A Tale of Dreams and Reality

I had an older brother.

My older brother was very good looking, quite skilled, and loved by everyone.

He was the center of my world.

I XX that brother of mine.

(TL: This is not a typo~)

When people looked at my older brother, they would always tell me that they were jealous. I shyly agreed with them.

That’s why I XX him.

Since my older brother was amazing and he was the center of my world, I always stood in my brother’s shadow. I always thought that I mustn’t be a hindrance to my older brother, that I mustn’t cause him any displeasure, and that I mustn’t anger him. I lived only for him.

As my brother’s XX.

In high school, I began to live alone.

When I told my parents that I would only bring trouble to my brother if I were to stay with him, they immediately gave me permission.

Despite that, my brother often visited my school. He also visited me frequently. There, no one could see us. I came to XX my brother even more.

When I was in college, I could XX from my brother.

After repeatedly making preparations, piling up camouflage, and using what I could, I was happy for a bit. For the first time in a while, I was myself.

One day. A certain day. That fated day.

By chance, I was reunited with my brother. I thought that I had changed. I thought that if I XX from my brother, I could XX my brother, and this wouldn’t become a habit.

I was convinced.

After seeing my older brother, I once again went back home.

I was run over by a car.

It was because I was in a hurry and XX like an idiot.

It was because I was like a doll, and XX to my brother’s XX like always.

It was because I&h.e.l.lip; I&h.e.l.lip;

I hated my past self.

I hated how I died, regretting how I was unable to get my revenge against him. I hated the “me” who was dangled around and played with by fate.

I won’t be a doll again.

I was good at creating a façade, since I had always been using one in front of my brother, my family, my friends, and everyone else every time my brother was brought up. That façade was a part of my everyday life.

Let’s do better. This time, I’ll win against fate.

This was a different world, so I would never be able to win against my brother.

It wasn’t possible for me to fight him, but it was fine like this.

Still, I’ll become someone who can fight against fate.