Sarah swept back one side of her hair, then looked at him. Suddenly her face broke into a smile. "You like, huh?"

Jesse came forward, staring wondrously. "Holy cow!" He began to laugh, then swept her off her feet, swinging her around, his hands at her waist. They were all laughing and he was just setting her back on her feet when Tiger and Handsome crammed into the kitchen together.

Thek conversation stopped dead as they saw Jesse and Sarah. They looked a question at Caroline, who merely smiled. a.s.sone, they took a second look. As one, they dropped their jaws. As one, they both exclaimed, "Mizz Sarah!" And then they were babbling about the change in her, how pretty she was, how young. They were both touching her as if they couldn't quite believe their eyes, and she was smiling, inclining her head, accepting their compliments with graceful, almost regal, ease.

"Wow-ow!" Handsome exclaimed as Haney came into the room. Like the others he paused in the doorway. Silence and stillness contained them all. Haney looked around the room, a laild question in his eyes. Then those eyes came to rest on Sarah, and he froze. After a moment he blinked. An instant later he started calmly across the crowded room, the others parting to let him through. He walked straight to her and stared. His strong jaw seemed to soften, his mourn moved slightly. One strong, leathery 138.

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hand came up and skimmed over her hair as a slow smile creased his face.

"Looks like that girl I married is still right here with me," he said gently, and Sarah laughed deep in her throat, leaning into him. His arm slid around her waist, and he pulled her close, bending his head to kiss her temple.

The moment was so poignant that no one else seemed quite able to touch gazes, but then Jesse sent a smile and a wink at: Caroline, and she rocked up on her toes, beaming. Tiger thumped Haney on the back, and Jesse turned a grinning Handsome toward' his chair. Suddenly everyone was talking and laughing again as they hurried dinner onto the dining room table.

"Tell. Tell all," Jesse demanded when they'd all taken their seats, and Sarah did, laughing about the ghastly moment the scissors had first whacked through her thick hair. Caroline described how the look on her face had gone from appalled to pleasantly amazed as the mirror revealed the transformation.

Haney covered Sarah's hand with his on top of the table, saying, "Never thought I'd be glad you cut your hair."

Sarah smiled almost seductively, and then she broke the moment by preening comically, tossing back her head and sweeping her hair from her neck with a flick of her hand.

It became a celebration, laughter and merry conversation making pan-grilled hamburgers, potato chips and barbecued beans something special. Afterward, Tiger and Handsome each kissed Sarah's cheek before taking their leave, and Tiger spared Caroline a conspiratorial wink. Handsome had never warmed up to her after her initial rejection of his flirtatious overtures, but even he nodded in acknowledgment before leaving the room. Haney complimented Sarah on an excellent meal, ignoring Caroline completely, much to her delight. It was Jesse who offered to help Caroline clean up, however, freeing Sarah to accompany her husband to the den.

Sarah firmly refused, however, and made a big show of pulling on a pair of rubber gloves over her manicured nails before starting the dishwater. She hummed as she did the washing up. When they were finished, she led Caroline to the den, where she stood a moment watching the television before announcing casually that she thought she'd take a warm bath and turn in early, it having been an eventful day. Haney said nothing, but he slid to the edge of his chair and seemed to perch there, his attention apparently trained on the television even as his posture indicated a certain impulse to follow his wife. Caroline deemed it the perfect moment to put into motion her latest idea.

Looking at Jesse, she said evenly,' 'Would you mind if I spoke privately with your father for a moment?"

Jesse was clearly disgruntled and curious, but he got up off the couch with a slow nod and left the room. Caroline sat down in his place, leaning forward earnestly, her elbows on her knees. Haney looked straight at her.

"Something on your mind?"

She nodded. "Sarah and I have had the opportunity to do some window shopping lately, you know, because of Christmas, and I thought you'd like to hear what she's been looking at with such longing for herself. It doesn't seem appropriate for anyone else to give her."

He nodded, hands folded together as he mimicked her pose. "I've kind of had something picked out, but if there's something special she really wants..."

Caroline mentally crossed her fingers. "It's a peignoir set, you know, a nightgown and robe. Dove gray silk chiffon and lace, full-length. It's really elegant and also rather expensive. She said it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen, but she wouldn't spend the money. Instead, she bought herself a pair of matching bedroom slippers. When I held it up to her, the color was just spectacular, and the gown... Frankly, it's a little, well, sensuous. So I thought if you were, you know,- embarra.s.sed to go into the boutique and buy it yourself, I would be glad to do it"

It was impossible to read his expression, or lack of one. She couldn't tell if he was interested at all until he shrugged and said, "No, I'll take care of it."

He looked away, and she sat back, telling herself that the rest really was up to him. Jesse reentered the room then, a challenge on his face. She waved him over and curled her legs up beneath her, preparing to turn her attention to the television. He walked to the end of the couch and paused.

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Haney sat on the edge of his chair, staring pensively at nothing whatsoever. Jesse cleared his throat, and Haney started. Then very casually he rose, placed a hand at the back of his neck and muttered, "1 think I'll turn in early, too. Not as young as I used to be."

He smiled lamely and moved past Jesse. Just as he reached the end of the couch, he paused and laid a hand on Caroline's shoulder, gripping it lightly. She looked up at him and smiled, satisfied now that she had done the right thing. He went out of the room, moving rather quickly for someone ' 'not as young as he used to be."

Jesse looked down at Caroline, his hands on his hips. She raised an eyebrow, and a smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. Suddenly they both began to chuckle. Jesse sat down in his father's chair. "Can you get over it?"

"The change you mean?"

"In both of them," he said. "Mom looks fabulous. Well, I don't have to tell you. You're the mastermind. But somehow Dad seems...rejuvenated, too."

Caroline put her head back and laughed joyously. "Do you blame him? She's really a very beautiful woman, and he'd have to be half-dead not to catch the lures she was casting out."

He smiled and came right out with it then. "What was the private confab about, may I ask?"

Caroline leaned forward conspiratorially and told him. He pursed his mouth, lifted a brow and inclined his head in approbation. "You sly girl, you. What will you come up with next?"

"Actually," Caroline said, "I have a couple of suggestions for your Christmas list, too."

"Do tell, Miss Moncton."

"We saw a four-piece wardrobe set the other day, skirt, sweater, a cla.s.sy jacket-coat, slacks, all in a perfectly beautiful plum-colored wool blend. It suits her to a T. I know she'd love it She wears an eight, by the way, maybe a ten on top." She gave him the name of the boutique, and he actually took out a slip of paper and a pencil and wrote it down.

"All right, Miss Christmas Elf. What else?" , She spread her hands. "That ought to do it."

He studied her a moment and asked bluntly, "What are you going to get her?"

She smiled. "The hot springs seemed to help, don't you think?"

He nodded. "I don't think she's cured by any means, but she seems to feel better."

"Exactly. So I thought, why not the full spa treatment? Really pamper her, you know? Facial, ma.s.sage, mud bath, manicure, pedicure, steam room, the works."

"That's pretty costly, isn't it?"

She shrugged. "It'll be worth it. She'll be a whole new woman by New Year's. Besides, I've had a raise recently."

"Oh? Funny, I don't remember that."

"I'm not paying rent, remember?"

Jesse nodded. "Ah. Still..."

"It'll be fun. I want to do it. I'll economize with the rest of my list. Actually, I'm a pretty good knitter, so I'm making everything else, and I only have one more gift to finish. So don't worry about it. Other than my school loans and a few small debts, that old heap of mine and some personal things, I don't have much else to spend my money on."

Jesse nodded reluctantly. "Okay, if you're set on this."

She hunched her shoulders, as excited as she'd ever been about anything. "I am. I can't wait, actually. She's going to have a wonderful Christmas!"

He folded his hands in his lap and looked at her. "You really love my mother, don't you?"

She was surprised. "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?" Then she shook her head. "You don't know how wonderful she is. She's just the perfect mother."

Jesse looked down at his hands. "Sometimes you make me feel so unappreciative and clueless."

She laughed and moved to the edge of her seat, reaching out a hand to swat his knee lightly. "Jesse! That's not true. You do everything for her that you know how to do."

His gaze was sudden, sharp. "But I'm the one who's had it all, Caroline-mother, father, brother, home, even the ranch. My boyhood was a delight, rich in every way. Yet you're the one 136.

who sees every need and takes steps to meet it. And you've had none of those things."

"That's not true." She inclined her head in partial capitulation. "Okay, my own mother isn't exactly the conventional sort of parent, and we have flitted from pillar to post for almost my whole life, and I've missed having a real family and a real home. But at least I know exactly what I want, Jesse. And look, my mama didn't raise no idiots, as the saying goes. I'm smart enough to know I can have it all and to go after it. Haven't you figured that out yet?"

He opened his mouth, closed it again and seemed to pull back. "This conversation's getting a little deep," he said carefully, "and I'm really too tired for it. I think I'll call it an early night, too."

Caroline sighed and shook her head as he rose to his feet.' 'You left out something earlier, Jesse, when you were talking about yourself. You said you'd had the perfect childhood, parents, home, brother. You even mentioned the ranch. But you left out your wife, Jesse. Why is that?''

He stared down at her, his face going rigid. ' 'Good night, Caroline," he said tightly, and walked away.

Caroline braced one arm on the back of the sofa and put her hand in her hair. "Why is that, Jesse?" she whispered. "If you loved her so much, why did you leave her out? And why are you trying to leave me out, too?"

Chapter Nine.

1 he light rap of knuckles on the office door skittered up his spine, punctuating the state of his nerves. Nevertheless he steeled himself and called out in a steady voice, "Come in."

She^ opened the door, peeked around it and beamed an electric smile before slipping inside and closing it behind her, just as he'd intended. Jesse sat back in the creaky old desk chair and measured out a friendly smile of his own. "Caroline. Thanks for taking the time for this. I'll keep it short and sweet." He picked up the envelope and transferred it to the front edge of the desk. Cautiously she stepped up to the desk and reached out a slender hand. "Merry Christmas," he said, tucking his hands behind his head as he leaned back in the chair.

Caroline looked over the plain white envelope carefully, turned it and flipped up the flap, extracting the check with the tips of her fingers. Impa.s.sively she read the number printed on the check face, and her eyes widened briefly. Then she merely slid the check back into its envelope, smiled wanly and said, "Thanks."

She made no effort to hide her disappointment, and Jesse made no effort to hide his exasperation.

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"For pity's sake, Caroline, that's a generous Christmas bonus if I do say so myself."

"Yes, it is," she conceded baldly. "Too generous. Frankly, I'd be happier with a pretty scarf or a nice wallet or, G.o.d forbid, cheap perfume, anything personal."

"Personal," he echoed, wanting to kick them both, her for being so d.a.m.ned difficult, himself for caring. He slammed forward in his chair and s.n.a.t.c.hed up an ink pen, fixing his gaze on the forms spread out before him. "Yeah, well, personally I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your disappointment to yourself," he grumbled. "That's considerably more bonus than I've given either of the hands, and they've been here a h.e.l.l of a lot longer than you have."

He a.s.sumed that would be the end of it, and only then realized just how much pleasure he'd taken in setting down the amount. Stupid little hen. Didn't she realize that it was her own generosity that had prompted his? He knew perfectly well what a full day at the local spa was costing her, but he knew, too, that she would take as much joy in the gift as his mother would, perhaps more so. He wanted to aid that, dope that he was, and look what it got him. But then, what had he expected?

He pushed that question to the back of bis mind, even as he became aware that she had not moved away from the desk, merely around it. He turned his head toward her just as she settled herself on the corner of the desk next to him. Leaning back again, he put a little distance between them and waited while she studied the envelope in her hand.

"Sorry," she said finally, her voice pleasantly husky.

Jesse waved a hand negligently, ready to forgive her anything and not nearly as upset by that fact as he ought to be. "Forget it," he said.

She folded her arms, tapping the edge of the envelope against her chin. "I've told myself for a lot of years that money isn't anything important, and it isn't, unless you don't have it when you need it, but it sure can make important things seem easy at times, like being able to give somebody something you want them to have." She tossed the envelope down in front of him and leaned back slightly, her upper body weight balanced on the heels of her hands and braced on her arms. "I like to be extravagant sometimes," she said.

He chuckled indulgently. "Doesn't everyone?"

"Probably. You obviously do."

"Aw, it's not that," he said. "I just-"

Suddenly she leaned forward. "You just wanted to make it easy for me to be extravagant in my giving. You're giving me this money because you're afraid I'm spending too much on your mother's Christmas gift."

He cleared his throat, quite as pleased with himself now as he had been when he'd inked in the amount on the front of that check, and dismayed at the same time. Was there no winning in this situation? Must her understanding and grat.i.tude come with such awareness? How could he hope to please her and not heighten this d.a.m.nable attraction between them?

"I made a snap judgment," she said. "I thought you were trying to avoid any personal involvement."

"I am," he said honestly, running a hand through his hair in frustration, "or I would if I could just figure out how."

She slipped off the corner of the desk and gently, determinedly inserted herself between it and him. As she levered herself up onto his lap, he groaned, partly in outright fear, partly in helpless delight. Sweet heaven, had a woman ever felt so good? Had doom ever felt so close at hand? She placed her arms around his neck and pressed her weight against him, forcing the chair to lean back with both of them.

"I won't let you," she whispered. "I can't, Jesse. You're too perfect. I want you too much."

He was shaking his head slowly side to side. "I'm not perfect, honey, and that you could think so just proves that you don't know-"

She didn't let him finish. Catching his head between her hands, she molded her mouth to his with exquisite precision. He couldn't have kept his hands to himself then if his very life had depended on it. He didn't even try. When touching her was as much punishment as pleasure, what was the point? One hand went to her waist. The other settled on her thigh. Then he took them both where he really wanted them, reflexively cupping one breast and 141.

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inserting the other between her legs to rub gently at their apex. She closed her hands in his hair and worked her mouth over his, her tongue lashing and licking and finally driving between his teeth. Within moments he felt her dampness, confirmation that she did, indeed, want him there. He couldn't bear any more.

He dropped bis hand from her tightening breast and pulled the other from between her thighs, clutching the arms of the chair. Gradually, the heat of her mouth on his cooled as she broke the kiss and laid her forehead against his. He enjoyed holding her on his lap a few moments longer, then firmly, determinedly set her off. She stood over him, one hand on her sweetly rounded hip, the other delicately sweeping across her lips, a wealth of unspoken desires in her eyes. He nodded in complete understanding. Then with a strength of will he hadn't even known he possessed, he pulled his chair a little closer to the desk and looked around for his pen. Where had that thing gone? He didn't remember letting go of it, dropping it, swallowing it. Spontaneous combustion, perhaps? He wouldn't doubt it. She brushed a hand against his cheek, picked up her check and, mercifully, left him to try to bully his mind and body back into compliance with his battered, besieged mind.

Eventually he gave up looking for his pen and simply faced the facts.

He didn't have a s...o...b..ll's chance in h.e.l.l. The attraction was simply too potent. Before this was over, somebody was going to get hurt, both of them probably. The only question now was how bad it was going to be. But he'd do his best He'd go down fighting, by G.o.d. He couldn't live with himself any other way- and maybe not even then.

They laughed at her but not with derision. Haney shook his head and said that he'd never seen anyone have such fun with pine boughs and string. Jesse said he wouldn't know he was indoors instead of out if not for the warmth and the furniture. Sarah just marveled at her energy and inventiveness, saying that it had been years since the house had been truly decorated for the holiday season. What they couldn't understand, of course, was that it was a dream come true for Caroline: a family Christmas in a warm and loving home. Even if she wasn't a member of the family, she wanted everything to be perfect. So she decked the house in boughs gathered for her by the men and die finery collected over Sarah's lifetime, each piece placed with careful, joyful .deliberation.

The tree was a special joy. Jesse and Tiger took her out with them on a Sunday afternoon to choose and cut it. They hauled it home in the back of an old ranch truck, shook the snow from its swaying boughs and wrestled it into the house. It was an immense thing, seven feet tall and fat. Sarah had a place cleared in front of a living room window, and they stood it there, taking forever to get it straight in the special stand that Haney had constructed when Jess and Rye had been boys. With Sarah's direction, Haney and Jesse outfitted the tree with strand after strand of multicolored lights, then sat back to gobble popcorn and tease Caroline about the meticulousness with which she hung the ornaments over which Sarah rhapsodized.

Sarah had a memory for every bulb and snowflake, some of which had belonged to her great-grandmother, but the antiques and other beauties weren't closest to her mother's heart. Every crudely shaped and sloppily painted, grade-school-era clay Santa brought out a story about one of her boys. Every poorly carved, semipolished lump of knotty pine elicited a teary reminiscence that Caroline soaked up like a sponge. Her own personal favorite, however, was the delicate bisque and velveteen angel that claimed the place of honor on the tip of the tree. Pa.s.sed down through the family for generations, it had been fashioned by some long-dead maiden aunt. Caroline considered it a work of art, a priceless family treasure. She sat late at night after everyone else had gone to bed, watching the lights blink and staring at that ageless angel, hoping that the one who had fashioned it still shared in the joy it brought and praying for good things for this special family.

She baked every festive goody in Sarah's Christmas cookbook. Haney teased her by saying that she'd used a crate of sugar and a barrel of food coloring. Jesse said that Haney ought to know since he'd eaten half of it himself, though Jesse said it as he munched the leg off a cookie reindeer.

Gaily wrapped gifts appeared beneath the tree as if by magic.

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