"Here I am in the thirties and it is high time that I made something of myself. Is my job as good as I deserve? By studying nights I might fit myself for a better position in the foreign exchange department, but that would mean an outlay of money.

Furthermore, is it, on the whole, wise to attempt to hurry the workings of Fate? Is not perhaps the determinist right who says that what we are and what we ever can be is already written in the books, that we can not alter the workings of Destiny one iota?

This theory is, of course, tenable, but, on the whole, it seems to me that if I were to take the matter into my own hands, etc. etc."

And then, when the last pot of boiling water has been upset over the last grandfather's back, and Junior has slid down from your lap as near satisfied as he ever will be, you have ten or fifteen minutes of constructive thinking behind you, which, if practiced every Sunday, will make you President of the company within a few years.

XVI

OPERA SYNOPSES

_Some Sample Outlines of Grand Opera Plots For Home Study._

I

DIE MEISTER-GENOSSENSCHAFT

SCENE: _The Forests of Germany_.

TIME: _Antiquity_.

CAST

STRUDEL, _G.o.d of Rain_ Ba.s.so

SCHMALZ, _G.o.d of Slight Drizzle_ Tenor

IMMERGLuCK, _G.o.ddess of the Six Primary Colors_ Soprano

LUDWIG DAS EIWEISS, _the Knight of the Iron Duck_ Baritone

THE WOODp.e.c.k.e.r Soprano

ARGUMENT

The basis of "Die Meister-Genossenschaft" is an old legend of Germany which tells how the Whale got his Stomach.

ACT I

_The Rhine at Low Tide Just Below Weldschnoffen._--Immergluck has grown weary of always sitting on the same rock with the same fishes swimming by every day, and sends for Schwul to suggest something to do. Schwul asks her how she would like to have pa.s.s before her all the wonders of the world fashioned by the hand of man. She says, rotten. He then suggests that Ringblattz, son of Pflucht, be made to appear before her and fight a mortal combat with the Iron Duck. This pleases Immergluck and she summons to her the four dwarfs: Hot Water, Cold Water, Cool, and Cloudy. She bids them bring Ringblattz to her. They refuse, because Pflucht has at one time rescued them from being buried alive by acorns, and, in a rage, Immergluck strikes them all dead with a thunderbolt.

ACT 2

_A Mountain Pa.s.s_.--Repenting of her deed, Immergluck has sought advice of the giants, Offen and Besitz, and they tell her that she must procure the magic zither which confers upon its owner the power to go to sleep while apparently carrying on a conversation. This magic zither has been hidden for three hundred centuries in an old bureau drawer, guarded by the Iron Duck, and, although many have attempted to rescue it, all have died of a strange ailment just as success was within their grasp.

But Immergluck calls to her side Dampfboot, the tinsmith of the G.o.ds, and bids him make for her a tarnhelm or invisible cap which will enable her to talk to people without their understanding a word she says. For a dollar and a half extra Dampfboot throws in a magic ring which renders its wearer insensible. Thus armed, Immergluck starts out for Walhalla, humming to herself.

ACT 3

_The Forest Before the Iron Duck's Bureau Drawer_.--Merglitz, who has up till this time held his peace, now descends from a balloon and demands the release of Betty. It has been the will of Wotan that Merglitz and Betty should meet on earth and hate each other like poison, but Zweiback, the druggist of the G.o.ds, has disobeyed and concocted a love-potion which has rendered the young couple very unpleasant company.

Wotan, enraged, destroys them with a protracted heat spell.

Encouraged by this sudden turn of affairs, Immergluck comes to earth in a boat drawn by four white Holsteins, and, seated alone on a rock, remembers aloud to herself the days when she was a girl. Pilgrims from Augenblick, on their way to worship at the shrine of Schmurr, hear the sound of reminiscence coming from the rock and stop in their march to sing a hymn of praise for the drying up of the crops. They do not recognize Immergluck, as she has her hair done differently, and think that she is a beggar girl selling pencils.

In the meantime, Ragel, the papercutter of the G.o.ds, has fashioned himself a sword on the forge of Schmalz, and has called the weapon "a.s.sistance-in-Emergency." Armed with "a.s.sistance-in-Emergency" he comes to earth, determined to slay the Iron Duck and carry off the beautiful Irma.

But Frimsel overhears the plan and has a drink brewed which is given to Ragel in a golden goblet and which, when drunk, makes him forget his past and causes him to believe that he is Schnorr, the G.o.d of Fun. While laboring under this spell, Ragel has a funeral pyre built on the summit of a high mountain and, after lighting it, climbs on top of it with a mandolin which he plays until he is consumed.

Immergluck never marries.

II

IL MINNESTRONE

(PEASANT LOVE)

SCENE: _Venice and Old Point Comfort._

TIME: _Early 16th Century._

CAST

ALFONSO, _Duke of Minnestrone_ Baritone

PARTOLA, _a Peasant Girl_ Soprano

CLEANSO } { Tenor TURINO } _Young n.o.blemen of Venice_. { Tenor BOMBO } { Ba.s.so

LUDOVICO} _a.s.sa.s.sins in the service of_ { Ba.s.so ASTOLFO } _Cafeteria Rusticana_ { Methodist

_Townspeople, Cabbies and Sparrows_

ARGUMENT

"Il Minnestrone" is an allegory of the two sides of a man's nature (good and bad), ending at last in an awfully comical mess with everyone dead.

ACT I

_A Public Square, Ferrara._--During a peasant festival held to celebrate the sixth consecutive day of rain, Rudolpho, a young n.o.bleman, sees Lilliano, daughter of the village bell-ringer, dancing along throwing artificial roses at herself. He asks of his secretary who the young woman is, and his secretary, in order to confuse Rudolpho and thereby win the hand of his ward, tells him that it is his (Rudolpho's) own mother, disguised for the festival. Rudolpho is astounded. He orders her arrest.