She hugs Maria again and whispers something in her ear that makes her laugh through the tears. The glare has softened when she looks back at me again. She motions toward the slope with a jerk of her head, and I get the hint.

My fault or not, the damage is done and it's time for me to get out of the way so she can fix my mess.

I gesture to Craig, and together, we head toward the slope.

"Sorry Owen," he mumbles as we get back into our gear. "I had no idea she was a nutcase."

"Call her that again and I'm gonna f.u.c.king deck you," I hiss at him.

He stares at me as if I have three heads.

"Dude, she lost it," he argues. "You saw that! She was going nuts on you! Total train wreck!"

"Craig... last warning," I say in a low, serious voice. "Shut... up."

"Alright, whatever you say!" he answers defensively, holding up his hands as if to wash himself of responsibility.

It takes me less than fifty feet to lose my balance and get a mouthful of snow, and Craig quickly leaves me in the dust. He's long gone by the time I get back on my feet again, and I slowly, awkwardly make my way down the mountain. My body aches from all the falls before I even make it to the first curve.

As I fall for probably the millionth time, I hear Tina burst out laughing behind me. She holds up alongside me as I crawl back onto my knees, and a moment later, Maria circles around me and grinds to a stop.

"Hey, did Craig ditch you?" asks Tina.

"Yeah... he didn't want to wait up for a lousy s...o...b..arder like me."

Maria's gaze finds mine, and she looks worriedly at me as if waiting for my reaction to her outburst-as if I'd bring up something that painful to her.

"You want some company on the way down?" she asks, and my heart lifts. G.o.d, I'd love that.

"If you aren't ashamed of being seen with a beginner like me, sure!"

As I try to stand up, I immediately lose my balance and fall back over. I could make a pretty good s...o...b..ll out of how much snow just went down the back of my coat. How am I so bad at this?

Maria skates up next to me, plants her board, and holds out her hand to me. I look up at her questioningly, and she nods back to me.

"I'm okay now," she whispers, leaning down closer to me and still offering me her hand. "Sorry about that."

I grab her hand and for one brief second, I feel her tense up. She grips my hand tightly and yanks me up onto my feet with a smile.

"Can I ask... well, if you don't mind..." I whisper, but she quickly shakes her head.

"No. Please don't."

"Alright. Sorry," I answer. That's all I need to hear to understand. Everyone has dark, scary places inside them-places where all the memories are nightmares-and I don't want her to get lost in hers again.

She smiles apologetically back at me.

"You ready?" she asks.

I nod back to her before answering. Tina leaves ahead of us and darts off down the slope.

"Let's go."

I clip my back foot into the board and immediately fall over on my back. Maria bursts out laughing.

"There's your problem! Stop putting your weight on your back foot!"

"I wasn't!"

"Oh don't give me that," she chastises me. "I saw that stance of yours. Front foot. Always the front foot!"

She points down at her feet as she lectures me, leaning exaggeratedly onto her front foot, and then she turns and slowly, gracefully floats down the slope.

I get up and follow her, but it's really hard for me to keep my weight on my front foot. I feel like I'm going to pitch forward and face-plant every time I go over even the tiniest b.u.mp.

Just as I think I'm starting to get the hang of it, I fall again. Maria somehow cuts a perfect curve so that she flies back up the hill past me, circles around, and then grinds to a stop next to me.

"Hey, that was better! You're getting it!" she exclaims, suddenly upbeat and confident. What happened to the girl I just watched have a nervous breakdown?

This time when I get up, everything finally clicks. I can finally stay on my feet, and Maria cheers and waves for me to follow her.

She shoots down the mountain and I chase behind her, trying my best to match her pace. Her long, black ponytail pokes out from beneath her blue helmet and flies on the wind, tantalizing me as she cuts back and forth down the slope.

I'm neither daring enough to cut through the trees like she does, nor can I match her speed and agility, but as her confident laughter flits back to me on the wind, I'm happy to be able to watch her fly.

We soar down the mountain, following the trail as it curves left and then right, cutting through dense forest and then bursting out onto the wide-open slope down the eastern ridge. The wind howls around us as we race down the bare face of the mountain, and I suddenly realize that we're on a different trail from before.

A trail sign with a big blue square warns me that I'm out of my depth, but Maria seems perfectly content with the steeper slope and less forgiving terrain.

I can do this. I can keep up with her.

Just as I've committed myself to the trail, a s...o...b..arder flies past me so close that I instinctively dodge out of the way and fall flat on my face. As he shoots down the trail, I hear him hoot and laugh.

"Stupid dumba.s.s," I grumble as I scramble to my feet, and I take off again.

I want to catch up with him now, pa.s.s him and leave him in the dust. I can see him maybe a few hundred feet ahead, and as I close the gap between us, my blood starts to boil. I wish I could go faster, but I'm already going too fast to stop myself.

He's cutting back and forth dangerously close to Maria, as if he's trying to scare her. She tries to get out of his way, but he keeps swerving right back next to her again.

"Leave me alone!"

Maria's scared voice floats up to me on the wind, and I feel my skin get hot. I want to knock the guy's teeth out.

Maria stops dead in her tracks, but instead of leaving her behind, he grinds to a stop as well.

"What's wrong, babe? Don't wanna play?"

I let myself speed up, and this time I don't care if I can't stop myself.

I fly right past Maria, and her bully looks up just in time to see me plow straight into him.

The impact rattles my brain, but it pops him completely off his board and sends him a good fifteen feet down the hill. The board goes on its merry way down the mountain as its owner rolls pathetically down the slope. Maria gasps in horror at the collision, but I say nothing to her yet. I quickly recover, get back on my feet, and go straight up to the downed s...o...b..arder.

"Dude, you okay?" I shout, grinding to a stop next to him. I don't even wait for him to answer, but instead yank him up and onto his feet.

He looks up at me angrily, but I'm not letting him get back on the offensive again.

"Jesus Christ, dude! Why the f.u.c.k are you standing in the middle of the run? Get the h.e.l.l off the slope if you're gonna goof off!" I shout, shoving all the blame for the collision squarely on him.

Dad was great at it; he'd hurt you and then make you think it was all your fault.

"Man, get some boarding lessons! You're the one who hit me!" he counters, but it's too little, too late. He's on the defensive and there's no way clawing his way back into the game now.

"d.a.m.ned straight I suck at this. That's why you don't stop in the middle of the slope! I couldn't have dodged your fat a.s.s if I tried!"

I glance back at Maria and then at the cowed bully.

"What? Hitting on her in the middle of the trail? Couldn't wait until you got to the bottom for that? She'll still be cute when she gets down there, dumba.s.s."

I gesture to Maria, who is standing as still as a statue, almost as if she's paralyzed. Suddenly, she snaps to attention, clips into her board, and hurries down the slope.

I wait for her to pa.s.s, and then I laugh triumphantly as I follow behind her.

The defeated bully shouts after us, but we're long gone and so is his s...o...b..ard.

Sat.u.r.day, February 23 7:30 PM.

Maria.

I lean my head against the ice-cold window and stare out into the darkness as streetlight after streetlight flies past. Tina has the heat up way too high in the car, and the cold feels wonderful against my skin.

Looking out into the night and seeing nothing but the occasional, deep orange flashes of the pa.s.sing streetlights is somehow very soothing. My thoughts are all jumbled and disorganized, and I need to figure out what I'm feeling.

Owen intentionally ran into that jerk back on the slope. I don't doubt it for even a second. He saw the guy trying to push me around and mess with my mind, and he came to my defense.

He protected me. n.o.body but Tina has ever done that for me before.

"So, how'd your s...o...b..arding go?" calls out Tina, breaking up my thoughts just as I thought they were finally making sense.

"It was good," I mumble, still staring out into the night. It's snowing, and tiny white dots glitter in the headlights and then vanish into the darkness as they zip past.

"Just good?"

"Once I calmed down, Owen and I got along pretty well," I continue, seeing that she's not going to let the conversation go. "We went over onto one of the blue slopes on the eastern ridge. He got a lot better."

"Ahh..."

Tina turns on the windshield wipers and goes silent for a long time before speaking again. I watch the wipers flop back and forth... back and forth... It's oddly relaxing.

"Maria, is there something you're not telling me?"

I sigh and rub my eyes, trying to break the hypnotic spell of the wipers.

"Yes, there is."

"Well then!" she exclaims, her interest piqued. "Do I nag you about it, or do I wait for you to break down and tell me anyway?"

I laugh weakly and shake my head. She's right; I'll probably crack and confide in her soon enough. Right now, though, I don't understand the muddled feelings bouncing around inside me. The fear and worry I felt when I saw Owen knock over that a.s.shole on the slope, the excitement of him coming to my aid... I don't care so much that he did it, as that he was willing to. Even more, though, I'm still nervous about how a s...o...b..arding collision triggered a flashback! Even when I think I'm strong, the nightmares are still hiding and waiting to sneak up on me.

I need time to think before I tell her anything.

"Alright... wait it is," she says, sounding a little disappointed, and she drives in silence the rest of the way home.

We go our separate ways when we finally get back to the apartment. Tina still has homework to do for tomorrow, so she locks herself away in her bedroom. I get in the shower, crank up the hot water until I'm nearly suffocating in the gloriously thick steam, and feel my fears wash away along with the sweat and grime of the day.

Maybe I can trust Owen. Maybe he's different from the others-different from Darren in particular-and doesn't just want to hurt me. When I finally get out of the shower, I know what I need to do. I can't believe I'm going to do this, but I have to.

I need to talk to Owen. I need to find out why he tried to protect me.

It is dark downstairs, and I tiptoe quietly down and into the kitchen. Tina's coat is hanging on the back of the closet door, and I start to rummage through its pockets.

Crumpled chocolate wrappers, loose change... eew, a used tissue... where is that sticky note?

"Are you looking for this?" calls out Tina from behind me, and I nearly leap into the air from surprise.

I spin around and see Tina lying on the couch with her pathology textbook and a clip-on reading light. She holds up the ripped, yellow sticky-note between two fingers as if tempting me to come get it.

"Yeah, that's what I was looking for," I answer embarra.s.sedly. "Sorry that I went snooping in your..."

Her face lights up, and she excitedly cuts me off and leaps up from the couch.

"Maria, that's wonderful!" she gushes, and she crosses the apartment in a flash and hugs me tightly. "Look at yourself! Seriously, look at what you're doing! You're calling a guy!"

"I... well, maybe?" I stammer. Truthfully, I hadn't planned that far ahead. I just... well, what else do I want his number for if I'm not calling him? Why would I even go looking for it? d.a.m.n it, I've managed to confuse even myself now.

Tina holds out her hand and sitting in her outstretched palm is the tiny shred of yellow paper. As I reach out for it, though, she pulls it back and shakes a finger at me.

"You have to do two things for me if you want it, though!"

I groan. I should've known there would be a catch. There always is.

"Number one, you have to promise to tell me what happens."