"Your parents in?" Matt jerked his head towards our front door.

"Yeah," I replied. I tried to make a joke. "Probs watching some documentary about Marxism or dancing dogs or something."

"Shame." Matt winked at me.

I felt myself tensing, just wanting to get out of the van and into the house.

"You'll text me later, yeah?" Matt ran his hand up and down my thigh and looked at me intently.

"'Course." I smiled tightly, trying to make myself feel less tense.

Matt leant his head closer and, with his hand still moving up and down my thigh, kissed me. I surreptitiously tried not to make my head jerk back, instead I made an effort to kiss him back, jumping slightly as I felt his tongue slip into my mouth at the very same moment that his hand stroked my inner thigh, making me instinctively press my legs closer together.

"Get a room, guys, puh-lease." Ryan puffed out his cheeks in mock exasperation as he watched us from his rearview mirror.

"Young love, Ryan." Lou poked her tongue out at him. "You surely remember what that felt like!"

Ryan laughed, drawing Lou towards him and kissing her.

I pulled my head away from Matt and felt the urge to wipe my mouth, but knowing that I couldn't, instead smiled at him and pulled my bag up close to my chest.

"Thanks for the lift, Ryan." I grabbed at the door handle again, this time successfully managing to open the door without Matt intervening.

"No probs, babe." Ryan winked at me.

I turned to look back at Matt.

"See you soon," I said, getting out of the van before he had a chance to kiss me again.

"I'll ring you later, yeah?" Matt grinned up at me.

I nodded, shutting the van door a little harder than was necessary and walked to my front door. I stood there a while, feeling an overwhelming feeling of misery, coupled with the palpable relief I felt as I heard the van reverse slightly, then move off back down the road.

Chapter Four.

I couldn't wait to get inside the house that night and log on. I was dying to talk to someone-anything to take me away from the reality that was my shit-confused life, if only for an hour. The rest of the family were already in bed, not ensconced in front of any Marxism documentary, of course, although the chink of light from under my parents' bedroom door told me that Mum, in all probability, was still propped up in bed with her nose in the latest Danielle Steel while Dad slept on, oblivious to the light.

I looked at my PC, sitting patiently waiting for me, and wondered how a machine could have this apparently innocent little message board inside it that was making me question everything about my life. It had become my lifeline, that message board; I was certain about that. Was that normal? Was it right? It was turning into an obsession. Was that healthy?

Maybe it was the anonymity of the board I liked, or maybe it was because the friends I had made on there listened without judging. What I did know was, lately, they were always there, at the end of the computer, waiting for me, ready to talk and listen, ready to laugh and joke. I liked that. I needed that.

I looked at the computer again.

Blast it. I logged on and saw that both Twiggy and Joey were on MSN, Joey having just added me the night before. I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank God! The voices of reason!

Twiggy: Hey you!

Barnaby Rudge: Hey, yourself! How you doing?

Twiggy: Crap day at work. Knackered! You?

Barnaby Rudge: All right. You work???!

Twiggy: Yeah, for my sins. In a supermarket. I'm one of those annoying checkout girls you're always served by!

This was progress. Now at least I knew what Twiggy did for a living.

Another box flashed up: Joey: Hey chickeroo!

Barnaby Rudge: Hey, Joey!

I giggled. I'd been talking to Joey on the board for over a week now and already knew that she was eighteen, like me, and at college, doing Biology and something else I couldn't quite remember. I also knew that she called everyone, without exception, either chickeroo or kiddo. I liked that.

Joey: You been up to mischief?

Barnaby Rudge: Why you say that?

Joey: Well, it's a conversation starter, isn't it? Tell Joey all about it.

God, if only!

Twiggy: I'm logging off, BR. I'm on the early shift tomorrow.

Barnaby Rudge: No worries. You back tomorrow?

Twiggy: Yeah, of course! Cya!

I looked back at Joey's message.

Barnaby Rudge: I wish I could tell you about it, Joe, I really do!

Joey: I got all evening, kiddo. Well, not all evening 'cos it's like nearly midnight already, but y'know!

Barnaby Rudge: Nearly midnight? Whoa! How'd that happen? Good job it's Friday, hey?

Joey: Aye, indeed. No sodding college tomorrow, thank feck!

My eye was caught by Fickle logging on, just after Twiggy had logged off. I chuckled, knowing that the two voices of reason were about to change to one voice of reason and one voice of lunacy!

I grinned as a message flashed up for me.

Fickle: Hey!

Barnaby Rudge: Hey!

The minute I saw Fickle's name flash up in front of me, all the tension of the last few hours gradually left me and I began to relax for the first time that night.

Fickle: How was your evening?

Barnaby Rudge: Yeah, okay.

Fickle: Enthusiasm, I love it!

Barnaby Rudge: Sometimes I don't feel so enthusiastic!

Fickle: Oh. Everyone's gotta have enthusiasm! Wanna talk about it?

Did I?

Barnaby Rudge: I guess.

Fickle: Go ahead. I'm listening.

Barnaby Rudge: Gah, I dunno! I just worry sometimes that I'm not as into my boyfriend as he's into me.

Fickle: Goes like that sometimes.

Barnaby Rudge: Really?

Fickle: Hell yeah! I've been in relationships where it's been one-way traffic.

Barnaby Rudge: What did you do about it?

Fickle: Well, to be honest, it was usually me that wasn't as into the other person, so...

Barnaby Rudge: Ah! Heartbreaker, are you?!

Fickle: Something like that.

She added one of those poked-out-tongue icons, so I wasn't sure if she was being serious or not.

I looked back at my screen and remembered Joey had told me a few days before that she was doing assignments at her college that week. Realising I'd been ignoring her while I'd been speaking with Fickle, I hastily switched back to my conversation with Joey, and asked her: Barnaby Rudge: So how did your assignments go, Joe?

Joey: Ah, not bad. Get the results next week, so, fingers crossed, hey?

Barnaby Rudge: I'll keep em crossed for ya!

Joey: Thank you! LOL. So, how was your evening?

Barnaby Rudge: Yeah, okay. Went to a gig in town.

Joey: Wicked! Who'd you see?

Barnaby Rudge: Ah, local band. Anathema they're called.

Joey: Kewl name. Any good?

Barnaby Rudge: Yeah, not bad. My boyfriend's the lead singer.

Joey: So you gotta say they're good, right?!

Barnaby Rudge: ! Something like that, yeah.

Joey: How long you been seeing him?

Barnaby Rudge: Not long.

I briefly wondered if Joey might be interested in listening to me about Matt, but before I could figure out what to say to her about it, Fickle had messaged me again.

Fickle: Hey, I just had a thought. You got a picture of yourself? Be good to see who I've been talking to all this time.

A photo? Me and Fickle had only just started talking to each other-it hadn't even crossed my mind to send her my photo just yet. I frowned. I had some photos on the computer that I'd uploaded ages ago; they were taken about a year ago, so I guessed they'd be okay.

Barnaby Rudge: I'll send you one if you send me one!

Fickle: Sure! Wait there!

While I waited, I searched my computer for something half-decent, finally settling on a photo of me taken by Dad during our holiday in Scotland back in August. I peered at it, screwing up my face, wondering if it was suitable to send. Was it a good likeness? I had my hair up in the picture, but you could still clearly see that it was long and blonde. I wanted her to see that, I dunno why.

I wanted her to be able to see my eyes as well 'cos I've always kinda liked the way they are-blue, but with nice, long, dark lashes that never need touching up. Matt always said other girls would give anything to have eyes like mine...

Just then, Fickle flashed me another message.

Fickle: K, just sent one to your in-box.

I grinned, switching screens to bring up Hotmail, and found Fickle's e-mail.

Fickle: You got it? Now you gotta send me one!

Barnaby Rudge: Give me a chance! Just uploading it now.

Her picture appeared to me on my screen and I felt my breath quicken. I don't really know what I'd expected, but the person appearing in front of me wasn't at all what I expected, but I really liked what I saw. I mean, I really liked it.

I shook my head, as if to try and shake a thought that had just entered back out again.

Fickle was cute. Not beautiful, but cute, you know? Elfin, almost. Small face, freckles, and a cheeky, mischievous grin.

And pretty. So damn pretty.

You know how you can talk to an anonymous voice and build up a picture of that person in your head? Maybe you don't, but that's what I'd done with everyone I spoke to on the message board; Twiggy, Fickle, Joey, Betty Blue Rinse (God only knows what she really looked like!!), and Fickle definitely wasn't what I'd expected.