[Ill.u.s.tration: (_Model wishing to say something pleasant._) "You must have painted uncommonly well when you were young!"]

DINNER AND DRESS.--Full dress is not incompatible with low dress. At dinner it is not generally the roast or the boiled that are not dressed enough. If young men are raw, that does not much signify but it is not nice to see girls underdone.

A CHEAP BATH.--A farthing dip.

"LIGHT DUES."--Photographers' charges.

"LETTERED EASE."--The catalogue of the British Museum.

A PROFESSIONAL VIEW OF THINGS.--Trecalfe, our bookseller, who has recently got married, says of his wife, that he feels that her life is bound up in his.

TAVERN WINE MEASURE

2 sips make 1 gla.s.s.

2 gla.s.ses make 1 pint.

2 pints makes 1 quart bottle.

1 bottle makes one ill.

THE BOARDING-OUT SYSTEM.--Dining at the club.

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Mrs. Mashem._ "_Bull-bull_ and I have been sitting for our photographs as 'Beauty and the Beast'!"

_Lord Loreus_ (_a bit of a fancier_). "Yes; he certainly _is_ a beauty, isn't he?"]

SHORT RULES FOR CALCULATION.--_To Find the Value of a Dozen Articles._--Send them to a magazine, and double the sum offered by the proprietor.

_Another Way._--Send them to the b.u.t.terman, who will not only fix their value, but their weight, at per pound.

_To Find the Value of a Pound at any price._--Try to borrow one, when you are desperately hard up.

_Member of the Lyceum Club._ Have you read Tolstoi's "Resurrection"?

_Member of the Cavalry Club._ No. Is that the name of Marie Corelli's new book?

CONVIVIAL TOAST (_For a Temperance Fete_)

FILL high: Drink _L'eau_.

_First Reveller_ (_on the following morning_). "I say, is it true you were the only sober man last night?"

_Second Reveller._ "Of course not!"

_First Reveller._ "Who was, then?"

AN UGLY BARGAIN.--A cheap bull-dog.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE DUMAS CRAZE

_Brown_ (_who, with his friends Jones and Robinson, is in town for a week and is "going it"_). "Now, Mr. Costumier, we are going to this 'ere ball, and we want you to make us hup as the Three Musketeers!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A CHEERFUL PROSPECT.--_Jones._ "I say, Miss Golightly, it's awfully good of you to accompany me, you know. If I've tried this song once, I've tried it a dozen times--_and I've always broken down in the third verse!_"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: BEYOND PRAISE.--_Roscius._ "But you haven't got a word of praise for anyone. I should like to know who you would consider a finished artist?"

_Criticus._ "A dead one, my boy--a dead one!"]

STALE NEWS FRESHLY TOLD.--A physician cannot obtain recovery of his fees, although he may cause the recovery of his patient.

Dress may be seized for rent, and a coat without cuffs may be collared by the broker.

A married woman can acquire nothing, the proper tie of marriage making all she has the proper-ty of her husband.

You may purchase any stamp at the stamp-office, except the stamp of a gentleman.