If Lisey didn't sound like herself, Darla didn't notice. She was too guilty. Also too happy and relieved. Canty was coming back from Boston to "help out with Mandy." As if she could. As if anyone can, including Hugh Alberness and the entire Greenlawn staff, Lisey thought, listening to Darla prattle on. You can help, Scott murmured-Scott, who would always have his say. It seemed that not even death would stop him. You can, babyluv.

"-entirely her own idea," Darla was a.s.suring.

"Uh-huh," Lisey said. She could have pointed out that Canty would still be enjoying her time away with her husband, entirely unaware that Amanda had a problem if Darla hadn't felt the need to call her (hadn't stuck her oar in, as the saying was), but the last thing Lisey wanted right now was an argument. What she wanted was to put the d.a.m.ned cedar box back under the mein gott bed and see if she could forget she had ever found it in the first place. While talking to Darla, another of Scott's old maxims had occurred to her: the harder you had to work to open a package, the less you ended up caring about what was inside. She was sure you could adapt that to missing items-cedar boxes, for instance.

"Her flight gets into the Portland Jetport just a little past noon," Darla was saying, all in a rush. "She said she'd rent a car and I said no, that's silly, I said I'll come down and pick you up." Here she paused, gathering herself for the final leap. "You could meet us there, Lisey. If you wanted. We could have lunch at the Snow Squall-just us girls, like in the good old days. Then we could go up to see Amanda."

Now which good old days would those be? Lisey thought. The ones when you used to pull my hair, or the ones when Canty used to chase me around and call me Miss Lisa No t.i.ts? What she said was, "You go on down and I'll join you if I can, Darl. I've got some things here I have to-"

"More cooking?" Now that she had confessed to guilting Cantata into coming north, Darla sounded positively roguish. "No, this has to do with donating Scott's old papers." And in a way, it was the truth. Because no matter how the business with Dooley/McCool turned out, she wanted Scott's study emptied. No more dawdling. Let the papers go to Pitt, that was undoubtedly where they belonged, but with the stipulation that her professor pal should have nothing to do with them. Woodsmucky could go hang.

"Oh," Darla said, sounding suitably impressed. "Well, in that case..."

"I'll join you if I can," Lisey repeated. "If not, I'll see you both this afternoon, at Greenlawn."

That was jake with Darla. She pa.s.sed on Canty's flight information, which Lisey obediently wrote down. h.e.l.l, she supposed she might even go down to Portland. At the very least it would get her out of the house-away from the phone, the cedar box, and most of the memories that now seemed poised above her head like the contents of some terrible sagging pinata.

And then, before she could stop it, one more fell out. She thought: You didn't just go out from under the willow into the snow, Lisey. There was a little more to it than that. He took you- "NO!" she shouted, and slapped the table. The sound of herself shouting was frightening but it did the trick, lopped off the dangerous train of thought cleanly and completely. It might grow back, though-that was the trouble.

Lisey looked at the cedar box sitting on the table. It was the look a woman might give a well-loved dog that has bitten her for no particular reason. Back under the bed with you, she thought. Back under the mein gott bed, and then what? "Bool-the-end, that's what," she said. Then she left the house, crossing the dooryard to the barn, holding the cedar box out before her as if it contained something either breakable or highly explosive.

2.

Her office door stood open. From its foot a bright rectangle of electric light lay across the barn floor. The last time Lisey had been in there, she'd left laughing. What she didn't remember was if she'd left the door open or shut. She thought the light had been off, thought she'd never turned it on in the first place. On the other hand, at one point she'd been absolutely positive that Good Ma's cedar box had been in the attic, hadn't she? Was it possible one of the deputies had gone in there for a peek and left the light on? Lisey supposed it was. She supposed anything was possible.

Clutching the cedar box to her middle almost protectively, she went to the open office door and looked in. It was empty...appeared to be empty...but...

Without the least self-consciousness, she applied one eye to the crack between the jamb and the door. "Zack McCool" wasn't standing back there. No one was. But when she looked into the office again, she could see that the answering machine's message window was once more lit up with a bright red 1. She went in, tucked the box under one arm, and pushed the PLAY b.u.t.ton. There was a moment of silence, and then Jim Dooley's calm voice spoke.

"Missus, I thought we agreed on eight o'clock last night," he said. "Now I see cops around the place. Seems like you don't understand how serious this bi'ness is, although I sh'd think a dead cat in a mailbox would be pretty hard tomisunderstand." A pause. She looked down at the answeringmachine, fascinated. I can hear him breathing, she thought. "I'll be seeing you, Missus," he said.

"Smuck you," she whispered.

"Now Missus, that ain't-isn't-nice," said Jim Dooley, and for a moment she thought the answering machine had, well, answered her. Then she realized this second version of Dooley's voice was in living color, so to speak, and had come from behind her. Once again feeling like an inhabitant in one of her own dreams, Lisey Landon turned around to face him.

3.

She was dismayed by his ordinariness. Even standing in the doorway of her little never-was barn office with a gun in one hand (he had what looked like a lunch-sack in the other), she wasn't sure she could have picked him out of a police lineup, a.s.suming the other men in it were also slim, dressed in summerweight khaki workclothes, and wearing Portland Sea Dogs baseball caps. His face was narrow and unlined, the eyes bright blue-the face of a million Yankees, in other words, not to mention six or seven million hillbilly men from the mid- and deep South. He might have been six feet tall; he might have been a little under. The lick of hair which escaped the ball cap's round rim was an unremarkable sandy brown.

Lisey looked into the black eye of the pistol he held and felt the strength run out of her legs. This was no cheap hockshop .22, this was the real deal, a big automatic (she thought it was an automatic) that would make a big hole. She sat down on the edge of her desk. If the desk hadn't been there, she was pretty sure she would have gone sprawling on the floor. For a moment she was almost positive she was going to wet her pants, but she managed to hold her water. For the time being, at least.

"Take what you want," she whispered through lips that felt Novocain-numb. "Take all of it."

"Come upstairs, Missus," he said. "We'll talk about it upstairs."

The idea of being in Scott's study with this man filled her with horror and revulsion. "No. Just take his papers and go. Leave me alone."

He stared at her patiently. At first glance he looked thirtyfive. Then you saw the little fans of wrinkles at the corners of his eyes and mouth and realized he was five more than that, five at least. "Upstairs, Missus, unless you want to start this with a bullet in the foot. That'd be a painful way to talk bi'ness. There's a lot of bones and tendons in a person's foot."

"You won't...you don't dare...the noise..." Her voice sounded farther away with each word. It was as if her voice were on a train, and the train was pulling out of the station; her voice was leaning out of its window to bid her a fond farewell. Byebye, little Lisey, voice must leave you now, soon you'll be mute.

"Oh, the noise wouldn't fuss me a bit," Dooley said, looking amused. "Your next-door neighbors are gone-off to work, I 'magine-and your pet cop's off on a run." His smile faded, yet he still managed to look amused. "You've come all over gray. Reckon you've had quite a shock to the system. Reckon you're gonna pa.s.s clean out, Missus. Save me some trouble if you do, maybe."

"Stop...stop calling me..." Missus was how she wanted to finish, but a series of wings seemed to be enfolding her, wings of darker and darker gray. Before they grew too dark and too thick to see through, she was faintly aware of Dooley shoving the gun into the waistband of his pants (Blow your b.a.l.l.s off, Lisey thought dreamily, do the world a favor) and darting forward to catch her. She didn't know if he made it. Before the issue was decided, Lisey had fainted.

4.

She became aware of something wet stroking her face and at first thought a dog was licking her-Louise, maybe. Except Lou had been their Collie back in Lisbon Falls, and Lisbon Falls had been a long time ago. She and Scott had never had a dog, maybe because they'd never had kids and the two things just naturally seemed to go together like peanut b.u.t.ter and jelly, or peaches and cr- Come upstairs, Missus...unless you want to start this with a bullet in the foot.

That brought her back fast. She opened her eyes and saw Dooley squatting before her with a damp washcloth in one hand, watching her: those bright blue eyes. She tried to pull away from them. There was a metallic rattle, then a dull thud of pain in her shoulder as something snubbed tight and stopped her. "Ow!"

"Don't yank and you won't hurt yourself," Dooley said, as though this were the most reasonable thing in the world. Lisey supposed that to a nutjob like him, it probably was.

There was music playing through Scott's sound-system for the first time in Christ knew how long, maybe since April or May of 2004, the last time he was in here, writing. "Waymore's Blues." Not Ole Hank but someone's cover version-The Crickets, maybe. Not super-loud, not cranked the way Scott used to crank the music, but loud enough. She had a very good idea (I am going to hurt you) of why Mr. Jim "Zack McCool" Dooley had turned on the soundsystem. She didn't (places you didn't let the boys to touch) want to think about that-what she wanted was to be unconscious again, actually-but she couldn't seem to help it. "The mind is a monkey," Scott used to say, and Lisey remembered the source of that one even now, sitting on the floor in the bar alcove with one wrist apparently handcuffed to a waterpipe under the sink: Dog Soldiers, by Robert Stone.

Go to the head of the cla.s.s, little Lisey! If, that is, you can ever go anywhere, ever again.

"Ain't that just the cutest song?" Dooley said, sitting down in the alcove doorway. He crossed his legs tailor-fashion. His brown paper lunch-sack was in the diamond-shaped hole thus formed by them. The pistol lay on the floor beside his right hand. Dooley looked at her sincerely. "Lot of truth in it, too. You did yourself a favor, you know, pa.s.sin out the way you did-I tell you what." Now she could hear the South in his voice, not all showy, like the chickens.h.i.t a.s.shole from Nashville, but just a fact of life: Fayvuh...tail yew whut.

From his sack he took a quart mayonnaise jar with the h.e.l.lmann's label still on it. Inside, floating in a puddle of clear liquid, was a crumpled white rag.

"Chloroform," he said, sounding as proud as Smiley Flanders had been of his moose. "I was told how to use it by a fella claimed to know, but he also said it was easy to do things wrong. At the very best you would have awoken up with a bad headache, Missus. But I knew you wouldn't want to come up here. I had a tuition about that."

He c.o.c.ked a finger at her like a gun, smiling as he did so, and on the sound-system Dwight Yoakam began to sing "A Thousand Miles from Nowhere." Dooley must have found one of Scott's homemade honky-tonk CDs.

"May I have a drink of water, Mr. Dooley?"

"Huh? Oh, sure! Mouth a little dry, is it? A person has a shock to the system, that's gonna happen ever' time." He got up, leaving the gun where it was-probably out of her reach, even if she lunged to the limit of the handcuff chain...and to try for it and come up short would be a bad idea, indeed.

He turned on the tap. The pipes chugged and glugged. After a moment or two she heard the faucet begin to spit water. Yes, the gun was probably out of reach, but Dooley's crotch was almost directly over her head, no more than a foot away. And she had one hand free.

As if reading her mind, Dooley said: "You could ring my chimes a d.a.m.n good 'un if you wanted, I guess. But these are Doc Martens I'm wearing on my feet, and you're not wearing anything at all on your hands." From Dooley, at all came out one word: tall. "Be smart, Missus, and settle for a nice cool drink. This tap ain't been run much for awhile, but it's clearing out a right smart."

"Rinse the gla.s.s before you fill it," she said. Her voice sounded hoa.r.s.e, on the verge of breaking. "They haven't been used much, either."

"Roger, wilco." Just as pleasant as could be. Reminded her of anyone from town. Reminded her of her own Dad, for that matter. Of course, Dooley also reminded her of Gerd Allen Cole, the original 51-50 Kid. For a moment she almost reached up and twisted his b.a.l.l.s anyway, just for daring to put her in this position. For a moment she could barely restrain herself.

Then Dooley was bending down, holding out one of the heavy Waterford gla.s.ses. It was three-quarters full, and while the water hadn't run entirely clear, it looked clear enough to drink. It looked wonderful. "Slow and easy does it," Dooley said in a solicitous tone. "I'll let you hold the gla.s.s, but if you throw it at me, I'm gonna have to snap your ankle. Hit me with it and I'll snap both of em for you, even if you don't draw blood. I mean it, all right?"

She nodded, and sipped her gla.s.s of water. On the stereo, Dwight Yoakam gave way to Ole Hank himself, asking the eternal questions: Why don't you love me like you used to do? How come you treat me like a worn-out shoe?

Dooley squatted on his hunkers, his b.u.t.t almost touching the raised heels of his boots, one arm wrapped around his knees. He could have been a farmer watching a cow drink at a stream in the north forty. She judged he was on alert but not on high alert. He didn't expect her to throw the clunky drinking gla.s.s, and of course he was right not to expect it. Lisey didn't want her ankles snapped.

Why, I've never even taken that all-important first in-line skating lesson, she thought, and Tuesday nights are Singles Nights at Oxford Skate Central.

When her thirst was slaked, she held the gla.s.s out to him. Dooley took it, examined it. "You sure you don't want them- those-last two swallows, Missus?" Not even close to swallers, and Lisey had a sudden tuition of her own: Dooley was exaggerating the good-old-boy thing. Maybe on purpose, maybe without even realizing it. When it came to language he corrected up because it would have been pretentious to correct down. Did it matter? Probably not.

"I've had enough."

Dooley polished the last two swallows off himself, his adam's apple sliding in his skinny throat. Then he asked if she was feeling any better.

"I'll feel better when you're gone."

"Fair enough. I won't take up much of your time." He tucked the gun back into his waistband and got to his feet. His knees popped and Lisey thought again (marveled, really), This is no dream. This is really happening to me. He kicked the gla.s.s absently, and it rolled a little way onto the oyster-white wall-to-wall carpet out there in the main office. He hitched up his pants. "Can't afford to linger in any case, Missus. Your cop'll be back, him or another, and I got an idear you got some kind of sister-twister goin on as well, isn't that so?"

Lisey made no reply.

Dooley shrugged as if to say Have it your way and then leaned out of the bar alcove. For Lisey it was a surreal moment, because she had seen Scott do exactly the same thing many times, one hand gripping each side of the doorless doorway, feet on the bare wood of the alcove, head and torso out in the study. But Scott would never have been caught dead in khakis; he had been a bluejeans man to the end. Also, there had been no bald spot at the back of his head. My husband died with a full head of hair, she thought.

"Awful nice place," he said. "What is it? Converted hayloft? Must be."

She said nothing.

Dooley continued to lean out, now rocking back and forth a little, looking first left, then right. Lord of all he surveys, she thought.

"Real nice place," he said. "Just about what I would have expected. You got your three rooms-what I'd call rooms-and your three skylights, so there's plenty of natural light. Down home we call places all a-row like this shotgun houses or sometimes shotgun shacks, but ain't nothing shacky about this, is it?"

Lisey said nothing.

He turned to her, looking serious. "Not that I begrudge him, Missus-or you, now that he's dead. I did some time in Brushy Mountain State Prison. Maybe the Prof told you that. And it was your husbun got me through the worst of it. I read all his books, and you know which one I liked best?"

Of course, Lisey thought. Empty Devils. You probably read it nine times.

But Dooley surprised her. "The Coaster's Daughter. And I didn't just like it, Missus, I loved it. I've made it my bi'ness to read that book ever' two or three years since I found it in the jailhouse library, and I could quote you whole long pa.s.sages of it. You know what part I like best? Where Gene finally talks back and tells his father he's leaving whether the old man likes it or not. Do you know what he tells that miserable holy-rollin old f.u.c.k, pardon my French?" That he has never understood the duty of love, Lisey thought, but she said nothing. Dooley didn't seem to mind; he was on a roll now, enraptured.

"Gene says his old man has never understood the duty of love. The duty of love! How beautiful is that? How many of us have felt something like that but haven't never had the words to say it? But your husbun did. For all of us who otherwise would have stood mute, that's what the Prof said. G.o.d must have loved your man, Missus, to give him such a tongue."

Dooley looked up at the ceiling. The cords on his neck stood out.

"The DUTY! Of LOVE! And the ones G.o.d loves best he takes home soonest, to be with Him. Amen." He lowered his head briefly. His wallet stuck out of his back pocket. It was on a chain. Of course it was. Men like Jim Dooley always wore their wallets on chains that were attached to their belt-loops. Now he looked up again and said: "He deserved a nice place like this. I hope he enjoyed it, when he wasn't agonizin over his creations."

Lisey thought of Scott at the desk he called Dumbo's Big Jumbo, sitting before his big-screen Mac and laughing at something he'd just written. Chewing either a plastic straw or his own fingernails. Sometimes singing along with the music. Making arm-farts if it was summer and hot and his shirt was off. That was how he agonized over his smucking creations. But she still said nothing. On the sound-system, Ole Hank gave way to his son. Junior was singing "Whiskey Bent and h.e.l.l Bound."

Dooley said: "Giving me the old silent treatment? Well, more power to you, but it won't do you no good, Missus. You have got some correction comin. I won't try to sell you the old one about how it's gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you, but I will say I've come to like your s.p.u.n.k in the short time I've known you, and that it's gonna-going to-hurt both of us. I also want to say I'll go as easy as I can, because I don't want to break that spirit of yours. Still-we had an agreement, and you didn't keep to it."

An agreement? Lisey felt a chill sweep through her body. For the first time she got a clear picture of the breadth and complexity of Dooley's insanity. The gray wings threatened to descend across her vision and this time she fought them fiercely.

Dooley heard the rattle of the handcuff-chain (he must have had the cuffs in his sack, along with the mayonnaise jar) and turned to her.

Easy, babyluv, easy, Scott murmured. Talk to the guy-run your everlasting mouth.

This was advice Lisey hardly needed. As long as the talking was going on, the correctin would remain deferred.

"Listen to me, Mr. Dooley. We didn't have an agreement, you're mistaken about that-" She saw his brow begin to furrow, his look begin to darken, and hurried on. "Sometimes it's hard to get things together over the phone, but I'm ready to work with you now." She swallowed and heard a distinct click in her throat. She was ready for more water, a good long cool drink of it, but this didn't seem like a good time to ask. She leaned forward, fixed his eyes with her own, blue on blue, and spoke with all the earnestness and sincerity she could muster. "I'm saying that as far as I'm concerned, you've made your point. And you know what? You were just looking at the ma.n.u.scripts your...um...your colleague especially wants. Did you notice the black file-cabinets in the central s.p.a.ce?" Now he was looking at her with his eyebrows hoisted and a skeptical little smile playing on his mouth...but that might only be his d.i.c.kering look. Lisey allowed herself to hope. "Looked to me like there was a right smart of boxes downstairs, too," he said. "More of his books, from the look of them."

"Those are-" What was she going to tell him? Those are bools, not books? She guessed that most of them were, but Dooley wouldn't understand. They're practical jokes, Scott's version of itchy-powder and plastic vomit? That he'd understand but likely not believe.

He was still looking at her with that skeptical smile. Not a d.i.c.kering look at all. No, this was a look that said While you're at it, why don't you go on and pull the other one, Missus?

"There's nothing in those cartons downstairs but carbon copies and Xeroxes and blank sheets," she said, and it sounded like a lie because it was a lie, and what was she supposed to say? You're too crazy to understand the truth, Mr. Dooley? Instead she rushed on. "The stuff Woodsmucky wants-the good stuff-is all up here. Unpublished stories...copies of letters to other writers...their letters back to him..."

Dooley threw back his head and laughed. "Woodsmucky! Missus, you got your husbun's way with words." Then the laughter faded, and although the smile stayed on his lips, there was no more amus.e.m.e.nt in his eyes. His eyes looked like ice. "So what do you think I sh'd do? Hie over to Oxford or Mechanic Falls and rent a U-Haul, then come back here to load those filing cabinets up? Say, maybe you could get one of those deputy-boys to he'p me!"

"I-"

"Shut up." Pointing a finger at her. The smile all gone by now. "Why, if I was to go away and then come back, you'd have a dozen State Police graybacks here waitin for me, I reckon. They'd take me in and Missus, I tell you what, I'd deserve another ten years inside just for believin such a thing."

"But-"

"And besides, that wadnt-wasn't-the deal we made. The deal was that you'd call the Prof, ole Woodsmucky-girl, I like that-and he'd send me a e-mail the special way we have, and then he'd arrange about the papers. Right?"

Some part of him actually believed this. Had to believe it, or why would he keep on with it when it was just the two of them?

"Ma'am?" Dooley asked her. He sounded solicitous. "Missus?"

If there was a part of him that had to go on telling lies when it was just the two of them, maybe it was because there was a part of him that needed lying to. If so, that was the part of Jim Dooley she needed to reach. The part that might still be sane.

"Mr. Dooley, listen to me." She pitched her voice low and kept her delivery slow. It had been the way she talked to Scott when Scott was ready to go off half-c.o.c.ked over anything from a bad review to a shoddy piece of plumbing. "Professor Woodbody has no way of getting in touch with you, and down inside somewhere, you know that. But I can get in touch with him. I already have. I called him last night."

"You're lyin," he said, but this time she wasn't and he knew she wasn't, and for some reason it upset him. That reaction ran exactly counter to the one she wanted to provoke-she wanted to soothe him-but she thought she had to go on, hoping the sane part of Jim Dooley was in there somewhere, listening.

"I'm not," she said. "You left me his number and I called him." Holding Dooley's eyes with hers. Mustering every bit of sincerity she could manage as she headed back into the Land of Fabrication. "I promised him the ma.n.u.scripts and told him to call you off and he said he couldn't call you off because he had no way of getting in touch with you anymore, he said his first two e-mails went through, but after that they just bounced ba-"

"One lies and the other swears to it," Jim Dooley said, and after that things happened with a speed and a ferocity Lisey could hardly credit, although every moment of the beating and mutilation that followed remained vivid in her mind for the rest of her life, right down to the sound of his dry and rapid breathing, right down to the way his khaki shirt strained at the b.u.t.tons, showing little winks of the white tee-shirt he wore beneath as he slapped her across the face, backhand and then forehand, backhand and then forehand, backhand and then forehand, backhand and then forehand again. Eight blows in all, eight-eight-lay-them-straight they chanted as children skip-roping in the dooryard dust, and the sound of his skin on her skin was like dry kindling snapped over a knee, and although the hand he used was ringless-there was that much to be grateful for-the fourth and fifth blows beat the blood from her lips, the sixth and seventh sent it spraying, and the last rode high enough to smash into her nose and set that gushing, as well. By then she was crying in fear and pain. Her head thumped repeatedly against the underside of the bar sink, making her ears ring. She heard herself crying out for him to stop, that he could have whatever he wanted if he would only stop. Then he did stop and she heard herself saying, "I can give you the ma.n.u.script of a new novel, his last novel, it's all done, he finished it a month before he died and never got a chance to revise it, it's a real treasure, Woodsmucky'll love it." She had time to think That's pretty inventive, what are you going to do if he takes you up on it, but Jim Dooley wasn't taking her up on anything. He was on his knees in front of her, panting harshly-it was hot up here already, if she'd known she was going to be taking a beating in Scott's study today she certainly would have turned on the air-conditioning first thing-and rummaging in his lunch-sack again. There were big sweat-rings spreading out from under his arms.

"Missus, I'm sorry as h.e.l.l to do this, but at least it ain't your p.u.s.s.y," he said, and she had time to register two things before he swept his left hand down the front of her, tearing open her blouse and popping the catch at the front of her bra so that her small b.r.e.a.s.t.s tumbled free. The first was that he wasn't sorry a bit. The second was that the object in his right hand had almost certainly come from her very own Things Drawer. Scott had called it Lisey's yuppie church key. It was her Oxo can opener, the one with the heavy-duty rubber handgrips.

X. Lisey and The ArgumentsAgainst Insanity(The Good Brother)

1.

The arguments against insanity fall through with a soft shirring sound.

This line kept going through Lisey's head as she crawled from the memory nook and then slowly across the center s.p.a.ce of her dead husband's long and rambling office, leaving an ugly trail behind her: splotches of blood from her nose, mouth, and mutilated breast.

The blood will never come out of this carpet, she thought, and the line recurred, as if in answer: The arguments against insanity fall through with a soft shirring sound.

There was insanity in this story, all right, but the only sound she remembered just lately wasn't whirring, purring, or shirring; it was the sound of her screams when Jim Dooley had attached her can opener to her left breast like a mechanical leech. She had screamed, and then she had fainted, and then he had slapped her awake to tell her one more thing. After that he'd let her go back under again, but he had pinned a note to her shirt-after considerately pulling off her ruined bra and b.u.t.toning the shirt back up, that was-to make sure she wouldn't forget. She hadn't needed the note. She remembered what he'd said perfectly.

"I'd better hear from the Prof by eight tonight, or next time the hurtin will be a lot worse. And tend yourself by yourself, Missus, you hear me, now? Tell anyone I was here and I'll kill you." That was what Dooley had said. To this the note pinned to her shirt had added: Let's get this business finish, we will both be happier when it is. Signed, your good freind, "Zack"!

Lisey had no idea how long she was out the second time. All she knew was that when she came to, the mangled bra was in the wastebasket and the note was pinned to the right side of her shirt. The left side was soaked with blood. She had unb.u.t.toned enough to take one quick peek, then moaned and averted her eyes. It looked worse than anything Amanda had ever done to herself, including the thing with the navel. As to the pain...all she could remember was something enormous and obliterating.