I nodded, understanding some of his anger.

"You're right. That isn't nice." He looked appreciative, but quickly checked his smile and gazed at May.

"Better get back," he said. "May's sleepy."

When we returned to the house, Uncle Jacob was entertaining his fisherman friend in the living room while their wives chatted in the kitchen. We went directly upstairs. May went to sleep quickly.

"Thanks for the custard and the walk," I told Cary in the hallway.

He stared at me a moment.

"Are you very tired?"

"No, not very," I said.

"Want to see something special?"

"Sure."

"Come on," he said, leading the way down the stairs. We stepped quietly through the house, but Uncle Jacob heard us and came to the living room doorway.

"Where "Where you going now, son?" he asked.

"Just going to check the bog," Cary replied.

Uncle Jacob looked at me, his eyes growing smaller before he nodded softly and returned to his company.

Cary said nothing. He hurried out of the house and led me over the grounds to the hill. When we reached the top, he paused and we gazed at the bog.

The moonlight played tricks with the blossoms. They dazzled like jewels in the night.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"It's beautiful."

"I thought you might like it."

To our right the ocean roared in the darkness. I embraced myself.

"Cold?"

"A little," I admitted.

"I bet you really wanted to go to that beach party," he said.

"I've never been to one."

"All they do is smoke dope or drink around the fire.

Some of them go off into the darkness, of course."

"Don't you want a girlfriend some day?" I asked him.

"When I find someone sensible, I'll speak to her," he replied.

"No one's sensible?"

"And pretty, too," he admitted. He stood there with his hands in his pockets, kicking the sand and occasionally glancing at me and then at the ocean.

"What about you?"

"What?"

"Did you have a boyfriend back in West Virginia?"

"For a while I was going steady, but after Daddy died. . . I stopped going to school dances and things."

"Yeah, I didn't want to do anything after Laura died. I didn't want to work or ever go back to school."

"That was the only good thing about us leaving Sewell," I told him. "Not having to go to the places Daddy and I used to go to anymore, not having to look at the coal miners and wait for him to come home."

He thought a moment. "I couldn't leave here ever." "Most of the young people I knew were always talking about getting away from home someday."

"Not me. This is where I belong, where I was meant to be. I got saltwater in my blood."

I laughed.

"I probably won't graduate anyway," he added.

"Why not?"

"Doing pretty bad in English."

"Badly."

"What?"

"You're doing badly, not bad."

"See what I mean?"

"Maybe I can help you. I'm a very good English student."

"It's probably too late. If I don't pass the final- ".

"Then you'll pass it," I told him. "I'll help you every night. Okay?"

"I don't know. I don't know if I even care."

"You've got to care! Besides, I'm sure you'll do well if you try."

He smiled.

"I understand Laura was a very good student.

Did she help you?"

He looked away instead of answering and then he turned back and started down the hill. "Let's go back to the house."

I followed him. When we entered the house again, Uncle Jacob asked Cary in to talk about the lobster business with them. I told them good night and went to my room to read. A little while later I heard Cary go up to his attic hideaway. I listened to him scuffle about and then all grew quiet, but for the muffled voices of Uncle Jacob, Aunt Sara, and their friends below.

My eyelids felt heavy. I dozed off, woke up, went to the bathroom, returned, and dressed for bed.

After I put the lights out, I gazed out the window and saw the moon walk on the ocean. How beautiful. Had Laura looked out this window and been thrilled by it?

What was she really like? I had Aunt Sara's constant descriptions, comparisons, and remarks, but somehow I thought there was more to her daughter than she knew.

Cary knew, I thought. She had been his twin, but he was afraid or unwilling to talk about her. It would take time, but more importantly, it would take trust. I wondered if I could ever get him to trust me with the secrets of his heart. I knew he had secrets buried deeply.

I closed my eyes and lay back on my pillow and thought about Mommy. Where was she tonight? I swallowed back my tears and pressed for sleep to keep myself from thinking sad thoughts.

Was that what Cary did every night?

10.

A Cocoon of Lies .

The next morning, Sunday, we went to church then came home and prepared for our visit to my grandparents as if we were going to visit royalty. Aunt Sara explained that everyone had to wear his and her best clothes and be prim and proper.

She paraded through the room explaining what I was to wear and how I was to wear my hair and carry myself. "Olivia doesn't like women to have their hair loose and down. She says it makes them look like witches. Use the bobby pins and combs to wrap your hair neatly. And no makeup, not even lipstick. You can wear the charm bracelet, of course, but rings and necklaces, and especially earrings don't belong on young ladies, she says."

"Is that what you think, too, Aunt Sara?"

"What I think doesn't matter when we go to Samuel and Olivia's home," she replied. "Jacob's pleased when they're pleased."

"And you? When are you pleased?"

Aunt Sara paused and gazed at me as if I had asked the most ridiculous question. "I'm pleased when Jacob's pleased, as any wife would be."

"I hope that my husband will want me to be happy, too, and care about my feelings as much or more than he cares about his own. My daddy was like that."

"Oh dear, don't say things like that in front of Jacob. Especially not today," she warned.

"Maybe I shouldn't go along," I said. Alarm sprang to her eyes.

"You have to go! It's Sunday. We always go to Samuel and Olivia's for Sunday brunch," she said.

"Why, Laura used to look forward to going. Olivia always has wonderful things to eat. Laura loved the tiny cakes with frosting and jelly in the center, and Samuel always gave her a crisp five-dollar bill when we left. She was the apple of his eye. She was. . ." She paused to take a deep breath.

For a moment she seemed locked in a daze.

Then her eyes snapped closed and open and she spun around. "Try to keep your shoulders back and your head up when you walk. Olivia hates the way young people slouch today. She's always saying posture shows character and embellishes good health."

"No one's ever said I slouch."

"No, you don't, but just be more attentive to it.

Well, I must see about May."

I took a deep breath and rose, feeling even more nervous this morning than the day I had first arrived.

When I finally thought myself dressed well enough and looking somewhat the way Aunt Sara wanted me to, I descended the stairs to find the family waiting in the living room. Everyone was still dressed in their church clothes.

Uncle Jacob wore a dark blue suit and tie and Cary wore a light blue sports jacket, tie, and slacks.

His shoes were spit shined. May looked sweet in her pink cotton dress with her hair tied in a pink ribbon.

She wore black patent leather mary janes. Aunt Sara had on a dark blue, high-necked dress with a belt at the waist. As usual she wore no makeup and only the locket for jewelry. Her hair was pulled back in a severe bun and held there with a bone-white comb.

They all stared at me when I entered. I was being inspected. 1 waited for approval. Cary's eyes widened and then went darker before he looked away.

I was sure it was because I was wearing another one of Laura's dresses-this time a pretty cream-colored one. I couldn't wait for my own things to arrive.

"Well, she looks very nice, doesn't she, Jacob?"

Aunt Sara asked meekly.

"Aye," he said reluctantly. "Did you talk to her about her behavior?"

"Not yet," she said.

"What have I done now?" I asked.

"It's not what you've done. It's what you might do," Uncle Jacob remarked. Then he turned to Sara.

"Well, do it and then come out," he said rising. He nodded at Cary, who got up quickly, took May's hand, and left.

"Just sit a moment, dear," Aunt Sara said.

"There are a few other things you must remember."

"What other things?" I sat on the settee.