After Story 151

Why is it so hard to see each other when we live on this small piece of land?

You do realize just who makes it hard to meet up, right?

Maru looked at Jichan, who feigned ignorance. From what he heard, Jichan was busy holding overseas fan meetups and exclusive concerts, partic.i.p.ating in movie shoots, and even preparing a mini alb.u.m.

Hyung, I gotta say, you have great stamina. I saw your schedule and it should be enough to send someone to the grave.

I should earn while I still can. This year might be my last year as an idol after all. I will continue to do music, but I dont think itll be possible to do tight ch.o.r.eography like Im doing with the others right now. That was why the domestic concert schedule was so tightly scheduled.

But your group doesnt run into accidents or controversies.

Were so busy that we dont have time to fight. Also, were all doing one thing that we want to do, so we dont clash either. Then theres the fact that weve gotten old enough to not fight over trivial stuff like that.

Youre gonna be thirty in a couple years, huh?

Im still twenty-seven, in real age.

Jichan took out an envelope from his inner pocket. Maru received it before asking,

Whats this?

An invitation to my concert. Its an S-cla.s.s seat. It should be really expensive, you know? Its being sold at a premium I think.

You gave it to me so that I can resell it on the internet, right?

Jichan twitched his eyes before reaching out demanding it back. Maru quickly put the envelope away into his pocket.

Make some time to come. We prepared a lot this time. Im sure itll be fun.

Ill definitely make the time to go.

Now then, where are the rest of them? Theyre way too punctual in keeping Korean time,[1] Jichan said as he looked at the time.

Their original appointment was supposed to be at 7, but only he and Jichan were the ones present despite the fact that 20 minutes had pa.s.sed since the appointed time.

Seungah said shes coming after work, and Dawoon says shell be slightly late because her shoot got delayed.

Looks like I cant say anything, huh? It was me who asked to meet at this time. But I really felt like I couldnt make any time other than today.

Im pretty free, so I can meet up any time.

Thats why I like you. I can call you whenever I feel bored, right?

Jichan took out his phone while speaking. He seemed to be exchanging messages with someone.

Right, you know that Nayeons coming, right?

Miss Choi Nayeon? I did hear about it. Apparently, shes on close terms with Dawoon and will be joining us today.

Shes a good kid, but you might be taken aback because she doesnt hold back when she speaks. Keep that in mind. Jichan put down his phone. Also, I heard you finished your movie shoot, right?

Yes, I finished shooting my part a while ago.

When will it be released?

Theres still the post-processing left to do, as well as securing theaters, so even if everything goes absurdly fast, itll be at the end of the year or early next year, I think. But the thing about movies is that they might get delayed if there are competing works being released around the same time slot, so I dont really know what will happen. I heard that the age rating was 15.

The waiter brought chicken karaage and a bottle of beer. They decided to drink lightly while waiting for others to arrive.

How do you think youll feel if you hit ten million ticket sales?

Ill probably not get enough sleep. Ill probably toss around in bed and get out my phone to look it up again and again.

Tell me honestly. How many times do you look up your name on the internet?

Me? I dont think I did that in the past few months.

Really?

Yes. Whenever I have work or whenever what I did goes on air, I do look it up from time to time to see the responses, but I dont usually do it.

In one previous life, which he could only remember the fragments of, he looked up Han Maru more than a dozen times in the span of a single day.

There were times when he looked them up nervously by himself at home even after telling others that he didnt care about it. How high is my name worth? How controversial am I? Are people looking for me? these kinds of questions.

I found out that its much better for my mental health to let go of things that are meaningless to do. Its not like the people who curse at me will change just because I look my name up, Maru smiled.

I know that, but it doesnt really happen that way. Do you know about attention seekers? I saw this word on the internet, and I think it expresses people like us quite well.

The thing is, we have a job that will be in a precarious position if we dont have attention. Its just like politicians. We want to be in the mouths of the people regardless of what it is.

Jichan forked a piece of karaage and spoke,

I get scared from time to time even now, thinking that people will suddenly stop recognizing me one day. Funny, right? One part of me wants them to pretend to not know me, but the part that wants them to recognize me is even bigger.

For someone like you, I think people will recognize you until the day you enter your grave.

Thats a little too much. I wish they will look for me until Im about sixty. After that, Ill enjoy the rest of my life in leisure.

Who knows, you might want attention even after youre sixty.

Is that so? Well, maybe. Like you said, Im sure Ill want attention and will miss the stage. Its an exhilarating experience after all, right? At least, in the life Ive lived, there was nothing more pleasurable than being applauded on stage and receiving everyones wholehearted attention. No amount of tasty food nor amount of comfortable sleep at a luxurious hotel can be compared to the ma.s.sive cheers after a performance.

Thats why people can never escape something once they taste how good it is. You know what people say, that the limits of pleasure will never become low. At first, one candy is all thats needed to satisfy you, but once you get a taste of that, one will not be enough. Youll look for two, then three, then when youre fed up with it, youll look for something else.

The pleasure of being applauded after a pa.s.sionate performance was something inexplicable with words. There was no sense of loss at all, and it felt like having the entire world to oneself.

Once the blinding lights were turned off and the audience seats shrouded in darkness were revealed, showing their bright faces, celebrities would feel exhilarated and would laugh and cry.

The ultimate pleasure, peak delight, extreme satisfaction.

It was because of those moments when the brain felt like it was being drenched in dopamine that people were able to endure agonizing practice sessions and extremely long preparation periods.

Thats why the sense of emptiness that a.s.saults me after a performance is unspeakably terrifying. When I was a trainee, I could never understand why my seniors would do drugs. They would be risking everything theyve achieved until now, so why would they do something dangerous like that? I thought that they were pathetic. But now I understand. Its because the sense of emptiness is scary. Its because they despise life where nothing they do is entertaining for them that they reach out for things like that.

Jichan put on a bitter smile. Maru took a bite of the karaage and spoke,

So youre going to do drugs too?

Are you crazy? h.e.l.l no.

Right, dont do it. Dont sympathize with them either. I get what youre saying, but ultimately, its all a form of escapism, and its just worded in a neat way.

Thats true. If I had to do drugs to drive away my emptiness, Id rather do a street performance instead.

After they had a light toast, the door opened and Seungah came in.

What the heck? Why have you started already?

Thats not what someone whos late to the party should say.

Jichan-oppa, Im the president of this meeting, you know? You cant start without my permission.

Ill pour you one so please sit down, president.

Seungah smiled and sat on the opposite side. Maru took out the cutleries and hand wipes for her.

Hows the part-time job? Maru asked.

Like many aspiring actors, Seungah started doing a job alongside her career.

Its okay other than the fact that I have to stay standing the whole day. I didnt have any unpleasant customers today either.

Sounds like a lot of hard work.

Jichan poured some beer for Seungah.

But there were really a lot of Chinese people. More than half of the visitors at the department store were Chinese. Apparently, its a trend there to come to Korea for shopping.

The Chinese market is ma.s.sive, Maru said, thinking about the not-so-distant future.

Even among his numerous lives, Chinas growth rate had never wavered.

This life should go in a similar fas.h.i.+on. The cultural business should also receive a lot of influence from China.

Did the matters with the agency get resolved?

Its up in the air. For me, I didnt really receive that much damage, and I even received some money, so I dont have a problem with it, but it seems like the people who signed a contract for commercials are in a complicated position.

The agency was disbanded overnight, and the CEO, who held all the contract deposits, had run away. This was also a rather common story. Fortunately, Seungah didnt seem to have received much damage.

In that sense, Im envious of JA. In terms of corporations, JA is a big company with a solid foundation, isnt it? Seungah said.

You know whats scary about big corporations? Its that they remove your desk if you dont have any achievements.

Thats true. How did your movie go?

It was a question he was asked every time he met someone. Maru responded with a nod instead.

I also wanna do acting. Not just part-time jobs as background.

Should I pull some strings?

Hearing Jichans words, Seungah immediately shook her head.

If I heard that from anyone else, I wouldve taken it as a joke, but Im scared when you say it because you might actually do something. Ill win everything with my own skills through an audition, so just tell me whenever you hear of an audition happening.

Maru spoke after Seungah,

Hyung. I really like pulling strings. If theres an occasion, please dont hesitate to tell me.

With you, I dont want to do it. I feel like youre going to steal my position away from me.

While they were laughing and chatting, Dawoon and Nayeon called and said that they had arrived. Not too long later, the two of them came into the room.

h.e.l.lo, Choi Nayeon greeted.

Pretending to be polite, huh. Jichan received it with a smile.

The two seemed to be on close terms.

Maru looked at Dawoon, who followed her in. When they made eye contact, Dawoon carefully averted her gaze.

Today, he had decided to wrap things up completely, so he would bring the topic up after seeing how things go. He should have drawn a clear line at the last shoot, yet was she ignoring that? Or did she not realize?

Whatever the case may be, he would make sure to bring about a conclusion today.

It was when Nayeon walked past Seungah that he saw her suddenly push Seungah. Seungah dropped her fork on her pants.

Im sorry. I couldnt see properly because it was dark. Are you okay? Are your clothes dirty?

Oh, its okay. I got some on my clothes, but dont worry about it. These are casual clothes anyway.

Im glad.

Maru looked at Nayeon as he sipped some beer.

Did he see it wrong? Just now, he felt like Nayeon intentionally b.u.mped Seungah, as though to bully her.

You should really be more careful. You really have no caution, Jichan said.

Oppa, I havent seen you in a long time and youre nagging me already? Its no wonder that you dont have a girlfriend.

I dont have the time.

Like h.e.l.l you dont. Oh, and you must be Mr. Han Maru, right?

Nayeon reached her hand out. It was interesting that she was asking for a handshake on an occasion like this. He smiled and grabbed her hand.

Yes, Im Han Maru.

I heard a lot about you from Dawoon. She says youre a good person.

Really? Im glad she didnt say bad things about me.

You look like a good person just as I heard. Oppa, switch places with me. We already know each other. Ill talk to Mr. Maru. Dawoon, you sit here too.

Nayeon changed everyones seats the moment she arrived.

Jichan looked at Seungah.

Hey, you should introduce yourself to our president.

President? You mean Miss Seungah? I heard a lot about you too from Dawoon. Hm, you dont really have a great impression.

When she said that, Dawoon spoke from the side,

Unni!

I was joking. Miss Seungah. I hope we get along. I heard that you look after Dawoon a lot, right? I do too. Lets get along as fellow caretakers.

Yes, okay.

Maru picked up his gla.s.s as he looked at the faces of the two people. He felt like this was going to be an uncomfortable place.

[1] Theres a meme in Korea where close friends will never turn up at the appointed time and will always be slightly late, which was later dubbed the Korean time.