'Have you heard of it before?' Julie asked her neighbour.

'Damn right I have. I had the same bloody thing when I was expecting Brian. I thought they were tumours. I made Greg take a look and he was white when he came back up. He thought I was a goner too. Three weeks to live, tops. We're in the obstetrician's office the next day and we're both crying. The doctor starts laughing and tells me it's varicose veins in my vagina.'

'What?' Julie and I said at the same time.

'I know. Can you believe it? Varicose veins down there. So the good news is you're not dying.'

'What happens? Do they go away? Do they shrink? How the hell do I get rid of them?'

'The bad news is that you're going to have them until the baby comes out. Sometimes they get worse, sometimes they get a bit better. But they won't go until you give birth. Also, just in case you were planning on having sex, don't let any man near them. If they see those big yokes, they'll never want to have sex with you again. Greg didn't go near me until after Brian was born. To be honest, it suited me fine. Some women get really horny when they're pregnant but I never did and nor did anyone I know. I actually think it's a myth invented by men to make us feel even worse than we already do when we don't want to have sex with a bloody bowling ball in our stomach.'

'I was about as randy as a corpse.' Julie whooped.

'I'm gagging for it,' I admitted.

'Really?' They both sounded stunned.

'Yes.'

'Well, please hop on a flight and put Greg out of his misery. I haven't got the fucking energy ... STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!' Marian roared. 'I've got to go. Molly's just put an M&M up her nose.'

'Thanks for your help. 'Bye,' I said, as the phone line went dead.

'I told you Marian would know what it was,' Julie said.

'I owe you one, Julie. Marian is absolutely certifiable, but at least I know the lumps are not serious or permanent. I'll call you tomorrow after I've seen my obstetrician to confirm the diagnosis.'

I sat in the obstetrician's office, typing furiously on my BlackBerry. I glanced at the clock. Damn, I had a meeting in twenty minutes. Just as I was getting up to harass his secretary, Jonathan Bakewell called me in. We sat down face to face in his vast room.

'How are you feeling, my dear?' he asked.

'Big, fat and sweaty. Pretty revolting, really.'

'The third trimester can be difficult. But you're into single figures now only six weeks to go.'

'Thank God for that. Look, Jonathan, something's bothering me. I seem to have lumps all over my vagina. I've been told it's probably varicose veins. Is that possible?'

'Climb up on the bed and let's take a look.'

I got undressed and covered myself with the sheet while I was examined.

'It's nothing to worry about,' he assured me. 'Now pop your clothes back on and we'll discuss it.'

'Is it varicose veins?'

'It would appear so, yes.'

'Aren't you supposed to get those in your legs?'

'In some cases women get them close to the vulva during the latter stages of pregnancy.'

'There must be some way to get rid of them?'

'They'll disappear once the baby is born.'

'In the meantime, I'm stuck with them?'

'I'm afraid so.'

'But they will definitely go once the baby is out?'

'Yes.'

'I suppose I should be grateful for that at least.'

'In the meantime try to sleep on your side and keep your legs raised as much as possible it takes the pressure off the lower half of the body.'

'Can't you just take the baby out now and put me out of my misery?'

He smiled ruefully. 'You only have a short way to go. We're scheduled for your elective Caesarean at thirty-nine weeks. You're doing very well. Try to enjoy these last weeks. I'd like you to rest as much as possible.'

'If I get much bigger I won't be able to walk.' I sighed.

'Have you thought about a birth partner? Perhaps your mother, or a friend?'

'I'm used to doing things on my own. Besides, it's a brief procedure I don't need a team of cheerleaders.' I glanced at my watch. 'I have to go. Thank you, Jonathan. I'll see you in a few weeks.'

'Try not to work too hard you need to put those feet up.'

Yeah, right! As if I could tell Alex I was taking some time off to put my feet in the air because the veins in my vagina had swollen up like lemons. I rushed back to work and got to the meeting a minute late. I squeezed into a chair in the corner of the conference room. Dominic leant over and asked loudly if I needed a glass of water. Six heads all male turned to look at me.

'No, thank you.'

'You're a little flushed.'

'I'm fine.'

The truth was, my heart was racing. I'd had to run most of the way back from the obstetrician's and I was feeling a bit dizzy. But I was damned if I was going to show any weakness.

'Can I continue?' Alex asked brusquely.

'Absolutely.' I nodded.

'Right. I need all of you to work on the following shareholders at Games4us2play. We need to get everyone on board by the end of the month. You're going to have to fly over, meet these people face to face and get them to sign. Do not come back here without signatures. Dominic, I'm sending you to Singapore. Richard, I need you in Chicago, Lee in Cape Town and Louise is going to Buenos Aires to deal with the biggest shareholder, Eduardo Rodriguez. By all accounts he's a cantankerous old bugger and he's talking about pulling out of the merger. If anyone can get him to sign those papers, it's Louise.'

My heart sank. Buenos Aires, shit.

As if he'd read my thoughts, Dominic said, 'I don't think Louise can fly long distance at this late stage of her pregnancy. It's dangerous, isn't it? I can fly directly from Singapore to Argentina. It's no problem.'

The snake. I wanted to put my fist in his mouth.

Alex looked at me. 'Is this going to be a problem, Louise?'

I fixed a smile on my face. 'Of course not, Alex. Thanks for your concern, Dominic, but it's a bit over the top. I am perfectly capable of flying to Buenos Aires to use my significant experience and persuasive powers to get Rodriguez to sign off on the deal. You just make sure you get the guys in Singapore to do the same. We don't want any loose ends.'

'Excellent. I knew I could count on you.' Alex was clearly relieved.

When I got back to my office I rang my obstetrician and explained the situation.

'It's not ideal, Louise,' Jonathan said. 'Long-haul flights at this stage of the pregnancy are not encouraged. When do you go?'

'In four days.'

'Come in and have your blood pressure checked the day before you fly. If it's high, you'll have to cancel the trip.'

'You don't understand I have to go.'

'Louise, you're about to have a baby. Your priorities have changed.'

I hung up and rubbed my eyes. I was tired. I'd slept badly the night before. Why did everyone presume my priorities were going to be different? My career had always been my main focus and that wasn't going to change. I was sure I would like the baby and want to spend time with her but that was what weekends were for. Work was my buzz, my high, my drug of choice.

I decided to book the flights myself. I didn't want Jasmine giving me a lecture about flying in the third trimester ... I had to go to Argentina and that was that. If we could wrap this deal up before I had the baby, I'd go out on a high. I needed to prove my place as senior partner and this merger was my golden opportunity.

After booking the flights, I slipped off my high heels and raised my feet while I studied Eduardo Rodriguez's file. I wanted to know everything about him and his business background so I could get him on board as quickly as possible. He was the biggest shareholder and the one who could cause the most trouble.

'Louise Louise ... wakey-wakey.'

'What?' I lifted my head. Dominic was grinning at me.

Damn! I'd fallen asleep on my keyboard.

'I hope you're not going to nod off when you're with Rodriguez.'

'I wasn't sleeping. My keyboard was acting up. I was checking it,' I snapped.

'You have dribble on your chin.'

I wiped it off with my hand. 'Did you want something, Dominic?' I asked the weasel.

'I was going to ask you how you thought I should sell the deal to Chen Koh when I'm in Singapore. Apparently he's getting cold feet. But you obviously need a nap, so I'll come back later.'

'Have you studied his background? His previous business practices? Has he ever been involved in a buy-out before? How did he react? What exactly will he gain financially from the take-over? Does he have a family? Dependants? How is his health? What are his hobbies? His passions? You need to understand him completely before you meet him.'

'That's all very obvious. As Alex considers you an expert negotiator, I thought you'd have some special trick or manoeuvre.'

'You don't need tricks. You need to be prepared, persuasive and, most of all, convincing. Businessmen at his level can smell bullshit at twenty feet. They don't like being manipulated. That's the key. Convince, don't manipulate.'

'Hardly rocket science.' Dominic walked towards the door. 'I'll let you get some sleep.'

I thumped my desk. Of all the people to find me passed out on my keyboard, why had it had to be him? It would be all over the office. There was no way he wouldn't use it against me. Shit. I really didn't want Alex to hear about it. Where the hell was Jasmine? She was supposed to stop people barging in unannounced.

I stuck my head out the door and saw her rushing back in.

'Where have you been?' I snapped.

'Sorry, Louise, Sam forgot his inhaler so I had to bring it to school for him.'

Jasmine and her bloody kids. She was always popping out for something. I was furious. 'The next time I'd appreciate it if you informed me first.'

Jasmine sat down at her desk and began to type. Without looking up she said, 'I was going to tell you, but you were fast asleep. I decided not to disturb you.'

I went into my office and slammed the door. This was not me. Louise Devlin did not fall asleep at her desk. I slapped my cheeks and jogged up and down. I needed to get my energy back. The jogging didn't last long, my boobs and my bump were too big.

Why hadn't I had that abortion? Why had I decided to have this baby? It was beginning to seem like a really bad idea. I had no control over my body. I had no control over my energy levels. I had no control over my sex life.

When Daniel had come to London from Monaco for New Year's Eve, I'd had to tell him I was pregnant. He'd looked horrified until I'd assured him it wasn't his. His relief had been almost palpable. But he wouldn't have sex with me. He said it would be too weird while I was pregnant with someone else's baby. I told him the father was not in the picture, but he still refused. I almost begged him because I wanted sex so badly, but he said no. He told me to call him when 'the kid is out and you're back to normal'.

Now I was big, bulky and tired, with a lumpy vagina and no sex on the horizon. Who the hell wanted a baby? It sucked. I needed reassurance. I decided to talk to my role model, Meredith Baker. Our paths rarely crossed as she specialized in employment law and was based on the other side of the building. I squashed my swollen feet into my shoes and went to find her.

'Hi, sorry to disturb you, Meredith, I wondered if you had a minute.'

She stood up. She was slim and toned, her hair was shiny, her makeup was perfectly applied, her nails were manicured and she was wearing a black dress with killer heels. She looked like I used to.

'Hi, Louise. Congratulations.' She nodded to my bump.

'Actually, that's the reason I'm here. You seem to have managed to have a baby and get straight back to work seamlessly. I'm planning to do exactly the same thing. I want to be back after three weeks and I just wondered if you had any advice.'

'What does your husband do?'

'There is no husband and the father won't be around.'

'You'll need staff a cleaner who will also grocery-shop and cook, and a nanny for the child. If one is sick, the other will cover for her. You need to ignore all those women who drone on about breast-feeding and staying at home for the first year to have that special bond it's bullshit. A happy mother means a happy home. I'd go around the twist at those awful mother-and-baby groups singing "Humpty Dumpty" like a brain-dead corpse. Who said having children means you have to give everything up? Children should slot into your life, not the other way around. Obviously you have to make some adjustments, but there's no need to go over the top.'

I beamed at her. She felt exactly the same as I did. A true kindred spirit.

'When I was a month old my parents went to Australia for six weeks,' Meredith continued. 'My mother had no guilty feelings. She said she couldn't wait to go away. She was exhausted, she needed a holiday. My parents had a very healthy, happy marriage because they put themselves first. I don't have any abandonment issues and I have an excellent relationship with my mother. Giving up your job, your looks, your hobbies, your sanity and your happiness will not make your child love you more. It will, however, make you love yourself a lot less and that's where the real problems start and marriages break up.'

'You're so right,' I exclaimed. I wanted to kiss her. 'I keep hearing how my life will be turned upside-down, my priorities will change and I'll want to stay at home. But I could think of nothing worse than being cooped up in my apartment with a baby all day.'

'Perish the thought. Honestly, I enjoy my weekends with Hermione, but I'm always relieved to get back to work on Monday. This job keeps me motivated and stimulated.'

'I totally agree. So all I need is good help?'

'Reliable childcare with back-up.'

'I've put the baby down for the Kensington Academy creche and my cleaning lady said she'll cover any days the baby is sick. She'll also pick her up if I'm in work late or travelling.'

'What about her other cleaning jobs?'