'We've got train tickets,' I say, wondering if I'm going to start crying too.

'There's the station just down the street, dear!' a man interrupts. 'Just follow your nose, you can't miss it.'

I don't really believe him, but I drag Mum down the street anyway, and there it is, the railway station. It's definitely a railway station, but it doesn't look right at all. It's old, with a fancy tower in the forecourt. Mum doesn't seem to notice. I take her hand and we go inside. I hope in a mad kind of way that it will all suddenly transform itself into the right station but it all looks so different, and when I look up at the train departures board, all the names are wrong.

I stop a man in uniform. 'Please can you tell us which is the train to Manchester?'

He looks at me as if I'm crazy. 'You can't get to Manchester from here! You have to go from Euston.'

'Where's Euston?'

'It's another station. You'd better take the tube.'

He points to where the underground is. We go down stairs and along tunnels, but then there are machines that won't let us through. I unzip Mum's shoulder bag and find our tickets, but the machine still won't open its gates. Another uniformed man comes and peers at our tickets.

'No, no, they're just returns from Manchester to London. You need tube tickets too.' He's speaking loudly, as if we're both stupid.

I find Mum's two pounds but it's not enough for both of us.

'Couldn't we send the money later, when we get home?' I beg, but they won't listen.

I pull Mum away from the ticket office, and in desperation stop the next group coming chattering down the stairs. They're all girls a few years older than me, laughing and larking around.

'Please, I'm sorry to bother you, I'm trying to get the fare to Euston Station. Could you spare some change?' I ask.

They take no notice and push past as if they haven't even heard me.

Mum's heard though. Her head jerks like she's been slapped. 'Destiny! Stop it! Don't beg!'

'We've got to. How else are we going to get there?' I say, and I turn to another couple nearby. 'Please, I'm sorry to bother you . . .' I go through the whole spiel again, but they look disgusted not with me, with Mum.

'How dare you make your poor kid beg for you!'

'Look at the state of her! It's obvious she's on drugs. She doesn't deserve to have a child, using her like that. She should be taken away from her.'

I clutch Mum. 'No, it's not like that! We've just not got enough money for the tube. Our train goes from Euston. Show them the tickets, Mum!'

But the man in uniform is coming over to us, looking angry they're all angry now, and so Mum and I run for it, up the steps into the big wide street. We stand there panting and sobbing.

'Oh, Mum!' I say, hugging her.

'It's OK, it's OK,' Mum says, holding me tight. 'I'm not going to let them take you away.'

She sounds like Mum again and I lean against her.

'So what are we going to do?'

'Well, looks like we'll have to walk it,' says Mum. She glances down at our shoes. I'm in my trainers but she's in her best white high heels. She's already got sore red patches on both ankles. She wobbles on her heels for another couple of roads, but then she reaches down and takes them off. She's got these nylon pop socks on, with her big toes already poking out. By the time we reach Euston Station at long, long last they are in tatters and Mum's limping, but she doesn't give a word of complaint.

'Thank God,' she says as we walk into the station.

At least it's familiar but strange too. It's nearly empty just a few lads messing about down one end, an old drunk man mumbling to himself, and a boy and a girl sitting on the cold station forecourt, oblivious to everything.

'Funny,' says Mum. 'Where is everyone?'

I look up at the departure board. There's nothing there, nothing at all until five forty-five in the morning.

'Oh, Mum, there aren't any more trains tonight,' I say.

'Don't be daft, Destiny, there must be trains,' says Mum, but then she sees the station clock.

'Oh no. You're right. We've missed it.' She takes a deep breath. 'We've missed everything.'

I'm scared she's going to start shouting and crying again. I hold onto her tightly. I can feel her trembling.

'What sort of a mother am I?' she mutters.

'You're a lovely mother, the best,' I say fiercely.

I'm looking all around but there's nowhere comfy we can curl up. We end up sitting on two hard bench seats by the locked-up WHSmith stand.

'We can't stay here all night,' says Mum, but we have to, we've no other option. We can't find a little hotel because we've no cash and Mum doesn't have proper credit cards any more because she used to find it too tempting to buy stuff, especially for our house. We got into debt, but we're paying it off, and we've kept the house, so we're doing fine. Apart from tonight.

I wish we had proper coats with us it's so cold now. I nestle up as close as I can to Mum.

'Put your head on my lap, babe,' she says, so I do. She strokes my hair, gently running her fingers through my ponytail. 'There now. Shut your eyes. We're not in a manky old station. We're tucked up in a lovely big bed with gorgeous fresh white sheets and it's all dark and quiet, and in a little while you're going to go fast asleep . . .' Her voice is still hoarse from all the shouting but she's my lovely mum again and I listen quietly, lulled. Then her voice falters and I realize she's crying again.

'Don't, Mum. Go on, tell me more about the bed. You were making it so real.'

She shakes her head, her lips pressed together. 'That's the trouble, Destiny. I make things up so real that I start believing in them too. That's why we're sitting here, babes. I made myself believe we wouldn't be coming back tonight. Oh, I knew we'd have to come back some time we wouldn't want to leave our house but I thought we'd stay with Danny for a bit.' She sobs as she says his name. 'I thought oh, Destiny, I thought once he'd seen you and me, once he heard your name, he'd remember, he'd realize. It's time you got to know your own dad, sweetheart. If anything happens to me, he's all you've got and you're his, quite definitely. You've only to look at you: you've got his eyes, his nose, his mouth, his chin, his wild dark hair. You a total Kilman, plain as plain. It's not as if we want to take liberties. He's still with Suzy and I approve of that, it's good he's faithful to her though I can't quite see the attraction.

'Anyway, he's got all her kids. He's a real family man, you can tell. And we're family too well, you are, Destiny, and I thought he'd be desperate to get to know you better. I knew Suzy wouldn't be thrilled, but I didn't know why she would mind so much after all, I knew Danny before she did, and she's got him all the time now. I didn't see how she could begrudge us a day or two for you to get to know your dad and I thought how lovely it would be for you to make friends with Sunset, seeing as there's less than a year between you.'

'Mum! A girl like Sunset would never want to be friends with me!'

'Yes, she would. I thought they'd ask us to stay overnight, and you could share Sunset's bedroom. They must have any number of guest rooms where I could bunk down. And then in the morning we'd have one of those really relaxed late breakfasts lovely fruit and yoghurt and real coffee and we'd chat for hours and then maybe all have a walk in a London park somewhere and go to a pub, and Danny would ask you all about yourself, and he'd be so thrilled if he heard you sing.'

'Mum! As if!'

'Well, you've got a lovely singing voice. You clearly take after your dad I can't sing to save my life and you'd tell him about school and how you're always top of the class.'

'I'm not always top. Raymond Wallis is heaps better than me at maths and science.'

'I just wanted him to see he's got another daughter to be proud of,' Mum persists. 'I didn't think he'd ask us to stick around for ever, but I was sure he'd want our address, want to keep in touch, start sending you proper birthday presents maybe even send you to a posh private school'

'I don't want to go to some snobby private school.'

'Yes, but you need to be educated properly. You're so bright, not like me. I'm dead ignorant, I know that, but you're my star and I want the best for you.'

'I've got the best, Mum I've got you,' I say.

'I'm a dreadful mum,' says Mum. 'Look at us now, stuck here all night. And look at the scene I made! I don't know what happened, babe. I just lost my head. I couldn't bear it when Danny didn't spot us.'

'He did see us, Mum. He just didn't want anything to do with us.'

'No, no, that's not true. Well, he might have seen us'

'And heard us.'

'Yes, all right, I know I was shouting but he just didn't recognize us, take in who we were. If only we'd been on our own with him, I could have introduced you all quiet and polite, and then I just know it would have worked.' Mum pauses, winding my hair round her fingers. 'I know! We'll go to his house!'

'Mum, stop it. We can't do that. We don't know where he lives anyway.'

'Yes we do. He lives in Robin Hill you've seen the pictures in Hi! Magazine. Remember I showed you their living room? They were all sitting on this big leather sofa when little Ace was just a newborn baby and there was that lovely tender picture of Danny holding him in his arms. Oh, I'd have given anything for Danny to have held you like that! Well, that was their house in Robin Hill. It's only about ten miles from London, I looked it up. We could go there now.'

'Mum! Stop it! Look, this is crazy. We haven't got any money. How can we go there? We can't walk. Look at the state of your poor feet already.

'We could . . . we could hitch a lift. I always used to do that when I was fifteen, sixteen, and needing to get to places.'

'Mum, please.' I cup my hands round her face, looking into her eyes. 'Mum, you're going a little bit nuts again. Please stop it.'

'No, I'm not nuts, Destiny, I'm just trying to make it all come right. I blew it at the cinema, shouting my head off, I can see that now. But we've still got a chance. We can't go back to Manchester right this minute, we've got to wait till the morning, OK so instead of sitting on our bums here, let's go and find Danny's house and we'll just say hello to him, keeping it very polite and low-key. What have we got to lose?'

'We can't just knock on his door!'

'It's not against the law, especially when you just happen to be Danny's daughter.'

'Anyway, which door? Do you know his whole address?'

'Not exactly, but Robin Hill's just this weeny little posh estate. There aren't many houses there, that's the whole point. They're all great big houses with huge gardens, swimming pools, stables, anything you fancy. Oh, Destiny, imagine getting up and going for a swim in your own pool and then having a ride on your own pony! Wouldn't you just love that?'

'Yes, but'

'We'll find Danny's house, easy-peasy. We'll show him we're not just silly fans shouting our heads off. Oh, I could slap myself for yelling at him. How he must hate it. But I won't let you down this time, Destiny, honest to God. I'll be dead quiet and dignified, and he'll just need to take a proper look at you and he'll be bowled over. Oh, Danny's such a lovely man. He'll make us welcome, you'll see.'

I don't see at all. She's making it all up again, she can't seem to help it. I can't figure out a way to stop her. At least she's not angry now, she's not shouting. Her whole face is lit up. She looks like those people on Songs of Praise, devout and inspired, singing Danny's praises instead of God's.

We leave the station and Mum moves straight to the side of the road and holds up her hand like a lollipop lady. None of the cars take a blind bit of notice of her. No one even slows down.

'Come on, Destiny, you put your hand up too.'

We stand with our arms up until we get pins and needles, but we don't get anywhere. Then a man in a white van stops and Mum gives a shout of triumph and runs up to his window but by the time I've run up too he's driven off and Mum's left on the pavement, her face red.

'What's happened, Mum?'

'He was a nasty man, dead crude. We wouldn't want a ride with him. Don't worry, we'll get a proper lift in no time.'

No time, no time. We seem to have stepped right into no time. Endless hours go by, and yet it's only minutes on Mum's watch. I've never been up this late in my life. I'm so tired. My eyes smart and I ache everywhere and all I want to do is lie down. I'd curl up on the mucky pavement given half a chance. My head feels way too big for my body, like it's going to snap straight off my neck any minute and roll along the gutter like a bowling ball.

A car draws up but it's full of young drunk men, and this time Mum doesn't even bother to ask if they're going anywhere near Robin Hill. They start yelling at us, making horrible suggestions. Mum holds my hand tight, our palms sweating. Then a taxi draws up, and thank heavens the car of drunks drives off.

'Are you OK, girls? Giving you grief, were they?' the taxi driver asks. 'Good job I saw you waving.'

'Oh, sorry. I wasn't hailing you. I was just trying to hitch a lift,' Mum says, still clutching my hand. I can feel her trembling.

'Are you crazy? You don't want to do that, especially not with the little girl.'

'I know, I know, but we've run out of money and I have to get us to Robin Hill,' says Mum.

'Robin Hill?' He blows through his lips doubtfully. 'You live in Robin Hill?'

'We're visiting someone there.' Mum pauses. 'Family.'

'Can't they send a car for you if they live in Poshville?' says the cabbie.

'It's a surprise visit,' says Mum.

He's looking at her like she's making it all up. She is making it up and I can't stop her any more. I'd give the whole world for us to be curled up in bed in our own little house. I screw my face up to stop myself crying. The taxi driver's looking at me.

'You all right, kid?' he asks.

'Yes, fine,' I mumble, because I don't want to let Mum down.

'Look, tell you what, I'm about ready to pack it in for the night. I live in Putney. That's more than halfway to Robin Hill. Hop in the cab and I'll take you as far as Putney High Street, OK?'

'Oh, you're an angel. Thank you so, so much,' says Mum, and she bundles me into the back of the cab and jumps in after me before he can change his mind.

'Yeah, that's right see that shining plate above my bald bonce? That's my halo,' says the cabbie. 'So where are you girls from, then?'

'Wythenlathen. It's near Manchester,' says Mum. 'We've got our own house.' She always says it so proudly.

'You got a husband at home?'

'No, it's just Destiny and me,' says Mum, putting her arm round me.

'Destiny! That's an unusual name.'

'She's called after a Danny Kilman song.'

'I know it well. I've always liked Danny. You a big fan, then?' he asks.

'Oh yes, we're his number-one fans,' says Mum. She winks at me. 'I know him.'

I give her a nudge, not wanting her to say any more.

'Nice bloke, is he? A bit wild, I suppose, but that goes with the territory.'

'He was really lovely to me,' Mum says.