When he'd gone, Maddie and Aidan stood there. She trembled against him. "Are you sad that he's leaving?"

She sighed. "Sure." She swallowed. "I'm going to miss him. And I'm going to worry about him."

He nodded. "Yeah. Me too. But he wants to leave. I guess...he needs to. He has a career, and it's not here in Chicago."

"I know." Her voice wobbled. "I know that."

He wanted to say more, but held the words back. Maddie moved away from him and walked over to stare out the windows.

"We'll be okay, sweetheart."

Her head snapped around. "I know we will."

Despite their words, Aidan wasn't so sure. They needed to talk. But Zack came back with an armful of clothes and opened the doors to the small room where the washer and dryer were, and started stuffing them in.

He needed to go for a run. Running gave him the same kind of endorphin rush he got from giving up control to Zack, a place where he could let his head go quiet and peaceful. God, he needed that.

________.

Zack knew he was acting like an asshole. He wanted to flee, just like last time, just like he'd ran from his mother, just like he always did when things got rough. But now he was stronger than that. More confident. In control. He wasn't going to run away. He was going to stay and say good bye like an adult. Maddie and Aidan deserved that from him.

He got that Maddie and Aidan weren't happy he was leaving. They weren't saying it, but the waves of negativity flowed off them. He didn't quite get why. Sure, they'd been having some hot sexytimes. But they'd known all along that was going to end. He'd always been open about the fact that he wasn't staying, that all he'd wanted was to get back to work. He'd had fun too while he'd been there.

Okay, maybe fun wasn't quite the right word. Well, it was. Yeah, he'd had fun. Lots of fun. But it hadn't been just fun. He'd healed. He'd grown. He'd given them something they needed, helped them learn about themselves and in return had gotten his need to dominate satisfied. It had felt great. It had felt...

Fuck. He didn't even want to go there. He had to shut down all those feelings. He was leaving and that was it. He had to do this. No fucking PTSD symptoms were going to stop him. He was healthier and stronger than he'd been six weeks ago. He was not afraid to get back in the saddle, or whatever the fuck the equivalent analogy was to what he did, and be out there documenting the heartbreaking crap that was happening in the world.

His gut cramped so hard he had to bend over. He set his hands on top of the vibrating washing machine, bent his head and closed his eyes. Fuck. Toughen up, fluffy.

He let out a breath and straightened. Okay. Walls up. Mask on. He'd get through this day. Laundry. Packing. Keeping it all light and pleasant.

Maddie and Aidan gave him his space. They apparently accepted that he was leaving. And why wouldn't they? Sure, they were all sad. They were friends. They'd gotten close. That was totally normal. But they weren't begging him to stay. Of course they weren't. Was he fucking nuts, thinking they'd do that?

He'd seen the way Aidan had pulled Maddie protectively against him, effectively showing him that they were a unit. A couple. They'd still be together when he left. He got the message, loud and clear.

He'd known his whole adult life that he was not going to have any kind of normal, lasting relationship. If he was going to be true to himself and his true nature, he needed to tie people up, boss them around, and fuck them-both men and women. That was definitely not conducive to any kind of relationship. And now Maddie and Aidan knew that about him too.

They drove him to the airport, although he'd tried again to convince them they really didn't need to. Aidan parked the Lexus so they could go into the terminal with him. Zack didn't want to drag things out. He checked in, checked his two bags-he'd needed to purchase another one for the additional clothes and crap he'd acquired while in Chicago. He was taking his camera gear in the new carry-on sized bag he'd purchased onto the plane with him.

He headed to security. No point in lingering. They followed along behind him. He paused at the entrance. "Okay." He turned to them. "This is it. Thanks-" Fuck, his throat closed up. He coughed. "Thanks for everything. Can't tell you how much I appreciate you letting me stay with you."

As if he'd been a freaking casual house guest for a few days.

Maddie's eyes reddened, though she stretched her mouth into a smile. She had a hand at her throat. "You're welcome any time. Don't let another seven years go by before you come visit."

Right. He'd just drop in once a year, tie them up and fuck them both. Sure. That would work.

He was such an asshole.

"Yeah," Aidan agreed. "This time, keep in touch, asshole."

There. Aidan agreed with him.

"I will," he lied. "Of course."

Maddie sniffled, though she was still smiling. Was she about to cry? Or not?

Aidan's shoulders squared and his face remained impassive. "Take care, Zack. Take good pictures."

"I'll try." He smiled, but it felt stiff.

For a moment they all looked at each other, the air around them heavy and thick. Then Maddie moved and threw herself into his arms, much as she had the day he'd arrived. She hugged him tight, her face against his shoulder. He felt the tremors of her slender body and hugged her back, his chest burning.

Then she moved away and he turned to Aidan. They both hesitated. Zack's eyes smarted. And he reached for Aidan and pulled him in for a hug too. His body bigger and stronger, he felt different in Zack's embrace. Zack savored the feeling of holding this man, his bones big and strong, his muscles rock hard. He savored the feeling of Aidan's arms around him. He loved them both.

He clamped down on the stabbing pain that knifed through him and pushed it away as he stepped back from Aidan. They exchanged tight smiles and hearty back slaps. "Take care of each other." Zack turned and got in line.

He wasn't going to look back to know if they watched him until he was through, or if they'd gone home, but it was so fucking hard not to. His shoulders hunched up around his ears and his entire body felt stiff as he waited in the long line. He went through the routine that was so familiar to him after years of traveling, removing his laptop from the bag and setting it in its own plastic bin, taking his shoes and belt off, shoving everything along the conveyor belt, then walking through the scanner. On the other side, he kept his head down as he put his shoes back on, stuffed the laptop into its pouch and wheeled his bag down the concourse toward his gate.

His eyes burned and his gut was a huge empty crater as he slumped into a plastic seat. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. There. He'd done it. This was what he'd wanted all along. So why did he feel so fucking shitty?

Chapter Twenty-Two.

Maddie and Aidan drove home silently. She tried not to cry. It wouldn't do any good. She stared sightlessly out the window, remembering everything that had happened over the six weeks. Sadness swamped her, a hopeless heaviness that scared her. She'd just realized her feelings for Zack. She hadn't figured out what to do about it. She hadn't realized he was going to leave so quickly. She'd thought she had until next week some time before he actually left. Now it was too late.

How could she tell her boyfriend, the man she loved, that she was heartbroken over another man?

Aidan didn't seem too happy himself. Was it because of what had happened last night between him and Zack? Did he regret that? Or was he also sad because Zack had left? Did he want more of that?

God. Her chest and limbs felt tight and heavy with despair.

Aidan reached across for her hand with a sideways glance as he drove. His fingers were warm around her cold ones, despite the warm August day. She held onto him too. They still had each other. Hopefully that would be enough.

They walked into the condo. Aidan shut the door and dropped his keys onto the small table in the foyer. Maddie walked into the living room. She'd gotten used to Zack being there, and his presence left a gaping hole.

"Let's talk," Aidan said quietly.

"About what?" She bowed her head.

"About you and me. And Zack. I need to be honest with you."

She looked up at him, read the lines of grief on his face too. What was he going to tell her? "Oh, Aidan. I need to tell you something too." She sat on the couch and he joined her. He picked up one of her hands in his and curled his fingers around it. He looked down at their joined hands.

"Do you think less of me because of what we've done?" he asked quietly. "Because of how I am with Zack?"

"God no!" She gazed at him in horror. "You mean because you and Zack had sex?"

"Yeah, that. But also because I like it when he takes control." His fingers tightened on hers and she sensed his struggle. "Some people would think a real man wouldn't let another man order him around like that. A real man wouldn't do the things he told me to."

"Oh my god. You are a real man." She almost wanted to laugh at that, but he was so serious. "Aidan. Look at me." She touched his stubbled cheek and turned his face to her. "I love you, all of you, all the parts of you we're discovering now. I love you because you're smart and talented and you make me laugh. I love you because you look after me, in every way possible. You work so hard and do such amazing things, designing amazing buildings, running your business. I love how you feel responsible for your siblings even though they're adults now, how you looked after them when you were growing up. I love your stubbornness and how you push yourself. You are the best, strongest man I've ever known."

His mouth tipped up into a somber smile. "Thank you. I love you too, Maddie." He lifted her hand and kissed it. "You know that. I always have and I always will. I want to be the best man I can for you...but I know I wasn't giving you everything you need."

Her heart squeezed. How could she deny it?

"I thought maybe I could learn from Zack. While he was here." His gaze dropped back down to their hands. "But I don't know if I can ever do that for you, sweetheart."

The anguish in his voice made her throat burn. She gripped his hand tighter. "Is that why you're sad about Zack leaving?"

"Partly. Because I want you to have it all." He lifted his chin and met her eyes again. "But it's for selfish reasons too. I never knew...what it felt like to submit like that. How giving up control to someone else would be so freeing. I didn't have to think. Just feel. Like when I'm running, or lifting weights, and pushing my body hard...my mind goes quiet. I love it. When Zack took control like that, I'd've done anything he asked me to."

"Including let him fuck you."

"Yeah. But..." His mouth twisted into a wry smile. "I wanted that. I wanted it all."

"I know." She shifted closer and wrapped her other hand around theirs. "I know, honey. And that is something I couldn't give you. And I understand that you want me to have it all...because I want that for you too." She shook her head, took a deep breath and straightened her spine. "When I talked to Chelsea the other day, she couldn't understand why you weren't jealous watching me and Zack together."

He grimaced. "It's hard to explain."

"But we both get it. I never told her that I like watching you with Zack too. But I do. Here's the thing." Her voice wobbled. "I realized when I was talking to her that I have feelings for Zack. As in, I love him. And you. Both of you. I've been afraid to tell you that."

He stared at her, eyes burning. "Why?"

"I know you liked watching us have sex. Watching him flog me or whip me. But I didn't know if you'd be upset that I'd fallen in love with him. I thought...maybe you only did that stuff because you knew he was going to leave and eventually it would be just the two of us again."

Aidan's throat worked. "Yeah," he said slowly. "That's how it started. But then...oh Christ, Maddie." His eyes closed and his fingers convulsed on hers. "I love him too."

She blinked at him. Her head whirled. He loved Zack too? The way she did? He loved them both? She had to make sure she knew what was going on. "And me?" Her voice came out very small.

His eyes flew open. "Yes! Dammit, yes, Maddie, and you. I told you that. If you can love two people, I guess I can too."

"It's crazy," she whispered.

"I know." He rolled his eyes. "Believe me, I know. But that's just the way it is."

"We all need something. All three of us. And it only works when all three of us are together."

They stared into each other's eyes for long moments.

"What do we do now?" she choked out. "He's gone."

Aidan's eyebrows drew down. "I know. Usually I can fix anything. But this...I don't know. I wanted to beg him not to go, but how could we ask that of him?"

She didn't answer that.

"But Maddie...whatever happens...you and I will make it. We will."

She nodded, her lips trembling. "I know. I know we will." But inside she wondered how they would make it when there was always going to be this empty hole in their life, things they wanted and needed they could never have. "We can live without Zack." She paused. "But...I don't want to."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah. I know."

She sighed. "I guess I should make us some dinner."

"I'm not exactly hungry."

"I know, me either. I'll just make sandwiches or something."

She rose and listlessly wandered to the kitchen to find bread and tomatoes and cheese. She was assembling sandwiches on the counter when Aidan called her.

"Maddie? Sweetheart? Can you come here?"

She set down her knife and wiped her hands on a towel. "Where are you?" She started down the hall where his voice came from.

"In here. Zack's room."

She felt a tiny twist of a knife blade inside as she stepped into the room. All his things were gone, the bed was neatly made. Aidan stood in front of the closet.

"Look." He gestured at the closet.

She moved closer and saw stacks of picture frames on the floor, propped against the wall, all different sizes and shapes. The frames were all simple black. They both started moving them, bringing them out of the closet and leaning them against a wall.

"They're Zack's photographs." She studied them. "Why did he leave these?"

"Couldn't exactly take them with him."

"No." She paused. "He couldn't. So why did he get these done? Why would he print and frame a bunch of pictures when he has nowhere to put them?"

"Maybe," Aidan said slowly, "he wants somewhere to put them."

She tipped her head and gave him a curious look. "They're amazing."

There was no theme to the images but they all conveyed emotion...and mostly happy, positive emotion, or complicated emotion. A couple hugging and crying in front of a bombed out building. A beaming child holding a puppy in a barren street. A woman with a baby, love shining in her eyes. Landscapes that weren't desolate rubble, but rather depictions of the beauty in the world-a sunset over an ocean, a narrow cobblestone street, ancient temples in a desert glowing in rich sunlight. There were many more, and they pulled them all out and took in their beauty.

"He's so talented." Maddie ran her fingers over one frame. "I think he feels safe behind the lens of his camera. He can take these pictures, capture all those emotions without his own getting involved."

Aidan went still then sat heavily on the side of the bed. "Fuck."

Maddie pulled the last picture out. "Whoa." Her heart gave a bump at seeing it. "Look at this."

She carried the picture to the bed and sat beside Aidan, holding it in front of them. It was a picture of them, her and Aidan, taken seven years ago, probably one of the last pictures Zack had ever taken of them. She'd never seen this image, and wasn't even sure where it had been taken, but her chest constricted as she gazed upon her younger self smiling into Aidan's eyes. Their faces were close together, their gazes locked on each other, and the feelings they had for each other were blatant.

But that was long before they'd actually become a couple.