Of an ancient buck at a modern burlesque]

[Ill.u.s.tration: COLOURED CLERGY

(_A Memory of St. James's Hall_)

_Uncle_ (_can't see so well as he did, and a little hard of hearing_).

"Who do you say they are, my dear!--Christian ministers? 'Ncom'ly kind of 'em to give a concert, to be sure! For a charitable purpose, I've no doubt, my dear!!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: SUPEREROGATION

_Country Maid_ (_having first seen "missus" and the children into a cab_). "O, coachman, do you know the princ.i.p.al entrance to Drury Lane Theat----?"

_Crabbed Old Cabby_ (_with expression of ineffable contempt_). "Do I know! Kim aup----!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Jones_ (_alluding to the song_). "Not bad; but I think the girl might have put a little more _spirit_ into it with advantage."

_Lushington._ "Jush 't I was thinkin'. Lesh avanother!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: AFTER THE THEATRICALS.--"What on earth made you tell that appalling little cad that he ought to have trod the boards of ancient Greece! You surely didn't really admire his acting?" "Oh no! But, you know, the Greek actors used to wear masks!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Jemmy! What's a stall at the hopera?"

"Well, I can't say, not for certain; but I suppose it's where they sells the happles, horanges, ginger-beer, and biskits."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Please, sir! give us your ticket if you aint agoin' in again."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A DOMESTIC DRAMA

"Admit two to the boxes."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: PROGRESS

_Young Rustic._ "Gran'fa'r, who was Shylock?"

_Senior_ (_after a pause_). "Lauk a' mussy, bo', yeou goo to Sunday skewl, and don't know that!"]

"HAMLET" A LA SAUCE DUMB-CRAMBO

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Oh, that this too, too solid flesh would melt!"--Act I., Sc. 2.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "I could a tail unfold!"--_Ibid._]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "What a falling off was there!"--_Ibid._]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Methinks I scent the morning hair!"--_Ibid._]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Brief let me be!"--_Ibid._]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Lend thy serious ear-ring to what I shall unfold!"--Act I., Sc. 5.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Toby, or not Toby? that is the question."--Act II., Sc.

2.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "The King, sir."--"Ay, sir, what of him?"--"Is in his retirement marvellous distempered."--"With drink, sir!"--"No, my lord, rather with collar!"--Act III., Sc. 2.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Oh, my offence is rank!"--Act III., Sc. 3.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Put your bonnet to his right use--'tis for the head."--Act V., Sc. 2.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "COMING EVENTS CAST THEIR SHADOWS BEFORE THEM."

_Domesticated Wife._ "Oh, George, I wish you'd just----"

_Talented Husband_ (_author of various successful comic songs for music halls, writer of pantomimes and variety-show libretti_). "Oh, for goodness sake, Lucy, don't bother me _now_! You might _see_ I'm trying to work out some _quite_ new lines for the fairy in the transformation scene of the pantomime!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A SENSITIVE EAR.

_Intelligent Briton._ "But we have no theatre, no actors worthy of the name, mademoiselle! Why, the English delivery of blank verse is simply torture to an ear accustomed to hear it given its full beauty and significance by a Bernhardt or a Coquelin!"

_Mademoiselle._ "Indeed? I have never heard Bernhardt or Coquelin recite English blank verse!"

_Intelligent Briton._ "Of course not. I mean _French_ blank verse--the blank verse of Corneille, Racine, Moliere!"

_Mademoiselle._ "Oh, monsieur, there is no such thing!"

[_Briton still tries to look intelligent._