The longer he stayed the more dangerous it was. The more chance there was that he'd let on how he felt about them. How he'd felt about them seven years ago when he'd left. That couldn't happen. He in no way wanted their pity, which he knew they would feel if they found out the pathetic hopes and dreams he'd had. And which were starting to form again inside him.

He'd thought he could do this. He could give them this, and get something in return, something he needed. But he could not let his feelings grow for them again.

Only he had this sick feeling in his gut that it was too late for that.

Chapter Twenty.

Maddie called Chelsea at work the next morning. Her stomach was in knots but she was also pissed. She recognized the irony in her anger. She was mad at her friend for thinking she would cheat on Aidan; meanwhile, she was in fact having sex with another man. Only, she was doing it with Aidan right there.

"Chelsea Dalhart."

"Hi, Chels. It's me, Maddie."

"Maddie. Hi."

Maddie normally would have made some small talk but today had no patience for that. "We need to talk."

"Uh. Okay."

"Can we meet for lunch?"

After a short pause, Chelsea agreed and they settled on a restaurant and time. Maddie tried to focus on work for the rest of the morning, but was distracted by planning what exactly she was going to say to her friend.

She and Chelsea both worked downtown but not that close, so she took a cab to the restaurant they'd agree on. She arrived first and let the hostess seat her at a small table. She was sipping coffee when Chelsea showed up.

Once seated, Chelsea grabbed her menu and her gaze flicked over it rapidly. They both ordered the Santa Fe salad and the server departed with the menus tucked beneath her arm.

"So." Chelsea gave a bright smile, her fingers moving to the necklace she wore, rubbing the beads and twisting them. "What's up?"

"You know what's up. You called Ethan yesterday and told him about seeing Zack and me."

"Shit. Ethan called Aidan, didn't he?"

"Yeah. He did. Because he was worried about Aidan. Apparently you both think I'm cheating on Aidan."

"Was Aidan...mad?" Chelsea's eyes widened. "I didn't mean to cause trouble. I just thought...he should know."

"That really hurts, Chelsea."

Chelsea bit her lip. She twisted the strand of beads again.

"And no, Aidan wasn't mad. He knew we were having lunch together."

"So nothing is really going on between you and Zack?"

"I told you that yesterday," she said quietly. "Apparently you didn't believe me."

Um." Chelsea swallowed and her eyes shifted away and then back.

"If I just said, I promise you I'm really not cheating on Aidan, would that be enough to convince you?"

"I guess so."

"You don't sound convinced."

"You two looked pretty...intimate." She played with her necklace. "He looked like he was about to kiss you."

Maddie knew Chelsea was not wrong. She'd seen the look on Zack's face, his concern because she'd been upset at hearing about his bitch skank addict mother. He had wanted to kiss her. And she'd wanted that too.

"Okay." She sighed. Here it was. Critical juncture. She'd debated with herself all last night and all morning what to say at this moment. "I'm going to be completely honest with you." Her heart beat quicker. "There is something going on with me and Zack."

Chelsea's eyes flew wide.

"But not what you think. It's all three of us...we're kind of..." Words deserted her.

"Like a menage a trois?" Chelsea whispered, leaning forward.

"Yeah." Maddie picked up her cup and swallowed a mouthful of coffee. "Like that."

"Oh my god! Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"With two guys?" Her voice got louder.

"Hush." Maddie glanced around.

"Eep. Sorry."

"Yeah, two guys."

Chelsea slumped back in her seat and slapped a hand to her chest. "Holy shit."

The server appeared with their salads and refilled their coffee mugs. Conversation halted during this service.

Once they were alone again, Maddie said, "Look, it's not that big a deal." She wasn't going to share all the details with Chelsea, like how Aidan liked to be told what to do and even let Zack blow him. That was too much info. "Zack's staying with us for a while. He's supposed to leave next week. We're just..." Her throat closed up. "Ahem." She took another sip of coffee. "We're just fooling around."

And then, to her horror, tears welled up in her eyes.

Jesus Christ, she wasn't going to cry again, was she? She'd gone back to work yesterday with a red nose and eyes, if she showed up like that again today they'd wonder what the hell she was doing on her lunch breaks.

She fought back the emotion. Chelsea's eyebrows pulled together above her nose and she straightened and leaned forward again. "Are you okay, Maddie?"

No. No, she was not okay. "I don't want him to leave." Oh Christ, why did she blurt that out?

"You...care about him?"

Maddie blinked rapidly at the sting of tears. "Of course I do. We've been friends since college." To her horror, a sob escaped her.

"Well, you're more than friends now," Chelsea pointed out. "Um. Wow. I'm kind of lost for words here. I hate seeing you like this. You obviously have feelings for him." The corners of her eyes pinched up. "Have you fallen in love with him?"

"I know what you're thinking." Maddie fished around in her purse for a tissue. "You're thinking I've fallen in love with Zack and out of love with Aidan. But that's not the case. I love Aidan. I just...might...maybe...love Zack too."

Chelsea's eyes went big again. "How can you love two men?"

"I don't know! Oh Jesus." She blew her nose. "Even back in college, I think I loved them both. There. I said it." She swiped her nose again. "I was so confused back then. Wasn't sure what I was feeling. I knew I couldn't love two guys. I mean, how does that work? Then Zack left. Just up and left. Aidan was still there. I loved him and I was so happy when he wanted to be more than friends. But I tried to keep in touch with Zack. Even though he hardly ever answered my emails."

"Wow," Chelsea breathed. "I never knew that. This is better than any reality show."

Maddie frowned briefly. "I love Aidan. I really do. But I'm going to be so sad when Zack leaves. Again. In fact, I don't know if I can bear it."

Chelsea touched her fingers to her lips, eyes full of concern. "Oh, Maddie."

"I haven't admitted that to anyone else." Maddie dropped her gaze to her uneaten salad. "Definitely not to Zack."

"Would you tell Aidan? He might not understand." Chelsea's forehead furrowed. "Isn't he jealous, seeing you with...another man?"

"No." Maddie shook her head decisively. "Not at all. He likes it." Just as she'd liked watching the two guys together. Her belly did a little flip, remembering. She bit her lip.

"That's really..."

"Fucked up?"

"No! It's just hard to believe. I can't imagine Ethan ever wanting to watch me with another man. With another girl...oh yeah." They exchanged wry smiles. "His biggest fantasy. Not gonna happen. But okay, you say Aidan's down with it. But he might be hurt if you're actually in love with another man."

Maddie blinked, considering that. Chelsea had a point. Maybe Aidan was okay with all this because it was temporary. Because he knew Zack was leaving. Maybe it was okay because it was just...sex. And a little pain. And a little domination and submission. "It's complicated," she finally said. "But maybe I do need to talk to Aidan about it."

Chelsea sucked in a sharp breath. "I don't know, Maddie..."

"We love each other," Maddie said firmly. "And lately we've gotten even closer. We're honest with each other." This was true. Now. In the past, maybe they hadn't opened up to each other as much as they should, but now they were sharing everything. She was convincing herself as much as Chelsea. They had gotten closer. They'd both revealed parts of themselves they hadn't before, thanks to Zack. Their love was deeper now they'd shared such intimate secrets and desires.

But she had to admit she too wondered what Aidan would think if she told him she loved Zack. She was pretty sure that wasn't what he'd had in mind when they started this crazy three-way relationship.

"I'm sorry, Maddie." Chelsea's bottom lip pushed out. "You probably didn't want to tell me all that. I'm sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusion."

"I guess I probably would have done the same," Maddie admitted. "Although, I don't know if I'd ever believe you would cheat on Ethan."

Chelsea dropped her eyes and her cheeks flushed. "I'm sorry. Really."

"Are you disgusted by what we're doing?" Maddie took a deep breath, waiting for her friend's answer.

Chelsea quickly shook her head. "No. Not at all, Maddie. I'm concerned, because you're upset. I've never had a threesome, but I've heard there's big potential for things to go wrong. Jealousy. One person feeling left out."

Maddie nodded. Chelsea was totally right. But she didn't understand what was happening between the three of them.

Oh fuck, neither did Maddie, when it came right down to it.

"Well, thanks for not judging us." She picked up her water glass. "I was prepared for that, but I didn't want you to think I was a cheater." Chelsea met her eyes and her lips quirked. And Maddie laughed. "A skanky slut, maybe. But not a cheater."

Chelsea laughed too. "Maddie, I really didn't think you were cheating. It just looked...funny. I didn't know Ethan was going to blow it all up and call Aidan. I called him because I wanted him to reassure me that you two were fine and I was crazy."

"So it's Ethan who thought I was a cheater." Maddie's smile went crooked.

"You can smack him for it next time you see him. And I don't think you're a skanky slut. If you three are having fun, that's awesome. I just don't want you to get hurt. You're such a sweetheart. And you and Aidan are, like, the perfect couple. We all envy you."

Maddie cast her eyes downward. People didn't always know what was going on beneath the surface. And like Aidan had said... "We're not perfect. But we do love each other. We're going to be fine."

"Good." Chelsea gave a firm nod.

But Maddie didn't talk to Aidan about it. Nerves kept her edgy and silent. What was the point of stirring up shit if Zack was going to leave?

But she didn't want him to leave.

God, god, things were so messed up.

________.

Things got even more messed up that weekend, when Zack once more took control and had them doing everything he ordered in their bedroom.

Not that she was complaining.

They all had a shower together, which was new and exciting. The bathroom attached to their bedroom had a huge shower stall which she and Aidan had showered in together, but wow, there was even room for three. Zack directed the intimate washing of her pussy, shocking her when the soapy wash cloth slid up between her butt cheeks. He took his time cleaning her there, then did the same to Aidan, pushing him up against the wall, hands flat on the tiles while Zack washed his cock and balls and anus.

What did he have planned? Maddie watched, enthralled. She was already wet and achy by the time they dried each other off and padded naked into the bedroom. It was like a dance and Zack the choreographer, occasionally stepping into the sequence for a kiss, a stroke, a tap on the butt. He brought out ropes and tied both their hands together, Aidan's behind his back, Maddie's in front. Curiosity zoomed inside her along with arousal.

Then she was on her back on the bed, Aidan kneeling between her legs with his mouth on her pussy. At Zack's direction he teased her until she was even more aching and wet and quivering, licking her inner thighs, her pussy lips...and then Zack was there, hands on her thighs, pushing her legs up and back, and he said, "Lick her asshole."

Sharp excitement zigzagged through her, a hot thrill at the dirty words.

"Christ," Aidan muttered.

They'd never done this. But oh...it was hot. He nipped at her butt cheeks, licked her there, then circled her back entrance. She closed her eyes, her insides squeezing hard. Hot, wicked sensation spread in shimmering waves.

"You'd never do this." Zack held her legs, watching, as naked as they were. "Would you?"

Aidan made a noise in his throat. Maddie wasn't sure what it meant, and deep thought was beyond her as Aidan teased her sensitive flesh. Yeah, they'd never done this. She'd never even thought of doing it. She didn't know if Aidan had. But wow...she was melting into a puddle of lust.

"You told me to," Aidan's husky voice responded.

"Yeah." Zack reached out and grabbed Aidan's hair, pulling his head up. "I did. And you obeyed me. That makes me so fucking hot." And he leaned in and laid a hard kiss on Aidan's wet mouth.

Sparks zapped straight to Maddie's pussy. She gazed at them wide-eyed. Sweet Jesus, that was hot. Aidan stared back at Zack, his chest rising and falling. Maddie panted in shallow breaths, her bound hands going to her chest, forearms pressing against her swollen breasts. Wanton. Wicked. She loved it.