"Now just listen carefully, Melody, and don't go into a tantrum." She glanced over at Archie. He looked at his watch. "Let's take a little walk by ourselves," Mommy suggested. She started away. I followed, but I was stretched like a tight wire inside, so taut I thought I might snap in two.

"It really wasn't right for the family to be separated for so long," Mommy began. "It wasn't right that you never met your cousins until now, and it certainly wasn't right for you never to have met your grandparents," she recited. It sounded like something she had memorized.

"So? I thought that was why you wanted us to come here first," I said.

"It was. It is. I mean, yes." She took a deep breath and pressed her lips together. Tears came to her eyes. "What's wrong, Mommy? What is it?"

"Oh Melody, you know that I love you, that I will always love you."

"I know that, Mommy."

"You know that even though I love you, I always thought it was a mistake for me to have had a child so early in my life. I want to warn you about that," she said sternly. "Don't have children until you're at least thirty-five."

"Thirty-five!"

"Yes. If you're smart, you'll remember that.

Anyway, you know that I've tried to be a good mother. I know I'm not the best mother."

"I'm not complaining, Mommy," I said. There were burning tears coming to my eyes now, too.

"We'll be all right."

"Oh, I know we will, honey, but first I have to do things. I have to try, don't I? You wouldn't want me to feel I never tried when I had the chance. You wouldn't want me frustrated and shut up in another place like Sewell, would you? Because if I'm not happy, Melody, I can't make you happy, can I? Can I?" she repeated.

"No," I said. I tried to take a deep breath, but my lungs felt as if ice had entered them and shriveled them with constricting pain.

"Good. So you understand why I've got to go places and meet people and do auditions and learn things," she said.

"You already told me all this, Mommy."

"I know, but. . . well, it's not the kind of life I can put you through right now. You're still in school and you need stability. You need friends and boyfriends and to go to parties and-"

"So, why can't I do that wherever we are, Mommy?"

"Because I'm not going to be anyplace for a while, maybe a long while. I'll have to travel around.

If I get an opportunity, I have to pick right up and go.

You can't turn down good opportunities, not at my age," she emphasized. "And what would life be like for you under such circumstances, huh?"

"But Mommy-"

"Listen, honey. Imagine just having made some new friends or starting out with a new boyfriend, and me coming home and saying, we're leaving tomorrow.

You know now how hard that was this time, how terrible you felt? How would it be feeling that all the time? And then having to sleep in cheap motels and eat on the road and. . . everything. After a while you're just going to hate me, and then I would hate myself, and then I wouldn't try to be someone," she explained. "We would both be unhappy."

She smiled. "I don't want you to be unhappy, honey."

"What are we going to do, Mommy?" I asked and held my breath.

"Well, now here's where everything worked out for us. After your daddy died, I called Uncle Jacob and Aunt Sara and told them, of course, and then explained what I was going to do with my life now. It was Aunt Sara who suggested it."

"Suggested what, Mommy?"

"Suggested you stay here while I'm off making a career change," she said. "She's very happy to have you and this is a wonderful place to live. You'll make so many new and interesting friends, I'm sure."

"You can't leave me here." I shook my head.

"Just for a while, honey. call constantly and I'll come back for you as soon as I'm established some place. But for now I've got to go off with Archie and I know you're not crazy about traveling with us."

"You mean Richard," I said dryly. "And I know he's not happy about having me travel with you."

"It's not because of Richard."

"Are you going to marry him, Mommy?"

"Of course not," she said, but not with a great deal of firmness. "Anyway," she said, gesturing toward the house, "this will be fine for a while. You'll be staying with family."

"I don't want to stay here, Mommy. I don't want to be away from you," I moaned.

"Oh, you won't be, not for long anyway. I promise." She stroked my hair and smiled and then kissed my forehead. "I just need this chance, honey, and I can't go off and get it worrying about you, too. It wouldn't be fair to you. I'd neglect you even worse than I have in the past. And you're so very smart. You understand, don't you? I have no fear that you'll do well here, too. Everyone likes you, Melody."

I lowered iffy head slowly like a flag of defeat and stared at my feet. A southern breeze blew, caressing my cheek, making strands of my hair dance around my face. I heard the cry of nearby terns and the roar of the ocean.

Daddy was the glue that had held our little family together. Now that he was gone, we were corning apart.

"I'd rather have stayed home with Papa George and Mama Arlene, Mommy."

"I know. I thought of that, but Papa George is a very sick man. Mama Arlene can't be responsible for a young girl, too. It wouldn't be fair to dump you on her, honey."

I looked up sharply.

"So instead you want to dump me here?"

"No, Melody. Living with your own family for a while isn't the same thing as dumping you some place, is it?"

"These people. . . I don't know them, Mommy, and they don't know me."

"An even better reason to stay with them, Melody. You should get to know them, right? Aren't I right about that?" She waited for the answer she wanted.

"I don't know, maybe. But why didn't we ever speak to them before? Why was Daddy so upset with them?"

"Because they didn't want him to marry me, Melody. I told you. They looked down on me because I was an orphan, adopted. I wasn't one of their bluebloods and your grandparents-your father's parents-wanted him to marry someone else, someone they had chosen. He refused. Chester Logan fell in love with me and we got married. Then they wouldn't talk to him and he wouldn't talk to them.

Now everyone realizes how foolish they were, I'm sure. They want to make it up to your father, but it's too late for that. The only way they could make up for their bitterness and unpleasantness is to care for you.

That's why they were so anxious to do it and why I agreed. I only wish you'd see the logic in it and let me leave with a happy heart.

"Because if I feel happy about you, I will be able to concentrate on my new career and I'll be able to do things for us faster, Melody," she added.

"What are you going to do, Mommy? You don't even have a specific plan."

"Sure I do. I'm going to be a model and an actress," she said firmly. Then she laughed and spun on her heels. "Did you ever see anyone who is more qualified, anyone prettier?"

"No, Mommy."

"Won't it be wonderful seeing me in magazines or in the movies? Can you imagine telling your friends that's your mother?" She laughed and twirled her hair. She was beautiful. Maybe she would become a model and be in magazines. If I went into a tantrum and stopped her from going without me, she would blame me for failing, I thought. I didn't want Mommy to hate me.

I looked back at the house. Archie paced behind the car impatiently. At least I wouldn't have to be with him any longer. I was the eternal cockeyed optimist, always looking for a rainbow after any sorrowful storm.

"Well?" Mommy said. "Will you stay with the family a while? Will you, Melody?"

"If that's what you want me to do, Mommy," I said in a tired, defeated voice. She clapped her hands together.

"Oh, thank you, honey. Thank you. Thank you for giving me my chance. I won't let you down. I promise, honey."

I nodded and took a deep breath. When I looked at the house again, I saw May come out and look our way. She had a ball and paddle and began to play with them, her eyes trained on me and Mommy.

"What happened to Laura, Mommy?"

"She went sailing one day with a boy and they got caught in a storm."

"She drowned in the ocean?"

Mommy nodded.

"We didn't find out about it until months afterward. Daddy decided to call your uncle then, but he still wouldn't speak to Chester. This house has seen a lot of sadness, just like ours. But they'll be lucky for a while," Mommy added. I looked up at her.

"Why?"

"They'll have you," she said. She put her arm around me and we started back toward the driveway.

Archie looked up expectantly and Mommy nodded.

Then he hurried to the trunk to unload my bags.

"What about the rest of my things, Mommy? I don't have much."

"I'll get in touch with Arlene and see about having them shipped up here. Don't worry," she said May was still watching us with great curiosity.

Mommy noticed the girl. "Hello, honey."

May smiled at her but turned quickly to me.

Then she thrust her hand at mine and seized my fingers tightly, tugging me to go someplace with her.

"Go on, honey," Mommy said. "Richard and I will see to your things."

"But., ." May pulled again. I let her lead me away. She quickened her pace when we reached the sand and soon I was running alongside her.

"Where are we going?" I cried, for a moment forgetting her deafness. We were heading toward the dock and the ocean. First, we had to climb to the top of a dune covered with scrub pine. The sand gave way beneath my feet. It was hard to run on the dunes, and before long, I felt my calf muscles ache. Little May didn't seem to have the least bit of difficulty. She was as light as air, remaining ahead of me all the way to the crest of the small sandy hill.

When we reached it, I paused to look at the vast ocean. In the distance two fishing boats trolled toward shore and farther out, a sailboat gracefully glided over the waves, its white sail fluttering. Off to my right there were shacks along the dunes. Above us, a flock of Canadian geese flew north in formation against a deep blue sky dappled with smoke-blue puffs of clouds. The sight was invigorating and the fresh sea air seemed to wash the sadness from my heart. This, I thought, was once my father's playground. And now, for a while at least, it would be mine.

May tugged on my hand and pointed toward the dock. "Car . . ry," she said. "Come on."

I laughed and followed her down the dune. We continued to run, my chest heaving. Finally we slowed to a walk as we reached the dock.

My uncle's lobster boat bobbed gently in the water. It was a white and gray boat, and although it looked old, it looked very clean and well kept. The boat was named Laura and the name had been recently repainted on its side. At first we saw no one, but then Cary came out of the cabin with a pail and a brush in his hands. He had his shirt off and didn't see us immediately. May called up to him.

"Car-ry."

When he saw us standing on the dock, he immediately put down his pail and brush so he could sign to May. Whatever he was telling her, he was telling her emphatically. He looked angry, too.

"Is anything wrong?" I asked. The falling sun gleamed off his shiny brown skin. He looked muscular and hard and wore a silver necklace I hadn't noticed before.

"She knows she can't come down here by herself," he said.

"She's not by herself. She's with me," I replied.

"You're a landlubber," he snapped. "It's the same as if she were by herself." He signed again and May turned and started back toward the house. I stared up at Cary.

"She only wanted to show me," I said.

"She knows better. Take her home," he ordered and picked up his pail and brush. Turning his back on me, he returned to what he had been doing. I fumed for a moment and then hurried to catch up to May, who was walking much more slowly with her head down. I grabbed her hand when I caught up with her and she smiled.

"It's all right," I said. She tilted her head. She had beautiful hazel eyes, bejeweled with flecks of blue, green, and gold on the soft brown. "Your brother shouldn't have gotten so nasty," I added, but she looked confused and I felt frustrated. I was speaking loud, as if that mattered. It made me feel stupid. I glanced back once and saw Cary looking after us.

Behind him, the sky was turning a dusky lavender.

"If it's so dangerous around here," I muttered, "why live here?"

I pounded my feet into the sand and clung to May's hand as we returned to the house. When we arrived, I found Mommy and Archie waiting by the car. May released my hand and ran into the house.

"Where did you go, honey?" Mommy asked.

"Just for a walk to the dock to see the lobster boat, but that was apparently off limits for May," I said. "Cary isn't very nice."

"Oh, I'm sure it's just because you two don't know each other yet," Mommy said.

"HaiIle," Archie said raising his eyebrows.

"Honey," Mommy said stepping closer so she could take my hand. "Archie and I think we should start out now so we can get back down to Boston. He has someone for me to meet there tonight."

"You're leaving now? But what about dinner?"

"We're just going to grab something on the highway," she said.