This was the last time. And I knew that I said that the time before but this time I meant it. This is just absurd. I leaned back in the corner of the frat house with my arms folded watching the scene in front of me. It was simply mind numbing. The girls and guys who would normally act studious and intelligent were now b.u.mping and grinding all while keeping their red plastic cup perfectly balanced, even while they sipped as they danced. Girls were wearing next to nothing and guys stood to the side making bets and b.u.mping fists in conversations about who would screw which one next. Most people would find this everyday activity for people my age but I had been there and all it brought me was headaches and near death experiences.

A girl wearing a plaid schoolgirl skirt and a white shirt tied under her chest sauntered towards me trying to be seductive and failing completely. She was hot, no doubt, but a drunken schoolgirl trying too hard was not my thing.

"Hey, something is not wrong here." Oh Lord, she was talking stupid already.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" I asked as I caught her arm so she didn't hurt herself. The poor girl was still trying to dance provocatively and all it accomplished was almost making her bust her a.s.s.

"You're not dance drinking dancing." She slurred at me.

"Nope but that girl over there is talking to you." I faked hearing something and then pointed to a random girl.

She walked over to the other girl and they started giggling like what I said was true. That was easy.

People were starting to file out and I heard from a loud guy that the keg had run dry. I looked around for Dylan and Amber but I didn't see them. I sat on the stairs and waited. I was not going up there looking for them. My phone started ringing. The caller id said 'Dylan' so I answered it.

"Hey...we are hot bubble tub." The drunken sentences were grating on my last nerve.

"I'm on my way." Please don't let them be naked. Please don't let them be naked. I'm never doing this again. Never.

I went through the back door and thankfully they were fully dressed and only had their feet in the hot tub. After some convincing, they finally agreed to let me bring them home. I dropped Amber first and Dylan insisted on walking her up to her apartment. I rolled my eyes and told him to hurry up.

9. Nellie.

I woke up to giggles and shushed voices and bodies that b.u.mped into furniture. It was Amber dragging her drunk self in. I went into the living room and helped an even drunker date get her inside and then convinced him to leave, making sure he had a driver first. I helped Amber change and get into bed. She was a lot drunker than she usually was and would pay in the morning. She went on and on in a drunken stupor about being in love with Dylan and it reminded me that I had no one.

After I got back into bed I did something that I hadn't allowed myself to do in a long while. I cried. As much as I pretended things didn't get to me, they did. Corey and Ca.s.sandra, even though it all went down over two years ago, still stung. She was my best friend. Even after the breakup I felt relieved that it was all over but it still hurt. And then to hear all of the things that were being said behind my back was vicious. Apparently it all came down to the simple point of me not putting out. They had only been together three months before she got pregnant the first time. They got married immediately and were now expecting their third.

I tried to fit in after that but I couldn't stand the looks of pity. I couldn't stand how people would touch my shoulder and ask if I was ok. Once, an older lady, who I didn't even know, hugged my shoulders and said, "There's still plenty of time Nellie." Of course there's plenty of time. I was only eighteen for goodness sakes.

But now lying here with my hot pink hair and tattoos and odd placed piercings, I didn't know. I was even so desperate that I had been dreaming about the guy in Lit. cla.s.s smiling at me when all he wanted was my gum. Ugh-I'm such a loser.

The next morning I woke up and went out to breakfast knowing that the smell of food would make Amber sick. I sat in the very corner booth and ordered the biggest stack of French toast they made. I propped my feet up on the booth on the other side of the table and ate happily all by myself. People came in and out and the bell above the door let everyone know when it happened. And it was that very bell which alerted me to his presence. The air changed from a breathable mist to a substance that could be felt on the tips of each hair on my head. The temperature rose from a comfortable warmth to a heat that was inescapable. The atmosphere itself shifted and confounded my senses.

The funny thing was, he didn't even see me. He walked right in and sat at the first booth to his right with his back to me. I was glad my meal was almost finished because my appet.i.te had been replaced by a whole new kind of hunger. A hunger to get my fill of the view of the muscles in his back as he reached for his gla.s.s of water and as he perused the menu. I leaned my jaw on the upturned palm of my hand and settled in for the show of a lifetime. I gawked at the hard line of his jaw as he ordered what I would later find out was enough food for a body builder. He smiled at the waitress and if she hadn't been an older lady I instinctively knew I would've had the gumption to clock her just for being smiled at by him.

Suddenly my purse buzzed with the vibration of my phone and the coffee cup and silverware clanked on the table as my knees slammed into the undercarriage of the table. I looked at the phone and the text message said "Help me, I'm dying. Where r u?"

It was Amber and her alcohol was coming to get her again.

I paid my ticket and got up to leave. I, as humiliating as it was to admit, made a ton of noise trying to get him to turn around. I finally got a snicker and a head shake from the waitress but no budge out of him. Yeah, that waitress knew what I was up to.

I pa.s.sed behind him and had to talk my elbow out of accidentally slamming him in the back of the neck at one last pitiful attempt at getting his attention. Even my d.a.m.ned elbow had it bad for this guy. I didn't even know his name. But something in my gut told me that I needed to.

10. Owen.

I stopped everything when I smelled coconut. Chewing ceased, swallowing halted, time stood still. I didn't know why I suddenly smelled coconut. But I closed my eyes and reveled in the scent. I heard the bell above me signal that someone had either left or entered but I didn't pay attention to it. Until out of the window I saw her. I saw her profile first but now her hair was pink, really pink. I got out of the booth and almost made it to the door before I realized I was running out on my check. I slammed a twenty dollar bill on the table and ran out after her. But again, I was too little too late. I saw her in a Honda Civic pulling out of the parking lot.

"Well I'll be d.a.m.ned."

For a split second I considered jumping in my Bronco and chasing her. I already knew where she lived, at least which apartment complex, from bringing Amber home last night. What the h.e.l.l was I thinking? I was going to see her tonight anyway.

I got in my Bronco and headed to the gym. I was wound tighter than a spring and tired as all h.e.l.l. I would wait until later before I went home and tried to sleep while Dylan was gone.

I pulled out of the parking lot, hit the gym and then went back to the dorms to shower. Dylan was gone and I had a little peace. I pulled on a pair of shorts and got into my single standard dorm bed. I thought about meeting Nellie tonight. But I didn't feel nervous at all. It was as if I had been waiting to meet her. Like everything in my life was leading me to her.

I set the alarm and fell asleep in no time.

"If you touch my shoulder one more time, I'm going to kick your a.s.s into next week."

My eyes were still closed and I hadn't moved from my sleeping position, but I knew exactly who was shoving me, trying to get me to wake up.

"I'd like to see you try." He laughed.

"Ugh-what time is it?"

"You've got about an hour until the game or whatever they call it."

"Ok, I'm up."

I got out of bed and opened my dresser. I tore out some ripped jeans and white v-neck t shirt. Certainly my tattoos wouldn't be frowned at amongst roller derby girls, right? I didn't really know. But I had a gut feeling that someone with pink hair wouldn't judge me by my ink, especially since she had some ink of her own.

I went to brush my teeth and get ready to go. It didn't take me long and I paced the floors waiting for Dylan to get in gear. I was anxious as all h.e.l.l.

"Ok, let's roll. Get it, roll? It might take us a while to get parking and the skate place is clear across town."

"Finally" I groaned at him and he wasn't funny.

11. Nellie.

One thing I could always count on was that my team was always raring to go. Always pumped, always ready to kick a.s.s-always. I never needed to give them a pep talk or convince them to get back out there. They were hungry for the kill, whether we were winning or not. And I loved it, every single second of it.

Everyone was suited up and ready. And suited up for us takes on a whole new meaning: fishnet stockings, tights with holes in them, short skirts, lace skirts, tall socks. I went with the short shorts and torn up pink fishnet stockings which now matched my hair. We all wore matching t shirts but I had ripped the sleeves off of mine and most of the collar. Everyone was adjusting their skates and putting on more eye makeup and more eye makeup. I glanced around the make sure the girls had remembered to take off all of their jewelry. Not only was it against the rules, but you took the chance of getting your earlobe ripped off if you forgot to take out your earrings.

We heard the announcer call our team's name and the roar my team let out could be heard from miles away. Whatever team was waiting for us on the other side had better be scared. And if they weren't they were flat out stupid.

We skated out and made some practice round around the ring. I laughed because it looked like Slam Ya Amber had already drummed up some beef with a girl from the opposite team. The ref was already in full force and we were only warming up.

The bout went fast as always and we won but only by the skin of our teeth. The other team was fierce and their blockers were mean and huge. Not fat, just muscular and big.

I skated behind the team and had almost made it to the edge when a body slammed me from behind propelling me into someone else. Then instead of immediately recovering, I ducked my head because out of nowhere my team was on the perpetrator before she could get away. The fight didn't last long and no one wanted to get in trouble so it was broken up fairly quickly.

"Are you ok?" A very masculine, low voice said and the sound hummed against my face, which meant...

"Oh, sorry," I said as I scrambled to get my face away from his chest.

"Are you ok?" he repeated himself.

"Look, I..." It was him, the gum guy. I had been pummeled right into the chest of the guy that I had been fantasizing about for a freakin' week now. What are the odds?

"d.a.m.n Owen, looks like a s.h.i.tload of cotton candy just fell into your lap."

He did not just say my hair looks like cotton candy.

I gave him my meanest glare. "Real original, douche bag."

"Let me help you." Owen, I knew his name now, whispered against my ear.

"I got this." I pulled myself up and headed towards the locker room without another look at him. Once there, I slammed my forehead against one of the metal boxes. I finally met him and I acted like a spazzy angry freak. I had ruined my slim chance with him because I couldn't control my big mouth.

Everyone else changed clothes around me and I took off my skates and changed into a team t shirt and some yoga pants. I wasn't going to go celebrate with the team tonight. My back was already killing me from the slam I had taken minutes ago and the soreness from the bout had yet to settle in.

I grabbed my bag and as I turned the corner I could see Amber and Dylan swapping spit near the exit and then I saw Owen. I remembered his name from Dylan saying it earlier. He was leaned over the railing of the rink swinging his keys back and forth. His elbows rested on the rail and the posture made his biceps bulge and they were all inked up. The ink enhanced every inch it touched and stirred something dangerous within me. I immediately felt the heat of a blush creeping its way from my neck clear to my cheeks.

I swallowed the enormous lump in my throat and moved towards the door ready for the let down-ready for the dismissal. As soon as my footsteps could be heard his head lifted and our eyes locked. Amber and Dylan stopped making out for a few seconds to talk to me.

"Jeez h.e.l.lie. Took you long enough. We're going out to celebrate. Let's go."

"Thanks but I'm just gonna go home. My back is killin' and I just want to eat and go to bed."

"Ugh...whatever. Ok, so, we can drop you off at the apartment on the way, I guess."

A new voice, low and slow, entered the conversation.

"It's ok, I'll take her home." His voice was warm hands to my cold trembling fingers.

"Are you sure?" The whole thing sounded too good to be true. He was too perfect.

"Yeah, of course."

"Ok h.e.l.lie, take care of that back." And as fast as a snap of the fingers they were gone.

I started to walk towards him and he reached out and grabbed my bag from me. It was killing my shoulder so I was grateful.

"Thank you." I tried to smile at him and he simply nodded.

We got into his Bronco and he put my bag in the back. He got in after opening my door for me, started it up and took off towards my apartment. I needed to say something to remedy my earlier behavior but didn't know what.

"So, I'm sorry about earlier. I was just p.i.s.sed about the cotton candy comment."

He glanced at me briefly and smiled.

"It's fine. Dylan can be a jerk sometimes. And I like the pink. Blue was cool too though."

"Thanks. So, I'm Nellie and you're Owen. Right?"

"Yeah. And it was me that dropped Amber off after the party. That's how I know the way."

He turned into my complex and pulled into a parking s.p.a.ce and shut off the engine. We both sat still and silent for a long time. I was sure the heat waves that flowed between us could be seen by anyone and everyone. It was stifling.

"So, I'd better go." I whispered.

"So soon?" he whispered back.

"What?" I heard him clearly but I wanted to be sure.

"I'll um-I'll get your bag." He unlocked the door.

He carried my bag to my apartment and as I opened the door I was compelled not to let him go yet.

"Are you hungry? I'm starving and I," was babbling.

"Are you sure? I don't want to intrude."

"Yeah, come on. We'll order pizza."

"Ok."

He came in after me and closed and locked the door like he belonged here. And I wish he did belong here.

"What toppings?" I shouted to him from the kitchen as I was on the phone with the pizza joint.

"Whatever. I'll eat anything."

I remembered him eating gobs of food at the diner and smiled.

"Ok."

I ordered two pizzas with everything and two orders of cheesy bread.

I entered the living room and he was still standing in the same spot and his face was completely white. I looked around to see what the problem was but didn't see anything alarming.

"What's wrong?" I laughed a little because this big guy was obviously scared of something.