Katya ignored the snide voice inside her head.

She wasn't afraid and she didn't hurt. Pain was nothing anyway.

She was a soldier and she continued on despite it.

They were all there waiting for him in their usual meeting room in the Second Circle.

The fire was lit, food waiting on the low table in front of itfood none of them ate but he liked to have served all the same, just in case. He'd made sure the scotch decanter was full for Gabriel and there was wine for Zac, who preferred it. And that the room was warm, because Eva got cold.

He liked to have it prepared for his friends, even though they had no idea he'd always personally made sure all of them were catered to.

Which made it hard to come in and find them all standing there, looking at him like he'd done something wrong.

"Aren't you going to ask me whether I had a nice vacation?" Alex asked flippantly, shutting the door behind him.

Gabriel was standing by the fire, his arms folded over his chest. "It wasn't a fucking vacation, Alex. You weren't there just to spend some money and screw some women."

There were so many emotions tangled together inside him. Regret. Yearning. Loss. And pain ... Ah, but he couldn't think of any of that now.

Alex met his friend's dark eyes. "Is that how little you think of me? That all I went there for was money and sex?"

The other man at least had the decency to look away. "Shit, you know I didn't mean that."

"Yeah, you did."

"More information, Alex," Zac said from his position on the couch, not even turning to look at him. "That's what we wanted. Yet all I got from you yesterday was an order to make sure your bodyguard's lover was released from-"

"He's not her lover," Alex growled, unable to help himself. "And I owed her a debt."

Eva, perched in her usual chair, glowered at him. "What kind of debt?"

Well shit, he'd let it get to this point, hadn't he? Where they were all pissed off with him and they had a right to be. He hadn't exactly been open about anything, hoping to keep all his secrets, his shame, from them.

Don't ask, don't tell. That had been one of the first rules of the Nine Circles club and they'd all kept to it religiously. Guarding their secrets from one another, keeping them hidden. But that came with a price. Isolation. And he was starting to realize that he didn't want to be isolated anymore, not now he knew what it was like to have someone.

Katya ...

He wished suddenly, intensely, that she were here. But since they'd gotten back to New York the day before, she hadn't been around, organizing her trip back to Moscow. That and waiting to hear whether Zac's little operation with Vasin was successful.

Alex had left her alone, making sure they returned to their previous boss/employee relationship. It was easier that way. At least, he imagined it was easier. But it didn't feel like that, not when she was near. Not when all he wanted was to keep her with him and make sure she never left.

He couldn't do that, though. He'd given her a choice and she'd chosen to leave. He had to respect that. Choice was, after all, extremely important. Even if he hated the choice she'd made and wished he could change it.

Alex walked forward, coming over to the fireplace where Gabriel stood. The other man shifted, allowing him some room next to the fire. "The debt I owe to Katya isn't any of your business," he said shortly to Eva. "In fact, Katya as a whole is nobody's business but mine."

Eva's gaze narrowed. "What have you done? You sound like you-"

"What?" Alex stared back, meeting her gray eyes head-on. Daring her to make her usual insinuations. "I sound like I what?"

"Alex." Zac hadn't moved from his position on the couch, but his voice held steel. "You will not talk to Eva like that."

Alex glanced at the other man, hot anger surging up inside him.

The tension in the room pulled so tight it felt like it was going to snap and that if it did something would break. Maybe irrevocably.

And he understood then, with sudden, blinding clarity, that he didn't want that, not with these people.

He'd created this club, this group of misfits. It had happened at a party, his thirtieth birthday. There had once been nine of them, all of them drunk on tequila, playing poker and talking shit. Misfits in the world of the superrich, people hurt and betrayed by money and power. And it had come to him that he could give them a place to go. A place to be safe. The kind of place he'd never had himself.

You wanted a family.

Well, fuck, that was true, wasn't it? His real family had imploded, so he'd created one of his own. And just like family, they didn't get on all the time. They kept secrets from one another. They argued. But they all knew the deal just the same; they were here as allies because they all wanted the same thing.

To not be alone.

The people in this room had no one else, only one another. And with whatever they were facing now, they needed one another more than ever.

The breath went out of him and with it all the anger.

"I'm sorry," he said. "You're right to be suspicious of me. To doubt me. I haven't exactly been honest with any of you. But I've learned a bit about honesty in the past few days and I think it's time I told you some things about myself."

The room was absolutely silent. And then Eva, perhaps guessing at what was to come, said, "You don't need to-"

"Yeah," he interrupted gently. "I do need to. I don't expect it from anyone else, get that straight right now, but this ... It affects us." He glanced at Gabriel, standing beside him. "I should have told you this a long time ago, brother. But I didn't."

Gabriel just stared at him, and there was an expression in his eyes that Alex hadn't seen before. Understanding.

Honor. That's Honor's doing.

"Nineteen years," Gabriel said. "Am I right?"

It didn't surprise him that his friend knew exactly what he was talking about, since he was the one who'd taken Alex home. Who'd patched up the bruises on his face that Conrad had put there. And who hadn't asked any questions. Not a single one.

Alex nodded.

The other two were silent, watching him. This was going to be harder than he thought, fuck it.

He turned around, so his back was to them, staring down into the fire. One day maybe he'd be able to look someone in the eye when he told this story, but not now. Not today.

God, he needed a drink ...

No, you don't. You need Katya.

He closed his eyes, the dry heat of the fire against his skin. But Katya wasn't here and so he'd have to do this by himself.

"I had a personal reason to go to Monaco," he said, trying to keep his voice level. "To play in Conrad's game. And I know more about the Apocalypse, about Conrad, and about Dad's Seven Devils than I've told you."

There was only silence behind him.

"You know Conrad was one of them," he went on. "He used to play at the Lucky Seven. Dad used to bring me there to watch for card counters, make sure everyone was playing properly. He used to tell me ... that it was our secret. Something we were in on together, so I wasn't to tell anyone. I knew that it wasn't right, that the gambling wasn't legal, but I didn't know all the other shit, the drugs and the prostitution, was part of it. Anyway, I kept his secret because my dad was my hero. And I loved him."

The room utterly quiet except for the crackle of the flames in the grate, no one said anything. Waiting for him to continue.

"I wanted to do him proud, so I kept his secret. But what I didn't realize was that the casino was losing money and Dad was getting into a lot of debt. I knew one of his friends had been ... watching me." He opened his eyes, stared into the yellow-orange flames. "I'm sure I don't need to explain what I mean by that."

"Conrad," Gabriel said, his voice a low growl.

"Yeah, Conrad. One night, when the Devils were visiting the casino, he bought me a beer at the bar. I wasn't allowed to drink, but shit, an adult buys you a drink, you don't say no. And I liked beer, so I drank it. And while we were drinking, Conrad told me that Dad had gotten into debt and that he'd paid Dad's debts himself. But he needed to be paid back and Dad had nothing to pay him back with. Then he told me how I could help."

"Oh fuck." Eva's voice was soft. "Please don't-" She stopped suddenly.

Alex kept his gaze on the fire. "I'd like to tell you that you were wrong, Eva. I really would. But you're not. He said he'd wipe Dad's debts if I gave him myself."

"Son of a bitch," Zac murmured, the steel in his voice becoming harder, pure titanium. "You were a boy."

"I think that only added to the appeal." Alex put his hands on the mantelpiece, leaning against it. "Conrad gave me a day to think about it, but I really didn't need a day. I was worried for my father and I didn't want anyone to hurt him. So I told Conrad he could have what he wanted. Just as long as Dad didn't know about it. He agreed."

"That fucking prick," Gabriel said roughly. "I'll kill-" He stopped suddenly. "What the hell? What are you doing in here?"

Alex turned.

Katya was standing in the middle of the room, her hands behind her back, her color high. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Yeah, well, you did." Gabriel scowled at her. "You know the rules, Ms. Ivanova. No one is allowed in here when a Nine Circles meeting is in session. Especially when you come in unannounced."

"I'm sorry," Katya repeated. "I knocked, but no one answered."

"There was a reason for that," Zac said, his tone absolute. "If you would be so good as to wait outside, we would-"

"She stays," Alex interrupted him, unable to take his eyes from her face. "I want her to hear this too."

Another silence fell, and he knew they were all looking at him. And looking at Katya. And making assumptions.

Let them. He didn't give a fuck what they thought.

Katya stared back at him as if the others didn't exist. "If you need me," she said softly, "then I'll stay."

"You heard what I said just now?"

"Yes."

He didn't turn back to the fire. Instead he looked at her. "I didn't want to go, but I went. I went into that bathroom at the Lucky Seven. And I let Conrad do what he wanted with me. But he didn't honor his promise. He told me in Monte Carlo that my father had known all along. He told me that Dad was the one to offer me in the first place. And that that was why Dad killed himself." There was so much strength in Katya's eyes. So much understanding. He would not break. He wouldn't. "I pretended what happened to me didn't mean anything. I pretended it didn't matter. I left my family and I didn't speak to my mother or my sister for nineteen years because I was too angry. Too ashamed. And then Conrad turned up again." He took a breath. "And I realized it did matter after all. I went to Monaco to put Conrad fucking South in the ground. To obliterate him. But then we were warned off."

Zac's attention's sharpened. "Warned off? What do you mean? By whom?"

It was Kaya who answered, her voice calm, cool. "One of the Apocalypse players was a mercenary. Name of Elijah. The second night involved a personal game between Mr. South and Mr. St. James, which was interrupted by this Elijah. He seemed to be the one calling the shots and he accused Mr. South of ... hubris, I believe."

"Why?" Gabriel was scowling at Katya; then he switched his attention to Alex. "And what the fuck is this about a personal game?"

Alex met his friend's gaze. "Like I said, I wanted to obliterate Conrad. I wanted to take everything of his and leave him with nothing. And he ... wanted me."

"What?" Eva's voice was stricken. "Alex, you didn't..."

He looked at her, and for the first time since he could remember he saw pain in her guarded gray eyes. She knows what this means. This is personal for her. "I did," he said steadily. "I wanted him to stake everything. Then I wanted to take it. Then I wanted to hold a gun to his head and make him beg for his fucking life."

The pain changed to a spark of pure silver. Oh yeah, she knew all right.

"But clearly that didn't happen," Zac murmured. "You said this Elijah interrupted the game?"

"I didn't," Alex answered. "Katya did. But yes, he burst in with a couple of guys, started waving guns around. He told us 'they' didn't appreciate your Sherlock Holmes impression."

Zac frowned. "What?"

"He mentioned you and Eva, and then he mentioned the woman I sent back on my jet. Someone knows we're digging around, Zac. That we have more information. And someone doesn't like it. I don't know how Elijah is connected with all of this, but he is in some way. And so is Conrad."

"Shit," Gabriel muttered. "And we're still no closer to finding out who shot Tremain. Which means Honor is still in danger."

Zac pushed himself up from the couch, began pacing. "No one should have been able to spot us online, and I was careful organizing documents and protection for that girl." He came to a halt in front of Eva's chair, looking down at her. "You were careful too, weren't you, angel? You covered your tracks."

An offended look crossed over her face. "I can hack anything and get away with it. No one has ever caught me, so don't make this my fault."

But his frown didn't lift. "I did once, if you remember."

Oddly enough, a faint blush rose to Eva's pale skin. "I'm better than that now. Jesus, if I can get into the CIA's database and out without getting caught-" She stopped. "Unless we are talking about the CIA here."

"It could be." Katya's voice was unexpected. "Just before he talked to us, Elijah went around the room looking at various things. I believe he was doing a sweep. I think there were cameras in the room."

Alex frowned, remembering Elijah's odd movements. "And he interrupted just before Conrad put his cards down." He looked around at everyone else. "Conrad was going to win, and given how fucked off he was at the interruption, I'm betting he didn't know Elijah was going to come in, guns blazing."

Zac's head turned, his golden eyes focusing on Alex. "So you know all this and you waited to tell us until now? You didn't think I needed to know when you spoke to me about Vasin's rescue?"

"Mr. St. James would have," Katya said before Alex could respond, taking a couple of steps forward, as if she wanted to put herself between him and Zac. "Except he was distracted by me."

Zac's head snapped round. "Distracted how?"

Color stained Katya's cheeks. Her mouth opened, but Alex wasn't going to let her be interrogated by Zac in a-hole mode. "Like I said. Katya is no one's business but mine."

Zac turned back to look at him. And for a moment Alex felt the sheer force of the man's will like a battering ram. But he'd never let Zac walk all over him before and he wasn't about to start now. He had his own will and it was just as strong. He met the other man's gaze like Katya did. Calmly. "Are we clear?" He raised an eyebrow.

Zac didn't look away, but he gave a slight nod in acknowledgment. "This personal game, then. How did that occur? And why?"

"I wanted revenge," Alex said simply. "Like I said, I wanted to take everything from him. But in order to do that I had to stake something he wanted."

"What was that?" Gabriel demanded.

"Myself. And the clubs."