aExplain?a aHis nails and left hand were broken. Nails, I would a.s.sume from trying to claw at his attacker.a aThatas unusual.a aIf you know youare dying, you fight like h.e.l.l. That brings me to his hand, it was broken backwards. Whoever did this made sure to let dear old dad die a slow and painful death.a aStab wounds?a aToo many to count and the surrounded edges too damaged to get a good impression for a knife comparison. That being said he must have nicked himself during the barrage. I found a different blood type in the mutilation. Might help lower the pool a bit.a aAnything under the nails?a aNope, your a.s.sailant must have been wearing something to cover his neck completely.a aSo, youare telling me that we once again have nothing to go on? Why should this case be any different?a aWell, firstly, you are the detective. Itas your job to find the evidence to go on, I just a.n.a.lyze what we have. Secondly, weave solved cases with nothing but a hookeras word and a dress.a aDoesnat mean it was easy.a aNothing worth solving ever is.a aWill and I have a few things to investigate further.a I stand up, finish the delicious coffee and toss the cup in the trash. aSee you at home?a Victor simply nods at me and I leave his office.

I can tell he dislikes having taken me up on my offer. It was for the best, but he is too proud to see it. He loves his soon to be ex-wife too much. High school sweethearts, now defunct failures. Iam sure heall come up with some scientific reason for the break up beyond an affair and a pregnancy. People have always told me we are never given more than we can handle. I think those people are either mentally unstable or high all the time.

Walking up the steps to the private school, I feel the hair stand on the back of my neck. Those uniforms, the strict rules and the absolute ignorance to life outside of these cement walls. Walking through the heavy double doors, Will continues to talk about something with his car being in the shop again. Kids run from room to room and dash from lockers when the bell rings through the building.

aMaybe I should look into a new car? Or a used one? I never really wanted to spend the cash ya know?a His words pull me out of my self induced haze.

aWhat?a I turn back to Will, his hand on the doork.n.o.b leading to the princ.i.p.alas office. aI was asking if I should buy a used or new car?a aMy mother always said to buy what you could afford.a He pulls the door open and I walk inside.

aWell, if I finance it, technically I can afford anything.a aSays the man with debt.a Walking up to the counter, the place looks more like a prison than a school office. The elderly woman behind the counter, her gla.s.ses on the top of her nose, chain attached to the sides, white hair up and a cardigan sweater - stereotypical office administrator.

aExcuse me maaam, Detective Steele, this is my partner Detective Everts. Weare here to see Princ.i.p.al Miller.a The woman looks over the bridge of her gla.s.ses and stares at my badge. She turns her attention to Will and he stares blankly back. I elbow him slightly, he pulls his badge out and holds it for her to read.

aYou can have a seat. Heall be with you in a moment.a Sitting in the uncomfortable metal and plastic chairs reminds me of my childhood. I was always in a princ.i.p.alas office. Not for being the one who started it, but always the one who finished it. Shifting nervously in my seat, my leg bounces uncontrollably.

aYou look like a kid about to be suspended.a aWouldnat be the first time.a aShould have known you were a troublemaker.a aI took bullies down a peg, after the gum was in my hair of course.a aAh, one of those.a aOne of what?a aThe type of girl who has to finish the argument, get the last word in.a aOr knee in my case.a Will crosses his legs calmly and I smile at his unconscious reaction. Itas been nice having a partner and not face the underbelly of society by myself. Itas different.

aMy oldest is going to be in high school soon.a aYouave got the gun already. You just need the ear plugs.a aForget the ear plugs, I need to take the d.a.m.n phone away. She acts like every text is the end of the world and she has to respond right away. Not to mention, I have no idea what the new app for conversing is or if she writes in 140 characters or less. Iam at a loss.a aWelcome to modern technology. A place where crime truly can pay and kids are the primary buyers.a He turns to look at me, a serious expression on his face. My dad had that once. It was when I told him I wanted to play baseball with the boys. One of pure pride of advancement and absolute fear of the ramifications of my actions. Never did play for the boysa teams, league rules and all. Softball wasnat a challenge, but what else was I going to do - knit? I was a contact girl.

aDetectives?a The woman utters over the counter, only her hair visible as she speaks. aHeas ready for you.a He hair bounces as her fingers appear pointing to the room in the back left. It seems out of place, like the room was an afterthought. Kind of like when baseball teams build new stadiums and forget about the pitchers needing a bullpen to warm up. They end up putting them in foul territory, always in danger of being hit by a speeding foul ball. Thatas what this was right now, heas the pitcher and weare speeding at him for information. Wonder who blinks first?

Will knocks on the door and opens it after a low mumbling response. Walking in, the first thing I see are frames housing images of the princ.i.p.al with loads of people. Some he has holding awards, some just the award themselves, others famous people. This is a man who is more intent on showing who he knows as opposed to what he knows. One image jumps out at me and my blood begins to boil-Irving Garrison with his arm around Princ.i.p.al Miller.

aMr. Milleraa aWalter, please. I know why you are both here and weave already cleaned out Miss Johnsonas locker for you. Everything is here.a He lifts a box off the floor and places it on his desk.

aWhile we appreciate the effort, sir, we would still like to take a look over her locker.a aYes, well while I would love to do that, we are short lockers here and we needed to rea.s.sign it quickly.a aSo, sheas gone for a few days and sheas disposed of?a My voice comes out sharp and fast, like the venom through a snakebite. Will turns on his heels. I feel his eyes on my, by my brain is solely focused on the image in front of me. The princ.i.p.alas breathing quickens. You can hear the fear if you listen for it. I learned that from watching the good cop bad cop interrogations. Yes, theyare real, but only used on the dumbest of criminals. Normal society doesnat work that way.

aNo detective, but we have a waiting list for such commodities. Blame the budget, but do not blame me for doing right by one of my students.a aWith all due respect sir, and by that I mean none, you were told to hold the locker for us to investigate it. We have techs that were to dust it, look for something, anything to figure out what happened to Kaley Johnson, and you just made that a lot harder.a aTry being a princ.i.p.al for a week and tell me about hard.a aWalter, weare not here to cause a problem. We just want to know about Kaleyas routines.a aShe was a perfect student, good grades, involved in after school activities. She was always willing to lend a hand at our fundraisers.a aWith Irving Garrison?a aIf he was in attendance, yes. Although I fail to see the relevance.a aJust asking if he was there, thatas all.a Will watches me closely. I know heas going to be rather upset at my tone and line of questioning. Thereas a line we never cross, but sometimes I feel Iam ent.i.tled to teeter on it. Being shot will do that to you. The school bell rings again and Walter stands up, brushes down his shirt and walks to the door.

aIf there is nothing else, I need to get back to running the school.a Will lifts the box and walks out of the room. I pull out my cell phone and take a snapshot of the photo on the wall. Turning around my eyes lock with Walter. He knows who I am. Heas known the moment I came into the room. He also knows I have no power here. He smiles at me, as if heas got the script and Iave only seen the trailer. Looking him up and down, I smile and pat him on the back before I walk by. My dad used to do that to those he thought were below him. Donat know if it works or not, but it prevents you from saying something or giving up your hand. Either that or it prevents me from losing my badge to every a.s.shole I want to punch a smile off of.

Walking back to the car, Will is furious with me. You can tell as he walks, stomping his feet like Chase when I tell him itas bedtime. Popping the trunk he drops the box inside, slowly flipping through its contents.

aNothing of valueas in there.a He slams the trunk. I feel like being the petulant child and say Iam in wicked trouble now, but in this case I know I am.

aWhat the f.u.c.k has gotten into you?a aLookaa aNo, I donat know whatas been going on in your head, but get it the f.u.c.k out. You canat go in there all guns blazing because on some d.a.m.n photo! For all you know, thereas nothing going on there, but no the master has to connect dots when there might not be a f.u.c.king connection!a aHe knew who I was.a aHalf of f.u.c.king New York knows who you are because you were all over the news. Not every case is about them.a aThen explain emptying a locker before we got here.a aMy two daughters share a locker in middle school because they donat have enough. The d.a.m.n places are overcrowded, budgets suck and donat get me started on this math addition by means of subtraction.a aOkay, so I might have overreacted.a He looks me over, the irritation slowly waning from his eyes. He pushes past me and gets in the driveras side of the car. Walking calmly around, I take one final look at the high school and realize you couldnat pay me enough to go deal with that s.h.i.t again. Slide into the pa.s.senger seat, buckle in, stay quiet. Simple enough.

aYouare right though, he wouldnat turn over anything to us that implicates the school.a Or not.

aHeas hiding something?a aI donat know. What I do know is schools get money from grades, kids and begging. Straight out business. Teachers are p.a.w.ns. Administratorsaa aSatanas sp.a.w.n.a Will turns the car over and laughs at me.

aI told you I was suspended a lot. Iam telling you some of those bullies had really soprano voices when youaa aStop! Please, by all that is holy, stop.a I stop but the enjoyment must be plastered on my face. I used to do this to my brother, remind him that in eighth grade my dollas plastic face was used to protect him. He laughed at me, until I reminded him where said plastic face connected. The blood would rush out of his face, head sit down and just point out of the room. I would skip away from him. Teach him to tell me that G.I. Joes always beat Care Bears. He never understood the power of the Care Bear Stare. G.o.d, I am old.

aI want to check out the crime scene again, see if the techs missed something.a aWant me to come with?a aNah, Iall drop you off at the station.a aFrankie should have had the lawyers look over the warrant by now. Iall head to her and get Kaleyas file. Make sure you check her room thoroughly. There has to be something hidden she didnat want her parents to see.a aLike what?a aA diary about all the cute boys she wants to date.a Will pulls into the precinct parking lot. He looks at me, worry etched on his face. Itas the father just realized his daughter is going to be dating soon face. He ought to be lucky he shaves his head, otherwise head lose it very quickly.

aYouare kidding me.a Hoping out of the car, I lean down and look into the car.

aMine had all my secrets I couldnat tell my parents. Hid it in my pillow and filled it with more cotton. Mom never found it. s.h.i.t if she did, I wouldnat be standing and my first boyfriend wouldnat be married with three kids.a His face pales and I shake my head, laughing at him. Closing the door, he peels out of the parking lot with a determined mind. Hopefully he finds something, anything to give us a clue where her body might be. I stop short. Itas one thing in your mind to a.s.sume never finding someone, but to go to body recovery is a whole different ballgame. Why did I go there? What evidence points to that? Am I connecting dots that arenat really there?

This is the hardest part of detective work, doubting your gut when you donat know why itas telling you something in the first place.

I always loved the view from the office. It let me see how small, insignificant I was to the rest of the world. Itas a blessing really, reminding yourself of this. I find myself getting lost in the fantasy of what the lives of the people below are. Do they know there is crime happening right next to one out of four of them? Have they experienced the loss of a loved one? If I had made different choices, would any of them be in my life? Iave been told to live life for myself because I am worth it, but how can one live for themselves when the world doesnat and shouldnat revolve around them?

aYou lost in thought again?a My reverie is once again broken by Frankieas calming voice. Turning, I can see her leaning on her desk, her fingers tapping on a file folder. She knows this isnat a social call. I should have called before coming here, but I was never good at keeping in touch.

aWhen am I not?a aYou really want me to answer that?a Her face flushes red and I know exactly the moments sheas referring to. I feel the burning in my ears and I know I must look embarra.s.sed as h.e.l.l.

aIad rather you didnat.a She points to the couch I usually crash on and my prior thoughts are invading my mind a bit. When it comes to Frankie, focus was never my strong suit. She just invades my mind like a great story that you never want to let go, or a good song that annoys the c.r.a.p out of you. I guess it depends on what mood sheas in. Forcing myself to breathe, my feet drag to the couch, the day weighing heavy enough.

aBefore we go any further, this is purely business between us. You will be able to take the copy of Kaleyas file as per the warrant. That being said, please respect that I donat want to talk about this case around Chase. I understand that you might have more questions after you fully digest my notes. Just respect that just because we live together does not give you freedom to bombard me while we are having family time. There has to be a divide between Doctor Francesca Ryan and your girlfriend when we walk out of this office.a I try to hide my smile when she uses her official t.i.tle. She hated her first name, sounds like an old bat, sheall say more often than not. What she wonat tell you is sheas named after her mother who died when she was young. Her father called her Frankie and it stuck.

aJasmine, are you listening to me at all?a Once again she pulls my attention back to the task at hand. I know itas important but I am beyond tired, itas late and there isnat enough coffee in the world to keep me going much longer. Not like Iall get sleep tonight anyway.

aYes, Iave got it and I agree.a Frankie grabs the file from her desk and holds it out for me to take. She lowers herself into the chair and motions for me to look through it. Flipping open the cover, itas an odd sensation. Thereas no photo like we normally have in our case files. There are a bunch of papers, a simple family tree of sorts, educational situation, medical jargon that I will never understand, and then I stop. I can feel the muscles tighten in my jaw and I want to turn away from the page, but my eyes are so focused on it.

aAre you sure?a my voice is so weak I donat know if she heard me. My eyes finally move upwards and lock onto hers. The sadness that flows off her in waves, and I close the file in disgust. I donat want to read anymore. I know Iall have to, but right now, I canat.

aVery sure.a She finally answers me. aWhen you look through the rest of the file, youall see medical reports backing up her claims.a aMother?a aKnew everything.a aThis could change the entire investigation.a aIt might, or it might not. I really donat know what to tell you.a aDo you think itas possibleaa I try to find the right words, but right now my head is running a mile a minute. I wish the d.a.m.n hamster would get off the wheel for one minute so a train of through could form.

aI donat think sheas capable of this. Based on what you told me, you want someone more precise, more professional.a aFrankie, you know as well as I do, when in that state of mind you can do anything.a aThatas very true, but she never would have hurt her brother. In fact, she was trying to find a relative that would take them in. That doesnat sound like someone who would kill her brother.a aMaybe she didnat want him to suffer.a aLester Johnson was many things, but his son was his pride and joy. He wouldnat have hurt him.a aOnce a pervert always a pervert.a aI tend to agree with you, but there are different cla.s.sifications and desires that each individual has. He showed no interest in Daniel. It was always Kaley. Based on her rape kit, heas been a.s.saulting her for years. She said it started when she was thirteen. The doctors told me it was much more than that.a aDid you report it? There was nothing in the database.a aI did and it was never entered.a aWhy?a aKaley kept recanting. She wanted to leave, but she was terrified.a aI get that but the kit was enough to prove it.a aJasmine, she only consented to seeing a doctor two weeks before her disappearance. I did everything I could to get her to do it sooner, but her mother was a boar with lawyers, injunctions. Itas been a h.e.l.l of a battle. One day Kaley shows up at my office and begs me to take her to the hospital.a aIf her mother had injunctionsaa aI had no choice. She was bleeding and had nowhere else to go. The police and family services were heading to her house to remove both children. Thatas when they found the bodies.a It slowly starts to fall into place. Like when you finally see the beginning of the film and the best parts of the trailer were in there. Now youare not sure what to expect, but you have an idea where the train of thought is heading. Either way, I donat like it.

Chapter Four.

The water droplets. .h.i.t my jacket as I watch the sky light up. Each drop hitting with a distinct sound, soaking in, making the clothing heavy. It doesnat matter, I feel this darkness gripping me. The rain canat wash it away. Itas part of me, the guilt, the anger, the desire for revenge. I know I am my own worst enemy by my actions before, but this time I feel the control leaving me. I look towards the future as much as possible, but I guess we canat ever truly outrun our past.

aYou still think youare better, donat you?a I hear the voice behind me and the hair stands up on the back of my neck. Guilt is a funny thing. It rules you. Controls you. Hatred, thatas worse.

aI thought you wanted to die so badly before. Yet, you fought back. Why?a The voice continues to hit my ears, but I ignore it. Try to focus on the rain, the droplets, the cleaning of my soul.

aTell me why, you stupid b.i.t.c.h!a aYouare not real. I know youare not. So say whatever you want, Iam going to enjoy theaa Something slams into the side of my head snapping it to the right harshly. The ripple effect pulls me to the ground, into the mud and muck.

aReal or not, that had to hurt.a Rolling over onto my side, I hold my hand against my head. It hurts badly, but thereas no blood. Shouldnat there be blood? Slowly pulling myself to my feet, I turn to see James standing there, muscles flexed, veins in his neck pumping. His eyes black as night, his smile gone. He reminds me of the book I was forced to read in high school - The Picture of Dorian Grey. James was handsome in real life, but this darkness, this side of him - was devoid of anything nice to look at.

A swift and painful kick to my ribs reminds me heas still there. Rolling onto my back, I take a few deep breaths trying to control the rage building inside me. A stomp on my stomach pushes the air out faster than I can take it back in.

aYou can try to ignore me all you want, but Iam here. Weare all here.a Another stomp and whatever was in my stomach flies out of my mouth and onto the floor. Tears form in my eyes, but I try not to let them fall. Dreams are supposed to be safe havens, they used to be. Visiting family members, maybe a tragic situation or two, but never like this. I would relive the past sure, but not how I am now. Somethings changed, and I donat know how to stop it.

aOnce you let go, itas a free-for-all.a Two hands wrap around my throat, constricting me from grasping air. My hands hang at my sides unmoving. Itas surreal. I no longer have the desire to die. I want to see Chase grow up and plan a future with Frankie, but this feeling now-itas new. The pain is deserved, the torture understood. I took a manas life and heas haunting me.

My chest constricts and I feel the sudden fight to breathe, but my arms still donat move. My brain is sending signals, I know it is, but they feel glued to the floor. Staring at James, his blackened eyes wanting me to give in, give up. Itas like this hypnotic gaze of nothingness. You either fall into it or turn away. Iam somewhere in-between. I want to turn away, but there is so much depth there. Of what I donat know. Maybe I should give in, go into the darkness and see what lies ahead. Accept that evil and use it to my advantage.

As if getting the signal from my brain, my right hand swings upwards and connects with Jamesas head. He falls off to the side of me and vanishes. Gasping for air, I pull my legs into my chest. Tears flow freely, but I ignore them. I feel this fear of letting go into that side of me. I donat want my painting to be hideous. I want to be clean. I want my conscience to be clear. Yet my heart isnat pure anymore. Iave killed a man. At times like this there is only one person in the world I want.

aMommy,a I say to the empty room around me. My voice weak, fear evident, pain everywhere, but no matter how loud my voice seems to my ears - one thing is true. She isnat coming.

Blinking my eyes, I can see the baseboard of my bedroom wall. Curled up in the fetal position on the floor, my face tight from the tears and my body sore from thrashing in my dreams. Forcing myself to sit up, I lean back against the bed. My nightmares are getting worse and I donat exactly know how to handle that. I donat want to involve Frankie in this, but Iam sure this is turning into the same fight we had when my brother died. I close up, and I know sheas noticed it. I just canat worry her. Not until thereas something to be worried about, right?

Pulling my knees into my chest, I try to calm myself. My mother did this a lot, when she was sad or overwhelmed. She would sit on the floor, stare at the wall, eyes focused on nothing, and breathe. Deep breaths, count them if you need to. Just let them out slowly and attach the stress of the day with them. It never worked for her, her desk always piled to the nines with papers or to-do lists, but she tried. One of the few times she did anyway.

My cell phone dances across the nightstand, and my arm seems to move on its own to grab it. My eyes glance across the screen. I know I have to answer, but I donat want to. Yet, I do.

aSteele,a I say into the receiver. I hear a slight rustling sound on the other end. Sounds like Chase when he is asking Frankie what to say, even though he was calling to ask permission for something. Heas gotten smart at playing each of us off each other. Took forever to realize if one of us said no, we meant it. I love it though. It means Iam alive and living.

aDetective?a I hear through the phone and I am reminded of where I am.

aYeah Will, whatas up?a aYou were right about Kaleyas room. I found her diary with some rather interesting pa.s.sages.a aInteresting like she was complaining about her Daddy issues, or interesting like you are freaking out about what teenage girls talk about?a aDaddy issues.a Thereas a slight pause on the other end and I swear I can feel Willas brain working a mile a minute.

aYes all daughters write things in their diary that you might never know about. No that doesnat mean youare a bad parent. Finally, no you will not and cannot ask your daughters if they have a diary, write in one, need to talk to you about something or whatever else in going on in that brain of yours.a aButaa aBut nothing. You donat want to do that. Keep tabs sure, but let them come to you. Do not be that helicopter parent that hovers so much that you lose your kid. Happy medium, Will. Now, bring that thing to the house and Iall have coffee ready.a aIam at the office.a aThen leave it.a Hanging up the phone, I turn my attention back to my shaky hands. My grandmother had hands like mine. Mom and I always spoke about how the issues grandma had skipped a generation and smacked me in the face. It was always a good laugh over coffee. If you make a fist, the shaking would stop, but then you look like you want to punch someone out. Thatas what my grandmother told me. She always looked angry, but when you turned your back she would stick her tongue out and make faces. She wasnat always angry, just in pain.

I guess getting dressed is an important thing to do before Will comes in and sees me in all my nightmarish glory. My bones, muscles, tendons and all the other c.r.a.p I never paid attention to in biology cla.s.s hurt as I stand up. I wish I could just go back to sleep, but what help would that be. My brain canat shut off and the demons in my mind take over when I canat fight them back.

Getting dressed with yesterdayas jeans and a new shirt, I use the bathroom. My reflection, itas a sad and pathetic excuse for being me. At this point makeup wouldnat help cover up the dark circles or even give some color to my skin. Not like I know how to use it anyway. Just a waste of cabinet s.p.a.ce. Not to mention being a detective, chasing down a perp in the rain, kind of hard with mascara rolling into your eyes. Iam lucky I have clean clothes the way Iam going. Blame the girlfriend for that or rather, thank her.

The ringing of the doorbell signals Will is here. My ugly mug will have to do, not like Iam supposed to impress someone. Heading to the kitchen, I pull the door open and come face to face with a Will, a book and a stack of papers. Imagine a game of Jenga, with lots of loose pieces and you have to pick one, but it wobbles as you even move the oxygen molecules near it. Thatas what Will looks like right now.

aNeed some help?a I offer, but I know heall decline. Heas a man, they always decline when they need help and expect it when they donat.

aThat would be great!a Or not. My understanding of men decreases by the minute, or Will is just not the average male. Iall go with that. I grab some of the papers so he can actually see where heas going.

aThanks.a He walks in and drops the rest on top of my notes and Frankieas file on the table before dropping into a seat.

aNo problem,a I close the door, amind telling me what Iam looking at?a aThe life and doc.u.mented times of Kaley Johnson. We found her laptop as well, techas combing through that right now.a aOkay. Coffee?a He simply nods in response to me and I grab the old coffee maker to begin the long process of facing the day.

aThere is so much in thisa book.a aWe women like to air our grievances. Most of us do it in print.a aWell, you were a girl, how did you do it?a aLast time I checked, I still was,a laughing a bit to myself as I grab the mugs and pull the coffee out. aI played whatever sport I could get my hands on and I wrote some short stories.a aDiary?a aNo, I was bullied badly. So, it was all horror and all cathartic.a aRemind me not to upset you.a aNah, thatas all behind me. Besides, the worst bully I had was killed while trying to escape a felony.a aYou donat sound too upset.a Pouring the fresh coffee into the two mugs, I think about those words. Should I feel bad? Any life lost can be tragic, but for someone who was tormented for ten years of her life, why should I feel anything? Does that make me a horrible person? I never hated the person, just really didnat want to be picked on. I never fought back with fists, it was always words. Always personifying the behavior so I could try to understand it. I still havenat.

aI feel indifferent.a aBut you said you wroteaa I cut him off by putting the mug full of piping hot coffee in front of him. aThanks.a aYes, I wrote about the stupid people. I wrote about the cruel behavior and I always made those people not have happy endings. I never killed the bullies. I didnat put their faces to the characters. It was always abstract, trying to rationalize the irrational. I donat know if I have it in me to killaa The words never exit my mouth. I do have it in me to kill someone. I already have. Mother taught me not to lie. Yet, part of me still thinks I canat kill in cold blood.

aYouare not capable of cold blooded murder, Jasmine.a I look to Will as if he was reading my mind. His eyes glaze over and I can tell heas gone back to a place I donat ever want to visit. Yet, regardless of where our worst fears took place, we both feel the same.

aWe did what we did to survive. No more, no less.a He continues, sipping his coffee. Looking over the piles of papers sitting in front of us, I decide to change the subject. I donat want him to dwell on the past, even though my brain has a room there. No matter how far you move forward, some things you have done will haunt you forever. Just accept it. I do.

aSo, she have a boyfriend?a aNot that I can tell from this stuff. Would she have one at fourteen?a aWho knows? Remember the case a month ago of the thirteen year old who had a virtual relationship.a aCraigslist murder yeah. Her parents should have been all over her though.a aRight, because itas easy to figure out who your child is texting, posting, tweeting or whatever new thing is there. It isnat easy. You know what Jennie likes to do?a aCheerleading.a aBeyond that? When is she online? Facebook? Who talks to her?a His face falls a bit and I can tell reality has. .h.i.t home. Itas an interesting feeling as an adult to realize you are no longer in tune with whatas going on. You have to put blind faith in the people you have protected from the time they could walk. You have to find trust in someone who has yet to truly understand the darkness the world has to offer. Sure, thereas beauty out there as well, but the other is so tempting. Like my mother said to me when I started learning how to drive, it isnat you I donat trust. Itas everyone else out there. Thatas how I feel with Chase. Heas still young, but so adult in the same breath.

aThatas for making this a depressing morning.a aCould be worse.a I shrug, even though I know in my gut the trip down the rabbit hole has just begun. This is going to get worse. Moving some papers around, I pull out Frankieas file on Kaley and hand it to Will.

He leans back to read it, while I pick up the infamous teenager diary. Part of me feels like Iam violating Kaleyas privacy. I know Frankie talks about writing down your feelings and letting the emotions out on page, not in real life. I donat really write anymore. Nothing but the reports about who stabbed who and how. Besides, if I wrote a novel I think it would be banned for too much gore. How else can one expect to deal with the trauma from eighteen years of torment?

Landing on one page, my heart crawls up into my throat. I feel it beating harder in my esophagus as if to choke me to death. Staring at the words, smeared by tears, I force myself to hold everything in. Force myself not to connect and go back there. Yet, I do.

aHer father?a Willas voice reeks of disgust. I simply nod, my eyes glued to the page in front of me. I hear the file hit the piles of papers and I swear I can feel his eyes on me. aFind something?a Taking a deep breath, I decide to read the page.

aHe did it again, worse this time. Mom was working late, Danny was sleeping. I locked my door but he picked it. I donat know what else I can do to stop him. Iave told mom and Princ.i.p.al Miller. Doctor Ryan tried to help but my mom got in the way. Grandma and grandpa spoke to mom and they all think Iam dreaming this. I donat know what Iam going to doa Iam six weeks late.a Leaning back in the chair, I flip to the next page, but itas empty.

aShe was pregnant.a Willas spews out of his mouth like a snake spitting venom. Itas harsh, angry and filled with disgust.

Flipping through more pages, I stop on one page. The words seem to chill me to the bone.

aI finally had the courage. He said head take care of it. Danny and I will be safe. Miller will handle my father. I paid him the only way I could.a aYou donat thinkaa Not only has it gotten worse, but weave pretty much just thrown ourselves off a cliff into a pile of s.m.u.t. I can see Will is fighting his disgust.

aYea, I do.a I state matter of factly. Itas a cla.s.sic case of abuse. No one listens. Those that try to help are bombarded with lawyers and legal jargon. In the end, a s.e.xually abused individual feels nothing towards s.e.x. Itas a means to an end. Itas payment, if it needs to be. Kaley was desperate and that leads us to this.

aHow could it get that bad? Weave got laws to protect this from happening.a aYes, but where there is a will there is a way. Even if Frankie believed Kaley, all it takes is one person saying the kid was lying and it becomes a game of he said she said.a aBut Frankieaa aItas one person on one side of the aisle. This is why I hated psychology. It isnat about helping the victim as much as it is red tape, old men with old ideas of society and no one wanting to fix the system.a aSo, they had money to hire any doctor anywhere to say she was lying.a aAnd she had a mother denying the truth about what happened.a aIf she wasnat dead already, I swear Iad make sure we buried her with charges.a Iave seen the rage in his eyes before. Frankie held that once. When we spoke about everything from our pasts. That darkness that seemed to want to take over her soul, even if there was nothing she could do. Karma has been quick and precise. Yet, she felt this intense need to exact revenge on something that was no longer an issue, at least not a living breathing one. Nightmares were a different story.

aI get it, Will. I do, but you canat let your disgust for them cloud your judgment.a He looks me over, calmly at first. I can see his mind working quickly to a.s.sess why I am not as outraged at the situation as he is. Slowly, like my mother when I told her, realization hits. He pales. His mouth wants to say something, but I hold up my hand. This is not the time nor place for this conversation. I need to turn this back around to the case at hand.

aI think we need to have another conversation with Miller. This time down at the precinct with him in cuffs for statutory rape.a aDoes she state point blank she paid him with s.e.x?a aNo, but weave convicted rapists with circ.u.mstantial evidence before.a Itas true, we have. Doesnat mean I feel good about that statistic. Always made me queasy to think about a trial based on this type of evidence. You can mentally connect the dots, but I keep going back to experience and interpretation. What if what I see is different than what you see? What if what I see is wrong? Lots of questions that cannot be afforded to an officer of the law. We just find the evidence and try to connect the dots. Lawyers try to convince a jury of said dots and the people vote to see if it holds up.

Willas cell phone rings and he grabs it. Staring at his face, I know somethingas up, but my mind wanders to the court of public opinion. If this case gets out there, we will be raked over the coals for not protecting her. Frankie will be called everything under the sun for no apparent reason. Her degree, her professionalism, her personal life will all be spoken about online. No filters, no responsibility and no lawyers to present all sides equally. Just groups of random strangers, screaming about how she should be punished. Sadly, I can see all the negative clear as day pointing her sinful ways clouding her ability to be a good doctor. My skin crawls at the thought. Sheas an amazing woman who followed the law, but that doesnat matter when people are hurt. You will always be to blame if the outcome isnat what the public wants. What scares me is the fact that I cannot stop it, protect her or Chase from it. Iam helpless to the control some fool has anonymously in their living room. I am a control freak and I cannot do a d.a.m.n thing.

aWe have to go.a My eyes meet his once again and my gut screams at me. I know what he is going to say before he has to.

Kaleyas been found.

The park is beautiful this time of year. The snow has long since left this place, but the evidence it was once here lies in the lush gra.s.s. The slight hill ahead reminds me of the days my brother and I would roll down them in a race with no clean winner. Who could call out aI wina when you couldnat stand up or see straight? Those memories still bring a smile to my face and a warmth to my heart. I should bring Chase to the park one day, tell him about those days gone by.

As I get closer to the greener tree though, my smile fades and my heart sinks. I donat want to share this pain with anyone. Itas time to close off to the world and focus on whatas in front of me.

aHow long?a I ask Victor as he approaches me.

aLess than ten hours, but Iall know more after I do a full exam.a His eyes are empty, lost and empty. My own must look the same. Except mine must be gray, they always change when hiding emotions. Pushing past him, my feet drag me to the base of the tree. I hear Willas and Victoras footsteps as they follow behind.

Kaley sits, legs crossed, arms folded on her lap, makeup and hair styled. She looks like a beauty pageant contestant, perfect in every detail down to the pressed school uniform. Leaning down, I grab a latex glove my jacket pocket and snap it on. I move her hair slightly revealing her neck. No signs of strangulation. No bruising. Nothing.

Pulling her lips apart, her mouth is empty, teeth cleaned. Sliding up the hem of her skirt, the bruising begins to show itself. Moving it up further, itas evident she was s.e.xually a.s.saulted recently. Pulling the clothing down to hide the violence, I look around the area. Wide open. No cameras. Loads of people who are busy with their families. In other words, no witnesses.

aWill, maybe you should visit Mr. Miller at work. See if we can get a search warrant for his place with what weave got.a He simply nods at me and his expression is full of thanks. Head stay if I asked him to, but why bother. All he sees right now are his little girls. I donat care how hardened a Marine he used to be. Heas a father. Once youare a parent, scenes like this change radically.

aWho has the b.a.l.l.s to dump a body in one of the most exposed areas of the park?a aOne who wants her to be found quickly,a I mumble to Victor. Heas struggling with this one. Everyone had hope Kaley would be found alive. That is the best and worst thing to have as a human being - hope. I never had it for her. Facts, human behavior and experience made that decision before we even had an accurate timeline.

aSo they had to respect her, right?a aNo, a self-respecting human being doesnat rape and kill a young woman before her life has a chance to start.a aYou know what I meant.a Standing up I stand in front of Victor, my jaw set, muscles tight.

aNo, I donat know. This wasnat about respect. It was about control. It was about ownership. Whomever did this wanted to preserve her exactly as they saw her. This has nothing to do with respect. No a.s.sault is.a Victor looks me over, his eyes search mine for some reason behind my outburst. I give him nothing. My poker face forces him to step back.

aIf youare done here, Iall take the body back to my lab.a aCall me if you find anything.a He walks over to his team and I watch as they move Kaley from the tree. Several officers stand by me, as if waiting for some instruction on what to do. Time to be a hard-a.s.sed cop with no emotions.