'She has sad eyes a lot now,' Liam told Marian. 'But she always makes them look nice before Daddy comes home. She doesn't want him to be sad for her.'

Marian bent down. 'Your mummy is a saint. Your daddy on the other hand is a '

'Marian!' I warned her. I wasn't going to slate Harry to the boys yet.

'I was just going to say your daddy is a very lucky man. Not everyone gets to marry a wonderful person like your mummy.'

'Is Greg lucky to marry you?' Liam asked.

'Luckiest day of his life,' Marian said. 'Although he might describe it a little differently if you asked him. Now shoo.'

'Hold on,' I said to Liam. 'What did you want to ask me, pet?'

'What are Ghostfreak's special powers again?'

'He can pass through walls and become invisible, and he's the creepiest looking of all the Ben 10 aliens, which scares the criminals too.'

'I forgot the invisible part. Thanks, Mummy.' Liam scampered off.

'How the hell do you remember that stuff?' Marian asked. 'I can never tell who's who there are so many bloody aliens.'

I smiled. 'I have four boys. You either learn about all these alien guys or you get totally left out. I've kind of got into it.'

'You're a legend. Those boys are very lucky to have you as their mum.'

'Well, I'll need to keep up to speed as a single parent.' I began to cry again.

Marian handed me a handkerchief. 'Please let me kill Harry. I can't stand seeing you so upset. You should put a stiletto through his thick head when you see him in Paris.'

'I keep wondering what she looks like. You know, is she blonde or brunette? Is she much younger? Is she very sexy? Does she smoke and pout like all beautiful French women do? How can I compete with some young sex-bomb? He's going to leave me, Marian. Confronting him isn't going to change anything. Harry's going to leave me and I don't want to be alone.'

'You're gorgeous, you look younger than you are and you're skinny now. You'll have men queuing up.'

'We both know I won't.'

Marian forced me to look her in the eye. 'Julie, I have seen a woman waste her whole life waiting for a man who was never coming back. I will not let you end up like my mother. If Harry's going to leave you, then it's going to happen no matter what you do. And you're not going to spend your life crying about it. You'll have a shit year and then you'll pick yourself up and dust yourself down and get out there and live your life. You have four children. You don't have a choice. You have to get on with your life. You have to hope that someone else will come along. You have to live. I saw my mother give up living. It was horrible growing up in that environment. I won't let it happen to you or your kids.'

I hugged her. 'Thanks for being my friend and my lifeline, and for being the only person in the world who would offer to look after the triplets.'

We both cried and went down to our kids with 'sad eyes'.

Four days later I was sitting in a bar in Paris with my two sisters. The trip had been organized by Louise with military precision. When Harry told me he was going to Paris for work, I didn't flinch. When he left that morning, he hugged me tight and told me he loved me. I was numb from head to toe. As soon as he left, I rushed the boys over to Marian's with a suitcase of clothes for them. They had no idea what was going on: I hadn't told them I was going away because they would have said something to Harry.

'But where are you going, Mummy?' Leo asked, looking upset.

'I have to go away for just two sleepies. It's very important, but I'll be back very soon.'

'But Daddy's away too. Who will mind us?'

'Marian I told you.'

'But Marian shouts and says bad words a lot.'

'Yes, but she's also a great friend to Mummy and you know you'll have fun with her.'

'Don't go.' Liam clamped himself to my leg.

I had to get out of there, drop Tom to Mum's and get to the airport by eleven. I was already running late, so I used the oldest trick in the book: bribery. 'I'll bring you back treats.'

'Sweeties?' Leo asked.

'Chocolate?' Liam wondered.

'Toys?' Luke looked excited.

'All of them. Sweets, toys and chocolate. Now I have to go. Be good for Marian.' I hugged my little boys and squeezed them tight.

'Ouch! Mummy, you squashed us,' they complained.

'Sorry, I just love you so much.' A tear rolled down my cheek.

'Right! That's it, you lot. Get into the playroom.' Marian stepped in. 'Julie, get into that car and get on that plane.' She frogmarched me to the car. I put Tom in his seat and turned to hug her.

She waved me off. 'Good luck, and don't make it easy for the cheating bastard.'

I dropped Tom to Mum's and started crying when I saw him waving his little hands and shouting, 'Bye-bye, Mama.' I ran back to hold him.

'Go on you'll miss your flight.' Mum nudged me out of the door. 'Don't be getting upset. You deserve this break and Tom will be fine. Now go and have some fun with your husband.'

I arrived into the airport with minutes to spare. Sophie rushed over. 'Come on, Julie, I've been having a heart attack. We need to run.'

And now here we were, the three of us sitting in the bar in the lovely hotel Louise had booked, drinking wine, looking out on to the Seine. After we'd arrived, Sophie went to take a long bath and Louise worked so I'd spent a couple of hours in the Shakespeare and Company bookshop, which was only a short walk from our hotel. I had always wanted to go there and it didn't disappoint. It was as old and quirky as I'd imagined. Looking out on to the river with a view of Notre Dame, it was the most perfect setting to inspire writers and a wonderful way for lovers of books, like me, to potter about, wiling away an hour or two reading Hemingway or Proust or Joyce ...

I bought a second-hand copy of Hemingway's A Moveable Feast, which was recommended by one of the students working in the shop. He told me it was Hemingway's memoir of his years living in Paris in the 1920s, spending time with F. Scott Fitzgerald, Hilaire Belloc and James Joyce, among others. It sounded so carefree and glamorous. I knew reading it would take me away from my miserable life for a while.

I walked back to the hotel, soaking in the beauty and majesty of Parisian architecture. It was even more stunning than I had imagined. I should have come to live here and not London after college, I should have travelled and explored and been more adventurous. I berated myself for settling down too quickly with Harry and getting overwhelmed by children. There were so many things I'd wanted to do, so many places I'd wanted to see, but I'd done and seen none of them. I'd stopped thinking about what I wanted and focused only on what my family needed. And for what? To find myself dumped at forty.

So here we were, the three sisters, sitting on the terrace of the hotel bar, on a beautiful balmy evening in Paris. I was wearing Marian's black sequin dress with no back. Sophie had done my hair and makeup and made me look a lot better than I could ever have managed.

'You look incredible, Julie,' Louise said. 'I know it isn't going to make you feel better, but you really are gorgeous.'

'The best I've seen you in years,' Sophie agreed. 'The dress is perfect and your hair is so much nicer shorter.'

'Thanks, guys. And thanks for being here to support me on ... um ... you know ... this, um ...'

'No tears,' Sophie ordered. 'You are not to ruin your makeup. After we've confronted them you can sob your heart out, but I want Harry and his mistress to see you looking beautiful.'

'Have you thought about what you're going to say?' Louise asked.

I shook my head. 'I can't think straight. My heart's thumping and I think I'm going to get sick.'

'Deep breaths and more wine,' Louise said.

Sophie looked around. 'Who would have thought this time last year that all of our lives would change so dramatically? I certainly never could have imagined I'd be penniless and homeless and working full-time. And I know Julie never thought Harry would cheat on her and, Louise, you never thought you'd be a mum. How did this happen?'

'Life throws you a curve ball when you least expect it,' Louise mused.

'It stabs you in the heart,' I muttered.

'It pulls the rug from under your feet,' Sophie agreed.

I let out a huge sigh. 'I'm forty. I've got four kids. I'm too old and tired for this. I haven't the energy to be out in nightclubs trying to meet a new man. I'm going to be on my own for the rest of my life and that terrifies me.'

'You're not old,' Louise snapped. 'Forty is young and you look great. You don't need a man to make you happy. You just need lovers to have sex and go out for dinner with. As far as I can see, husbands are more trouble than they're worth. Look at how they've let both of you down.'

I didn't like Louise slating Harry. 'To be fair, until recently Harry has been a brilliant husband. He's always made me feel great about myself, helped out with the kids, and he's never been the type to dump me with the boys on Saturday afternoons so he can watch rugby matches with his friends, or abandon me on Friday nights for drinks after work. He was great, but now it's all gone horribly wrong. I guess I put on weight and let myself go and the sex became sporadic at best and he lost interest in me.'

'Hold on,' Louise barked, banging her glass down on the table. 'You were an amazing wife to him. You gave him four healthy sons, you looked after them day and night even though it's bloody difficult and when he came home with salary cuts, you never complained or made him feel bad, you just budgeted even more. You have no time for yourself you're a bloody slave to your family. Harry may have been a great husband but you are an unbelievable wife and mother, so don't put yourself down and blame yourself for his affair.'

'She's right, you know,' Sophie added. 'You're brilliant I don't know how you do it. Your life always seemed such a struggle to me. There I was with one child in Montessori and a full-time housekeeper and you had no help at all. You have literally given up your life for your family and I admire you for it, but I think you lost yourself along the way. After Jack's business went bust, I saw that my life was a bit empty and soulless. Don't get me wrong, I loved being wealthy, I really did, but my whole identity was wrapped up in money, in being Mrs Jack Wells, in being part of an elite set, in appearance, clothes, the house I lived in and the car I drove. I definitely lost myself and I think you have, too, Julie, but in a different way. You're so selfless. You never have time to yourself to do things outside being a mum and a wife. I think you need to try and find something for yourself that has nothing to do with the kids.'

I nodded. 'Yes, I've morphed into a mum. That's all I am. And I love my boys, but my life is like bloody Groundhog Day and it's getting me down. I honestly haven't had time to do anything for myself because we can't afford help so the childcare is entirely up to me. But when the boys go to primary school next month, I'm going to try and find something I can do, something that feeds my soul. Because I'm drowning in motherhood, and the weird thing is that, although I never have a second to myself, I find it very lonely. Do you?' I asked my sisters.

Louise shook her head. 'Because I spend so little time with Clara during the week, I love being with her all weekend. I cherish our time together. I don't find it lonely and I'm single.'

'I was very lonely in the beginning. When Jess was small and I wasn't coping very well, before I went on Prozac, I used to '

'What?' Louise and I stopped drinking and stared at her.

'Oh, God.' She put her hand over her mouth.

'You were on Prozac?' I was shocked. Sophie was always so together, so perfect, never a hair out of place, and Jess was an angel child.

Sophie blushed and fiddled with her ring. 'Yes I was on it for a year after Jess was born. She was quite colicky in the beginning and Jack didn't understand. He thought the baby would just slot into our lives and nothing would change. I found trying to be the perfect wife and mother really difficult. I got depressed and was crying all the time and even getting dressed seemed like a huge ordeal, so I went to my GP and he put me on Prozac.'

'Why did you never tell us?' Louise asked.

Sophie shrugged. 'I guess I was embarrassed. You've never needed help for anything, Louise you're so bright and smart and capable and Julie was bringing up triplets and not having to take anti-depressants. I had just one child and was unable to cope.'

'Oh, Sophie, I wasn't coping well at all. I wish I'd taken Prozac it would probably have made the first year more bearable,' I admitted.

'After three months of hell with Clara crying all night, I would definitely have ended up on Prozac if I hadn't got her sorted out,' Louise said.

'No, you wouldn't,' Sophie said. 'Look at you now with Clara. You're still doing your high-powered job and managing to juggle it with motherhood.'

'I'm not really managing,' Louise said. 'I never knew how needy and all-consuming babies are. I'm struggling I'm not at my best in work any more and I'm missing out on seeing my baby all week.'

'What's the solution?' I asked. If anyone had one, it was Louise.

'I'm trying to figure it out. I love my job and I've worked so hard to get where I am that I don't want to give it up. Besides, I need to work to support Clara. But I miss her. A lot of the time when I leave in the morning she's still asleep and then when I come home she's usually asleep too. I hate that. I love being with her she's so adorable now, all smiley and cooing and gorgeous.'

Sophie and I grinned across the table at each other.

'I think someone's in love,' I said, squeezing Louise's hand.

'Yes, I am, completely and utterly,' she said, her eyes filling. 'It kind of crept up on me and then, bam, I was besotted with her. Suddenly it wasn't all about trying to stop her crying or what time she needed to be fed, it was about staring at her beautiful face and cuddling her and smelling her and going for naps with her in my bed and watching her sleeping and thinking my heart was going to burst.' She took a gulp of her wine.

'Welcome to motherhood.' I hugged her.

'But what am I going to do?' she asked. 'I want to spend more time with her.'

'What would your ideal set-up be?' Sophie asked.

Louise thought for a moment. 'To be able to do what I do but with more flexible hours. To be my own boss, I suppose.'

'Well, could you set up on your own?' I asked.

Louise shook her head. 'There's too much competition in London. I'd have to work twice as hard to bring in clients. I'd never see Clara.'

'What about in Dublin?' Sophie wondered.

We all looked at one another in silence.

'That's a great idea,' I burst out. 'Come back and let Clara hang out with her cousins and her aunties and Gavin and her grandparents. I'd love it if you did. We could be single parents together.'

Louise looked shocked. 'I've never considered coming back to Dublin. I don't know why, I suppose because I consider London my home. I'm not sure, though. How much work would I get as a solo corporate lawyer? I'd have to find a niche market I could tap into. It wouldn't be easy I don't have a profile in Dublin but I have a big one in London.'

'Don't rule it out, Lou,' I said. 'Just think about it. It would be so great to have you home, and really good for Clara to have close family around.'

'I'd love her to get to know her cousins and grandparents better, but I'm not sure about the career side of things in Dublin.'

'Louise, if anyone can make it work, you can. It probably won't be easy but when has that stopped you doing anything?' Sophie asked her.

'Tell you what, I'll look into it, put some feelers out and see what happens. Who knows? It could work.' She raised her glass to us.

'What would your ideal situation be?' I asked Sophie.

She looked down at her wine. 'To stop hating Jack. To stop blaming him for losing all our money when it wasn't really his fault. To be a good role model to Jess, which I now know I wasn't. I was filling her head with rubbish about money and diamonds. It was completely unintentional, but she was watching the way I lived my life and soaking it all in. I'm ashamed of some of the things I said to her. So I suppose that's one good thing to come out of this fiasco. I'm showing my daughter a more realistic version of life and teaching her proper values. I'm also enjoying being independent. I'm finding myself again. I'm stepping out of Jack's shadow, which is quite liberating, actually. The downside is that we're getting on incredibly badly. I wish we could get back to how we were. I do still love him, but there's a lot of resentment and anger in me and I need to let it go. It's poisonous and it's ruining our marriage.'

'What about you, Julie?' Louise asked.

I looked at my sisters. 'I used to wish for a bigger house, a nicer car, to be thinner, to have money in the bank, for the boys to be in school until six p.m. every night, and for Harry to get a big promotion and a huge salary rise. But now ... all I want is my husband back. I want the man I married, my children's dad, my Harry to come home to me.'

'But what would you like for you for yourself?' Sophie gently probed.

I sat back and thought about it. 'I think I'd like a part-time job and to make enough money so I can treat the kids to new bikes, pay for a family holiday every year, buy myself some new clothes and get a decent washing-machine.'

'What kind of a job?' Louise pushed me.