"I'll move so you can post." She pushed her chair away a little.

He hesitated, hands hovering over the keyboard. His fingers were as beautiful as the rest of him, long, lightly dusted with dark hair, his forearms sinewy and strong.

"I don't know what to say."

"Well. Start by saying it's you. Just say...thanks." She bit her lip.

He started typing. She leaned away to give him time and space to think. A few moments later, he said, "There. Done. I think. Have a look before I post."

She leaned in again, brushing against his arm. He radiated heat and she breathed in that scent again. Her skin tingled everywhere.

She read his heartfelt words, words of thanks but also thoughts and prayers for the families of other missing and lost journalists. Her throat clogged up again. She nodded. "That's great." She cleared her throat. "Perfect. People will be so happy to hear from you. It's a miracle. Like you said, I hope it gives strength and hope to those who are still waiting."

He clicked the mouse to post.

The door of the condo opened and closed, and Aidan appeared, sweaty and flushed. He spotted them in the office. "Hey. What's up?"

Maddie spun on her chair to face him. "We're just posting on the Facebook page I created for Zack."

"Cool." Aidan swiped his brow. "Gonna jump in the shower. Be right back."

"I'll get his breakfast started." Maddie pushed away from the desk. "If you want to use my computer for anything else, go ahead."

"I could check emails."

Maddie fled back to the kitchen. "Any time."

"I'll have to go buy a new computer."

"Well, until you do, you can use mine. Or Aidan's."

She got busy heating bacon and making more pancakes. Her heart was beating fast and she felt warm. Was that just from sitting beside Zack for a few minutes?

He'd had that effect on her back in college too, but she'd determinedly ignored it. They were friends. Although, by the time Aidan and Zack were graduating, a year before her, it was getting damn hard to ignore the fact that she was completely confused about her feelings for both Zack and Aidan.

She didn't want to think about that time, all the intense emotion and angsty internal drama, when she was trying to figure out what she was feeling and what the hell to do about it. Then Zack just leaving, and her disappointment and hurt and heartbreak. She was older now, in control of her emotions.

Then why did she alternate between wanting to hit Zack and kiss him? Why was she almost in tears one minute, then laughing the next? And why was she all goose bumps and breathless just from sitting beside him? Especially when she was in love with Aidan.

________.

Zack was undone.

He was such an asshole.

He did not deserve this. He'd left seven years ago, running away like a coward, trying to ignore Maddie's emails over all those years, rebuffing her invitations to come visit. Every once in a while he'd broken down and emailed her back, because much as he wanted to he just couldn't completely sever the connection. Clearly she'd been hurt by that. Yet when he'd been taken captive, she and Aidan had gone to all those lengths to try to find him.

This made him feel like a worthless piece of camel shit.

Reading all the comments on that post about him coming home made him want to crawl into a hole. Fuck, he so did not deserve that. Most of these people were total strangers all joining together to support him and fight for him and other journalists who'd disappeared.

During his time in captivity, he and his fellow prisoner had talked about a lot of things. Simon had a wife and kids that he talked about, more worried about how they were coping with his disappearance than he was about himself. Zack had had a lot of time to reflect on the fact that he had nobody. Nobody at home freaking out about him or his safety, nobody worried about him. He'd never imagined that Maddie and Aidan had been so impacted by his disappearance, despite Maddie's efforts to stay in touch with him over the years. It had made him question how he'd lived his life, though he'd justified it over and over again in his mind.

Now learning that there had been people who cared, including Aidan and Maddie, was totally fucking humbling.

He pushed away from the computer. He'd made a pretense of checking emails to give him time to get control of himself. Really he was just sitting there staring at the screen.

He stood and walked over to the kitchen just in time to see Aidan stride down the hall, move up behind Maddie and press her against the counter while he nuzzled her neck. "Smells good, sweetheart."

Maddie paused what she was doing and lifted an arm to slide her hand around the back of his neck. He gave her a squeeze, then released her. Their gestures spoke of their love and affection for each other.

Zack's gut cramped. Fuck. He had to deal with the fact that they were together now. He wasn't going to be able to stay here if he couldn't get his shit together. He forced a smile watching Aidan steal and munch on a piece of bacon as Maddie flipped pancakes.

"Any more coffee?" Zack asked.

"Yeah, help yourself," Maddie said.

"How was the run?" Zack asked Aidan as he refilled his mug.

"Excellent. Good to get out there before it gets too hot. So. What are we going to do today?"

Zack shrugged. "Whatever you usually do on a Sunday."

"Zack, what would you like to do?" Maddie spoke up. "We don't have plans. After months being held captive, what do you want to do?"

Christ, there she went again. How could she be so damn generous when he'd been such an asswipe?

His first impulse was to snap back that they didn't have to look after him. But fuck, she made him want to be a better man. To be worthy of that caring, and all that caring shown by the people on that damn Facebook page. This was an entirely new feeling for him and it fucking terrified him. But he kept his mouth shut and thought about her question.

During those interminable days and nights in the hot, dry desert, when he'd had nothing to occupy his mind but fantasies, he'd thought a lot about the ocean. He'd thought about places he'd been that were on the ocean-the Bay of Bengal, the Arabian Sea, the Tasman Sea, and especially the Mediterranean...he loved the Mediterranean. He'd thought about cool, blue water, immersing himself in it, waves buoying him.

"I wanted to go to the ocean," he mumbled.

He caught the way Maddie's eyes went soft. "Yeah?"

"And eat a hamburger and fries."

Her eyed danced now. "Okay. Excellent. We don't have an ocean, but we have the next best thing...Lake Michigan. We'll go to the beach, and then for dinner we'll go to Big Rick's. Best burgers evah!"

He grinned reluctantly. "You two really don't have to entertain me."

Maddie have a huge, long-suffering sigh. "Oh my god. Would you stop with that? We're happy you're here. We want to spend time with you. Get it through that thick skull of yours."

He pressed his lips together to keep from laughing.

"Besides." She swiped her bangs aside. "I like going to the beach. Sundays are a day we try to take a break. Aidan works long hours, I often have fundraising events in the evenings, even Saturdays end up work days for us. I could definitely get into lying on the beach in the sun."

"Looks like it's gonna be a nice day." Aidan poured a river of maple syrup over his pancakes. "I'm not one for lying around, but maybe we can play beach volleyball."

"Beach volleyball. Jesus. Are we back in college on spring break?"

Maddie and Aidan both smiled.

"Oak Street Beach can be like that," Maddie said. "So let's pretend we are on spring break. For today."

He met her eyes and it was almost painful. She was so pretty, so sweet.

"You guys can totally go play volleyball and swim in the lake," she continued. "Also, I love Big Rick's. So again, no hardship."

"Okay." His voice emerged scratchy. "Let's do it."

"We gotta get there early." Aidan pushed away his empty plate. "That beach will be packed today."

"I don't have a swimsuit," Zack said.

Maddie's eyes saddened. She bit her lip and looked at Aidan.

"I have a few," Aidan said easily. "You can borrow one. The Speedo."

Maddie and Zack's eyes met, wide open and horrified. They both choked on laugh.

"Kidding." Aidan's lips curved. "Board shorts."

"Fuck me." Zack grinned. Goddammit. Both Maddie and Aidan made him laugh, and he hadn't laughed for a long time. "If I was in Europe I'd totally wear the Speedo. You should see the things guys wear over there."

Maddie lifted her eyebrows. "Like what?"

"One day I was on the beach in Nice and I saw this guy wearing a...I don't even know how to describe it. A bright yellow Lycra jumpsuit. Speedo-type bottom, two suspenders...Jesus."

"Oh my god." She bit her lip, laughing. "That's kind of...disturbing."

"Yeah. That's a good word for how I felt. Disturbed." He grinned. He wasn't averse to checking out hot guys on the beach, but yeah, that had not done it for him.

"And the women go topless." Aidan arched one eyebrow.

"Yes. Yes they do."

Maddie shook her head, smiling. "I'll get some things together."

Zack watched in surprise as Aidan started doing dishes and cleaning up the kitchen. He didn't know why he was surprised. Aidan must've caught his expression. "What?"

"You're doing dishes."

Aidan's eyebrows rose. "You didn't think I could?"

Zack grinned and rose off the stool to go help. "Wouldn't have guessed it from the state of our dorm room in college."

Aidan smiled as he dropped cutlery into the basket in the dishwasher. "Maddie made it pretty clear that she expected to share household responsibilities equally. We both work full-time, demanding jobs. She does the cooking. I clean up after. Most of the time. We try to be fair to each other."

Zack resisted the urge to make some kind of mocking comment, the words "pussy whipped" coming to mind. But again, he stopped himself. He didn't need to be more of an asshole.

And the truth was, he didn't think Aidan was pussy whipped. He was just envious of their easy, loving relationship.

Two hours later they were at Oak Street Beach. The soft pale sand warm beneath their feet, they walked across it and found a spot to spread a blanket and set up a couple of folding chairs. Already numerous blue umbrellas dotted the beach area. Maddie had packed a small cooler with drinks, and Aidan pulled out a football and a Frisbee.

Zack pulled off his shirt and stuffed it into his backpack.

"Whoa." He turned to see Maddie staring at him. Jesus, was he that emaciated? But she was looking at his tattoo. "When did you get that?"

He glanced at his left shoulder. "A few years ago. In Berlin."

She studied the swirls of dark ink that curled over his biceps and shoulder. Would she recognize the symbol in the center of it? Apparently not, though she did seem to like the tat.

"That's awesome." Then Maddie took off the loose sleeveless dress she wore over her swimsuit.

Christ.

She turned and bent to tuck the dress into her beach bag, giving him a close-up view of her sweet little ass in a tiny pink bikini. Her curves were smooth and lightly tanned. When she straightened and turned, he took in the deep V of the halter top, the gentle swells of her breasts, her flat stomach. She was gorgeous.

Trying not to stare and possibly drool, he looked away, only to see Aidan pull off his T-shirt, leaving him in a pair of black board shorts. They sat low on his lean hips. Holy fuck, he was ripped. Strong biceps bulged as he opened up one of the folding chairs and wedged it into the sand.

Zack grabbed the other chair and set it up. Maddie sat on the blanket and pulled out a big bottle of sunscreen. When she started rubbing it onto her arms and legs, he could only stare in fascination.

Apparently several months without sex was turning him back into a fifteen year old boy aroused at the sight of any kind of nakedness. Maybe the beach wasn't such a great idea.

Maybe he needed to get laid. Tie some sweet little thing up and fuck her hard.

There had to be a BDSM club in Chicago he could find.

"Gonna go look at the water," he mumbled, pushing up out of the chair.

He walked into the lake and stopped about a foot in. As he stood letting cool water wash over his feet, staring at the endless expanse of pure blue, he remembered all those time he'd imagined the ocean. Water. Coolness. After he'd escaped, a shrink had talked to him in the hospital. They were concerned he'd have PTSD or who knew what else. The shrink had talked about relaxation techniques and guided mental imagery. Zack had been using this technique as a coping mechanism during his captivity and hadn't even realized it.

Now here he was, not at the ocean, but damn, it was fucking fantastic. Hot emotion swelled inside him and he curled his hands into fists and closed his eyes. He swallowed down the burning in this throat. He was here. He was alive. God.

Deep breathing. Now, he needed that relaxation technique. Here he was where he'd wanted to be, and now he was having a meltdown.

A few more breaths had things under control. He again contemplated finding some kind of dungeon.

Leaving home and travelling the world had introduced him to the kind of sex he liked. He'd explored fetish clubs and dungeons in London, Paris, Berlin, Tel Aviv. He'd met some special subs, like Kate and Jean-Marc, with whom he'd kept in touch and visited when in those cities. He'd learned a lot about himself. He'd learned about his need for control. And that world had accepted his bisexuality, something he'd only started to accept and open up about before he'd left Chicago. He'd had to open his mind and be brutally honest with himself about who he was, and it had been so freeing for him to be able to be true to himself for the first time in his life.

Maddie and Aidan in their sweet vanilla relationship would die if they knew the kinds of things he liked to do.

Chapter Five.