence for me!"

ENCOURAGING

_Nervous Man_ (_who hires his hunters_). "Know anything about this mare?

Ringbone tells me she's as clever as a man!"