But I'm standing here half naked, under the water, in the dark. h.e.l.lo?

The diva says, Reach out to him.

I do. I reach out my hand, put it on Aaron's shoulder, and draw him to me. Skin to skin, we stand under the shower kissing and moving our hands over our bodies. Within seconds, Aaron is hard against my belly.

Keep going, the diva says.

There is a narrow bench along the shower wall, which I find accidentally by kicking my leg against it. I sit on the bench and pull Aaron toward me.

But I get cold fast. When a breeze blows against the side of the house and into the shower, I shiver. Which Aaron can't help but notice, given the position we're in. "Do you want to go inside?" he asks.

"Yes," I say.

Aaron and I tiptoe up the grand staircase. Aaron looks toward the guest wing. All is quiet, all is dark. Aaron leads me down the hallway of the guest wing, and I wonder where the heck he's going. Aaron comes to a stop outside the bedroom. "You can sleep in this guest room."

What? the diva shouts.

I can't see Aaron's face in the dark, but I feel him lean toward me. "Good night," he whispers in my ear, and kisses my cheek.

No way, the diva states.

Taking Aaron's hand, I lead him down the hall toward his room.

Sometime around dawn, the diva says, Happy birthday.

ACE West "I thought you were going to spend the weekend," Aaron said.

"I have to work," I answered.

I replay the conversation as I drive the Von Hechtmobile along the Garden State Parkway and look for the sign to the Atlantic City Expressway West.

"Stay for breakfast, Mimi."

"I don't want to get stuck in traffic."

Every Jerseyan knows that there is no westbound traffic on a Sat.u.r.day morning.

"I hope you don't regret what we did last night," Aaron said.

"Not at all."

The memory of last night makes the diva open her eyes and stretch. In response, I drive my car faster.

"I didn't mean to..." Aaron left his sentence unfinished.

"Everything is fine," I said. "But I really have to go."

You handled that well, the diva says.

Don't talk while I'm driving. And haven't you gotten us into enough trouble?

Not nearly, the diva says. But I must say, we've made better exits. Don't you think we owed Aaron a proper goodbye? Morning s.e.x can be lovely.

We didn't have s.e.x.

o.r.g.a.s.ms were had, the diva laughs.

But we didn't have intercourse.

Don't try to Clinton your way out of this, the diva says.

I'm not in love with Aaron.

So what? the diva asks. Since when do you have to be in love with someone to hook up with him, have fun, and make me happy? Anyway, who says he's in love with you? Me, he's quite fond of. But you? After this morning, he might not like you at all.

I made a mistake.

"I made a mistake," I tell Madeline over my cell as I merge onto ACE West.

"Finally," she says.

"What?"

"Mimi, you've been so careful all summer. It's about time you made a mistake. What'd you do?"

"I hooked up with Aaron," I say.

Madeline is quiet for a few moments. "And?"

"And I shouldn't have."

"It was bad?" Madeline asks, and I realize I am talking to entirely the wrong person about this. Oh, well.

"It wasn't bad," I say.

"Detail me."

"I don't know what to say. It was nice. Warm."

"Warm? That's the only adjective you can come up with? The first time Nick kissed you good night, it took you thirty-four minutes to tell me about it. When you told me about Farmer Joe, you described the texture of his beard, the color of his body hair, the smell of the barn. Now you're telling me that Aaron was, what did you say? Warm? I guess you did make a mistake."

"That's not what I meant, Maddie. You're making Aaron sound worse than he was."

"Why are you covering for him? Put your diva on the phone."

I laugh. "She's recuperating."

"Ah, well, that's something."

"It was fulfilling, but not terribly exciting. Like tofu."

"Tofu is bland. And you, Mimi Louis, are not a vegetarian. I vote for Joe. Give him another chance. He's got a lot more flavor."

The Diva Made Me Do It Excuses and escapes aside, I do have a valid reason for going to work. I need to exchange the Von Hechtmobile for Sally. And there is a bridal shower brunch at Cafe Louis and I need to make sure everything is in order.

Which it is, as I see when I arrive at the restaurant. Christopher von Hecht has everything well in hand. Okay, so I'm not needed. I don't want to go home to deal with Mom's impending engagement, and I don't want to watch the brunch party's bridal glee. So I retreat to the downstairs office and obsess just a little more about my steamy sessions with Aaron and Joe. Should I give Joe another chance? Does he want one?

"What's up, b.u.t.ternut?" Christopher von Hecht smiles as he hands me the credit card receipt for the bridal brunch.

"I made a mistake."

"With the bill?" Christopher leans over my shoulder.

"No. With Joe and Aaron.

"Still caught between two lovers?" he says. "I thought I settled this for you."

"They aren't lovers," I insist. "The mistake is that I insulted Joe and hooked up with Aaron. What was I thinking? Ugh. The diva made me do it."

Christopher sits on my desk. "Made you do...what?"

"What matters is that I didn't have s.e.x with Joe or Aaron. And I'm not going to. I want to wait."

"Wait for what?" Christopher asks.

"For my brain to be sure of what my body should do. My last relationship started with s.e.x. And ended with s.e.x. Him having s.e.x with someone else. And you know what? I was on a date with another man when I met Nick. A perfectly nice man. I can't remember his name, but he could have been the love of my life. Did I give him a chance? No, I did not. I got thrusty with Nick."

Christopher tsks. "It happens, patty pan. Don't beat yourself up about it."

"What I'm saying is that I want this time to be different. I spent my twenties dating and having casual s.e.x and where did it get me?"

"It got you to o.r.g.a.s.m, I hope."

"Yeah, but then what? I went from boyfriend to boyfriend, bed to bed. Somewhere along the line, the s.e.x became meaningless. Now that I haven't had s.e.x for a few months, it means something again. I like that. s.e.x should mean something, don't you think?"

"Sure." Christopher raises an eyebrow. "What should it mean?"

"I think it should be..." I think for a few moments, then say, "I think it should be a gift. That I give someone. Someone I care about a lot. Until then, I'll wait. For actual intercourse, I mean. Fooling around is still fun. But waiting to do the deed makes me feel good. Empowered."

Christopher smiles. "Abstinence becomes you."

"I almost lost it a few times. It's not easy to stop traffic on the diva highway, you know what I mean?"

"No," Christopher says.

"But Joe and Aaron are definitely in my hookup hall of fame. All that s.e.xual tension building? That's the best part. I love it."

Christopher laughs. "Ain't l.u.s.t grand?"

"Mom? I'm home. Mom? Mom!" The sound of The Sound of Music The Sound of Music soundtrack leads me to the kitchen. No wonder Mom can't hear me. Whatever. Must pee. soundtrack leads me to the kitchen. No wonder Mom can't hear me. Whatever. Must pee.

As I tinkle, I hum along with the music to "Sixteen Going on Seventeen." I never cared for Rolf. What kind of name is Rolf?

"Mom?" Walking past the stereo en route to the kitchen, I turn down the volume. "Mom, you shouldn't listen to music so loudly that you can't hear anything else. Someone could break in and you'd be none the wiser." I walk into the kitchen.

My mother is sprawled on the kitchen floor. Her eyes are closed.

Bobbi Louis, Part Two First, I do nothing. Mom lies on the floor and I stare at her. She's wearing a housedress. An old one. The dress is bunched around her thighs. A cleaning rag lies near her head. Fumes, I think. She pa.s.sed out from the Pledge. No. That doesn't happen.

Then I do something ridiculous. I try to make a deal with whatever higher power may be listening.

Don't let her be dead, I think. I'll do anything.

No one answers me.

For no good reason, I get on my knees and crawl to my mother. I'm afraid to touch her. I don't want her body to be cold. "Mom?" I say quietly. I look at her chest. It's moving up and down. She's breathing.

I take Mom's hand and pat it. What am I doing? Do I think this will revive her? Telephone, I think. I have to call 911. Then, Mom's eyes flutter open. "Oh," she says. Mom turns her face to me.

"Mom? What happened?"

"Oh," she says again. She plants her free hand on the floor and tries to sit up.

"Don't move," I say. "You may have a neck injury."

"What?" Mom says.

"That's what they say on TV. I'm calling 911. Don't move."

"Mimi, I'm fine. Really. I got dizzy and, I don't know. I guess I fell. I'm fine."

But I'm already dialing the phone. My emergency, I tell the dispatcher, is that I found my mother unconscious on the floor. Yes, she's breathing. Yes, she's awake now. Yes, I absolutely want an ambulance to come.

"Ambulance?" Mom says. "Don't be ridiculous."

"They'll be here in three minutes," I tell her, hanging up the phone.