She joined me on the far end of the bench, and I started when she touched my elbow.

"I hated her eyes, Kris, because there was no life in them except when she was around Ashley. There was no life for me, none at all. That first time you came to see me, in my office, I pretended not to care about Lauren, because I was tired of loving someone who stopped caring about me."

"Maybe she couldn't care," I said faintly.

"Couldn't. Wouldn't. What's the difference?" Nicole said restlessly. "I put up with it for years, then Paige came to work for me. After a few months, we started doing activities outside of work. At first, I invited Lauren to join us, but she never had an interest. If she had come, maybe none of this would have happened."

She looked at me for a hint of agreement. I displayed none, but she continued.

"One night, after an office seminar, the whole staff went to a bar. For some reason, Paige and I waited for everyone else to leave. The second we were alone, she leaned across the table and asked if I was attracted to her."

Suddenly uncomfortable, I shifted on the bench.

"She stunned me, and I couldn't talk, but I nodded my head. Then she asked if I wanted to make love with her. I told her I was in a relationship, but I paused. That's where I should have stoppeda"right at that point. But I didn't. I couldn't. Not after I looked into those eyes that were incredibly full of life, something I missed in Lauren's eyes. They were alive and dancing and free."

I cleared my throat, to no avail.

"She has the most intense eyes. One's a gorgeous shade of green. The other's a deep, rich blue. I couldn't help ita"those eyes, they made me say Yes, I want to touch you and I want you to touch me.' The instant the words came out of my mouth, I knew I was going somewhere I'd never come back from."

I no longer tried to conceal my revulsion. "You really don't have to justifya""

"I'm not justifying anything. I'm telling you how it happened," she retorted before softening her tone. "After my answer, Paige smiled. She didn't say a word, simply smiled, this quirky half-smile, and then stood up and walked past me to the bathroom. A few minutes later, she came up behind me and leaned over to grab her purse from across the table. She was so close to me, her body was like a blanket around me."

"Really, you don't have to tell me all this," I said meekly.

Nicole continued her reverie without embarrassment. "Her breasts brushed against my shoulders, and her hair fell and touched my ear. I could smell her deodorant and lotion and soap and sweat, and they all blended together into this magical potion. The whole thing lasted five seconds, but I felt such a rush. She was like a drug, and I was addicted. Even then, some part of me knew I'd ruin Lauren's life, and my own, but I couldn't stop."

For the first time, Nicole gave me her full attention. "Have you ever had an affair?"

I locked my eyes into hers and shook my head.

"The deceit eats away at you a little bit each day, until suddenly, it stops. That's when you should be worried, because by then, something has died inside of you. Maybe it's the ability to know right from wrong, maybe it's self-respect, I don't know. I just know it's gone, and it never returns, not even when you don't have to sneak around anymore."

"Lauren found out about Paige, didn't she?"

"She did," Nicole admitted offhandedly. "Three months before she died, she knew."

"How can you be sure?"

"I told her myself."

My eyebrows shot up. "What did she say?"

"At first, she didn't believe me. I started to use details to convince her, but she cut me off. She said it was my business, and she didn't want to hear about it, but Paige had better never step foot in our house."

"That was it?" I said, flabbergasted.

"We never talked about it again."

"She didn't scream and holler and call you names?"

"That wasn't Lauren's way." Nicole flashed me a fake smile. "She was too controlled to make a scene."

"And she didn't talk about breaking up?"

"Never."

"Didn't you think it was odd?" I pressed.

"Possibly, but at the time, her reaction suited me, so I let it go. If I analyze it now, I think she was passive because she'd already planned to kill herself, leaving her no right to protest."

"Why didn't you end the affair?" I asked, curious.

"I was prepared to," Nicole replied eventually, "but when she didn't put up a fight, I couldn't do it."

"What did Paige think?"

"She was impatient. She still is. She can't understand why I haven't forgotten Lauren. She wants me to sell this house and move away from the memories. Paige and I fight all the time, and I find myself comparing her to Lauren. Paige is jealous and paranoid that I'm cheating on her. She tracks my movements, almost to the point of stalking. She calls dozens of times every night, and if I go to lunch with someone else and come back fifteen minutes late, she goes ballistic."

Nicole clasped her hands together. "Meanwhile, I haven't washed the sheets on Lauren's bed, and I can still smell her. You don't think Lauren killed herself because of my relationship with Paige..." Nicole's voice trailed off, and for the first time, I felt a scrap of empathy.

"No," I said quickly. "Her suicide was too calculated. Nothing about it was done in a fit of distress."

"I'm certain Lauren was having an affair, too," she said, a shade viciously.

I framed my dissent carefully. "I haven't found any evidence of one."

"What about Dr. W?" she interjected.

"That's a dead-end. I can't figure out who he, or she, is."

"Meaning there's still a possibility Lauren was involved with someone?"

"I doubt it," I said gently.

Her voice rose an octave. "Why?"

"Did you notice any of her patterns change in the last year?"

"No."

"Did you see her light up when she talked about another woman?"

A terrified look came into her eyes. "Not particularly."

"Did she make any changes in your sex life? Did you make love more or less often at her request?"

"None of this is proof," she said acidly. "How can you be sure?" Weary with the knowledge that after a few weeks, I understood her dead lover better than she had, I rose to leave. "It wasn't in her nature, Nicole."

15.

From Nicole's, I headed straight for the drive-thru at Arby's.

Back at my apartment, out on the balcony overlooking the highrises of downtown Denver, I used a ham sandwich, potato cakes, and cherry turnover to restore equilibrium.

As I chewed the last fatty bite, I realized I had run out of ideas for new angles to pursue. Seemingly, I had moved no closer to solving the mystery of Lauren Fairchild's suicide and had little to report to her sister.

I gulped, grabbed the cordless phone, and grasped at the only straw left. I called Fran Green.

"Hey, Fran," I said cheerfully.

"Kris, what's shaking?"

"Not much." I briskly updated her on the case. "Listen, I need to try something new. Do you think you could come with me to visit a psychic?"

She guffawed. "You pulling my leg?"

"No, I'm desperate, and I figure it can't hurt. No one in this realm's helping much. Don't forgeta"I agreed with your idea of breaking into the psychiatrist's office."

"Worked out well, too," she said smugly.

"Speaking of which, when you were glancing at Lauren's file, did you see any mention of this Nicole-Paige affair?"

"Heck, no," she said, a tad nettled. "Would have mentioned it right off."

"Of course," I replied slowly, distracted. "I guess Nicole was righta" Lauren didn't care about it. At least not enough to bring it up in therapy. Or," I added, thinking aloud, "she knew she'd be killing herself on her thirty-fifth birthday. I think she chose that date deliberately. I'm also certain she accomplished something, marked it with a celebration, and then was ready. I just wish I knew what it was, what prepared her to die."

"Strange when you put it that way."

"This whole thing's bizarre, which is why we need outside help," I hinted.

"Not that again, Kris. Could be the Catholic doctrine, but I ain't hankering to mess with spirits. Better to leave well enough alone," she said nervously.

A side of Fran Green I'd never seen. "You're scared," I gibed.

"You bet I am, and you should be, too."

"Well, I'm going to do it, with or without you. I have the name of a woman who teaches at the Learning Institute. I saw her course description when I was looking for a class for David. You can pass if you want," I said belligerently.

"How is your brother?"

"The same. He just lies there."

"How you holding up with those hospital visits?"

"I'm managing," I said curtly.

After a long delay and a succession of exasperated sighs, Fran said, "I'll go with you, kiddo. Probably not safe for you to be alone with crackpots at a time like this. But don't expect me to believe every half-baked, pea-brained, ill-cranked theory that comes out of this psychotic's mouth."

"Thanks," I said smiling widely. Rarely did I win a round with Fran.

I gloated for a few seconds before adding, "Back to the therapist for a minute. You're sure there wasn't anything else in her notes?"

"You saying I missed something?"

"No, not at all," I replied quickly. "But we got sidetracked reading about the day her brother died. I just wonder if we missed anything. Did she mention Ashley at all?"

Fran snorted. "She did, but didn't make any sense. I skimmed it."

"Can you remember the gist of it?" I pushed, excited.

"Maybe I need hypnosis to recover my memory or someone with psychic abilities to pull it from my noggin."

"Funny, Fran," I fumed. "What did Lauren tell Gloria Schmidt about Ashley."

"No biggie," she said offhandedly. "Something about getting agitated every time she talked about the kid, maybe not feeling safe around her. Can't recall exactly. Wasn't scribbling notes, and you weren't pitching in from your nest on the couch."

"She didn't feel safe around a child?"

"Something like that, but you got to go easy there, girl. You'll give yourself an aneurysm."

"Yeah, right," I said sarcastically, "my brain will bleed."

I hurriedly made closing remarks with Fran and immediately dialed up Noni Inlight, psychic. I secured an appointment for Thursday morning and replaced the receiver, contented.

I hadn't mentioned it on the phone, but in the back of my mind I thought if we could contact Lauren's spirit, we could also spend a few minutes finding out where the hell my brother's had gone.

Maybe, just maybe, Noni Inlight could help me out of the darkness.

Later that afternoon, at Destiny's, I slogged through the Sunday paper while Destiny watched television.

In the middle of her flipping through channels, I peered over the top of the comics. "I've been giving a lot of thought to our living together," I began hesitantly.

"And?" she said, thrilled, hitting the mute button.

"You've dated a lot of women."

Her enthusiasm vanished instantly. "What's your point?"

"Are you sure you're ready to give up all that?"

Miffed, Destiny jabbed at the remote and darkened the television. "I already have. You know I don't want to see anyone else."