'Quentin Gill?' Sophie's head shot up. 'Yes, I did, actually, and I bumped into him a few months back ' She jumped up. 'He said Jill had left the agency and he really needed someone with experience as a booker to take over from her. I could do that. I could be a booker. I know how it works. I know the ropes.'

'There you go. Call him up,' I said, handing her the phone.

Sophie hesitated. 'But it was months ago he's probably got someone now.'

'If he has, he might know someone else who's hiring. Call him, Sophie. Do it now. You need a job.'

'What'll I say? Should I tell him about being homeless?'

'No,' I said firmly. Sophie wouldn't be very good in an interview: the last thing your future boss wants to know is that you're homeless and desperate. 'Just say that now Jess is in school, you've decided to go back to work and you were wondering if he still needed a booker.'

Sophie dialled the number, then hung up. 'I can't I can't do it.'

'Sophie,' I snapped, 'you're broke. You need to do something to get out of this hole. You need to support Jess. You have to step up to the plate. Pick up that phone and call Quentin now.'

'OK, OK! Don't shout at me.' Sophie picked the phone up.

'She's not shouting at you, she's trying to help,' Julie said.

'I know, but I'm having a really shit time, so go easy on me.'

'We all have shit to deal with,' Julie muttered.

Sophie took a deep breath and dialled the number again. She got Quentin's answering machine. She left a message asking him to call her as soon as possible.

When she hung up she shut the bedroom door and beckoned us closer. 'I've actually made some money, but don't tell Jack,' she whispered.

'How?' I asked.

'I'm selling all my clothes, shoes and jewellery on eBay. I've made twelve thousand three hundred euros as of this morning and only a quarter of the stuff is sold.'

'Good for you,' Julie said. 'You see? You're not useless. Far from it.'

'Great idea. Well done. Now, what are you doing with the money?' I asked.

'I'm putting it in the Post Office. I want to leave it there for Jess's education. I want to save, like Julie has been for the boys. I don't want Jack touching it.'

'Leave it there for the moment. I'll have a look around and see which bank is offering the best interest rates and get back to you.' I was really impressed with Sophie. Selling her designer clothes on eBay was a great idea.

'How are you and Jack getting on? Do you feel like killing him every time you look at him?' Julie clenched her fists.

'Yes, I do I hate him and I blame him.'

'Hang on a minute.' I jumped in to defend Jack. Now that I knew what it felt like to make a big mistake in a work situation, I had more sympathy with the underdog. 'I agree that Jack made a bad business decision, but as Julie pointed out earlier, so did lots of really experienced high-end traders and investment funds.'

'I know all that,' Sophie said. 'When I'm thinking rationally which is hardly ever at the moment I can see it's not his fault. I know he feels terrible and is beating himself up. But on a raw emotional level, I want to kill him for putting us in this situation. I trusted him, I admired him I was dazzled by him. Now I can't bear to look at him. We haven't slept in the same bed since he told me. I can't even stand to be near him physically. He keeps looking for reassuring hugs and I keep pushing him away. I need space. I need to work it all out in my head.'

Gavin poked his head around the door. 'What are you three witches plotting up here? Jack's burning at the stake?'

'Not a bad idea.' Sophie half smiled.

'Don't be too hard on him. He looks like a man going through hell. So, I guess we're going to be housemates again.' Gavin sat down beside Sophie and put his arm around her.

She leant her head on his shoulder. 'Looks like it. It's going to be very cosy for the next few weeks.'

'It'll be like old times.' Gavin grinned. 'Remember when Louise and Julie were in college and we lived here on our own with Mum and Dad? It was fun not being bossed around all the time.'

'I never bossed you,' Julie objected.

'True. It was Louise but you were hardly ever here, and when you were, you had your head permanently stuck in a book so you weren't much fun,' Gavin explained.

'I didn't boss you that much, did I?'

Gavin and Sophie laughed. 'Come on, Louise, you can't help it it's in your nature to try to sort other people's lives out,' Sophie said. Then, holding her hand up, she added, 'And before you get huffy, I'm glad you do because you've been brilliant today at helping me.'

'I'm glad you'll be around, Sophie,' Gavin told her. 'You can keep Dad off my back. He's on a rampage. I just got a twenty-minute lecture on getting my life together and finding a proper job ... not wasting money ... saving for a rainy day ... look at Jack, nothing left ... have to be careful with investments ... be responsible ... On and on he went.'

'He's right,' Sophie said. 'I'm sorry, Gavin, but it is time you got yourself together. Look at me. I'm a thirty-eight-year-old woman who can't support her child. Do not end up like me. You've had twenty-three years of fun and no responsibilities, but it's time to get a job, stop sponging off the family and pay your own way. Jack and I can't help you out any more. Louise is now using her spare cash to bail me out and Julie doesn't have any. Mum and Dad need what they have for their retirement. You have to stand on your own two feet.'

'I agree,' I said. 'By the time we were all twenty-three we'd moved out of home, found jobs and were supporting ourselves.'

Gavin groaned. 'I came up here to get away from Dad but you're worse. OK, I get it, I need to grow up and be responsible. That's why I moved back to look for a job.'

'Bullshit,' I said. 'You moved back because your tent leaked, you were starving and the novelty of shagging an Angelina Jolie lookalike in the mud had worn off. And because none of us would give you any more money to fund your "save the world" baloney.'

'It's not baloney,' he said angrily.

'It is when you're living in a tent and not achieving anything. Get out and lobby the UK government, research alternative energies, become an environmental consultant, a climate-change strategist, a climate-policy analysis consultant. There are tons of interesting, relevant jobs that actually pay salaries.' I had been researching the job market to give him alternative career options when the tent phase wore off, as we had all known it would.

'Wow I didn't know there were so many choices.'

'You obviously haven't looked very hard. All you have to do is Google "climate-change jobs",' I told him.

'How come there were none of those interesting kinds of jobs when we left school?' Julie asked. 'I would definitely have become a climate-policy analysis consultant. It sounds a lot more exciting than recruitment.'

'I'll tell you one thing,' Sophie said. 'Jess is going to study hard and get a good job in a steady profession. There's no way she's going to end up being a model. She needs something solid and safe, like the law. Look at you, Louise, you're completely independent. You're not relying on any man to pay your mortgage or your bills. I really admire you for it, and I want that for Jess. I don't want her depending on her husband for everything like I do.'

'Be careful what you wish for,' I warned her. 'My life used to be great, totally under control, until I had Clara. But as I found out all too recently, it's bloody difficult juggling motherhood and work. For the first time in my life, I'm really struggling with something. I want Clara to have a career but I would never, ever want her to bring up a baby alone. You need two parents to share the load. Nannies don't pace the floor with them at three in the morning when they're screaming or throwing up, but a dad would. It's lonely doing it all on your own and, to be honest, it's scary too. You guys are really lucky to have nice husbands to help you look after and raise your kids.'

Julie burst into tears.

'What's wrong?' I asked. 'What did I say?'

'Nothing, you're just so right. Kids do need their dads. They really do.'

My phone beeped. It was an email from Alex: Gordon has gone back to New York. He was not happy with the purchase price error, despite it being resolved. He has asked Dominic to represent him on a large merger he is involved in. Dominic leaves for New York on Tuesday. He will be gone for at least three weeks, so I need you to cover his files. We're meeting at seven thirty on Monday morning to discuss the hand-over.

'Bastard.' I threw my phone on to the bed.

'What happened?' Sophie asked.

'I messed up at work and now Dominic, the junior partner, is getting a huge contract that should have been mine. Christ, it's so bloody frustrating. How can I compete with someone ten years younger than me who gets eight hours' sleep a night and plays golf like a bloody pro? He can stay out drinking and smoking cigars until three in the morning while I have to go home to Clara. I can't compete. It's no longer a level playing field. Before Clara, I could keep up with the best of them. I never drank much, but I stayed out and talked and schmoozed and won business. I can't do it any more. I'm tied down. I'm shackled. I'm screwed. God, I hate men!'

'I couldn't agree more,' Sophie said.

'Me too.' Julie sniffled.

'Hey, we're not all arseholes,' Gavin reminded us. 'And you women are no picnic either, let me tell you.'

'I don't go around stabbing my colleagues in the back,' I snapped.

'I don't lose millions,' Sophie said.

'I don't screw '

Mum came into the room, interrupting Julie. She handed me Clara. 'Louise, your daughter has a smelly nappy. I've fed her and burped her but you can change her.'

The others left the room. Sighing, I changed my baby's nappy and pictured Dominic's transatlantic flight crashing into the sea.

33.

Sophie.

It was actually a relief to come clean. It was out in the open now. I didn't have to hide any more, pretend I was sick, act as if nothing was wrong and lie to everyone. They all knew we were broke.

Louise had been amazing it had been brilliant to move into her apartment. Mum and Dad were great to take us in, but it had been cramped and tense. Jack couldn't relax and spent most of his time in the bedroom on his laptop.

Jess was still on her summer holidays, so I had to keep her occupied during the day. When we went out as a family, it was always a disaster Jack and I either fought or didn't speak to each other. I spent a lot of time with Gavin and Jess, hanging out in the park. On rainy days, Jess and I would curl up on the couch and watch movies.

It was hard not having any money to spend. I kept forgetting I was penniless and going to buy things. Before when I got petrol I would always have bought at least three magazines in the shop. Now I couldn't. When I was out walking, I looked in the window of every boutique I passed, but could no longer go in and buy anything I wanted. I had to think about and justify every euro I spent. It was a difficult adjustment.

Quentin called me back, and instead of the story Louise told me to tell him, I blurted out the truth. I said I was desperate, that I'd take any job he had going. I even offered to be his driver. He was very kind and sympathetic and we arranged to meet when he got back from his business trip to London.

I dressed up for the interview in one of the few outfits I hadn't put up for sale on eBay. It was a light grey Armani trouser suit that was businesslike but flattering. I spent ages applying my makeup. My skin was dry, patchy and lined from stress. I couldn't afford expensive creams or Botox any more, so my wrinkles were back with a vengeance. For the first time in my life, I looked my age. I used lots of concealer and the end result wasn't too bad. I didn't look like me. I looked like an older, more stressed, worried and tired version.

'You look nice, Mummy,' Jess said.

'Thank you, angel.' I kissed her, careful not to get lipstick on her face.

'Where are we going?'

'Actually, you're going to stay here with Daddy. I'm going to an interview to get a new job.'

'Why?'

I decided to be honest. 'Because we need money.'

'Does Daddy not have any left now his job is gone away?'

'At the moment, no. But hopefully he'll find a new job soon.'

Her lip began to wobble. 'But if you and Daddy are working, who will mind me? I'll be all by my own.'

I hugged her. 'You will never be on your own. Lots of children have mummies and daddies who work and they have minders, like Mimi, who look after them.'

'Is Mimi coming back?' She looked thrilled.

'No, Jess. At the moment Daddy has no job so he's going to look after you. If he gets a new job, we'll sort something out.'

'If Daddy gets a new job, you can stop working. You always said it was better for mummies to be at home to look after their little girls.'

'Well, that was before I realized that sometimes it's better for mummies to work too.'

'Why?' She frowned. She did that a lot these days.

'Because then if the daddy loses his job, the mummy can still pay for things.'

'But you said that happy mummies didn't have to work because the daddies made lots of money and the mummies could spend it on treats. And you said that I should marry a man like Daddy who makes lots and lots of money so I could have lots of beautiful things and look like a princess and never have to work.'

Had I really said that to my child? What kind of ideals was I teaching her?

'OK, Jess, I need you to listen to me. Mummy was wrong when she said that. It is very, very, very important that you work hard in school and get a job when you're older.'

'But I'm going to be a model like you, Mummy.'

I pulled her on to my knee. 'No, pet. I want you to be a doctor or a lawyer or an accountant. Modelling is not a very good job.'

'But you said you loved it and Daddy said he married you because you were the most beautiful model in Ireland.'

'Modelling is a job you do when you're young. I'm too old for it now. You need to have a job you can do for a long time, like Auntie Louise.'

'But she's cross all the time and she's always shouting into her phone.'

'Louise is a very good person. She gave us her lovely apartment to live in, so we have to be extra nice to her because she helped us out a lot.'

Jess curled my hair around her index finger. 'She's good at sharing.'

'Yes, she is. And Louise was able to help us because she worked hard in school and has a good job. I don't want you ever to be stuck with no money, pet. It's scary. So that's why I want you to work even when you get married and even when you have children. It will keep you and your family safe.'

'But, Mummy, if you're too old to be a model now, what job are you going to do?'

'I'm going to look after young models and help them get jobs. I'm going to be like a mummy to them.'