"Is everything all right?" Joey finally spoke again. "You're very quiet."

"Yeah, everything's fine," I replied.

"And you kinda haven't been replying to some of my texts or e-mails," she carried on. "Have I done something to piss you off?"

"No, Joe, you haven't, honest," I said. "I..."

I paused. Did I want to bring this up now? Part of me didn't, but another, bigger part of me wanted to, if only to clear the air, which was as thick as a foggy day in November right now.

"I...I haven't known what to say to you, if I'm honest," I kinda mumbled.

Joey stayed silent.

"And I s'pose a part of me needed to process something," I wittered on. "Something that I heard."

Still Joey stayed silent.

"Say something, Joe!" I laughed.

There was a long pause, then Joey finally spoke.

"Have you spoken to Twiggy, by any chance?" she said.

I breathed out slowly.

"Yeah," I said. "She told me you and her had a heart-to-heart about me."

"I could bloody kill her," Joey said, kinda savagely.

"Don't," I said. "I'm glad she told me."

"And?" Joey asked. "What did you think about what she told you?"

"And, um, I dunno," I mumbled.

"That tells me pretty much all I needed to know." Joey laughed ironically.

"I do really like you, Joe, honest, it's just that it's too soon after Fickle and everything, and you know?" I stuttered slightly.

"And you don't feel the same way as I do?" Joey said.

I bit my lip.

"Not really," I said, truthfully. "I mean, I really do think you're great and everything, and I like you as a friend, but..."

"But no more than that?" Joey asked.

"I don't know," I replied. "I don't think so. I just think it'd be a bit strange, don't you? You feel more like my sister."

"Yikes!" Joey chuckled.

"You're brilliant, Joe," I said. "But I really do think it'd just be too weird, you and me. I'm sorry."

Joey paused. I heard her breathe in and out slowly, presumably choosing her next words.

"It's fine," she finally said, taking me slightly aback. "I have a bit of a track record when it comes to liking people who don't feel the same way back. I guess I'll get used to the idea of you as a friend, no more."

"Do you think we can still be friends?" I asked.

"Of course!" Joey laughed. "I'm happy as long as you're happy, Imms. You deserve it, all the shit you've been through lately."

"Thanks," I said, meaning it.

"And if you want me to back off for a bit, then I'm happy to do it," Joey added.

"Don't back off, Joe," I said softly. "I like talking to you. I'd miss you."

"You soft git." Joey giggled. "I'd miss you too, so looks like you're stuck with me!"

"Good," I said, hesitating slightly. "You'll find someone far better than me, Joe. Someone who deserves you. I don't."

"I doubt that very much." Joey laughed. "But never mind. Just forget I said anything, yeah?"

"Can we start again?" I said, feeling kinda awkward. "Tell me what sort of day you've had?"

We chattered on for about the next ten minutes about nothing in particular. I was half-pleased that we'd at least managed to get over any awkwardness, but still a bit upset that our conversation seemed a little, I dunno, a little bit stilted. When we'd finally finished talking, and promised that we'd catch up on MSN later, I returned to my impossible maths task, but my mind constantly drifted to Joey, and a nagging thought that just wouldn't go.

Chapter Twenty-one.

Luckily for me, and certainly luckily for my feelings of total confusion over everything that had happened lately, I didn't have time to either worry about or speak to Joey for the rest of that week, thanks mainly to four new assignments given to me at college.

I spent each night that week hidden away in my room, working out ridiculously difficult maths equations while at the same time trying to find out economic production possibility curves. I know. I didn't have a clue either, but at least it kept me away from Skype, MSN, and the Lovers and Sinners message board for a few nights. I did miss speaking to Joey dreadfully, but figured that all the studying I had to do was not only good for my college work, but even better for my sanity.

Saturday finally arrived like a welcome breath of fresh air. I'd kinda hoped that Beth and Emily would have forgotten about our plans to go to the Porter for their singles night, and that I could slip away from college on the Friday without them seeing me, then kinda just hibernate for the rest of the weekend. Not a bit of it. Beth rang me first thing Saturday morning, full of enthusiasm for the evening.

"I told Matt I was having a night out with the girls." She giggled. "Well, I am sort of, aren't I?"

"I guess so, Beth," I sighed. "You know it's not my sort of thing, though."

"Oh have some enthusiasm, Immy, puh-lease," Beth chastised. "It's going to be brilliant. All that totty."

"All that totty?" I scoffed. "Have you been reading the tabloids again?"

"Oh, you know what I mean." Beth brushed me off. "I just think it'll be brilliant for you."

"Well, as long as you two don't show me up," I said, trying to keep the whiney sound from my voice.

"Have we ever?" Beth sounded indignant.

"Do you want me to answer that?" I laughed.

"Pff! Right, well we'll see you outside the post office at seven," Beth said. "We can all walk from there."

I put the phone down and returned to my room from the kitchen where I'd been speaking to Beth. Mum and Dad were out, having gone to some garden centre about twenty miles away, as parents like to do, and Sophie was in town with her bunch of friends, no doubt all hanging around the shopping centre making nuisances of themselves. I was bored. Seven o'clock seemed like a long way off. I didn't want to go to town as well, and I sure as hell didn't want to do any more college work.

Sighing, I switched my computer on, kinda hoping that Twiggy might be around and we could have a game of virtual karate, or at least talk about that afternoon's football games. Failing that, I thought, I could post some comments on the L&S message board. The last episode of the programme had been weeks ago, but people were still discussing the whole series and wondering if there was to be another series later in the year.

There was just one person around on MSN-a girl I'd spoken to quite a few times called Betty Blue Rinse, who had a wicked sense of humour and who never failed to make me laugh. Neither Twiggy or Joey were anywhere to be seen, so I spent a funny hour or so talking to Betty, periodically flicking back and forth to the L&S message board. I looked at all the day's messages on there, then went back a little further, to the previous night, and was kinda surprised to see Joey had posted on there.

Me, Joey, and Twiggy only ever posted on there once in a blue moon these days, preferring to chat amongst ourselves away from the board. It had become like that for quite a few other people on the board too; friendships had been forged, relationships started and ended, and a lot of people had ended up doing what we had done and gradually drifted away from the board to more personal, intimate surroundings to chat in.

But there was Joey's name, on the board. She'd been posting the previous night, and had been busy, from what I could see. I read through her posts, and saw that she'd been chatting mainly to one person, a new arrival on the board, someone called Willow. A strange mixture of emotions went through me as I read their messages to each other; a combination of curiosity, intrigue and another emotion that I tried to ignore but which just wouldn't go away-a pricking of jealousy.

Seven o'clock finally arrived, and I'd never been so glad to get out of the house, regardless of the fact I wasn't keen on the idea of sitting in a bar all night while Beth and Emily picked out a new girlfriend for me. But anything had to be better than reading and rereading Joey's messages to Willow, as I had been doing all afternoon.

I didn't know why I felt I had to do it, but something kept pulling me back to their conversations, started earlier the previous evening and running right through to the early hours of Saturday morning. Joey had never spoken to me much past midnight, in all the time we'd been chatting, always telling me she was tired and needed her bed-so what was it about Willow that made Joey want to stay? Okay, that was a ridiculous thing to be thinking about, but it was the way my brain was working right now, you know?

I'd spent the rest of the afternoon not only reading Joey and Willow's chats, but also rereading some of Joey's e-mails that she'd sent to me over the past months, and which I'd never got round to deleting. They were funny, they were kind, they were wise; and as I read through them in chronological order, it became glaringly obvious that we'd become extremely close, especially in the last few weeks, apparently without me even realising it.

I thought back to the messages Joey had been exchanging with Willow and wondered why they made me feel so, I dunno, so insecure. Was it because I was frightened that Joey would move away from me now that she knew I didn't like her in the same way that she liked me? Or was it just that I couldn't stand the thought that Joey had found someone else, another friend, and I was now surplus to requirements? That was ridiculous. There was one thing I knew about Joey, and that was she wasn't fickle. And no pun intended there. Joey wasn't like that. Joey was kind and caring and she'd never just walk away just because she couldn't handle something.

A text from Beth stirred me from my thoughts. I looked at my watch and saw that it was 6.30 p.m. Muttering under my breath, I threw on some fresh clothes, put a bit of makeup on, and bundled my hair up on top of my head so that a few strands just fell about my face. I peered at myself in the mirror, adding some mascara for good measure, even though my eyes didn't need it, and a pale lipstick, which always somehow managed to bring out the blueness of my eyes more, then pouted a little, and nodded. I'd do.

Flinging my jacket on and wrapping a scarf around my neck against the chill wind outside, I hollered a good-bye to no one in particular and set off into town, hitching my bag across my shoulder as I walked off down the road. Beth and Emily were waiting for me outside the post office when I eventually arrived, slightly out of breath, slightly late.

"Jeans?" Emily raised her eyebrow at me and waved a dismissive hand in the direction of my legs.

I looked down.

"They're my best ones," I said feebly.

"And...Vans?" Beth sniffed, looking down at my feet.

"Will you two give me a break?" I laughed. "It's what I'm comfortable wearing. If no one likes it, then tough."

I opened my jacket up.

"Anyway, I'm wearing a tight top, look." I grinned. "Shows everything it needs to show. Girls'll be looking up here, not down at my feet."

"You hope," said Beth, linking her arm in mine and setting off with me.

"It used to work on Gemma," I said airily. "She liked me in this top when we Skyped."

"Will you quit talking about Gemma?" Emily playfully punched my arm. "Do that all evening and you'll get nowhere."

"But it's a good top. It's my best one," I protested.

"I'm backing up Emily here." Beth tutted loudly. "You're here to find yourself a new girl, right?"

"Okaaay," I said, with mock grumpiness.

The bar was already heaving by the time we arrived, just after seven. It seemed half the city, plus half the population of at least a dozen other towns around us, had decided to come along. The music was pumping, the dance floor was packed, and the bar was just a sea of heads. I didn't much care for it, if I was honest, but I meekly followed Beth and Emily to the bar, ordered some drinks, then sat down at one of the few available tables left in the place.

"Who knew a gay singles night could be so popular?" Emily shouted to me over the sound of the music. "Place is crammed tight!"

I looked around the bar and felt a bit out of place, every inch of me urging me to get the hell out of there and go home. I watched as girls chatted up girls, guys chatted up guys, and the drinks just kept flowing. All the while me, Beth, and Emily sat huddled at our table, not quite sure what to do, looking uncertainly at each other and making silly jokes to lighten the mood.

We'd been sitting there for around ten minutes when a tall, thin girl approached our table, asking if she could sit with us, as there were no other tables left in the place. Beth gestured to a spare chair and the girl sat down, leaning over towards Emily to shout something in her ear, which I couldn't hear. Emily shook her head and smiled at her, self-consciously taking a gulp of her drink, then gazed out to the dance floor.

"I think she just asked Emily to dance," Beth whispered excitedly in my ear. "Why don't you ask her what her name is? She might wanna dance with you instead."

"Thanks!" I hissed back. "What am I? Seconds?"

"Just ask her!" Beth hissed back.

I didn't want to. A girl standing at the bar had caught my eye while Beth had been whispering to me and was still staring at me. I looked away briefly, taking a sip from my drink, then looked back. She was still looking at me. I smiled at her and she smiled back, and I wondered what my next move should be.

"There's a girl at the bar," I whispered to Beth. Emily and the girl that had joined us were now deep in conversation, talking loudly about some soap opera they both watched on TV.

"Where?" Beth spun round in her chair.

"Don't look!" I hissed, embarrassed.

"The girl over there?" Beth whispered breathlessly.

"That's her." I slapped her leg. "Quit staring at her, will you?"

"Well go on, then," Beth said, louder now. "Go and speak to her! She keeps looking over. She wants you to go talk to her."

I looked closely over to the girl again. She was about my age, I'd guess, longish hair, slim but still nicely curvy. She had nice eyes too-as far as I could see in the gloom of the bar-framed with long, dark eyelashes and probably the most expressive face I'd ever seen, reminding me straightaway of Joey.

"She looks just like someone I know." I laughed, peering. "But Joey would never wear something like that! She's more of a jeans and hoodie kinda girl..." My voice trailed off.

"Who's Joey?" Emily leant in closer. "You've never mentioned a Joey to us, has she, Beth?"

"No, no Joey." Beth's eyes twinkled mischievously.

"Oh God, no!" I laughed again. "Joey's a mate. Someone I talk to online."