aWhat are you two doing?a Allie asked. aHey! Quit eating those.a She grabbed the pan off the stove and slid them onto a serving tray. aYouare as bad as the kids.a As Allie whirled around to leave, Nick burst through the swinging door, catching Allie, who juggled the tray. Paul ran over in time to save the appetizers. Toni leaned back and laughed while she watched.

aSorry, Momaa Nick said with a sheepish grin. aI just got a call from Scott, you remember him? Well, heas in town, too, and thereas a party Friday nightaa aOh, Nick. I thought wead do something together while youare in town,a Allie said.

aLike what?a aWell, I donat know. Go downtown, see the Christmas decorations,a Allie offered with a hopeful look.

Toni saw the hopeful, but disappointed look from Allie. aUm, if you want, I have four tickets to the first show of the Nutcracker at the Auditorium. One oaclock, front row seats.a Allie raised an eyebrow. aWin them off of the same lieutenant?a Toni laughed. aNo, they were given to me, but I have to work shift Friday. Youare more than welcome to them, if you like.a Nickas eyes lit up as he looked at Allie and Paul. Toni noticed Paulas frown.

aI was supposed to stop in at work Friday,a he said.

Allie sighed and Nick groaned. aDad. Jossie and I never see you or Mom. And itall be perfect because I think Marcie is visiting her aunt Friday. Itas a holiday.a Paul nodded reluctantly. aOkay.a He looked at Toni. aThank you. How much?a Toni shook her head. aI didnat pay for them. So I canat take your money.a Paul looked uncomfortable and Allie stepped in. aYou come over for dinner, and Iall feed you. Howas that?a aBetter than money,a Toni said with a smile.

aGreat!a Nick said. aThanks, Toni. Iall go tell Jossie.a He looked at his mother. aThen Friday night will be free?a aYes, youare off the holiday hook. Goaa After Nick left, Allie looked at Toni. aThank you.a aMy pleasure,a Toni said. aHappy Thanksgiving.a As she drank her beer, she noticed Paul watching both of them.

Chapter 10.

aPaul, the kids are only here for the holiday weekend. You said you werenat going to work,a Allie insisted.

aI canat help it, Allie. This is a big client.a aLike the one in New York,a she asked softly.

Paul whirled around to her. aWhatas that supposed to mean?a aNothing. Itas just lately youave been gone so often. We donat talk anymore. Why?a aDid we ever? Really?a Allie let out a disappointed sigh. aPerhaps youare right. I had the kids and the house. You had your work. Now with the kids goneaa Nick interrupted her as he poked his head into their room. aHey, itas almost time to leave.a Allie looked at Paul, who rubbed his forehead, then chuckled. aOkay, weall be out in a bit.a He frowned and shook his head. aI need to make a call. Iall be right down, Al.a aItall be fun,a she whispered.

Paul just nodded as he reached for his phone.

The Nutcracker was a holiday delight. Allie, Nick, and Jocelyn had a wonderful time. Paul looked as happy as he could. Allie just didnat get it.

As they drove home, they turned down a North Side street and stopped at a red light. Allie absently looked at the Christmas decorations, already displayed. She then looked in a bakery shop window and was shocked to see Toni sitting there, alone and drinking coffee. The car pulled away, and Allie craned her neck to see Toni until she lost sight of her.

Kevin Murphy looked in the bakery window and shook his head. He walked in and wiped his shoes.

aI thought youad be here. Thanks for the leftovers. I love turkey.a Kevin sat across from Toni, who looked up and smiled. He looked around and Lidia walked out from the kitchen holding a pie and three plates.

aYeah? Good,a Toni said. aI thought I did pretty well for my first time making a turkey.a Toni drank her coffee.

aWell, how was your holiday?a Lidia asked.

Toni smiled as Kevin stood and offered Lidia a chair. aThank you, Kevin Murphy.a Kevin sat and watched Toni. aWhat is it with you and these coffee shops? Youare still hanging out at them all the time.a aThis is not a coffee shop, is bakery,a Lidia scolded as she sliced the apple pie.

Toni shrugged. aI donat know. You know I used to all the time when I was a kid. It felt safe.a Kevin chomped on his cigar. He understood exactly what she meant. When Pat OaHara went on a bender, Toni would take the brunt of it, then head pa.s.s out. Once she was sure the little ones and her mother were safe at their grandmotheras, Toni headed for the coffee shopa"oh, sorry, bakery. Many times, Kevin would find her there, sporting the bruise of the week. G.o.d, Kevin hated Pat for his abusive behavior toward his oldest child. She took many a beating for her siblings and their mother.

He remembered one time in particular when Pat, in a drunken stupor, went after her with his belt. The poor girl had welts on her back so thickahe shook his head sadly. He looked at Lidia and knew she was thinking the same thing by her teary expression.

Toni looked up at Kevin and smiled sadly. aI hated him for it, too, Kevin,a she whispered into her cup. aBut I never let him touch Mom or the kids. I would have killed him myself if that scaffold hadnat.a Kevin shuddered at the dead calm voice. He believed her. aHey, didnat you win tickets in the raffle?a he asked, changing the topic.

Lidia placed the pie in front of both of them and listened.

Toni grinned, then cleared her throat and concentrated on her pie. aI did. Gave them away. What was I gonna do with four tickets to the stupid Nutcracker?a Kevin eyed her suspiciously but said nothing.

Lidia would not let her off so easily. aWho did you give the tickets to?a Toni frowned and pushed her plate away. an.o.body.a Kevin hid his grin at the childish sound in her voice.

aTell me or no more kolachky,a Lidia warned.

aIad tell her if I was you.a Kevin ate his pie.

Toni folded her arms across her chest. aWho cares? I didnat want aem, so I gave aem away. s.h.i.t!a aStop with the swearing, and tell me.a Kevin looked at the woman he thought of as his daughter. aYou gave them to the museum woman, didnat you?a Lidia frowned in confusion. aWhat museum woman?a aI did not!a Toni argued and glared at Kevin.

aWhat museum woman?a Lidia insisted again.

Kevin smiled slightly. aYes, you did.a aWhat museum woman?a Lidia asked with frustration and tapped her fork on the table.

Toni took a deep breath and tiredly rubbed her face. aI met this woman, and sheas very nice and very cultured anda"a aI like so far, and what?a aVery married,a Toni said.

Lidia sat back. aThatas no goot.a Kevin nodded in agreement. So did Toni. Lidia watched her carefully. aTell me about her.a Toni smiled then, and Kevin and Lidia exchanged glances. aHer name is Alana Sanders. Sheas an art teacher. She has two great kids, both adults. She lives in Oak Park and has a nice little bungalow. She loves Monet and her children. I wanted to take Alana and her kids to the Nutcracker. I toyed with the idea all week. But I knew Alana was having trouble with her husband, Paul. It was a better idea to give them the tickets. I thought...I dunno, maybe it would help.a Lidia watched as Toni stared at her cup. aI really like this woman as a friend, and I donat want to ruin that. Iave never really had a friend like her. Shea"a The bell above the door rang, and Lidia looked up to see a woman standing there. She had blondish hair and green eyes. She was looking at Toni, who had her back to this woman.

Lidia watched as Toni immediately sat erect and whirled around in her chair. aAlana!a Lidia looked at Kevin, who nodded slightly.

aHi. I-I was in the neighborhood,a Allie said and chuckled. aThat was lame.a Toni shot out of her chair as Allie walked up to the table. aAm I interrupting?a Kevin stood. aNo, no, sit. We were just talking about youa"a Toni and Lidiaas eyes bugged out of their heads. aYuletide, yuletide. We were talking about Christmas,a Toni said quickly. aAlana, you remember Kevin, and this is Lidia Walinski, the owner of this bakery and a good friend.a Lidia smiled kindly at this woman who had Toni so fl.u.s.tered. She shook hands and noticed how soft her hand was. aYou have gentle hands, Alana.a aThank you, Mrs. Walinski,a she said and sat down.

aPlease, call me Lidia.a aI donat get to call you Lidia,a Toni said seriously.

Lidia still looked at Alana. aNo, you donat.a She cut a piece of pie. aWould you like a piece of pie, Alana?a aPlease, thank you.a Allie glanced at Toni. aSo you were talking about Christmas? Good, then I can join in. Thanks for the tickets. It was a nice holiday treat,a Allie said as she watched Toni.

Lidia stood. aWell, I have bread to make for tomorrow. Kevin Murphy, why donat you come and help?a She pulled him out of his seat.

Toni smiled as she watched their retreat.

aI like her,a Allie said.

aSheas great, like family. So is Kevin,a Toni said. aWell, Iam glad you used the tickets. Did you use all the tickets?a Toni asked absently as she played with her fork.

Allie smiled. aYes, even Paul went along. It was a nice time. The kids told me to tell you thank you and maybe theyall see you at Christmas.a Allie watched her tentative posture. Toni seemed withdrawn and quiet, very unlike her.

aIad really like that,a Toni said softly. aI like Jocelyn and Nick. I see so much of you in them,a she said almost to herself.

aThat was a nice thing to say,a Allie said. aWould you like another piece of pie?a Toni leaned back and grinned, rubbing her hands together. aYes, maaam.a aSo you had to work today? Seems like a short day,a Allie asked pointedly as she placed the plate in front of her. She noticed Toni avoiding her face.

aUm, yeah. I switched with someone. Last minute,a she said with a shrug and buried her head in her plate.

aHmm. That was nice of you.a Again, the shrug.

aIad think you would have seniority.a aYeah, well, Chicago politics. No biggie.a She avoided Allie completely as she ate. When she looked up, Allie was watching her. aHey. Did you do something to your hair?a Allie frowned and gave her a suspicious look. aNope.a aOh, well, it looks nice,a she said with a smile.

aThanks.a Allie dropped the topic. They ate their dessert in silence until Kevin walked out covered in flour.

aThat woman is a maniac in the kitchen. Iall see ya later,a he said and walked out.

Lidia was right behind him laughing. aHe is no goot in kitchen. I sent him home. Now,a she said and sat down, letting out a relieved sigh. aMy feet are killing me, and I have pies to make.a Allie grinned. aI can help.a Lidia gave her a curious look. aGoot! Come with me,a she said and stood. aYou too, Antonia.a Toni groaned as she stood. aKevin got to leave.a Allie and Lidia laughed and pulled the reluctant Toni along. It was like an a.s.sembly line. Toni peeled, Allie sliced, and Lidia supervised.

aYouare doing very goot, Alana. Antonia, not so much.a Toni glared at her and wiped the flour off her shirt. aThis is not my forte, Mrs. W.a aThis I can see. Now tell me about yourself, Alana. Antonia says you have two beautiful children.a Allie glanced at Toni, who frowned deeply as she concentrated on her peeling skills.

aYes, Nick is twenty-four, and Jocelyn will be twenty-one in a few months,a she said with a grin as she rolled out the pie dough.

aAnd you adore them,a Lidia said wistfully as she watched them work together.

aAnd I adore them,a Allie said, still grinning. She thought of Paul and her smile faded.

aBut something is wrong?a Lidia asked.

Toni was oblivious. She was still trying to peel the apple without taking half the apple with it. Lidia rolled her eyes.

aWell. No, everything isaa Allie said and stopped. She rolled the dough harder with the rolling pin.

Lidia watched curiously as Allie frowned deeply. aAlana, you must either tell me or stop abusing my pie dough.a Allie stopped and blushed horribly. She wiped the hair off her face with the back of her hand.

aCome and sit by me. We have to wait for slowpoke to peel.a Lidia patted the chair next to her. Allie obediently sat and looked at her hands. aNow tell me what is troubling you, darling.a aI feel like a fool. I shouldnat burden you with my marital problems,a Allie said in a small voice.

aTreat me like therapist,a Lidia offered with a smile.

aThat might work,a Allie said with a weak chuckle. So she told a relative stranger about her trouble with Paul. She was hesitant at first, then the floodgates opened.

aI donat know when it happened.a aWhat?a Lidia asked softly.

aWhen we became strangers. I told myself it was because of the kids and Paulas obsession with his work. I had the house, the children. And suddenly, one day Iam sitting across from the man I married, and I realize twenty-five years have gone by, and I donat know who he is, or...a aOr who you are?a Lidia offered.

aNo. I know who I am.a Allie realized she didnat sound very convincing, going by the skeptical look on Lidiaas face. h.e.l.l, she didnat sound sure to herself.

aIt is hard when children are gone from nest. Mother hen does not know what to do with herself or the coop.a Allie sat forward. aThatas just it, Lidia. I know what to do. I went back to teaching art. I gave up my pa.s.sion, and I raised the kids and took care of the house and Paul. Itas just lately, I feel like something is gone between Paul and me. Maybe it was never there. I donat know.a She sat back.

aWhy lately?a Lidia glanced at Toni, who just now finished one apple; Lidia sighed.

Allie watched Toni. aIam not sure. I feel restless. Anxious, you know?a Allie looked back to Lidia. aLike Iam going to jump right out of my skin.a aMenopause?a Lidia asked with a grin.

Allie laughed outright. aWell, thereas that, too. But I donat think thatas it. This has been a long time lying just beneath the surface. I think itas coming to a head because frankly, Paul and I have no reason to avoid the issue now.a She looked at Lidia. aPaul is a good man. Heas a good father and a good provider. And he is a good husband. I think itas me.aWell, it has been my experience in these matters itas never just one person when two are involved.a Lidia reached over and patted Allieas hand. aIf you are partners in goot times, you are partners in not so goot. And if it does not work, you are partners in that, too.a She wagged her finger in Allieas direction. aAbout this I am right.a Allie smiled. aI agree with you. Although Paul seemed always busy with his work, he truly found time for the kids. We always made a point to go somewhere during the summer.

Nothing expensive or elaborate, just made sure we were together. We thought it was good for the kids.a aIt seems you are right. He is goot father. They will remember that and that you are goot mother. That will never change in their hearts. No matter what happens to you and Paul.a Tears sprang into Allieas eyes. aI know.a Lidia patted her hand once again. aWell, you have goot friend in Antonia. She is goot.a Allie still watched Toni. aYes, yes, she is.a aHey! I got it!a Toni announced and held up the peel. She saw the sad look on both womenas face. aWhatas wrong?a Lidia groaned. aNothing, but you need to leave my kitchen before something bad happens,a she said and stood. aYou are like Kevin. Get out.a aB-butaa Toni said as Lidia ushered her out of the kitchen.

aAlana, take this woman home, please.a Lidia kissed her lightly on each cheek. aYou are goot woman, too.a Tears sprang to her eyes as she hugged Lidia. aThank you so much for listening.a aI pray for you,a Lidia pulled back, athat perhaps at last, you are happy. And Paul, too.a aHey, donat I get a hug?a Toni opened her arms.

Lidia pulled Toni down to her and kissed her on the forehead. aGo home.a *******

They stood outside the bakery. Allie chuckled and reached up to wipe the flour off Tonias cheek. aYouare a disaster in the kitchen.a aYou should have seen the kitchen after I made a turkey.a Toni laughed and stood there until Alana was finished. She looked down into the green eyes and smiled. aThanks.a aCan I drive you home?a Allie pulled her coat around her.

Toni shook her head. aNo, thanks. I live just a couple blocks away. I like to walk. Clears my head. Let me walk you to your car, though.a Allie laughed and pointed to the van right in front of them. Toni laughed along.

aWell, good night. Thanks again for the tickets. It was the sweetest thing anyone has done for me and the kids in a long while.a Allie slipped in behind the wheel.

aThen Iam glad I got to do it. Good night, Alana.a Toni gently closed the door.

Through the window, Alana smiled and waved, then pulled away from the curb.

Toni pulled her collar up around her neck and headed home.

Chapter 11.

aCamon, Iam going Christmas shopping and youare coming along.a Allie pulled Vicky and Rita out of the van.

What a disaster. After a day of fighting the Christmas crowd, Vicky suggested a drink. aAnd I know just the place.a They walked a few blocks, and Rita stopped short. aVicky, itas a gay bar,a she said seriously.

Allie looked around.

aIt is?a Vicky asked innocently.

Allie groaned. aYouare evil,a she insisted as Vicky laughed and pulled them into the small bar.

The clientele, mostly women, lined the oval bar. The music was not as loud as Allie had expected it to be. Though she had no clue what she expected. Vicky walked up to three empty seats at the bar.

aVicky, hi!a A young bartender smiled as Allie and Rita exchanged glances.

aHey, Tammy.a aWhatall it be?a Tammy glanced at Allie and Rita. She raised an eyebrow and looked back at Vicky with a small grin. Allie frowned and looked down at Vicky.

aGin and tonic,a Allie ordered as she tried not to be obviously looking around. She remembered then, long ago in college. Susanas plea: Come with me, I think youall like it.

Allie never did, and she never saw Susan again. Why must that memory come back to her now?

Rita obviously didnat care, she was gaping. aUm...oh. A cosmopolitan.a aI take it youave been here before?a Allie asked dryly as the bartender came back with their drinks.

aWell, kind of,a Vicky offered.

aKind of? Youave either been here or you havenat,a Rita countered.

aWell, then yes, Iave been here. But just a couple times. Itas much nicer than a regular bar. No men pawing all over you.a aI like men pawing.a Rita looked at Allie. aDonat you?a aNot particularly,a Allie said quickly while looking around. She saw the curious looks from both friends. aWhat?a aNothing,a Vicky said with a chuckle.

Allie continued to scan the bar when in the corner she saw her. The hammering started when Allie saw Toni shooting pool with some younger woman who was so close to Toni, she could have been in her back pocket. Toni didnat seem to mind one bit. And it wasnat the blonde from the football game.