Cried at the cemetery today. Embarra.s.sing as h.e.l.l but it felt good. Like lancing an abscess and letting all the pus drain out. Felt clean when I was done. Raw, but clean.

This sobriety is a trip. Got to admit it's kind of interesting to see where it's going to take me next. h.e.l.l of a lot more interesting than sitting on my couch with one hand wrapped around a liter and the other around a 9-millimeter. Hey, Tm a f.u.c.king poet! Christ, what a life that was. f.u.c.king sad. And crazy. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Mildly cirrhotic like dear old Da, and mildly mental like dear old Ma. Yeah, okay so maybe I fell close to the tree, but I landed on a hill, baby, and Tm rolling. Watch me-

CHAPTER 23.

Frank put the pen down when her phone rang. The number on the screen was Gail's.

"Hey," Frank answered.

"Hey yourself. How's it going?"

"It's going. No match to the prints but we talked to the groundskeepers at the cemetery and they say the flowers are changed about every two weeks, so I'm staking the place out."

"Did they know who was leaving the flowers?"

"Nah. Whoever it is apparently comes during the weekend when they're off, so I still don't even know if it's a man or a woman. To show you how un.o.bjective I am about this, Annie suggested maybe it was an old flame and I about came undone. In a normal case that probably would have occurred to me in five minutes, but here? No way. Still don't like the idea but I've braced myself for it. Promised Annie that if and when I see whoever it is, I won't talk to her. Or him. Just tail our mystery guest and let Annie do the interviewing. Least I can do, right? It's her case."

"Well, maybe you'll find him or her this weekend. Then you can come home."

"Maybe. With any luck."

"Would you like me to pick you up when you come in?"

"That'd be wonderful, if you have time."

"Let me know when and I'll see if I can swing it."

"You got it. Thanks. How you doing?"

"I'm okay. Tired. Wish I was still on vacation. Did you hear about Rodney Bentley?"

"The old anchor for KABC?"

"Yeah. During the last storm he called nine-one-one claiming his wife and two kids were trapped in a car that had gone off the road into the LA River. He said she'd called on her cell phone crying that they were being carried off by the current. Two hours later CHP retrieved the car with everyone dead inside. We did a routine autopsy but there wasn't any fluid in the wife's lungs, plus she has markings around her neck and petechial hemorrhage inconsistent with drowning. So it looks more like triple homicide than accidental death and the media's in a feeding frenzy. I even had a reporter waiting outside my apartment when I got home last night."

"Who caught the case?"

"The Sheriff's Department. Did Bobby tell you about the domestic you had?"

"Yeah. Said it was a slam dunk."

"How are they getting along without you?"

"Surprisingly well. Seems I'm completely expendable."

"Not completely."

"How so?"

After a long pause, Gail said, "I probably shouldn't say this, but I miss you."

"You do?"

"Yeah. A little."

"Only a little?"

"Don't push it."

"Yeah, I'm bad at that, huh?"

"You certainly are. But I had a good time with you. You were fun and easy to be with. Like the old Frank, but better."

"I had a good time, too. I almost called you a couple times but stopped myself. Don't want to push."

"A phone call's not pushing."

"No?"

"Um-um."

Gail sounded soft and willing. Frank wanted to reach through the line and hang on to her. To touch her, smell her, kiss her, make love to her...

"Are you there?"

"Yeah." Frank opened her eyes. "I'm here. How was the Phantom of the Opera}"

"Oh, my G.o.d, it was fantastic! It was so worth waiting for."

Frank couldn't stop herself from asking, "Did your friend from the frigid north enjoy it?"

"Yes, she did. Then we both went back to our respective hotels. Speaking of which, where are you staying?"

"Uh, I'm at Annie's. She's letting me stay in her guest room."

"My. That's convenient."

"Yeah, it is. Beats a hotel."

"I'll bet. Talk about chummy."

Gail didn't sound sweet anymore and Frank was happy that she cared enough to be worried about another woman.

"Is she a lesbian?"

"No. Not at all."

"What does she look like?"

"Annie? She's Italian. Thick salt-and-pepper hair. Conservative cut. Dark eyes. Great features. A little thick around the waist but fairly trim." Gail didn't say anything so Frank added, "She's handsome, but not nearly as beautiful as you."

Gail remained silent.

Frank looked at her phone, saw she was still connected. "You there?"

"I'm here," was the cool reply.

Frank couldn't resist teasing Gail. "So, this jealousy of yours. That a particular trait of sobriety?"

"Oh, please. Why would I be jealous? You're not even my girlfriend anymore."

"We could change that."

"I wouldn't want to interfere with you and Annie."

"There's nothing to interfere with. You gotta know my heart belongs to one gal."

"Hmph."

Frank chuckled, thrilled Gail cared so much. "Can I call you tomorrow?"

"If you're not busy. With Annie."

"I won't be. Try and get some sleep, okay?"

"I'll do my best."

" aKay. Good night."

"Night."

Frank hung up, trading phone for journal, smiling as she wrote.

CHAPTER 24.

Gail just called. She misses me. Tadow! And she's jealous of Annie. Excellent. Means I'm still in the game. Like Robert DeNiro said in The Deerhunter, "One shot, Nicky. Just one shot."

That's what I've got. One shot to make this work. But if I'm patient and aim carefully, one shot is all I'll need. Maybe I ought to kneel down and talk to Annie's statue. Get a little extra mojo going on. Call Marguerite James and get a juju bag. Went to a meeting tonight and someone said getting sober's like listening to a country-western song in reverse-you get your car back, you get your job back, you get your lady back. No s.h.i.t. You get your life back. The one you're supposed to be living if you aren't busy horking your guts up over a toilet or sucking on a barrel.

Go figure. Anyway. Shouldn't get too excited yet. But missing me is good. Very good. Big step. Christ, I hope Tm not wrong about this. I want her back in the worst way. I want a second chance. May not deserve one but that won't keep me from wanting it. That's an interesting thing, wanting. I'll never let myself do much of that. Too disappointing when I don't get what I want. But here I am, wanting Gail, wanting my dad's killer. Even weirder, if I don't get either one, I'll still be okay. It's like nothing can ever be as bad as the Beretta in my mouth. Or picking up a drink. Nothing can ever hurt me as badly as that. Weird. I love her and I want her but if she says no, this isn't gonna work, than I'll be sad but I'll be okay. I'm not going to flip out. Still, I hope it's yes. Christ, I hope it's yes.

CHAPTER 25.

Friday evening, as Frank opened the apartment door Annie was slipping her key into the lock.

"Oh! You scared me," Annie said, hand over her heart.

"Sorry. I was just heading out to dinner. Care to join me?"

"Where you goin'?"

"I don't know. Thought I'd wander around until I saw something that looked good."

"There's a great chop house couple blocks from here. It's expensive but good, and what the h.e.l.l, it's Friday, right?"

"Sure. Your call."

"Terrific. Just give me a minute to change, huh?"

"Take your time."

Annie put her purse down and knelt for a quick, mumbled prayer. Frank discretely waited at the window. She watched the street while Annie changed clothes.

"Ready," Annie called behind her, fussing with her purse. She was wearing a tunic sweater over slacks with pearl studs and a necklace. She'd touched up her makeup, too. She reminded Frank of someone but before she could put her finger on who, Annie told her, "Oh, hey. I got the report back on your prints. No match for aem, I'm afraid."

"d.a.m.n." Frank sighed. "Oh, well. Guess I keep waiting."

"I guess so. Sorry."

"That's okay. At least the company's good."

They walked in the cold night and Annie asked, "Quiet out there today?"

"Couple funerals, handful of visitors, but n.o.body at the grave."