He sighed. "What about our victims, have you paid any condolence visits there?"

"We've had joint condolence visits ... our families, their families."

"You don't care about our dead ..."

"People are doing this so we'll all have fewer dead, hopefully." We'd had this conversation many times. We were constantly repeating ourselves, but neither of us minded. Every time we said the same things they seemed new, they were new. "You know how I feel about our dead, Benny."

"Yes, yes ... I just get fed up with you."

"You've never even been to a refugee camp. Not even once in your life."

"So what? I know what they're like. It's sad, but they have only themselves to blame. Besides, we have poverty too. They don't have the monopoly on bad living conditions."

"What have you been doing?"

"The usual. I had a fare all the way north today. Rich bastards. You wouldn't believe the money some people in this country have, it boggles the mind. The whole time they were talking about their investments. The numbers they were throwing around ... Wine?"

"Yes, please."

"This is very good wine," he said, opening the bottle and pouring. "Who painted this mural for you?"

"Someone Daniel worked with."

"Some people have talent ... Look at those cows." He smiled. "Very cute."

"Well, what do you need to talk to me about?"

"I want to marry you."

"Marry me! Benny, you know I'm married."

"I know we can't marry technically, though I think there's a possibility you'd qualify for divorce based on desertion-I don't know what the rules are. I asked around, but no one seems to know. But even if we can't marry technically, we can live as if we're married. And we can have children."

"I don't know what to say." I was sorry for Benny, but at the same time I was a little suspicious of his motives. I thought he might be trying to get back at Miriam; maybe he wanted to even things out so he wouldn't be so tormented by her new relationship.

"I love you, Dana. I can't stop thinking about you. I come into this flat while you're away, I look at everything, and I feel I'm losing my mind. I watch you while you're sleeping, I've even stroked your hair, I know it's wrong but I couldn't help myself. I feel I'll explode if I can't have you. There are a million obstacles, and I keep telling myself over and over that it's impossible. First, your politics. My family would just go through the roof if they found out. And knowing you, they'd find out in the first five minutes of meeting you, you're not the type to keep that sort of thing to yourself. But on the other hand, I'm over forty, I no longer have to listen to my parents. I'm a big boy, I can do what I want. They'd get used to it, and if they didn't, tough. Then there's the problem of children. If I can't marry you, they'd be illegitimate. That would be really hard in this country. But we could look into it, we could see whether there's a way for you to get a divorce. I think you qualify, someone told me that after a certain amount of time if the husband is missing you qualify, I'm not sure. I don't have a lot of money, this divorce and the war have destroyed me. So there are lots of problems, but on the other hand, I'm just going insane. If you say no, I don't know what I'll do. I feel you like me, but I don't know. Everything depends on you, of course. But maybe even if you don't feel you're ready to decide, you could give me a chance. Get to know me, give me a chance to prove myself."

I was a little stunned by this speech, though I tried not to show it. My dreams about Benny crouching by the side of my bed had not been an invention after all; he had really been there. I couldn't help being moved. "I like you, Benny, but don't you think this is just about Miriam? Maybe you're just trying to get away from her."

"If you said yes, I swear to you I'd never let her into this building again, ever. It would be completely over, completely. I hate her anyhow, it wouldn't be any effort. If that's what's bothering you, don't even think about it."

"Benny, I can't marry you for a million reasons."

He looked very downcast when I said that.

"It's nothing to do with you personally. I love my husband, and I know I'm going to see him one day. In fact I'm getting closer to finding out where he is, I've never been this close."

"You can't waste your life like this, Dana. You're going to be thirty-eight, this is your last chance to have a child. Time doesn't move backward. You'll be eighty years old one day and you'll look back and you won't believe you missed the opportunity to have a life with someone, and a family. If we hurry, we could have two children, even. You said you always wanted children."

"Yes, my husband and I wanted children. We wanted a big family."

"Well, here's your chance. Why not just think about it? I know I can make you very, very happy, if you'll just let me. You can't imagine how much I love you."

"Benny, just last week you were telling me you were in love with Miriam."

"No, I said I had a craving for her. It's pure lust, that's all it is. And it would disappear altogether if it had another outlet."

I didn't say anything. We sat in dejected silence like two captured spies waiting for interrogation. I picked at the borekas and Benny poured himself more wine.

"Do you have someone else?" Benny finally asked.

"No."

"I mean, do you sleep with other people?"

"Not really. Beatrice comes over now and then, that doesn't really count."

"That woman with the curly red hair?"

"Yes."

"So, what, I don't get it-are you a lesbian?"

"No, she's just a friend. It's casual."

"I noticed she was staying here nights, but I thought maybe she just didn't have a place to stay in the city."

"She lives near the university. She's really busy, but she likes to drop by sometimes."

"Who else?"

"That's it, Benny, no one else. Even though, really, it's none of your business, you know."

"What about that doctor guy?"

I shook my head.

"So there's no one."

"No. Just my husband."

"What about that new guy I've seen around here?"

"How come everyone watches who comes and goes out of my apartment? What is it with you people?"

"I just happened to run into him as he was leaving, that's all. And it was late at night, so you can't blame me for wondering. But I don't mean to interfere. I was coming back from work, that's all. Don't get all excited."

"He's just someone from one of the peace groups. He's married, he has a daughter."

He sighed. "Think about it, anyhow. Promise me you'll think about it. I know how sad you are," he said, surprising me. He'd never said anything like that before. "But life can be great, too. It's just a question of finding the pearls in the mud, you know. I lost thirty-six friends. Well, friends and acquaintances. In '82, '83, in Lebanon. Thirty-six." He shook his head, as though still incredulous. "My best friend included. He was shot right next to me. Someone threw a smoke grenade and he lifted his head a few inches to see better, and he got shot in the chest. And then his brother went crazy because of it, so I lost them both, I was close to both of them. You have to learn to get over things. You have to go on; otherwise, what's the point of life, you might as well just kill yourself." He began to tremble. He was trembling from head to foot. I knew what that was all about: he was trying to gather the courage to make a pass. I felt bad for him again.

"You're shaking," I said.

"Yes, I'm nervous."

"I can't have sex with you, Benny. I'm sorry. I'm loyal to my husband. Please don't ask. You're very handsome and I'm sure you're a fabulous lover, but I can't betray my husband."

He got up. He was very angry, but he was trying to control himself.

"Well, I guess there's nothing more to say."

"Please don't be angry. Is this the end of our friendship?"

"No, I'm not giving up that easily," he said.

Then he left.

When Rafi came over I told him about Benny's proposal.

"People are picking up that things are changing for you," Rafi said, looking inside my fridge.

"No, it's just a coincidence. That's the way it is, things always happen at once. You come into my life just when I might be close to finding Daniel, so why not add a marriage proposal to the pudding! Poor Benny. Though I don't think he really loves me, it's just an infatuation."

"Do you have rice?" he asked.

"Yes, in the closet on your left. Are you going to cook?"

"I'll make us a meal. You're not very well equipped. What do you live on?"

"It varies ..."

"I'll bring some spices tomorrow, if that's okay. When will you be home?"

"You can come anytime. I'll give you a key, just take one from the glass bowl. They're all house keys."

"Dana! What are you doing with ten copies of your house key?"

"I don't know. I give them to people, and then they lose them, so I make more copies, then they find them ..."

"How many people have your key?"

"Well, Volvo and his volunteers, Benny, Tanya, her mother, some friends ..."

"Why Volvo and the volunteers?"

"Oh, in case they need something ... he doesn't have anything at his place, he refuses to buy stuff for himself. He doesn't even have a stove, maybe you noticed. Rosa does all his cooking here."

"Aren't you afraid someone's going to steal your photography equipment?"

"People who volunteer to look after someone without legs are not going to steal anything."

"Don't be so naive, Dana."

"I'm not naive. If you knew the volunteers, you wouldn't worry. Miss Fitzpatrick is some sort of nun, Alex is Daniel's oldest friend, and Joshua is about ninety years old. And the idea of Rosa stealing is about as plausible as the idea of Rosa deciding to be a porn star."

"If you give your key to everyone, eventually it will get into the wrong hands-don't you see that? Aren't you afraid someone will come in while you're sleeping?"

"I have a chain on the door."

He laughed. "Yes, that chain is really something. We should recommend it to the army. They should come and take a look, they could learn something."

"I guess you're right. I guess I should be more careful. I just don't care, though. I don't care."

"You'd care if you were raped in the middle of the night."

"I feel safe here."

"I want you to get a new lock. I'll pay for it. Call a locksmith tomorrow, get a new lock installed, a decent one. And don't hand out your key to the volunteers. Or to anyone else."

"Okay."

"Do you want me to look after it?"

"Yes, please."

"Have you heard from Coby?"

"Not yet. But I have a good feeling. I feel he might find out for me. I might be seeing Daniel in a few days! What are you making there? It smells good."

"Well, I'm doing my best, with what you have here. I guess I was lucky to find an onion."

"Mercedes bought that. How's Graciela?"

"She's the same. Working hard."

"I'm jealous of her."

"Of what?"

"She's elegant. She has nice clothes. She has your child."

"You can have all those things."

"Coby said you've had a hard life."

"Did he say that?"

"Yes. Have you?"