aI a.s.sume youare here for the laptop we found at Mr. Milleras house?a He places his hands on the computer in question, sitting on his desk.

aJust curious if you found anything?a aWe found a lot of interesting information.a Sitting down in the same chair I had gotten comfortable in during my last visit, I rub my eyes and take a few breaths.

aYou okay detective?a aNo, just preparing myself for the migraine the information you are about to drop on me causes.a He laughs at my comment. I wonder if he knows Iam serious. This much information for a computer illiterate individual is like trying to explain an atom bomb explosion to a newborn. The bomb goes off, but they do nothing but drool. Iam the newborn.

aIt wonat be that bad, I promise you. Iall try toaa aTalk to me like a five year old?a aExplain it better,a he clarifies. I prefer my self-deprecating humor.

aOkay, hit me.a Bold choice of words considering the situation.

aThe computer had encrypted files all over the place. It took some time but our team broke the code.a He clicks a few b.u.t.tons on the laptop and turns it to face me. A live feed of the girlsa locker rooms, bathrooms and hallways.

aHe rigged the whole house with cameras. We figured that out when we found his stash in the bas.e.m.e.nt.a aYes, but what you are looking at is live video streaming. He has cameras in the hallway to ensure if he saw he was caught or in trouble, he could plan his escape route depending on where they were.a aOkay, sick f.u.c.k had video cameras, watched women and young girls and made sure he could see where people were in case he needed to run. Got it.a aHe also had access to this remotely.a aHe could watch this anywhere?a aYes, there was a specific mobile access code embedded.a aCan a high school princ.i.p.al design and code something like this?a aAfter looking over the profile and his past history, I donat think he knew how to do that. The thing is, the coding for this type of program is very innocuous on its own. You have to use it in a criminal way. So, legally speaking, the coding company did nothing wrong.a aThat doesnat mean they didnat know what it was being used for.a aNo, but it means they are protected under the law. Itas like gun laws. The manufacturer makes the guns, but you have to load and shoot it.a aDo we have a company?a aBridge the Gap, LLC. Owned and operated by Harry Brandt.a I nod at Logan. This is where my detective work takes over and he gets to sit and watch me work. Unless this Harry guy talks all techno-babble. Then Iall be right back here begging Logan for techie to Jasmine dictionary. I get up from the chair and stretch my joints. Something about preparing for the worst that actually brings out the worst in your bones. Or I am old. I prefer it to be the former.

aBefore you leave, we found that program Kaley had on her computer on Mr. Milleras as well. He saved his pa.s.sword so we accessed his account. He had been in touch with D.B.M.a aAcronyms, the new nuisance of the digital world.a aActually, they have been used for many yearsaa aI get it. I was being a sarcastic b.i.t.c.h. Itas what I do when I donat get something.a aOh, sorry. Mr. Miller hired this individual to kill Mrs. Johnson and her son quietly. He was to torture and kill the father before bringing Kaley to Mr. Miller.a aOkay, so we had that idea already from the evidence. What makes this different?a aAccording to the correspondence, Mr. Miller was supposed to help Kaley get away from the family. He was not supposed to keep her. He broke the contract. Payment or not, that is a huge no no.a aWait, if Miller wanted Kaley, why kill the son?a aAccording to this, the boy was too young and not sellable.a aKaley would never have agreed to that.a aIf she was drugged, she had no concept of what she was doing.a aWhat would happen if you broke this kind of contract?a aThese kinds of people take their contracts very seriously. Imagine the mob when you donat pay. The worst part is, you will never see them coming.a aTheyare everyday people hiding behind computer screens.a aExactly. Not everyone is a nerd playing World of Warcraft.a aThanks Logan.a I head to the door and take another look over at Hadleyas movie poster.

aHadleyas at the convention center today. She should be signing autographs from 4 to about 6 tonight. You should stop by.a aThanks, maybe I will.a Leaving the room, I swear I hear the heads all swoosh back to their computer screens. They might be inhuman with their abilities, but curiosity can kill the cat. Staring the crowd down, I shake my head and laugh at myself. I am afraid of kids behind some flat piece of metal and plastic. What is the world coming to when these kids have my entire life at their fingertips? Why is I feel like Iave discussed this before? Probably because I have. One way or another I have decided whole heartedly, Chase is never getting a phone or a computer. He can use a typewritera if I can find one.

I pull up to the front of the obscene building in the middle of the city and park in the loading zone. I look over at the security guard as he begins to waddle over to me. I love these rent-a-cops. They act like they have all the power in the world, but compared to my badge they have nothing. In this case, my phallic symbol is bigger than his. I laugh to myself as the guard knocks on the hood of my truck. Okay, you can tap on the gla.s.s, wait for me to get outa but touch my family, my car or my game room stuff-itas that step too far. I crack my neck, prepare for confrontation and hop out of the car like a boxer for a fight.

aYou canat park here.a aMaybe not, but I have the park anywhere in the city pa.s.s. So, I am.a I flash my badge and try to pa.s.s the man, but he holds his hand up. I can see he wants to push me back, show his manly dominance, but heas holding back.

aIam here on office police business. You want to tell my captain that you denied me access to information on the murder and rape of a young girl? I would appreciate it if you let me go inside. Otherwise, you will force me to look for parking and waste precious time.a aOr you could follow the law you swore to uphold and move your car.a aSir, Iam sorry for my partner here. We just want to go in and talk to a few people. We wonat be long, so it shouldnat be that much of an issue.a I look at Will and if my eyes could burn him they would. He gently handles the security guard while I stew. I dislike when someone comes in and tries to save the day. Well, usually. When it saves my life, by all means try your best to intervene.

aNot too long.a Will grabs my elbow and pulls me toward the high-riseas doors.

aAnd keep her away from me!a The doors open automatically and I pull against Will hard. I have a short fuse. Like really short when it comes to stupidity, especially people who think they are real officers of the law or know the law better than I do. No matter how hard I try, I canat seem to break Willas grasp. Before I know whatas. .h.i.tting me, Iam pulled in an elevator and Willas. .h.i.tting the b.u.t.ton to move the tin can up.

aLet it go.a aWhy the h.e.l.l do people think because they have a toy store badge theyare a real cop?a aYou were parking illegally.a aI have the city pa.s.s.a aDoesnat mean you should abuse it.a aInvestigating a crime is not an abuse. You saw how bad parking was.a aWell, yes, but you could have used the pa.s.s two blocks down, like I did.a aThat was so far away though.a I pout.

The door opens and walking out I notice the full wall of windows. Itas a stunning view of the city, or your death as you fall. You can feel the building sway as it creaks away. I hate being up this high. Looking around the area, my eyes land on several vertical cracks along the wall.

aBlame the latest hurricane.a The receptionist looks at me. The block on the counter says Kiernan Jones. Interesting name for a girl.

aFixing it soon I hope?a aThat was three years ago. Nothing gets fixed if it costs money.a She stands up and walks towards the main doors. Pulling them open she waves someone over. I reach into my pocket, but Kiernan stops me with her perfectly manicured nails.

aWe know who you are detectives. Weave been made aware of the situation. Mr. Brandt thought you would be here sooner, but better late than never.a aThank you Kiernan,a I mutter as I walk past her.

She nods, walks back to her desk and sits down. Her attention no longer on me but on her cell phone social media profile. I bet you she has enough information online to give away her ident.i.ty and have a stalker. What you donat know, wonat hurt you-I guess. Until youare on Victoras table. Then it did.

The intern struggles against the weight of a heavy gla.s.s door. Holding it open for Will and myself to walk in, he fights to close the door silently. His thin arms struggling to hold it. Beads of sweat form on his forehead as he ensures the closure is complete. Looking up to me, his eyes widen and he rushes away.

aDetective Everts, Detective Steele, how can I help you today?a Harry Brandt stands to his full height of holy c.r.a.p and taller than the six foot Marine next to me. Iad say he was six feet three or five inches. Not to be outdone, his muscles stretch his shirt to the ripping point. Heas not wrestler huge, but you can see every cut. His perfectly trimmed beard, manicured nails and styled hair screams to me a man who needs to be in control. He waves his uncalloused hands to the chairs in front of his desk.

aPlease, have a seat.a Will shakes Harryas hand and then sits down calmly. Iam too busy walking around looking at the frames with various pictures in it.

aWeare just here regarding some information about a program developed here. It was used in accessing the Dark Web. Those two individuals were found dead later on.a aThatas terrible, but what does this have to do with me and my company?a aWe were hoping there was a listing of purchases, clients who have used it? Maybe you were hacked and the program was stolen?a aWe develop many programs here, I truthfully canat say for sure until I know what weare looking for.a Will reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a small flash drive, handing it to Harry. The larger man plugs it into his laptop and I can hear the drive booting up. The view is more stunning in his office. I wonder if the gla.s.s is body proof. Iam sure it would take a couple of hits, but eventually even epoxy has to give. Then itas a one way trip to h.e.l.l. People who hurt children deserve to be there.

aThis is something we developed a long time ago.a aDoes it have a name?a I ask. This way I can call it something other than athe programa. That sounds too much like an eighties movie t.i.tle.

aThe wonders of an open source program is that it can be anything you want it to be. All it takes is download and a dream.a He smirks at me and I see Willas shoulders tense. Even heas getting the sleazy vibe off this guy. Iam sure this type of guy has been around forever from mobsters to modern day hackers. Narcissism doesnat die just as technology changes. My phone beeps. Unlocking it, I read a text from Logan and my blood pressure begins to rise.

aHow did you find the funding to start this venture?a aI donat see how thatas relevant, detective.a aIrving Garrison helped develop this building and according to our sources, bankrolled your venture here.a aBe that as it may, I still fail to see what this has to do with some open source, free to the public code.a aMy techs would like a list of IP address that accessed and downloaded the program in question.a Will changes the direction of the conversation. His tone tells me heas irritated I brought up Garrison again. I wish I could say I blame him, but I donat.

aWhile I would love to help with your investigation, Iam sure you understand I canat just hand that over.a aWe could get a warrant.a I toss in my normal worded message. He will of course respond by telling me to go get it.

aI would appreciate that, detective. Thank you.a I watch him stand and walk to the door, basically telling us to get the h.e.l.l out.

Following Will to the door, I stop in front of Mr. Brandt. aSee you soon.a aI doubt it, Jasmine. How is Frankie doing? I saw that Chase is doing well on our latest game release. Maybe he and I will play sometime.a He smiles at me again and this time I feel a chill roll down my spine. I do my best not to make it show, but he knows he got to me. My mind moves a hundred miles a minute as I ponder the veiled threat. Chase is only playing all the time, but who is he really playing the game with? I doubt I could ever get him to stop playing it when I do. Even if I get the names of the kids he plays with, a good hacker can impersonate that player seamlessly.

I walk into the elevator next to a slightly irritated Detective Everts.

aYou have a reason for bringing Garrison in this?a Mindlessly opening my phone I show him the text from Logan. He calms down and nods at the new information.

aYou okay?a aYeah,a I lie. aIam going to go to the convention center and see Hadley.a aFinally going to talk to her?a The elevator doors open and I just walk away. Sometimes, you just canat say anything when your mind is full of everything.

There are few places on this planet that you feel you are not part of this world. The oceans, anytime there are bunches of kiddies running around and at any comic book or science fiction convention. I purchase a general admission ticket and gag at the price. Thank the powers that be for credit cards. Or just thank greed and corporate America, your choice. The skinny volunteer barely out of diapers kid, scans my pa.s.s and I walk into that other world.

You name the character from your favorite show and I promise you there is someone here in costume. Be careful though because the actor who played Walker number Five, is signing autographs for fifty bucks and wonat talk to you for less than ten. You know, because theyare famous. What would that film be with one less character? The world will never know. Iam not looking for them though. As I weave through the rows of tables, swarms of fans, my eyes flick from the map and to the markings around the hall. This place needs GPS.

aDetective Steele, youare here!a I turn to see Logan with one bottle of water in his hand and a coffee in the other.

aThought I would see if Hadley was here.a aOh sure, sheas in the back. Follow me.a Logan walks through the crowd and I get to see the back of his shirt. Hadleyas face, blood dripping out of her mouth, vampire teeth pressing into her lower lip. The image causes my breath to hitch a bit. Not the teeth, but the blood. I swallow my irrational thoughts as Logan walks up to a table and places the bottle of water on it. He stands back and there is Hadley, her hair darker from the time I last saw her, laughing at the fan in front of her. Logan leans down and whispers something in her ear. She looks up and finds me in the crowd. The emotions that one feels when facing their past, their fears, and their regrets, itas impossible to describe. There are no words.

Hadley says something to the line in front of her table as she turns back to face me. I watch her take a few steps towards me before security stops her. My feet, as they sometimes do, walk on their own until I am right in front of the security guard.

aSheas with me.a Hadley tells the men and he moves the barrier, letting me inside the safety zone.

aHey Had, Iamaa Before I could finish my though, her arms are around my neck and been she pulls me in for a hug.

aDoesnat matter.a Leaning down, I admit I relish the hug from my friend. Iave missed her witty comebacks, her innocent comments, just everything. Like all real family, blood and time seem to matter little. Pulling back, she grabs my hand and leads me to her table. She calmly wipes the few stray tears that fell from her eyes and sits down.

aStay, Iall be done in a little bit and we can sit in the back for a bit. I see you met Logan already. Iam sure you two have lots in common. He works for the police department too!a I can see Hadley my friend disappear and Hadley the actress pop up. Her smile, larger. Her eyes, more engaging. Sheas on for the paying public. Itas a true talent. Logan pulls back the curtain and motions for me to follow him. Finding a nice set of folding chairs and tables, we sit down.

aYou know Hadley?a aYeah, I do.a I watch him fumble with his coffee cup, spinning it within his fingers. His eyes focus on them, as if unable to focus on anything else. His leg slowly bounces as his body fills with nerves. It doesnat take a detective to know, this is why he let me know where she was.

aYouare dating her.a His eyes pop up and lock with mine.

aDoesnat take a genius to figure it out. How long?a aAbout a year.a A year. Thatas while I was still healing from my injuries. When I was hiding from the world and all its drama. When I couldnat bear to see her in pain. When I abandoned her as a friend. He was there. I didnat know. Iam both envious at him and angry at myself.

aHow did you meet?a aI was investigating someone hacking a local hospitalas wireless system. There were fears of changing the frequencies of pacemakers and other things. Anyway, she happened to be there for physical therapy. After seeing her there more than once, I decided to bring her coffee. She started talking to me and it turned into a routine.a aYou bringing her coffee during therapy?a aYes.a aThank you.a aJasmine, thereas nothing to thank me for.a I shrug my shoulders and ignore his comment. He might have done it for himself, but inadvertently he made me feel better about the situation.

aCan we talk shop for a minute before Hadley comes back here?a aSure, hit me with your best shot, Logan.a aI found the profile for D.B.M. I sent him a message about a job, now we just wait and see.a aYou did what?a My voice cracks with slight anger considering what he just told me about his relationship with my friend.

aIt was cleared with the captain. I contacted him, now we wait for him to respond.a aAnd if he doesnat?a aThen I wasted my personal time sending an email.a aYou said these type of people were good. They do research, they pay attention and make sure they are comfortable before getting into a deal. So, what the h.e.l.l makes you think he isnat doing this now?a aI made a calculated risk a.s.sessment and felt it was worth it.a aHere I am thanking you for helping Hadley when I couldnat and you go right around and do the same d.a.m.n thing I did to her.a aI did nothing to her.a aLogan, youave put her in harmas way again!a aMind telling me why you two are causing a scene out here?a We both turn and see an annoyed Hadley standing, arms folded shaking her head. She walks over to our small table and sits down next to Logan. Her eyes flash from him to me, waiting for an answer.

aIam sorry baby, Jasmine and I are working a case together. We were just talking shop and I know how much you hate hearing about all that stuff.a aJazz? You have something to add to this conversation?a Her eyes bore into my head. She wants me to answer, but I know if I say something it wonat help. As she waits patiently, I search my mind for something to say where I wouldnat be lying. My phone rings in my pocket, effectively cutting off all thoughts.

aSteele.a I look at the two in front of me. Logan looks nervous while Hadley just stares blankly. I think she knows I am about to walk away again.

aIall be right there.a aYou have to go already?a aIam sorry, Had. I promise it wonat be for long this time.a aAbout the case?a aYes, but weall talk another time. Just please look into the man funding everything. That is what I need you to do.a Logan nods as I stand up to leave. Hadley walks me to the edge of her autograph section. Giving her a quick hug, she watches me leave the wide open s.p.a.ce of her celebrity to the swarms of moving cattle from table to table. Even though I hate crowds this was a good thing to do.

The doors of the elevator open up on the fifth floor of the hospital, revealing a few uniformed officers, a woman crying into a nurseas arms and the captain standing in a corner rubbing his temples. This doesnat look good.

aGood youare here.a Will walks up to me, pen and pad in his hand.

aWhatas going on?a Will motions down the hallway and like a perfectly trained puppy, I follow. If I ever get put in a hospital again, this is the place to be. There are more doctors on this floor than the rest of the place I bet. Well, less nurses and frankly theyare more valuable. Itas neither here nor there I guess.

aJake Morris, on the transplant list for a liver,a he stops and turns to face me.

aSo, whatas the time of death?a aIam not dead yet, detective. Soon, but not yet.a Thatas when I see Mr. Morris, alive and well but handcuffed to the hospital bed.

aRejection?a I walk into the room and stare at the man as if heas an oddity in the world. h.e.l.l, he is, Iam a homicide detective. I donat get to see live victims. Itas always the family members and their losses. I want to poke him to make sure heas real, but thatas childish.

aOw!a I do it anyway.

aSorry, just checking.a aI a.s.sure you detective, I am still living and breathing.a aWhat happened?a aIam in liver failure.a aRight, the metal on your wrist is decoration only.a aWe just need to hear your side of the story,a Will throws in to bring the conversation back to the point at hand.

aLook, I know this sucks and you must be livid at your situation, but we need to know who did this to you.a I find myself feeling compa.s.sion for this guy. I mean he must have been so desperate to resort to buying organs online. That couldnat have been an easy conversation with his family. If he had any.

aMy sonas only seven. I just wanted a chance to see him grow up.a I understand that more than my words could ever express. My brother and his wife would have given anything for ten more minutes with Chase.

aI was reading online in some forums, downloaded a program and found a listing for various organs.a aYou were on the transplant list. The sicker you are the more likely you areaa aIam an alcoholic. Would you donate part of your liver to me?a My silence speaks volumes.

aNeither would I. Apparently, when youave already had a donation and screw it up, they donat like you very much. I had no choice. Seriously, detective, what would you do?a Stop drinking and put my family first?

aIt doesnat matter what I would have done. You chose the path you did and now you are going to pay the price for it.a aI just donat get it. He was listed as type O, universal donor. I paid a s.h.i.t load of money for a small section of liver. It was supposed to regenerate and make me a healthy man. They lied.a I want to smack this man. He lied to his family. He chose to continue to drink and put them at risk. He chose these things and now doesnat want to deal with the ramifications. When the h.e.l.l will people learn you reap what you sow?

Turning on my heels, I walk out of the room. I head over to Victor who is in deep conversation with the captain.

aThe DNA matches Mr. Miller. Itas definitely from his body.a aSo, thatas why I was called.a aSteele, that might be the primary reason, but there is more to it. The district attorney is hesitant a judge will issue a warrant.a aThat information is vital to our case.a Victor watches the two of us talking, his head bouncing back and forth.

aVictor, how long does Mr. Morris have?a aIf he responds to the medication it is possible to bypa.s.s rejection or it will completely fail and die. Truthfully, there is no timetable here.a aHeas convinced heas going to die.a aI know. Hopefully, it gives him time to think about lifeas decisions.a He smiles as he walks away from the captain and me. Turning my attention back to Tyler, I can see these last few cases have aged him greatly. Being a captain, dealing with the red tape and bureaucracy canat be easy on him.

aYou want to tell me why the DA isnat sure we have enough to go for a warrant?a aHe feels we need something more solid before going after a computer company that employs a large number of people. Not to mention has a wonderful history of giving back to the community.a aTwo dead bodies, two laptops and a program connecting it all to a company isnat enough.a aNot in an election year apparently.a He runs his hair through whatas left of the hair on his head. aI need you to be careful with case. Mr. Pevy let me know that Irving Garrison was behind the companyas start-up capital. I donat need to worry about you here, do I?a aI promise you Iall follow the evidence wherever it leads. If it leads to his doorstep, I will hit him square between the eyes.a I turn away and head back to the elevator. Pushing the b.u.t.ton a little harder than I needed to, I try to hide my frustration with the people around me.

aSteele, this isnat just about you. Remember that.a I search the captainas eyes for understanding but find none. Heas questioning my ability, I donat like it. This isnat like last time. This isnat the same thing. This is me trying to do the best I can do with the evidence I have. The world closes in on me and my breath catches in my throat. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I work, itas never going to be enough.

Chapter Seven.

Sometimes when you stare at something long enough the words or images on the page begin to move. My eye doctor told me it had to do with dryness, some retina thing, or like reflection. I donat remember, he just said it was my natural eye doing its best to drive me nuts. My mother on the other hand called it aan excuse to get out of school to go to the doctor-itis.a Staring at the case files in front of me I feel that same sensation when the words begin to move. Mom would be smacking me in the back of the head. She might tell me to focus on one thing and donat stare at it like a panting dog. Yeah, her a.n.a.logies were usually odd, but what do you expect from your mother? Leaning back, rubbing my eyes, smiling because I know I am more my mother every day. Not such a bad thing.

This case is a bad thing. It reeks of stupidity, greed and more stupidity. If people were smarter, kinder, showed a bit more compa.s.sion than half of the crimes I deal with would be gone. There wouldnat be votes against civil liberties, no shooting children over clothing, and less murder. Who am I kidding? This is reality and people will always take the easy route instead of the hard working one. Where there is a will there is a lawsuit or someone on the Dark Web willing to sell it to you. The world is a selfie-obsessed, narcissistic society and I am raising a child in it. My mother never had to deal with this s.h.i.t.

aI brought you some coffee.a Frankie walks into the bedroom and hands me a steaming mug of heavenly goodness. She always knows when I need a break or a pick-me-up. Lately, itas been more of a way to start conversations. Iam not avoiding her per se. Iam working hard to figure out how to answer her questions. I keep going back to that d.a.m.n fork in the road. Do I walk left and rehash the same pain or pick a new path that I donat know? Why canat this be easy?

aThanks,a I mumble as I left the warmth travel down my throat into my stomach.

Frankie collects the lose pages of the file and puts it neatly to the side. She sits down and I know serious conversation is coming soon.

aCan we talk?a aSure.a Mental note, do not roll eyes. Do not disrespect whatever it is she is going to say. Do not, under any circ.u.mstances, laugh at her. I can utter those words regularly, but I feel my brain never gets the memo.

aYou keep avoiding me.a aItas a difficult case.a aYou also forget who youare talking to. This case hasnat been easy on me either.a aIam sorry.a Leave it to me to forget that Kaley was her patient. One she could have saved, but the law and a mother prevented her from helping.

aI feel I could have done more. It was my job to do more.a aYou canat think like that, Frankie. We both know you went out of your way to protect Kaley. Her mother prevented it from happening. Her mother, Frankie, not you. Will and I scoured your files, and there was nothing in there that made either of us feel you let her down. You know Iam biased as h.e.l.l, but Will would call you out.a aYes, I guess he would.a aI know this is going to eat you up for a long time. Trust me, I know that. Maybe you should talk to someone to help you deal with this?a aA shrink for a shrink?a aI always wondered if you guys shared each other as patients.a aShared each other?a aYou know, like psycho babbled each other as patients not colleagues.a aYouare an a.s.s.a aYes but you love me.a Kissing Frankie has got to be the best addiction Iave ever had. Look s.e.x is great, itas amazing even, but itas nothing like kissing her. There could be any emotion packed into a kiss and itas freely given to me. I swear it tells me she loves me without saying a word. Or without having to quickly get dressed because the kid will be up and demanding breakfast in a few hours.

Pulling away from my lips, she smiles at me and takes a calming breath. Sometimes a kiss can do that too.

aWill called while you were sleeping. The gang should be here soon to go over the case like old times.a My mother always felt when you found your true love, you would know it. I knew it the moment I laid eyes on Frankie. I wanted the house, the picket fence, the two point five kids and a two car garage. Or a mansion in the Hollywood Hills, Iam not picky. Buta aI always wanted to have more than one kid.a I smack myself in the face covering my mouth. What the h.e.l.l did I just say out loud? Looking up, I see Frankie staring at me wide eyed, dumbfounded.

aYou what?a She looks innocent, but she wants me to repeat what I said. I know it. Itas a way to prove I wasnat an a.s.s and actually said, what I really meant to say. d.a.m.n Freudian slip. Removing my hand, I have to face the music, storm, ramifications and all that of what I just said.

aIave always seen us with more than one kid. Just not our own.a aOkay, I donat follow.a aI have no desire to give birth. I mean seriously, I have absolutely no desire to deal with watermelon sized things with an escape route the size of a pea. I just canat.a aYour motheraa aSTOP!a My hands slam onto my ears like a five year old hearing how they were brought into this world. Who am I kidding, Iam still five in a lot of ways. Frankie pulls my hands away and sits back down on the bed.

aIam sorry, I forgot how you feel about that.a aThe stork is real. That is all.a aYes, dear. You were saying?a aWe have so many obstacles facing us. People placing legal discrimination laws, certain states allowed to re-educate us, h.e.l.l some want it to be a criminal offense punishable by law. I donat want to bring a newborn into that. They wouldnat have asked for this.a aSo, we adopt a child and put them into this horrible life we have?a The sarcasm is dripping from her words and I know I am on thin ice.

aNo. Well, yes, but not like that. We have all this c.r.a.p swarming around us in general, but we also have so much love to give a child you know? These kids have no one to help them. Theyare alone without anyone to truly call on for anything. Maybe, we can bring someone who has nothing and offer them a little bit of crazy.a aA little bit of crazy, huh?a aDepending on if XBOX is involved, then itas a lot crazy.a aYou two and your games.a Her lips meet mine and Iam reminded once again how amazing this woman is. I wonder if my mother would mind me living in sin or scream at me to marry Frankie. Interesting how I could reasonably agree to adopting a kid, but marriage freaks me out. Maybe because I know adoption can take years.

aYou head downstairs. Iall be there in a minute for more coffee.a Grabbing the file folder, I flip through things making sure itas still in the proper order.

aI love you,a Frankie whispers before moving out into the hallway. Iam going to marry that womana someday.

There is a comfort one finds in friendly chaos. Itas something we have no control over, but yet we seem to embrace it. We willingly watch the orchestral movements as if there was some master waving their hands to and fro. Maybe we all subconsciously do it, but the end result is the same. A beautiful ballet of crazy.

Willas wrangling the white board into the room, while Chase sits on the couch bored. Frankie flips through some file folder on the table. Must be one of Kaleyas. Victor is animatedly waving his hands all about trying to communicate with Will. My Marine partner on the other hand looks like heas disarming a weapon of ma.s.s destruction as he tries to get the board not to flip. Reminds me of Christmas morning when Chase was little. He would carry everything over to the wrong person and start to open it. Sometimes head tell you what it was, aHere you go Frankie, itas a wallet.a I think that should be the definition of family. Not about blood distinctions or choice, those who create a chaos we feel comfortable in. Family equals total, unequivocal, chaos.

aYou agree with me, donat you Jazz?a aWhat?a I mumble before taking another long sip of the delicious liquid.

aVictor, sheas only on cup number one.a Frankie smiles at me, giving me an excuse to hide in my thoughts for a bit longer. After our conversation upstairs, I wasnat sure how she would react around our friends. She knows how I feel about keeping things quiet until they are true, happening and physically cannot be taken away. Weave been through so much together, I donat want either of us to feel that loss again. You can get your hopes up, tell the world and enjoy the excitement, then feel the pity as it doesnat happen. So, we air on the side of caution. No matter what it is, from Chase wanting to switch sports to adoption, we stay quiet.

aShesh, itas like you people allow anyone to come here!a Victor breaks my reverie with his words. His arms wrapping around Hadley as she hesitantly walks into the room. Frankie and Will follow suit before Chase jumps off the couch and rams his not so little body into her. His face hidden as she kisses his head. Chase nods his head at something Hadley says. She hands him something and he runs off to his room. Has to be something for his XBOX, probably from Logan, but who cares as long as the kid is happy. Unless itas p.o.r.n, then I wonat be happy. Seriously, I am more my mother every day.

aYou going to sit there and stare into s.p.a.ce or are you going to say h.e.l.lo?a Standing, I give Hadley a hug and drop my head on her shoulder. As I loosen my grip on her body, I feel her pull tighter. Itas a simple gesture, she needs the hug as much as I do. Maybe itas her way of healing, making sure Iam real. Survivoras guilt can and does suck.

aHope you donat mind me coming by. Vic called and told me about the crime pow wow. Thoughtaa aOf course, why would you thinka?a I stop talking as I see her face fall. Iave been avoiding her up until recently, why else would she feel this way.