We have thought much of late. We sought the Light afar off and all the time it was near; it has always been with us, it is in us.

Our souls have been working and growing, and we did not know it. Mevrouw Van Kol has drawn back the curtain from before our eyes; we are more grateful to her for that than for all the other things which have been done for us.

Before I received her letter, Mamma had said to me, "Who gave you such ideas?" and I answered "G.o.d gave them to me." It was only natural that Mother should try to hold us back, but when she saw that we would never change, that we could not change, she said to us with resignation, "Well, children, I shall try to think that you are called to do this; that G.o.d has sent you for this service."

Mevrouw Van Kol wrote us: "Often we need human beings and their support, but there are many more times, when it is only G.o.d that we need. He has called each one of us to do our special work, and he gives us strength and constancy. Believe me, this is what the voice of experience says.

You stand now at the threshhold of life; at the beginning of your work; when you are in the midst of it, then you too will have had experience.

It is only when we have had experience that we become free and strong, true helpers and friends of mankind, depending not upon them, but upon ourselves and upon our Father--G.o.d."

Unasked, _East and West_ has sent us a.s.surances of its support and co-operation. Mevrouw Van Kol sent us the paper with an account containing a description of the journey of Heer Stoll. And where the writer had spoken of us, the following had been interpolated _by East and West_:

"We trust that Heer Van Kol, who has been a member of E & W since it was founded, will not have neglected to tell her that she can count to the fullest on our support in her n.o.ble struggle."

After she had seen this article, Mevrouw Van Kol, sent a few words to _East and West_ about us, so that we might be brought nearer to the heart of the Javanese loving public, which reads E & W.

She has asked permission to publish my entire letter in that paper. I do not like the idea, but it is in our own behalf, and she writes further: "How can the friendly public know what is in your heart and learn to appreciate your aspirations, better than from a candid letter, in which the young Javanese lays bare her soul to an older woman from whom she asks support and sympathy? There is not a word in that letter that the public ought not to see, and I know of no better introduction for you to the circle that has the welfare of Java and of the Javanese at heart. I can easily understand your scruples, but overcome them and say "Yes."

I have come to no decision in regard to this. I must first have Father's consent. Father wants me to keep everything secret at present; if the Government says yes, then the world can hear of it. It is very true that we should choose our way with all prudence, but experience has shown us lately that we gain more by publicity than by secrecy. Even if the Government should refuse our request, we should lose nothing. How many pet.i.tions are never reached!

Let me say now, to set you at ease, that we will always remain what we are, but we fervently hope with you, that it may be granted us to make our own form of religion admirable in the eyes of those who think differently.

We feel that the kernel of all religion is right living, and that all religion is good and beautiful. But, O ye peoples, what have ye not made of it?

Religion is designed as a blessing, it should form a bond between all the creatures of G.o.d, white or brown, of every station, s.e.x and belief, for all are children of One Father, of one G.o.d. There is no G.o.d but the Almighty, say we Mohammedans, and with us all-believing monotheists, G.o.d is the master, the Creator of everything.

Children of one father and for that reason, brothers and sisters, who must all love one another, help and support one another. Ah, if this were but understood. But we are so harnessed down by form that we are sometimes driven against all religion; the followers of one dogma look down upon the followers of another, despise, hate and, sometimes, even persecute them; but enough of this for the present.

Is there a Dutch translation of Lessing's works, and of the life and writings of Pudita Ramabai? I was still going to school when I heard of this courageous Indian woman for the first time. I remember it still so well; I was very young, a child of ten or eleven, when, glowing with enthusiasm, I read of her in the paper. I trembled with excitement; not alone for the white woman is it possible to attain an independent position, the brown Indian too can make herself free. For days I thought of her, and I have never been able to forget her. See what one good brave example can do! It spreads its influence so far.

[1] To Mevrouw Ovink-Soer.

XLII

_July 28, 1902._[1]

No cloud lasts for ever; neither is there such a thing as eternal sun-shine. From the darkest night the most beautiful morning is born and here I console myself. Human life is a true reflection of the life of nature.

What we must pray for day and night is strength. But the rain which makes the leaf and bud of one plant burst forth, beats another into the earth, where it rots.

[1] To Mevrouw Abendanon.

XLIII

_August 15, 1902._[1]

Nellie's[2] enthusiastic article in _East and West_ has been copied in several papers here. One in the _Echo_ also contains an appeal from that paper asking the sympathy and co-operation of all women in India. The _Echo_ quoted, just as did Nellie, a few words from my letter, and asked our permission to publish it all--or a part of it. I think it would be better not to publish another letter; one is enough and that from Nellie throws full light upon the question. Hilda de Booj, the daughter of Heer Charles Boissevain, a director of the _Algemeen Handelsblad_, asked if she could publish one of my letters about a Javanese wedding. She sent a copy of this letter home, and her brother advised me to publish it. Such personal letters will show the Netherlanders that the Javanese are in some respects their superiors, in many respects their equals and perhaps in many others their inferiors. So says Heer Boissevain.

I am busy now with an article for _Belang en Recht_; I hope they will find room for it. If not, I shall send it to some other paper or magazine. We are collecting Javanese fairy tales for Nellie and sister R. is making drawings for them. Oh, I hear so much wisdom and truth from the mouths of the people, and it is expressed in such sweet, melodious words. If I only had your language well under my thumb, I should like to translate the beautiful inspired music, so that it could be understood and appreciated. We are not so deep by nature that it will break any one's head to understand our wisdom. There is no word for selfishness in our language. Happy language where that word has never penetrated.

I wish that I could teach you my language, so that you could enjoy its beauties in their original freshness. The deeper I penetrate the soul of our people, the finer I think it. Among you wise men and poets are drawn usually from a certain station, and only the upper cla.s.ses are educated.

The great majority are--may I say it?--crude. There are some superior spirits among the lower cla.s.ses; but the many, Stella? You know them better than I.

But go around with me into Kampong and Dessa; let us visit the small huts of the poor submerged tenth, let us listen to their speech, seek out their thoughts. They are an unschooled people always, but music comes welling from their lips; they are tender and discreet by nature, simple and modest. If I am ever with you I can tell you much of our gentle people; you must learn to know and love them as I do. There are so many poets and artists among them, and where a people has a feeling for poetry, the most beautiful thing in life, they cannot be lacking in the instincts of civilization.

Every thing that is high and fine in life is poetry; love, devotion, truth, belief, art, everything that elevates and enn.o.bles. And poetry means so much to the Javanese people. The least, the very humblest Javanese, is a poet. And what do you think of the deep respect which children have for their parents? And of the touching piety of the living toward the dead? There is no joyful occasion where the dead are not called to our remembrance, and their blessing and the blessing of heaven invoked. In joy and in sorrow, we think of our dead always.

And the name of Mother--how holy that is! In hours of pain and doubt, the pale lips always murmur that name. It is Mother, and again Mother who is called upon, if we need help, if we need support. The honour of motherhood lies in this, in the calling of her name in deep, sorrowful hours. Why do we not call upon our father--why just our mother? Because we feel from childhood, instinctively that Mother, means a world of love and devotion.

Each object that falls out of our hands is picked up with the saying; "Oh, Allah, my child." Do I have to explain the meaning of that to you, what it shows?

Stella, I shall work earnestly at your language, so that some day I may be such a mistress of it that I can make all that is beautiful among our people clear and intelligible to the outside world. I want to study my own language hard as well. I want to teach our people to know that white race as I know it in its finer, n.o.bler aspects. They must learn of your n.o.bleness, of your greatness, so that they will honour and love you. I want to do so much that sometimes I wish that I had a double pair of hands. The will is great, but the strength is little. And I must not injure my health, that would be the most stupid thing that I could do.

And yet I am often stupid, sometimes sitting and working till late at night and that is not good for me. I may defeat my own object if in the end it should do me harm and I could not overcome my bodily weakness, so I am doing my best to live soberly and sensibly.

[1] To Mejuffrouw Zeehandelaar.

[2] Mevrouw Nellie Van Kol.

XLIV[1]

_August 15th, 1902._

Hurrah for our native Art and Industry! They are well started now on the road to a splendid future. I cannot tell you how pleased I am. We like to admire our own people and it is so easy to make us proud of them!

The future of our Javanese artists is a.s.sured.

Heer Zimmerman was in ecstasies over the work that he saw here by the despised brown race: Wood carving, the art of the gold smith, and textile weaving have reached a high degree of excellence. Our artists here have received a large order from _East and West_ for St. Nicholas.

We are delighted. Now the clever artist can bring out new ideas and express his poetic thoughts in graceful undulating lines and in ravishing, glowing, changing colours. Oh, it is splendid above everything else to seek the beautiful--a spark of G.o.d is everywhere, even when things outwardly appear most evil.

There was once a child who went to an old woman who asked her what she would like to have, for the little one had neither sweets, nor ornaments, nor clothes; but the child said "Oh Mother, give me a flower that opens in the heart."

How do you like that? You must see it in the original--the answer of the child sounds so sweet. There is a deep meaning in bloementaal.[2]