'Please tell me she doesn't look like her brother.'

'Give me some credit.'

'Does she have his personality?'

'If you mean is she as passionate about saving the climate, then yes.'

I groaned. 'Why can't you go out with a nice normal girl who doesn't feel the need to save everything?'

'She looks a bit like Angelina Jolie.'

'Now it's making more sense.'

'And, yes, before you ask, she washes regularly.'

'What do they call having sex in a tree? Is it the mile-high club or the tree-high club?'

'None of your business.' He laughed. 'And we haven't even snogged yet. We're still getting to know each other.'

'Haven't plucked up the courage yet?'

'I'm working on it.'

I put my hand on his shoulder. 'She may look like Angelina Jolie, but you look like a young '

'Don't say it.' He squirmed.

'Jason Donovan.'

'Julie!' He covered his face with his hands.

'Jason was really good-looking in his day. We all fancied him in Neighbours even Louise.' I sniggered.

'Stop talking right now.'

'OK, I won't torture you any more.' I ruffled his surprisingly soft clean hair. 'What's Acorn's real name?'

'That is her real name. Her mother's kind of a hippie.'

'You don't say! Does she know your real name isn't Willow?'

'No, and I'd like it to stay that way.'

'The Willow and the Acorn ... It sounds almost romantic. Have Mum and Dad met her?'

'No, and I'm not planning to introduce them any time soon.'

'Kind of hard to hide someone in a tiny space up a tree?'

'They're not exactly regular visitors. They only come down late at night to tell me I'm a gobshite.'

'Well, they have a point. They spent a lot of money on your education and now you're tree-sitting.'

'This is the first time I've felt really passionately about something. The environment is our future.'

'Gavin-Willow, you've felt passionately about loads of things starting with Spider-Man, Nintendo, the guitar, Limp Bizkit, Destiny's Child and then the Matrix movies. Remember when you started wearing Sophie's long black leather coat everywhere and asking us to call you Neo or Morpheus depending on the day? So you see, little bro, this is definitely not your first obsession.'

'Thanks for the reminder. Don't you have to get off now before you go completely grey?' He hustled me out of the door.

'OK. Don't let the kids out of your sight. Tom is silent but deadly he puts everything he can find into his mouth and could easily choke to death. Keep a close eye on him. Don't let the triplets near the washing-machine or the DVD player. They've already broken them both twice.'

'It's cool, Julie, just go and do your thing. I have it all under control.' Gavin waved me off.

As he was closing the door, I added, 'No visitors I don't want you shagging Acorn in my bed. You're here to babysit.'

'Goodbye.' He shut the door in my face.

Half an hour later, I was sitting peacefully in the hairdresser's, my head covered with hair dye, a pile of magazines in front of me and a nice cup of sugary tea in my hand. Bliss.

My phone rang. I glanced down. It was Gavin's mobile. I picked it up, heart sinking. 'What's up?'

'Uhm, I think you need to come home, sis,' he said. I could hardly hear him there was a commotion going on in the background.

'What happened?'

'OK, don't freak out, but there was kind of a fire, but not a bad one.'

'JESUS CHRIST! Are the kids all right?'

'Oh, yeah, totally, no injuries at all. They're just getting a bollocking from the firemen.'

I hung up, ran out of the hairdresser's dye still in my hair and drove home like a maniac. When I arrived, there was a fire-engine outside the house and I could see the triplets sitting in the front, pretending to drive it, under the supervision of two firemen.

'What the hell?' I asked Gavin, as he handed me a bewildered-looking Tom, who was naked and wrapped in a blanket.

'The triplets got the tomato ketchup and poured it all over Tom, so I had to give him a bath to wash it off. Then they found matches and kind of lit a fire in the TV room. The neighbour saw smoke and called 999.'

'Which neighbour?' I asked.

'The guy who looks like he wants to kill someone.' Gavin pointed to Mr Ryan. He lived in the house behind us and hated us. The triplets were constantly kicking their football into his garden and climbing up on to the back wall and shouting, 'Stinky bum,' at him.

I could see him pointing at me and heard snatches of his conversation with the chief fireman: 'Out of control ... savages ... need a firm hand ... mother can't cope at all ... no parenting ...'

The chief walked towards me. 'Are you the mother?'

'Yes.'

'Your house is fine. Not much smoke damage at all, mostly just a bad smell, but that'll go in a few days. However, the rug in your lounge has seen better days.' He pointed to it on the road behind him. There was now a large black hole in the middle.

'I'm sorry '

He held up his hand. 'No need to apologize, madam. I can see you've got your hands full. You can't watch children twenty-four seven. Now, I've given the boys a stern talking-to and I don't think they'll be playing with matches again any time soon.'

'But I don't understand where they got them. I never have matches in the house I'm not completely insane.'

Gavin looked sheepish. 'I think they might have been mine. They were in my backpack. They must have found them when I was washing Tom.'

'Jesus, they could have all been killed,' I hissed.

'I know. I'm sorry.'

'Look, these things happen,' the fire chief interrupted us. 'On a positive note, we didn't have to use any water. We put it out with fire blankets so there's no water damage. To be honest, Mrs ... ?'

'Nichols,' I said.

'Mrs Nichols, your main problem is your very angry neighbour. I'd steer clear of him for a few days, if I was you.' He added, in a whisper, 'And you might want to choose your babysitters more carefully.'

'Thank you very much and, again, I'm so sorry about all this,' I said, wiping the dripping hair dye off my face with my sleeve.

The chief called the triplets down from the truck and lined them up in front of me. Their faces were tear-stained. I bent down to kiss them.

'What do you say to your mummy?' the chief asked.

'Sorry, Mummy,' they said solemnly, in unison.

'What will you never, ever play with again unless you want to go to prison?' he asked them.

'Matches or any kind of fire,' they chimed.

'Now, be good for your mother,' the chief said. He patted their heads, climbed into the fire-engine and drove away.

I turned to the arsonists. I was at a loss for words.

'Mummy.' Liam tugged my arm. 'Are you super-cross?'

'Are you the crossest ever?' Leo asked.

'Are you infinity cross?' Luke wanted to know.

Before I could answer, Mr Ryan came marching towards me. 'Mrs Nichols, I'd like a word.'

'Not now, dude,' Gavin said, blocking his path. 'You can come back later and rant when their dad's home.' He pulled me and the boys into the house and closed the door.

The hall stank of smoke. I sank down to the floor and started to cry.

8.

Louise.

My office phone flashed. 'What is it, Jasmine?'

'It's your mother again, Louise.'

'Tell her I'm in another meeting.'

'I did, but she said it was an emergency and she won't hang up until she talks to you.'

Mum and I used to speak about once a month, but ever since I'd told her I was pregnant she'd been stalking me. This was the fourth time she'd rung this morning.

I picked up the phone. 'Hi, Mum, what's up? I'm really busy.'

'I don't care how busy you are. I'm calling to see how you're getting on. I want to make sure you're looking after yourself and the baby.'

'I'm fine, the baby's fine. It's all good.'

'Are you taking it easy? Have you cut down on your workload? You know that stress is very bad for babies they can sense it. The more uptight you are when you're pregnant, the more difficult the baby will be when it's born.'

'Mum, I'm not stressed, I'm just very busy.'

'Have you spoken to the baby's father yet?'

I gripped my desk. 'No, Mum, I haven't, and I'm not going to. I told you, he doesn't want to know. Forget about him.'

'How can I? Every child needs a father. You'll have to make him see that he needs to be involved.'

'I don't want him to be involved. He's an idiot.'

'Why on earth did you go out with him, then?'

The last thing I wanted was to get into a long conversation with my mother about the baby's dad. I needed to get her off the phone and off my back. I remembered Sophie's suggestion at Christmas to pretend I was heartbroken. She was closest to Mum and was by far the best at handling her. I'd give it a go.

'Look, Mum, I liked him, but he dumped me and I was really upset for a while, but I'm over it now. I don't want to think about him because it brings back bad memories. I'm trying to move on, so please stop talking about him. It's hard for me.'

'I'm sorry if I've upset you, pet. I'm just thinking of the baby.'

I took a deep breath. 'I know, Mum, but it's my problem and I'll deal with it when I'm ready. I just can't go there right now, it's too raw.' I cringed as I said the words.

'That's understandable. I'll say no more about it for the time being. But you'll have to deal with it at some stage.'

I punched my fist in the air yes! Good old Sophie. 'Thanks, Mum, I'd really appreciate that. I have to go now. Talk soon.'

'Don't work too hard.'