VAL. What, the widow's health; give it him--off with it. [They drink.] A lovely girl, i'faith, black sparkling eyes, soft pouting ruby lips! Better sealing there than a bond for a million, ha?

TRAP. No, no, there's no such thing; we'd better mind our business.

You're a wag.

VAL. No, faith, we'll mind the widow's business: fill again.

Pretty round heaving b.r.e.a.s.t.s, a Barbary shape, and a jut with her b.u.m would stir an anch.o.r.et: and the prettiest foot! Oh, if a man could but fasten his eyes to her feet as they steal in and out, and play at bo-peep under her petticoats, ah! Mr Trapland?

TRAP. Verily, give me a gla.s.s. You're a wag,--and here's to the widow. [Drinks.]

SCAN. He begins to chuckle; ply him close, or he'll relapse into a dun.

SCENE VI.

[To them] OFFICER.

OFF. By your leave, gentlemen: Mr Trapland, if we must do our office, tell us. We have half a dozen gentlemen to arrest in Pall Mall and Covent Garden; and if we don't make haste the chairmen will be abroad, and block up the chocolate-houses, and then our labour's lost.

TRAP. Udso that's true: Mr Valentine, I love mirth, but business must be done. Are you ready to -

JERE. Sir, your father's steward says he comes to make proposals concerning your debts.

VAL. Bid him come in: Mr Trapland, send away your officer; you shall have an answer presently.

TRAP. Mr Snap, stay within call.

SCENE VII.

VALENTINE, SCANDAL, TRAPLAND, JEREMY, STEWARD who whispers VALENTINE.

SCAN. Here's a dog now, a traitor in his wine: sirrah, refund the sack.--Jeremy, fetch him some warm water, or I'll rip up his stomach, and go the shortest way to his conscience.

TRAP. Mr Scandal, you are uncivil; I did not value your sack; but you cannot expect it again when I have drunk it.

SCAN. And how do you expect to have your money again when a gentleman has spent it?

VAL. You need say no more, I understand the conditions; they are very hard, but my necessity is very pressing: I agree to 'em. Take Mr Trapland with you, and let him draw the writing. Mr Trapland, you know this man: he shall satisfy you.

TRAP. Sincerely, I am loth to be thus pressing, but my necessity -

VAL. No apology, good Mr Scrivener, you shall be paid.

TRAP. I hope you forgive me; my business requires -

SCENE VIII.

VALENTINE, SCANDAL.

SCAN. He begs pardon like a hangman at an execution.

VAL. But I have got a reprieve.

SCAN. I am surprised; what, does your father relent?

VAL. No; he has sent me the hardest conditions in the world. You have heard of a b.o.o.by brother of mine that was sent to sea three years ago? This brother, my father hears, is landed; whereupon he very affectionately sends me word; if I will make a deed of conveyance of my right to his estate, after his death, to my younger brother, he will immediately furnish me with four thousand pounds to pay my debts and make my fortune. This was once proposed before, and I refused it; but the present impatience of my creditors for their money, and my own impatience of confinement, and absence from Angelica, force me to consent.

SCAN. A very desperate demonstration of your love to Angelica; and I think she has never given you any a.s.surance of hers.

VAL. You know her temper; she never gave me any great reason either for hope or despair.

SCAN. Women of her airy temper, as they seldom think before they act, so they rarely give us any light to guess at what they mean.

But you have little reason to believe that a woman of this age, who has had an indifference for you in your prosperity, will fall in love with your ill-fortune; besides, Angelica has a great fortune of her own; and great fortunes either expect another great fortune, or a fool.

SCENE IX.

[To them] JEREMY.

JERE. More misfortunes, sir.

VAL. What, another dun?

JERE. No, sir, but Mr Tattle is come to wait upon you.

VAL. Well, I can't help it, you must bring him up; he knows I don't go abroad.

SCENE X.

VALENTINE, SCANDAL.

SCAN. Pox on him, I'll be gone.

VAL. No, prithee stay: Tattle and you should never be asunder; you are light and shadow, and show one another; he is perfectly thy reverse both in humour and understanding; and as you set up for defamation, he is a mender of reputations.

SCAN. A mender of reputations! Ay, just as he is a keeper of secrets, another virtue that he sets up for in the same manner. For the rogue will speak aloud in the posture of a whisper, and deny a woman's name while he gives you the marks of her person. He will forswear receiving a letter from her, and at the same time show you her hand in the superscription: and yet perhaps he has counterfeited the hand too, and sworn to a truth; but he hopes not to be believed, and refuses the reputation of a lady's favour, as a Doctor says no to a Bishopric only that it may be granted him. In short, he is public professor of secrecy, and makes proclamation that he holds private intelligence.--He's here.

SCENE XI.

[To them] TATTLE.