"I want Christopher."

"Fair enough." He shrugged. "But he's not here. I don't have to put my c.o.c.k in you. There's always another way."

Meggie tightened her jaw, refusing to allow his low tone to lure her.

"I can taste you, Megs," he whispered. "Lick your c.l.i.t. Make you come on my tongue."

This wasn't Christopher. Her belly shouldn't be clenching and her panties shouldn't be soaked. But, along with both of those things, her breath hitched and her heart pounded.

"C'mon, Megan. Nothing more but me eating your p.u.s.s.y. No harm done and you'd feel good. Not look so lost."

"Go away."

"You're too young to attach yourself to one man. The fact that you want in my bed proves that."

"You're so conceited," she snapped.

"That so?" Johnnie asked, grabbing her hand and guiding her back to the sofa. "Want to test that theory?"

Meggie huffed. "I'm sorry I've given you the wrong impression. You seem like a very nice man. s.e.xy and so very handsome."

He smirked at her.

"But the way you make me feel and the way Christopher makes me feel is completely different." She licked her lips and met his gaze. "If I slept with you, it would be wrong because neither of us has any real emotion for the other." She ventured closer to him. "Please, stop flirting with me. Stop staring at me like...like..."

"I'm undressing you with my eyes?"

She nodded, a jerky movement.

"Even if I am? Even if I'm imagining how you taste? How you feel?"

Her nipples hardened and heat shot through her body. "Stop."

He caressed her cheek, her ear, brushing her hair over her shoulder and resting his hand on the back of her neck to pull her closer. He slanted his mouth over hers, his hand holding her head in place, as he pillaged her depths, his tongue touching hers, tickling the roof of her mouth. He tasted like scotch and man and sin. She sc.r.a.ped her fingers through his hair and he groaned, guiding her back and stretching out over her, grinding his erection into her belly. His skin burned against her, spurring her frantic kisses.

The realization doused her desire like a bucket a cold water. She squirmed beneath him and tore her mouth from his. He was breathing as hard as she, his mouth moist, his eyes a well of dark need. They stared at one another.

"Get up," she said softly.

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers, his erection throbbing between them.

"This is wrong. On so many levels. Christopher's your cousin. He's my..." Nothing. He wasn't her anything. He hadn't even believed her when she said she loved him.

Sighing, Johnnie dragged his body from hers. "I probably shouldn't tell you this, but we've shared girls in the past." He shrugged. "He left you here with me. He's not stupid. He knows we're attracted to each other-"

"Shut up," Meggie cried. She sat up and hugged herself, ashamed of her body, even more so than when she made those marks on herself, needed to feel the sting and release of pressure. "I-I can't stop you from coming here but I-I don't want to s-see you anymore."

He squeezed the bridge of his nose and reached for her, but she pushed his hands away. "Megs...Megan," he amended when she glared at him. "I'm sorry. I want to be your friend."

"No, you want to have s.e.x with me," she said flatly.

"What I want right now doesn't matter. What you need is more important."

"I need to talk to Christopher and hear his voice. That's what I need. Can you give me that?"

"No. Only Christopher can," he responded, his expression grave.

She asked the question eating at her, hoping he had the answer since it seemed as if Christopher didn't intend to talk to her again. "Why did he leave?"

"He's going through a lot. He needed s.p.a.ce to think."

"He needed to get away from me," she guessed, whispering.

He shrugged, allowing her to reach her own conclusions without a denial or a confirmation.

"I'm going to leave for tonight. But let me come back-"

"I can't stop you-"

He placed a finger over her lips to silence her. "If you're going to be uncomfortable around me, I won't visit. If you don't want to see me, then I'll stay away."

"Okay."

He stood, his hard p.e.n.i.s imprinted against his jeans, eye level with Meggie because she still sat. "Okay, what? Stay away?"

She shook her head.

"Then get some rest and I'll see you tomorrow." With that, he walked out, leaving Meggie alone.

Not ten minutes had gone by before Patricia found her still sitting where Johnnie had left her. Now that Christopher was gone, she could only imagine how Patricia would treat her. Wanting to ignore her, exhausted to her soul, she reached for her iPad again and unlocked it. Maybe, she'd look into online GED courses. She really did want to get her diploma but some things couldn't be helped. A GED was better than nothing, and she'd still be able to get into college eventually.

"Are you hungry, Megan?"

Patricia's gentle voice froze Meggie but she shook her head, unable to get any words past her throat, her emotions all jumbled up.

"Have you eaten anything today?"

"No."

A sigh greeted the monosyllable and she walked into Meggie's line of vision. Self-conscious all of a sudden, Meggie bowed her head. Johnnie had thoroughly kissed her and she hadn't quite recovered from it.

"He'll come back. Christopher. He'll come back."

The woman hadn't asked about Christopher, so she'd walked in with the knowledge he'd left Meggie there. Maybe, Johnnie had called her or, maybe, she'd heard Christopher speed away early this morning on his Harley.

Not that it mattered. Meggie shrugged and Patricia seemed like she wanted to speak, then thought better of it. She began to back away but paused and sat on the other end of the sectional.

"I've gone about everything all wrong. We had words, me and Christopher, and he left."

Meggie bristled. "What did you tell him? The way he was treated, singled out, has shaped the man he's become. He came here to enjoy his holidays and you hurt him." Although Meggie knew that didn't mean anything regarding her, she hated the thought he'd left because of wounds his mother opened. He tried so hard to ignore his hurt, but it was there, festering inside of him like a slow working poison.

"He'll be back," Patricia repeated quietly. "He has you here."

"I'm sure he won't come back until I'm not here," Meggie retorted, her belly hurting at the mere thought. Yes, she needed him but she wanted him, too. She loved the way his eyes lit up on the rare occasions he laughed. He stood head and shoulders above all the others and drew attention wherever he went. Beneath the big bad biker, he was human and vulnerable, so many things wrapped in one package, some bad, some good, but all him. "As soon as I can find somewhere to go, I'll be out of here."

"He needs you. I shouldn't have said anything to either of you. It's just when Rack called-"

"Rack? Rack calls here?"

"Yes. Every now and then. He...lets me know-"

"It doesn't matter what he lets you know," Meggie interrupted, everything else forgotten. "Rack beat the c.r.a.p out of me and-" She stopped to draw in a deep breath and calm her racing nerves. Despite the shock on Patricia's face, she explained everything, including about the day of Christopher's shooting and her confrontation with Rack. "So you really shouldn't talk to that idiot. Christopher will be furious."

Patricia covered her face with her hands and shook her head, seeming dazed by all that Meggie had explained to her.

"Don't tell my son. Please?" she whispered. "I knew none of this."

"Of course not. Because Rack is a mean rhinoceros and wouldn't tell you the entire story. What did he say for you to have words with your own son?"

"It's complicated. More than you'll ever know. Most of it I know nothing of. Club business."

"Well, what do you know? What was so bad you confronted him?"

Patricia gazed off into the distance and Meggie thought she wouldn't answer, then she said in a voice so low, Meggie strained to hear. "I loved my girls' father. He was killed. Left me with a houseful of young children. I never thought I'd love anyone again. Then...then I met someone. A man amongst men. That's what everyone always said about him and, once I got to know him, I couldn't have agreed more. He was a man amongst men." She shook her head as if forcing herself out of a trance. "Then he...he left...and my h-heart has been broken ever since. Rack was friends with this man-"

"If Rack knew him, then Christopher must have, too. If you need to talk about your grief, talk to Christopher. Talk to the moon. Talk to Jesus. Just do not, DO NOT, talk to Rack."

Laughter bubbled from Patricia and Meggie chuckled, too. "Talk to Jesus, Megan?" she said with raised eyebrows.

"You get the point, Patricia," Megan retorted, still smiling.

"I do. But Christopher doesn't know...about me...and this man. Only Rack." She stared at her hands, spread her fingers. "I'm hurting, deep in my heart. I'm hurting. I just want to hear his voice one last time."

Meggie popped to her feet and ran to where Patricia sat, looking so lost and alone. Her heart broke for her. She wrapped her arms around Patricia, cradling her against her breast and rubbing her hair, blocking out images of her and Dinah in a similar pose. After a minute, Patricia hugged Meggie back and they remained that way for long moments before Patricia pulled back and Meggie did, too.

"Promise me, you won't ever tell Christopher about this. It'll hurt him for a lot of reasons."

Megan nodded. "Would you promise me you won't talk to Rack? He's bad news."

Patricia smiled sadly. "I'm sorry, child. That I can't do. He's the only link I have to the man I lost." She drew herself up. "He's loyal to a fault, to the Club especially. As his president, he'll be loyal to Christopher. I'd stake my life on it."

For the next two weeks, Johnnie was Meggie's constant companion. Other than that one, heated kiss, he was a perfect gentleman to her. They picked out a Christmas tree and decorated it with Patricia's help. He took her to the lighthouses, drove her around to different shops and stores. When she protested because Christopher had already taken her shopping, he insisted, pointing out the need for stocking stuffers and gifts beneath the tree here since she'd only brought the gifts she'd purchased for Christopher and Patricia.

She tried to put her heart into it, but she missed Christopher more with each pa.s.sing day. It hurt that he hadn't called her once. After the first week, she stopped calling him, too, because it was clear he wouldn't return her calls. He'd dropped her off and forgotten about her as if he couldn't get rid of her fast enough. She and Patricia reached a turning point, although sometimes she'd catch the woman staring at her and Meggie would glimpse undecipherable emotions. Then, her face would clear and all would be well again.

Ten days before Christmas, Johnnie convinced her to go to the movies and dinner with him. Now, she sat across from him in a quiet corner in the restaurant. Festive decor gave the place an enchanted feel, the individual lamps and cordoned off spot lending a sense of romance.

She pushed her salad greens around on her plate and listened half-heartedly to Johnnie's conversation. It took her a moment to realize he'd stopped talking. She raised her gaze to his.

"The elves won't leave you anything. They want good cheer, Megs."

Meggie sighed and laid her fork aside. "I'm sorry I'm not good company. You've been so kind, too."

He smiled. "I get that you're lonely," he said quietly. "There's no remedy for a broken heart except time. I really thought he'd realize what he was doing and stay away a day, two at most." He thrust his fingers through his hair, agitated. "But his leaving...there are things...he's trying to protect you."

"He never promised me anything, so I'm fine. I've survived worse." She blinked away tears, the truth bitter in her throat. He hadn't even promised they'd spend Christmas together. Judging by all the plans they'd made, she'd just a.s.sumed they would.

They fell into silence as the rest of the meal was served. Meggie declined dessert, grateful that Johnnie did the same. She kept her head turned toward the window on the drive back to Patricia's house. However, she swiveled her gaze to Johnnie when, after turning on the private road, he stopped at the second house instead of continuing on to the end.

"My house," he clarified. "Spend the night with me," he urged softly.

In the dark night, shadows hid Johnnie's expressions, although desire hummed in his low tone.

"Just because Christopher is sleeping with other women doesn't mean I have to do the same."

A flash of white, the showing of his teeth, as he smiled. "No," he murmured. "And you wouldn't be doing the same. The last time I checked I'm a man, not a woman."

Meggie scowled. "You know what I mean!"

"I do, Megs," he said with a sigh, all humor gone.

Meggie studied her clasped hands where they rested on her lap. She liked Johnnie and she was more aware of him than she should've been. But the thought of getting naked in front of him, while allowing him the liberties to do all the things to her body Christopher had done, disconcerted her. Though Johnnie had been nothing but sweet and kind, an utter gentleman, a shoulder to lean on, a friend to confide in, she still felt a certain loyalty to Christopher. In the dark of night, she'd touch herself, hearing the deep rumble of Christopher's voice in her head as he made love to her, imagine the feel of his big hands all over her body, his work-roughened fingers and palms caressing her sensitive skin. She'd come, always with the thought of Christopher, never of his s.e.xy cousin. That had to say something. She shook her head. "I can't."

"Do you think Outlaw is alone?" he asked. His voice held no malice, just curiosity.

She shook her head, the implication cutting through her. "No. I-I guess he's with Kiera. And Ellen," she added after a brief pause.

He unhooked his seatbelt and caressed her cheek. "Outlaw...Christopher," he amended, "has a deep-seated sense of decency toward the innocent, Megan."

He got out of the car and came around to her side, opening her door for her and holding his hand out. She accepted it and stepped down. The night was clear and mild, the sky black velvet with glittering stars.

He bent his head and took a slow, leisurely kiss from her. His lips were gentle and coaxing, sipping from her mouth when his tongue found hers, completely different from their first kiss. He tasted of wine and smelled faintly of aftershave. Meggie stood on her tiptoes and leaned further into the kiss. He drew her closer and pressed his throbbing erection into her belly.

She pulled her mouth away and turned her head.

"Megs," he murmured huskily, then nipped her ear. "I want you. I swear Christopher will never know if you two work things out. I'm lonely. You're lonely. Why shouldn't we make love and find comfort in each other?"

"Because there should be real feelings involved," she blurted. She stilled, wishing she could kick herself since they both knew Christopher didn't have real feelings for her. Bracing herself for Johnnie's mockery, she tensed. "Besides, I'm not one of the club girls to sleep with whoever wants me at any particular moment."

"Of course you aren't," he snapped. "None of us see you that way."

"It doesn't matter how you all see me, but it matters how I see myself."

"Megan-"

"Anyway, I'm not on any sort of birth control," she admitted in a small voice. She was beginning to fear Christopher had left his baby inside of her.

Johnnie paused and she felt the weight of his gaze on her. "Condoms work."